October 1st, 2010 01:27 PM
Just when I thought I was over it...
...it's painfully apparent I'm not.
To make a long story short I met someone on my vacation 4 years ago. (I should not that this vacation is an "event" I attend every year, this year will be my 7th.) We hit it off great and things couldn't be better between us. But unfortunately it wasn't only "us" we needed to worry about and she broke it off due to reasons involving the children. It hurt, but I understood, the kids come first. We still occasionally spoke and emailed although it was very hard especially for her as she said it was hard listening to me and not getting wrapped up and she needed to be there for her kids.
In any event she planned on surprising me (I knew she was coming but didn't know when) the following year during the vacation but there was a tragic accident within her family had she cancelled at the last minute. She was dealing with a lot and it took her several months before we even talked again but still said she thought about me all the time. We made tentative plans for the next vacation.
So last year I get a knock on my vacation house door... it was her. We embraced and talked for a while, she had just come from the airport and was waiting for a call from one of her girlfriends where their house was. It was a little awkward as we hadn't seen each other in two years but we left it that she was going to call me so we could get together.
She never called. I still have no idea why. I called and left a message and even sent an email when I got back home after the trip asking why, if it was too hard for her, etc? But never got an answer. Needless to say the rest of that trip sucked. We have a lot of the same friends and I really didn't want to do much because risking running into her and things being uncomfortable or even emotional.
It's been a year since we've spoken or had any contact. I've even avoided most of her posts on the message board we are a part of and until recently have not participated much over there. As much as I have tried to put her out of my mind it's hard. Things like songs or even seeing cars with her states vehicle tags just bring it to the front of my mind. I only booked my vacation this past June because I wasn't sure if I wanted to even go back.
Now here I am days away and I don't feel like going. In years past there were parties and get togethers that I enjoyed but as it gets closer I don't think I'm ready to be around her which means me hanging out at the beach house by myself. I also recently found out that she will have her kids with her this year. I just don't know how I'd do if I ran into all of them. These are the kids I heard so much about and couldn't wait to meet and be a part of their life.
So instead of driving down Monday as usual, I think I'll wait until Thurs or Friday and just spend a couple of days there and hopefully make the best of it and get to see a couple of friends before I head back home.
I've had girls break my heart before but I'm not sure why this one is so hard to get over. I've been out on dates and stuff and thought I was doing good, but I really don't think I am. Maybe because there is no closure, I don't know what she's thinking or feeling, only what she had told me before and not sure if it's the same or different now.
Thanks for listening.
October 1st, 2010 01:50 PM
You do not say how long you were together? Are you sure that she is not still with her ex for the sake of the children?
You did nothing wrong so why shouldn't you hold your head up high and have a great time at the event. Let her see what she missing/missed out on. As soon as she sees you intrested in another woman she will come around. Time to give her the cold shoulder. Let her chase you. I know of several single guys who go out with best female friends as wing gals. As soon as a women sees an another women hanging around they get jelous.
October 1st, 2010 02:58 PM
Well, my condolences. Relationships can be tough.
My standard is fairly simple: to decide whether I've been deliberately mishandled, mistreated and toyed with in dishonorable fashion. If so, then I pretty much let it go, as there's no telling that it won't simply occur again and again in similar fashion. For me, at least, that makes it simpler. It has happened a few times, with the other ending up being dishonorable in her actions and responses. Once it was clear that was the case, end of story. Of course, in my case, there were no children involved (except #3, herself). I strongly consider each of those situations as leaving me the stronger, more focused on what really matters.
Chin up. With your choice and some effort, it'll improve and mellow with time.
Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
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How does disarming
the number of victims?
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October 1st, 2010 03:13 PM
It was less than 6 months. I'll just say her situation is complicated and I won't get into the details of her personal life. I can accept the fact that we can't be together but I guess it's the lack of communication last year that just leaves me wondering and makes it awkward to socialize with that group. I wasn't expecting miracles, but walking around with our dogs and catching up would of been fine. Maybe that's too much and she can't handle it, or maybe she just doesn't like me, I don't know. It would be nice to know.
Originally Posted by HKinNY
October 1st, 2010 03:16 PM
Thanks for the advice. I'm sure thing will get better with time, but I can't believe this still bothers me after a year. I dated someone for 6 years and I had a much easier time of forgetting and moving on.
Originally Posted by ccw9mm
October 1st, 2010 05:18 PM
You might never know her reasons for not keeping contact or at least responding but it sounds like she has other priorities. Take that as your cue to move on. When you meet someone and you just seem to fit together, it can be tough to realize that. Life is too short and the last thing you want to do is miss out on it waiting for some kind of closure. Whatever you do, don't skip things just because there is a chance she might be there because it won't help. Don't make contact again, if she wants to, she'll do it but don't be a doormat either.
I'm in a similar fix right now, except I'm the one with the kids that I won't leave and I am not moving to Texas! I have my priorities and she has her career so it's not going to work out.
"In a republic this rule ought to be observed: that the majority should not have the predominant power." -
-- Marcus Tullius Cicero
October 1st, 2010 08:44 PM
Follow your heart and you will never regret that you did not.
"You will not rise to the occasion and you will not default to your level of training. You WILL ONLY default to the level of training you have mastered."
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October 1st, 2010 08:53 PM
I wish you the best of luck. Time will make it easier and like CCWFlaRuger said follow your heart.
October 1st, 2010 09:12 PM
Thank you all. I know where my heart is but I don't want to live with false hope and have tried to move on, but it seems all roads lead back.
It's funny how relationships affect you. I'm normally very even keeled and nothing bothers me or gets me excited, well except this.
kpw, there must be something in the air in Texas.
October 1st, 2010 09:46 PM
It sounds to me like she is unstable, unreliable and can't make up her mind what she wants. Yeah, us guys get hurt and feel loss too. But as a grown man, ya gotta get up, shake the dust off and find another bull(cow) inthis case, and get on with it. The good news is statisically, there are 3 or 4 woman for every man. I say put that heffer out to pasture and go have fun.
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