For my Brother...... RIP Johnny, I'll miss you.
Well, This weekend I received some news that has shaken me to my core.
I just found out that my older brother by two years has passed away. More devastating than that, he passed away on July 14th of 2010. Coming from a broken home and living in foster care took its toll on both myself and my siblings. Once old enough to be on our own, that's pretty much what we did; stayed to ourselves and seldom tried to locate and make contact with each other. For me, it was the memories of the jacked up abuse we suffered by the system and the Alcoholic family we ended up with. We all left as soon as we could and went our separate ways, but normally stayed in the same state, so the occasional contact here and there proved that it's best to remain apart. The only real way I can describe it is, we were toxic around each other. We would always fight and argue over the dumbest things, even after not seeing each other for several months, or even years. A lot of times these disagreements would escalate into all out physical altercations and that's where I would draw the line. I decided when I was in my mid twenties that it's best if we just parted ways and built our lives around our spouses and their families and chalked up our childhood together as a statistic better left alone.
So, twenty years later, and for the last five or so years thought that maybe through some level of maturity and a sense of our own mortality we could reunite and finally get along with each other long enough to become as brothers should be. I've searched for the last three years or so to locate my older brother and found out that he had moved to Alaska. WOW! From Georgia to Alaska is quite a move IMO. Anyway, I thought I might have a shot at locating him there, but after a year or so of looking found nothing. I'm pretty computer savvy and figured that if I couldn't locate him with help of the internet that he didn't want to be found. Early last year I located my younger brother and in our conversation he told me that he too was trying to locate our older brother. He's how I found out that John had moved to Alaska. I was excited at the prospect of locating him and extremely depressed at the same time. My younger brother told me how he discovered that John had moved and where. He said he went to the last known location where he lived and the lady he was living with said he moved a couple of years earlier. She also told him that he came back about six months ago and was very depressed and wanted to find his family, but couldn't locate anyone, so he was going back to Alaska. When I heard that I started searching again, but again came up
That brings me to this last weekend. My wife called me and said she might have located my brother. She gave me all the info i.e.Anchoreage Alaska, his full name and needless to say I got excited. I started my search and the very first thing that I saw was the obituary for my brother. I cannot describe how I felt at that time and honestly would not wish that on my worst enemy. I gasp to take a breath and immediately started going into doubt and dismay. I refused to believe that it was him and that there had to be some kinda mistake. After discovering the name of the medical center and a few calls later my life will never be the same. I'm pretty much devastated by this tragic news and would give anything to have
been able to speak to my brother before he succumb to his cause of death. I was told the cause of death was an inoperable brain tumor and there was nothing that could be done
I'm posting this for a couple of reasons. One of which is to advise anyone that may read this to understand something. Knowing that my brother passed away alone and without any of his brothers to try to comfort him during his last days on earth is almost more than I can stand. If anyone has family members that are estranged for any reason, try to take the high road and not allow the rift in your lives to keep you apart for long, if at all. My emotions are running the gamut right now and I'm practically inconsolable due my guilt over my part in the family feuding. I would give anything to bring him back and let him know how much I care and how often I prayed for his well being, but a lot of good that does now.
Anyway, the other reason; I wanted to say thanks to all of you at DC for the time I've spent here. I have enjoyed the conversations and topics, some of which I probably should have just read and went on about my business as apposed to levying my opinion and ruffling feathers. To any I've offended by my post (My Apologies) to you and all the best to you and your endeavors. I've decided to refocus my efforts in other areas of my life which I anticipate taking up most of my time, and I need to take a break from a lot of stuff and regroup. I don't know how long memberships last without the individual checking in, but if it's gone I'll rejoin start over..
I'd especially like to thank Bumper and his staff for providing an awesome place for everyone (myself included) to join and discuss firearms related topics. Thanks again to all of you and may God bless all of you and your loved ones!
GBK signing off.