BugDude FIL Update

This is a discussion on BugDude FIL Update within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I'm so very sorry to hear of these hard times all of you are going through. You are in our prayers. May you have what ...

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Thread: BugDude FIL Update

  1. #31
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    I'm so very sorry to hear of these hard times all of you are going through. You are in our prayers. May you have what you need to carry you.
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  3. #32
    Senior Member Array scgunlover1's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear the terrible news about your FIL BugDude. As others have said remember all the good times you two buddies have had together. The memories you will never forget. Praying for FIL & the family.
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  4. #33
    VIP Member Array 357and40's Avatar
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    I am so sorry to hear. Your family will be in my thoughts.
    "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
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  5. #34
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    I went through a so very similar situation a year ago with my FIL. I have a clue to the pain your in right now. Pray, laugh, cry, and live.
    My thoughts are with you and your right now.
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  6. #35
    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    IMHO : Remember what he's going thru, and all he wants is to be 'normal'. What you are all going thru is serious, so please take this is the way it's meant :

    My son did some volunteer work at a hospital when he was 17, and he ended up in a ward of terminally ill patients that were on their last leg .. they were there to die. They called me one day and told me that they wanted to talk to me about my son. I thought "uh oh ".... and they said they had never had "anyone" who was ever as good as he was up there. They said someone his age, usually weren't allowed to spend much time in that ward, but wanted permission to keep him there.... I talked to him, and he wanted to be in that area, so he did.

    The "reason" they gave...... because people don't know what to say to them, so lots of people avoided the patients all together. Even some of the nurses did. Or, they would talk about death, etc. They said..... he comes in "cheerful, telling jokes, talks with everyone like any other person talks to someone, plays games with them, and talks about whatever they want to talk about.... including various fond memories or experiences in their lives". "He treats them as a NORMAL person" , and they really like it and can't wait until he comes in each day. He learned a lot doing that.

    Another time they called me and told me about one situation to give me a heads up. One day a nurse heard my son ask one man (they got along great) .... " you want a candy bar, afterall ... what's the Dr going to say... it's bad for your health ? " . .... ... the man laughed, and ate a candy bar with him as they told jokes. More nurses showed up to the room because of all the racket coming from the man's room (them laughing). The man died 3 days later. Somewhere in those 3 days, he told his family the best thing was when my son came up there and spent time with him. When my son went in that day, the nurses told him they needed to talk to him. They explained the man had died, then told him..... "he wanted us to give this to you" .... it was a candy bar with a note ... "Thanks".

    Treat him, like you've always treated him.... and just talk .... doesn't have to be about the present situation nor the potential results of it. He will highly appreciate it, and it may help him take his mind off all of the negative, etc. as well.
    Encourage him, and encourage him to be "as normal" as he possibly can...

    I was never "close" to my father , as he was gone for the Army a lot. So, we never spent much time together nor did any father - son things. I lived with my grandfather at times (at my request) and spent a lot of the time growing up with my grandfather and we were extremely close... he's the one who taught me to shoot, hunt, fish, drive, etc.

    My FIL and I got to be very close as well, and he was a great guy. But, both my grandfather and my FIL, were here today & gone tomorrow. NO WARNING ... FIL killed in a car wreck. So, realize.... in one way , you've been given a blessing .... don't let it go to waste.

    Prayers ... for everyone.
    I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. --- Will Rogers ---
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  7. #36
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    Very tough news to hear. You and your family continue to be in my prayers. I pray for God's grace to ease your burden.
    -Bark'n
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  8. #37
    Distinguished Member Array Stubborn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry "Bugdude"...I just saw this thread.
    Prayers are sent for your Father-in-law, as well as your entire family.
    It sounds like he is...but make sure he's "right with the Lord".
    Sometimes "in-laws" are more like real Moms and Dads...it sure sounds like you have one of the good ones.
    I wish I could say or do more.
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  9. #38
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    Thanks Eagleks for your advice. I'll see him mid-day tomorrow and I've been wondering what to say...and I think I'll just be like I would normally be with him. If he wants to talk about the situation, I'll listen and assure him of things. It sounds like you have an amazing son. He discovered he has a gift and I hope he continues to use it in such a wonderful way. Touching people's lives is important. It's truly all that really matters.

    I had another great long-time golf buddy (perhaps my golf game is the common denominator???) who died of prostate cancer 7 years ago at the age of 52. I would go back to NC and visit with him over the summer and fall, just spend time watching movies, talking, and recalling great rounds of golf. I even teased him about getting so skinny his naked lady tattoo was down to an A cup and he laughed. When he passed he left me his putter...which he used to beat me out of money with and I would always threaten to break it.

    It's difficult...thanks to all for your words and support.
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  10. #39
    Distinguished Member Array ericb327's Avatar
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    So sorry.
    For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill. (Sun Tzu) The Art of War

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  11. #40
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    I'm here with him now, and we are watching golf, racing, and talking about stuff my kids do and he has had some good laughs. He is pretty upset and exhausted, but at least we can have a few laughs here and there and talk about stuff we have done together. My sister is massage therapist and I set it up for my wife and her Dad tomorrow. They both were surprised and said it sounds wonderful.

    Thank you all for helping me prepare to be with him.
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
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    Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.

  12. #41
    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    Hang in there........ just "being there" , is as important as anything. And, believe me, he will get tired of "talking about it" with everyone... and repeating the same thing over and over as well as thinking about it. Time he doesn't have to dwell on it, will be a big relief that he will appreciate. Besides, a good attitude and laughter, are good medicine .... and that's been shown many times. Patients who get depressed do much worse than those how have a positive and hopeful outlook.

    Patients who laugh ... use about 2/10th's the pain meds as those that don't.
    I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. --- Will Rogers ---
    Chief Justice John Roberts : "I don't see how you can read Heller and not take away from it the notion that the Second Amendment...was extremely important to the framers in their view of what liberty meant."

  13. #42
    VIP Member Array Harryball's Avatar
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    Im sorry to hear this. I hope you and your family find peace....
    Don"t let stupid be your skill set....

  14. #43
    VIP Member Array SpencerB's Avatar
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    Prayers go out to you and yours. I went through the exact same thing with my father about 6 months ago if you need anything let me know.

  15. #44
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    Guys, it is tougher than I imagined but I am glad I am here. My wife said for some reason he has seemed so much more at ease since I've been here and she has as well. I'm glad I can have that effect. They loved the massages.

    I took him for a ride yesterday and he showed me all sorts of places his grandparents owned, old barns of theirs, etc. We went to the lake and just watched the boats and talked about all the fishing we did there. We saw some girls in bikinis and I said I knew why he wanted to come there. He replied, "They can't do me any good" and I said, "Well, you're not blind, so as long as we are looking at the sights we might as well look at all of them!" We had more laughs. I also told him that when I met his daughter it was better than any lottery I could have ever won. She's a great and strong person and he and his family just took me in and raised me into the man I have become since I was 17. He seemed to appreciate the regard in which I hold for his daughter.

    One time yesterday me, him, and his other son-in-law were watching golf and talking about golf and he said, "I don't know why in the heck you two aren't out playing right now! The world's not going to stop just because I'm gone." I said, "well, we'd just rather be here with you in case you need anything. When you get your strength up, I'll take you to the course and we'll just ride around and check out the course if you like." He said it probably would never happen, but I told him that just gives him something to work towards.

    Every year at Christmas, him and I always get a bottle of Southern Comfort and watch that movie "A Christmas Story" and laugh our rears off. I told him yesterday we should do that too. We've been talking about a lot of the things we've done and places we've gone.

    I took him to a special church service yesterday afternoon and on our way back his car dings constantly if you don't wear your seat belt. I told him I could never get used to wearing one since I grew up without them and you would think after that hydroplane accident I had 23 years ago I would never forget again. We talked about that and I explained what happened and he recalled when that happened. I said, "You know, at that moment I knew that was it...and every moment since then has been a gift." I told him no one could possibly hate this any more than I and he said, "You just have to take what life deals you and go on." I told him I guess we don't have any other choice. He told the Hospice nurse that he has lived a good life....I'm honored to be a part of that.

    I'm trying my best to be strong for him and my wife...but there are times when I'm alone I have to let go of my emotions. It just amazes me how strong my wife is to take care of her father and deal with these things. She is much stronger than I. Whatever I need to do so that she can be here for him I'll do.

    You guys have been a huge help...just writing about it seems to help a lot.
    64zebra likes this.
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
    No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.


    Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.

  16. #45
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    Hang in there BugDude, I know it can be difficult. Continued prayers for you and your family.
    "Don't start none, won't be none!"

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