Drunks and guns.... am I overreacting?

[Sig35seven]

It's just a matter of time.

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[Moriah]

I mentioned the PTSD because it had felt like perhaps I overreacted to that situation due to easy adrenaline overload, and if I had, that could have been why.

I appreciate the validation that avoiding being put back in that situation is the best decision I can make for myself, and yes, I have concerns about my mother's safety. Her current choice *is* somewhat of a step up from my biological father, but that's not really saying much. All I know to do is leave communication lines open so that if she does decide to get out, she knows I'm there for her. I can't change her or force her to make any decision, and any attempts would either make her more determined to stay with him, or worse, make her feel alienated from me -- if she DOES need help getting out when or if she makes that choice, I want her to feel like she can contact me.

Currently I do not actually carry, nor do I have my CHL as of yet. My proficiency with my Kimber Ultra Aegis II is reasonable enough that I know I could defend my home with my pistol, but I really don't think even if I had been carrying that day that drawing would have been the solution (more of an escalation) and if I'd had to shoot him to get him to drop the gun, I'd have been risking hitting Mom, as well as risking his firearm going off and hitting God-knows-who. I was just happy he responded to a firm voice as Mom's begging and pleading wasn't doing any good. Everything I've read has said it takes far longer to draw and sight properly than it takes for even a knife-wielding attacker to strike... even had I been armed, he already had the gun in hand.

My general modus operandi is to avoid trouble when I can. It seems like this is the only way I can avoid that trouble. It just sucks, and I wanted to hear from other gun owners if I was truly being unreasonable or not on the whole "guns and booze don't mix". I wasn't afraid of him actually shooting my friend, but terrified of negligent discharge, and I'm happy it ended without one.

(In the interim since this incident, I know of one guy who has been charged with attempted murder due to pulling out his rifle to defend his wife and daughter against his meth-intoxicated son who had just verbally threatened to kill both his wife and daughter -- his wife had experience with gun violence as a child and interfered, pushing up on the rifle to make it not be pointing at her son, which led to a negligent discharge since he was practicing poor trigger finger discipline and had his finger on the trigger when she pushed up on the rifle. I have no doubts he'll beat the charge if he gets a good lawyer, as the bullet only put a hole in their wall and not the non-resident son, but it still is a huge hassle for the family at the moment and lawyers are expensive -- and a demonstration of why an attempt to disarm someone is generally a Very Bad Idea unless you know what you're doing. I don't.)

[GeorgiaDawg]

You can't reason with a drunk. It's best to stay clear of him entirely while he's had anything to drink and I would think you are totally justified to never set foot in their house again while he's there.

[ghost tracker]

I would prefer drunks not to have ANY access to guns, my Mom or my friends. But there's no action or decision I can make to do anything about any of those. I can only inform & advise. In the end, the ONLY part of this scenario I can control is...myself. I'm not a medical professional or even an armchair therapist but the tone of your comments might suggest some personal issues than make your choices even more difficult for you to make. As much as you want to & as honorable as your intent, you can not & should not presume to help anyone else until YOU are first on very solid psychological ground. It's, IMHO, the perfect storm for a compete & utter disaster. I would get guns completely out of the picture until the deeper issues are resolved.

[paaiyan]

Personally, if mom wanted to visit I'd tell her she could come to me without him in tow, and that I would not be coming to a place where he might be.

[bmglock23]

At 5-1 and 105 lbs. don't stand up to the fool waiting to press charges. You might not get up. Obviously avoiding the drunken idiot is a good idea but I know it's complicated with your mother married to the waste of space. Good luck and be safe.

[Moriah]

As much as you want to & as honorable as your intent, you can not & should not presume to help anyone else until YOU are first on very solid psychological ground. It's, IMHO, the perfect storm for a compete & utter disaster. I would get guns completely out of the picture until the deeper issues are resolved.

That was actually a decision I came to at the time of the PTSD-triggering event in the first place -- as I said, I'm proficient with my Kimber and have had it for well over a year, but when I felt that I even *might* be too unstable to safely own a firearm, I gave it into the custody of a friend who often went to target practice with me who I knew had a gun safe. There has been other upheaval in life recently (as you seem to have gathered from tone -- I was laid off from my job of 6+ years, though they are giving me a decent severance) and I will be moving in with my sister and brother-in-law for a few months while searching for a new apartment, and they have a gun safe as well.

Unless the only place I can find is in a dangerous neighborhood and it will be just me living there, I'm more than happy to leave it in their safe and only take it out when we go on a trip to the range together until I'm certain all is well with me. I'd purchased my firearm primarily for home protection in the first place. I don't want to lose my proficiency, so I still want to keep in practice, but I agree that part of responsible firearm ownership is knowing when you *shouldn't* posses one. ;)

BTW: If you are looking for a firearm for a wife or girlfriend, I really am fond of my Aegis. Sure, it's not a "real" 1911 since it's chambered in 9mm instead of .45, but it fits my hands well and the weight of it feels right to me. I know everyone has personal preferences, so YMMV, but it might be a model to consider letting someone try and see if they like the way it feels and fires. (Firing a true .45 1911 felt like a "hand cannon" to me, but I'm small.)

[mossy500camo]

Stay away from him before someone gets killed. Whether it be you, your friend, or him. That type of behavior leads to bad things.


Also the cops should know about that incident.

Agreed!

[Miamieddie]

You seem like a bright individual the way you express and carry your self in situations, you'll be ok I trust in you, follow what everyone here has told you and stay good ... Eddie.

[blitzburgh]

There really isn't Mich I can add that hasn't been already said but I can reiterate the fact that you should stay away from him and keep a closer eye on your mother, its probably only a matter of time before she ends up on the receiving end of his rage.

-- I don't always post from my mobile but when I do, I prefer Tapatalk.

[Hoganbeg]

You are right to be afraid. Your mother is your mother and I see that you love her but she has created a very toxic and emotionally unstable environment by marrying an alcoholic. I would guess that she has issues of her own to deal with. Know this: as long as she chooses this path anyone closely connected to her will be at risk. I think you are on the right track to control how and when you see her. I would personally not want the new husband around even if sober unless and until he has shown some long term stability through AA or some such. Since you are already in therapy, you should mention it to your therapist to get a professional viewpoint.

Be Strong, and Good luck.

[GlassWolf]

I'd have clocked the ******* with a baseball bat or a baton, and called 911, then pleaded self defense via alter ego law.. then again I had a nearly identical upbringing and incident myself years back, and I have no tolerance for alcoholics anymore. Never really did. If you're lucky, like I was, your mother will wise up within a few years of this BS, and throw his ass to the curb.

[mg27]

Def. stay away, but I would try to get your mom away from this man.. He is not in control of himself when he is drinking and he will kill one of you by accident or in a rage.. I no longer drink at all. Almost two years now, and its not cool carrying a firearm when your drunk... I wish you the very best. Get that man out of your life asap if you can, Please. Sounds very dangerous..

[tommy62]

Sounds like mom picked a winner.