BugDude FIL Update

This is a discussion on BugDude FIL Update within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; You're dealing with some of the toughest matters you'll ever have to deal with. You and your wife need to be keenly attuned to each ...

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Thread: BugDude FIL Update

  1. #46
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    You're dealing with some of the toughest matters you'll ever have to deal with. You and your wife need to be keenly attuned to each others emotional states too, and be ready to step in and help the other. You also ought to keep your personal physicians posted because they can be excellent supporters too, as well as the Hospice folks. There is nothing easy about what you're doing.
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  3. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by BugDude View Post
    Guys, it is tougher than I imagined but I am glad I am here.
    We are glad you are here and that we can help in some way. Sounds like he's a heck of a guy.
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  4. #48
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    Bugdude, praying for you and yours
    I know what its like as I lost my father to cancer in 2004. Its tough all around, but especially with kids.
    On one hand I'm sort of glad I didn't have to go through it with my son like you are with your kid, as my boy was only 6 months old when his Grandpa died, but I will with is grandaddy/mommy and my mom eventually.
    On the other hand I wish he could have known the man that raised me, taught me the things a man needs to know, and passed on so much information, history, and common sense. Almost daily there is something I wish I could tell him, show him, or have a question that I would normally call him about.
    I guess what I'm saying is I know its difficult but you will always cherish everything you did with him, and he lives on a little bit inside each of you.
    I have to stop now, screen is blurry for some reason.
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  5. #49
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    My screen's been getting blurry a lot lately...thank you all so much.
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  6. #50
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    o / | \ o


    As I have said before I seldom reply to many of these threads, unless I think I have some advice to add -- albeit folk here do get added to my pray list.

    However, I occurred to me, a tad late, that you might be back up this way.

    If so and if there is anything I can do, please call, email, or PM be here on DC.
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  7. #51
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveH View Post
    o / | \ o


    As I have said before I seldom reply to many of these threads, unless I think I have some advice to add -- albeit folk here do get added to my pray list.

    However, I occurred to me, a tad late, that you might be back up this way.

    If so and if there is anything I can do, please call, email, or PM be here on DC.
    Thanks Dave. He lives in NC a few hours from there where we are originally from. My wife and kids are flying back up soon to take care of him. It appears he is fading fast. I'm not sure I will get to see him again myself before he passes...he's been a great buddy to me for the last 26 years. It is a tremendous loss for me and my family as he has been a huge and active part of our lives regardless of where we have lived. I just can't imagine our future without him being there, but it is something we are having to come to terms with.

    Nothing earthly last forever, even the sun has a finite amount of energy. There is only one thing that is eternal, and He is calling my father-in-law home. I'll see him again on God's Golden Shore, and I'm sure he'll have a tee time for us when I get there...where all the shots are perfect and all of the putts go in.
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  8. #52
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    Praying for you and all of the family.
    Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.

  9. #53
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    There really aren't words. In the case of my FIL, and my 2 parents, it was instanteous. They were here, then they weren't. So, I have not had to go thru anything long term.... except for MIL, who survived only 2 mo's once she was diagnosed with cancer, and she was completely out of it the last month.

    It's good that you have some time to spend with him, and a chance to tell him what you think.

    Remember, you need to be there for him to lean on too. Prayers for him, you and the family. Take good care of yourself and your family during this as well, don't let yourself go .... and it effect your health in the process.
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  10. #54
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    My wife was talking with her sister last night and her Dad told the Hospice nurse that he is having strange things going through his head (expected with mets to the brain). I talked to his other son-in-law today who is there now and told him I know he has a 9mm handgun he bought several years ago and he had told me at one point he kept it under the matress of his bed. We talked and they are bringing in a hospital bed for him today. He said he will be taking down his regular bed this afternoon and he will look for the handgun if it isn't where he last told me it was. We all talked and agree that it is time to remove the handgun from his access given his mind is going. We have talked about this since he got sick and as long as his mind was right I did not feel we should interfere with his rights. I also considered cable locking the gun and not removing it or just removing all of the ammo. Not knowing if he has any other ammo around, we believe the safest thing is to remove it from his ability to access. This has been a long contemplated and difficult decision, but it seems the time has come. He has fallen a couple of times, he can't hear anymore, and his mood and personality are changing. It is so sad it is unbearable. He is a great man, father, grandfather, mentor, buddy, and Veteran. My wife and kids flew up there today to take care of him and relieve her sister and her husband who have been there the last couple of weeks. I hope I get to see him again before his mind is totally gone. I tried to prepare my wife and kids for how different he will look and act since we were there a couple weeks ago. I will be shocked if he makes it past the end of this month.
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    Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.

  11. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by BugDude View Post
    My wife was talking with her sister last night and her Dad told the Hospice nurse that he is having strange things going through his head (expected with mets to the brain). I talked to his other son-in-law today who is there now and told him I know he has a 9mm handgun he bought several years ago and he had told me at one point he kept it under the matress of his bed. We talked and they are bringing in a hospital bed for him today. He said he will be taking down his regular bed this afternoon and he will look for the handgun if it isn't where he last told me it was. We all talked and agree that it is time to remove the handgun from his access given his mind is going. We have talked about this since he got sick and as long as his mind was right I did not feel we should interfere with his rights. I also considered cable locking the gun and not removing it or just removing all of the ammo. Not knowing if he has any other ammo around, we believe the safest thing is to remove it from his ability to access. This has been a long contemplated and difficult decision, but it seems the time has come. He has fallen a couple of times, he can't hear anymore, and his mood and personality are changing. It is so sad it is unbearable. He is a great man, father, grandfather, mentor, buddy, and Veteran. My wife and kids flew up there today to take care of him and relieve her sister and her husband who have been there the last couple of weeks. I hope I get to see him again before his mind is totally gone. I tried to prepare my wife and kids for how different he will look and act since we were there a couple weeks ago. I will be shocked if he makes it past the end of this month.
    Been in your shoes and know what your going through. You have my number if you need a place off site to place it till you can get it let me know. What ever I can do for ya just holler.

  12. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by BugDude View Post
    My screen's been getting blurry a lot lately
    As I read this thread, me too. My prayers for you and your family. I lost my mother in a way that was painful. She was in the hospital and going downhill fast. My sister called me to tell me and I immediately went to the bus station to get a ticket to the town 300 miles away (I was pretty poor at the time so I couldn't use any other means). I arrived a few hours too late. My sister said she didn't want to call me sooner as they didn't want me to worry, but it is painful that I wasn't able to get there and probably could have, if notified earlier.

    And my dad, he went suddenly and I was way across country at a conference at the time. I still remember getting a note passed to me to call my wife immediately. I did and, well you can figure what I was feeling.

    So, if it hasn't happened yet, enjoy every moment. If it has, enjoy every memory. The pain never really goes away but it does lighten up over time.

    May God bless you and your family.

    EDIT: I didn't see your reply that just occurred before writing this.
    Last edited by accessbob; June 10th, 2012 at 02:09 PM. Reason: add additional text
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