Good to hear!
This is a discussion on We've Won a Battle But Not the War within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Without going into elaborate detail, my sister left her emotionally abusive husband of several years and moved in with a man who started to physically ...
Without going into elaborate detail, my sister left her emotionally abusive husband of several years and moved in with a man who started to physically abuse her.
The physical abuse started only a few weeks ago but it escalated quickly.
After seeing bruises on her my other sister alerted the rest of the family and we have been working on her almost around the clock to convince her to leave and show her the support and love she needs.
My mother called me with great news in that my sister called this morning and asked my parents to come and get her, her child and their things.
The only disheartening part was when she said, "And who knows, maybe in the future things will work out and I can go back."
We know she is battered woman from her years with her ex and after today's rescue mission (my mother is putting together an army of volunteers to get in there and get everything out before he comes home from work) we are going to try to find her counseling and support groups that will help her find the strength to emotionally leave him as well.
Any prayers, thoughts or advice anyone could give would be greatly appreciated.
We're so grateful to have won this one battle but, as stated, this is not over.
Good to hear!
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That's great news! I've known a few girls in similar situations and been a part of at least two interventions, though nothing so drastic. Most recently it took the friend of mine realizing that he was cheating on her to truly see how little he cared for her. That was when it tipped and she realized that he wasn't a guy who cared about her and had a few problems, he just didn't. While I'm truly sad to see their relationship fail as both are longtime friends of mine, it's good to know she was smart enough to realize she needed out. That's great to hear though that she's getting out of those situations. Maybe it's time to break the pattern.
My prayers will be with the family and everyone involved, here's hoping it turns out for the best. Just make sure the family is on their toes lest the guy come looking. It wouldn't be the first time!
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It's hard to imagine anyone in the Lima family tolerating any sort of physical abuse...
I went through the same thing with my sister, but she was married to the guy, which turned out to be the clincher; When we pointed out that if anything happened to her, the kids would go to him, and there was nothing we could do about it - that really brought her to her senses. She immediately got the restraining order, updated her living will and was divorced in short order. Twenty years later, she now reflects back on what a great job she did raising her kids on her own (my dad and I occasionally stood in for surrogate 'father' roles).
'Not the same argument with a live-in though, but often moms care much more about their children then themselves, and may take the right action for their sake. You'll be in my prayers.
'Clinging to my guns and religion
I certainly wish her the best. Unfortunately I have seen this scenario played out all too frequently. Some women just seem to gravitate toward abusive guys. The comment about going back suggests the war may indeed not be over. I do hope I'm wrong. It sounds as if she has plenty of family support and hopefully it will work out. She has my best wishes as does the family.The only disheartening part was when she said, "And who knows, maybe in the future things will work out and I can go back
Hope all works out for your family. I do not believe that any man should hit a woman.
Years ago I had an employee who was abused by his wife. Nice guy but just beaten down.
Prayers inbound. She needs to love herself enough to realize no man that would hit her is worth it. She matters and she is worth it. There are obviously a lot of freinds/family that care and love her and it isn't fair to y'all either. If he is hitting her then he doesn't love her like a man should love a woman. Tell her to look at her kiddo too. If she loves her kiddo she won't put the child in that environment. Life is way too short and there are entirely too many fish in the sea to have to put up with an abusive jerk.
"He who does not punish evil commands it to be done." - Leonardo da Vinci
Lima, your title to the thread is one of my favorite thoughts (more like "the goal is to win the war not the battle"). This alone shows a good attitude.
She is so lucky to have a supportive and observant family, and a sister like you. It seems that you got this moving quickly, many people suffer from this for years.
My other favorite saying is "this too shall pass".
Last edited by cammo; June 14th, 2011 at 04:59 PM. Reason: sticky typing, sticky brain
You need to do a records search and find out this guys background/past,if he is known to stalk his ex's then everybody needs to be in condition orange,there are way too many stories of guys that were abusive and when the gilfriend/wife left they decided to get revenge on the family for butting into their business.My sister left her X around 20 years ago,she was so scared he would track her that she had an unregistered phone number and still does to this day IIRC.
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Lima I will certainly pray for your sister. A word of advice: realize your own limits and defend your borders. Don't try to be cop and counselor; get her to each and help her trust the right people, be a shoulder to cry on and help her be strong. But don't try to right all the wrongs in her life, because that's not your area of expertise. (unless the ex needs to be shot in SD...) PM me if you need more. In my pastoral life I see this far too frequently, so my heart aches for your family.
"...whoever has no sword is to sell his coat and buy one." (Luke 22:36)
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He is not a man. He is a POS. My sister was caught up in the same thing, and it got me into alot of trouble for my actions. The entire family is effected. My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family.
Hint; a thick glass pitcher, such as commonly found in bars, smashed across the head does wonders for cure to this disease.
" Blessed is that man, who when facing death, thinks only of his front sight"
Don't hesitate to call the police and report him - in fact, have her talk to the cops about it and get the court process started on him. Again...makes any physical confrontation in the future break your way. After all, their is documented danger against your sister...
Also, if she's got the ability, or you have the ability, move her as far from her abusive ex as she can get.
I don't mean across town...I mean like Florida or some place like that. At least for a while, so the urge to just go over and make up can be as strong as it wants to be...but the distance will make it impossible.
Lima, that girl has traded one form of abuse for another. Dealing with the (recovering) stepdaughter's problems, we've learned that the attraction to abusive males has some deep roots and the long-term cure will take being around supportive friends and family, getting therapy, and ultimately feeling stronger and more positive about herself. I'm not qualified to talk about self-esteem and co-dependency and such, but those are words that probably will be heard as your sister gets the help she needs to heal.
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Sounds like that yound woman has exactly what she need. A good family that gives a damn and will give her the support she will need. I'll pray things work out for you and yours. God bless and you and the family did the right thing getting her away from a dirtbag before she's permanently hurt or worse. Good going to you and yours.
"Fear is nothing more than an emotional response to the perception of danger coupled with the belief that I can't handle it."
"If you change that belief to 'I can handle it', you'll no longer experience FEAR. You'll simply see what you are facing is a challenge... an opportunity to test yourself.
[QUOTE=WHEC724;1955883]It's hard to imagine anyone in the Lima family tolerating any sort of physical abuse...[/qoute]
Some people don't know that I went through my own abusive relationship (a couple of them, in fact). In the end it took a lot more physical abuse for me to see the light but eventually I did. I told my sister last night that I hoped she found that point when enough was enough before something even more terrible happens. Thankfully I did not have children to worry about which she does which just compounds the heartbreak. Unfortunately you can't make anyone come to these conclusions.. she has she's worth better all on her own.
This is true and thankfully her love for her child is encouraging her to be stronger. Now if she'd just love herself, too.'Not the same argument with a live-in though, but often moms care much more about their children then themselves, and may take the right action for their sake. You'll be in my prayers.
To put it bluntly, she is TERRIFIED of him. He is a former police officer and kept her silent for weeks because of his talk of "knowing the system" and being buddies with the officers and knowing what to say and how to say it, etc. He also extensively talked about how he would kill her and dispose of the body, etc. Lots of scary, scary stuff. Of course it's all hearsay from me because even though I believe what my sister told me I have no evidence and there is no evidence except for the fading bruises on her arms from his man-handling her. A lot of the other physical signs of abuse have already faded.
Now, I'm sure if he were harassing the person she were staying with they could take out a restraining order so at least he would have to stay away from the people she's going to be staying with but I doubt very seriously she will want to take a restraining order out on him for fear that she will only make him more angry and actually want to come after her.
Believe me, I'd love to move her out of state but she can't. She's still going through her divorce from her husband and it's a very very nasty one filling with custody battles, etc. She needs the job she's hanging on to for dear life and she needs to be there for her court dates and meetings with lawyers, etc. If that weren't the case I'd be all about getting her as far away from BOTH of these guys as physically possible.