The family reunion update and seeing my father. " I ranted a tad "

This is a discussion on The family reunion update and seeing my father. " I ranted a tad " within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Not sure where to start so I will just say it was nice to see him and he finally was able to meet his only ...

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Thread: The family reunion update and seeing my father. " I ranted a tad "

  1. #1
    Ex Member Array WhoWeBePart1's Avatar
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    Post The family reunion update and seeing my father. " I ranted a tad "

    Not sure where to start so I will just say it was nice to see him and he finally was able to meet his only granddaughter in person but I do regret staying in the same hotel room with him but he was very insistent on paying for the room and us staying with him. I had no clue he was going to drink as much as he did every single day/night considering the arrangements but he did.

    The family reunion was ok, not great but ok. When you are around family you have not seen in 18 years or have never meet things are awkward and a lot of people where drinking. The Polish side of the family likes to drink a lot. I myself stayed sober.

    Come the second night I was ready to leave or at least get my daughter and I our own hotel room but I couldn't do that to my father. It would have turned things ugly so I had to suck it up. I had to bite my tongue and just not say a word. It was not easy with pent up frustration and reliving my childhood at times.

    On day one I was doing this for both my daughter and I. Come day two I was doing it only for her as I had no desire to be around the man any longer. The constant drinking gets old quickly. I enjoy my beer but I have no desire to open one at 10AM, EVER!

    I will stay in touch with my father but I have no desire to ever see him again. He can come to Maine if he wants to see me or his granddaughter. I did try, I really did but he is so set in his ways of drinking and making excuses that nothing I could have said would make any difference.

    The most famous comment I remember him saying when I did try to address some past issues was this and I quote him " All I have left is my beer " and that made me feel sad because he has a lot more than that but he choose that path along time ago and nothing is going to change him. Not me, not my daughter or anyone else. I just have to accept him for what he is and sadly he is nothing but a drunk.

    In closing I will leave you with the below picture. He was sober when this was taken and he looks very happy with my daughter but sadly the beer will always win.

    Thanks again to everyone that has given me advice over the past months. The picture below at least made it worth the 1400 mile round trip.


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    Distinguished Member Array Gunnutty's Avatar
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    You did what was right and what was beneficial for your daughter. I wish for your sake that things had been different. Maybe this will break something loose in your dads heart and he will change his thinking.
    We will be much better off when we learn to deal with things as they really are, instead of how we wish them to be!

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    Never say 'never', change is not impossible. You did the right thing in your attempt to meet, and you certainly can't regret that.
    Hopefully, something positive...not yet seen...may someday happen.

    Respectfully submitted,
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    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Becoming sober is simply on the far side of a detox program for him. It might be easily achieved, if all he'd do is agree to do it. You're right in suggesting he has many things in his life that could be quite good, but he's not seeing them yet.

    Still, I know what you're going through. Many of us have a rough relation or two. It ain't easy, is it?

    Look on the bright side: you were able to give your daughter a few hours with her grandfather, which can't ever be taken away from her.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
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    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    I'm a recovering addict,celebrated 19 years last month,just had a new guy start coming to meetings,he's 71 and ready to change,as long as they're alive there is hope.Getting to the first step is really tough for some
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
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    You took the high road.
    Turn the election's in 2014 to a "2A Revolution". It will serve as a 1994 refresher not to "infringe" on our Second Amendment. We know who they are now.........SEND 'EM HOME. Our success in this will be proportional to how hard we work to make it happen.

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    Given your relationship w/your dad, that was a bold move to share a room with him. I have wonderful, sober family that I love dearly, but I'd never share a room with them!

    You've come a long way with your pop. Thanks for the update.
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    Distinguished Member Array Black Knight's Avatar
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    I commend you for your efforts. Your father seems to be "alcohol blind" in that he can't see what he really has in front of him for the beer. He won't change on his own, he needs an incentive to change. There is a TV show called "Intervention". I'm not sure if this would work but he sounds like he would be a prime candidate for this type of action. The only problem is getting him to want to change. Offering him the chance to visit you and your daughter is a good idea. I have had drunks in my family and they tend to stay around other drunks. Maybe getting him away from them for awhile will open his eyes. Good luck in this matter. Remember you are a much better person than your father in many ways and that only he can control his life.

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Black Knight View Post
    I commend you for your efforts. Your father seems to be "alcohol blind" in that he can't see what he really has in front of him for the beer. He won't change on his own, he needs an incentive to change. There is a TV show called "Intervention". I'm not sure if this would work but he sounds like he would be a prime candidate for this type of action. The only problem is getting him to want to change. Offering him the chance to visit you and your daughter is a good idea. I have had drunks in my family and they tend to stay around other drunks. Maybe getting him away from them for awhile will open his eyes. Good luck in this matter. Remember you are a much better person than your father in many ways and that only he can control his life.
    Change is scary,no matter how miserable we are the thought of giving up something as destructive as alcohol or drugs can really put us on the defense,Black Knight may have a great Idea,maybe the Intervention people can help.Whatever happens,you did your part and made an effort.You might try attending Al-Anon meetings they might be able to help,sometimes a 12 step call can get somebody that is lost find the right path again
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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    Member Array vietnamvet66's Avatar
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    Maybe he will learn now he has a granddaughter, not just his beer. Here's hoping.
    US ARMY Veteran 1965-1967 Vietnam 1966-1967
    WELCOME HOME TO ALL WHO SERVED, AND FOR THOSE STILL SERVING,
    A BIG THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE. FOR THOSE OF YOU DOWN RANGE
    WATCH YOUR 6, AND KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN.
    A PATRIOT BELIEVES IN IT....A VETERAN LIVED IT

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