BugDude FIL Update

BugDude FIL Update

This is a discussion on BugDude FIL Update within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Well, my wife took her Dad to the doctor to get the results of all of the tests yesterday and it was worse than anyone ...

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  1. #1
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    BugDude FIL Update

    Well, my wife took her Dad to the doctor to get the results of all of the tests yesterday and it was worse than anyone anticipated. Primary lung cancer that has spread throughout his entire body. Brain, liver, bones, muscles, even heart. They showed the pet scan to them and the spots were everywhere and large. He could have a stroke or heart failure at any minute so they could not give a timeframe at all. There is nothing that they can do.

    I had to tell our 10 year old daughter and she adores her Paw Paw. I explained it as carefully and considerately as possible and we cried together, explored the emotions and feelings, religious aspects of life and death, etc. It was a rough day and more rough ones ahead. I want to be there to support him and my wife and let my daughter be there too...got to talk to school about that. My wife said the medical oncologist and PA were blunt and just did not handle it well at all, but the radiation oncologist was very good. They are discussing palliative radiation and he said if it gets him a couple more weeks to be with them it would be worth it, but it will make him more tired than he already is (which is unimaginable). He may decide to try it and then stop it or may decide not to do it at all. I just don't want him to suffer physically and emotionally. A good man in all regards leaving this world way too soon. Devastating loss for my whole family. I want to tell him that it will seem like a blink of an eye and we'll all meet on God's golden shore...and I'm sure he will have us a tee time on a heavenly course where we hit perfect shots and birdie every hole all day every day. I hope to tell him what he means to me before his mind is taken from him...I know he knows, but I still want to say it. I'm having trouble focusing through the day without losing my crap at times. As a financial executive, there were times today I had to just find a place to be alone and let it out. I work at a new place, but the people have been super supportive.
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    Distinguished Member Array sid1's Avatar
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    Bugdude, my sympathy is with you and your family. I know first hand what your going through, my father had the same thing and it spread to the same areas. It's real tough watching this happen to a love ones and feeling completely helpless.
    Spend as much time as you can with him, not only for you and your family but for him also? It has to be scary going through this but, having loved ones by his side will help him.

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    VIP Member Array wmhawth's Avatar
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    It sounds as if he has people who adore him, will miss him and always remember him with love. I would hope for that much when I sail off into the sunset. My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and your family during this time of sadness BugDude.

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    VIP Member Array gottabkiddin's Avatar
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    I am very sorry to read about your FIL. My condolences to you and your family during this difficult time.....

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    Ex Member Array RayBar's Avatar
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    I'm sorry that you and your family are having to face this.Most if not all of us older guys have been there, and know how it feels. thoghts and prayers for you and your family. God bless you all.

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    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    BD, your FIL sounds like a wonderful man. Thank God he doesn't have to face this alone. You probably can't tell him too much how much you love and respect him.

    Continued prayers from here.
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    Distinguished Member Array phreddy's Avatar
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    Praying for you and yours. Praying for strength and comfort for all.

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    mkh is offline
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    Prayers offered up.

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    I'm truly sorry to hear this. Ya'll will remain in my prayers.

    "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Rev 21:4
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    Lost both my siblings the same way, so I know what you're going through. It's a test for all of you. The best thing for your FIL is that he has loving family close to him in his waning days, and that's simply priceless. Thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend.
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    Distinguished Member Array MinistrMalic's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear about this. :( Grieving is good and natural and expected, and doesn't happen linearly. Praying for you and your family.
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    hbc is offline
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    Bugdude, I'm truly sorry to hear this. You have my sympathies and support. I hope you can take some measure of comfort in the fact that, after he passes, you and your loved ones will see and be with your FIL someday down the road. May God bless you and your family.

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    Member Array RonCo's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear this man. Be strong for your family as I know you will.

  15. #14
    VIP Member Array jonconsiglio's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear that, stuff like this is never easy. A couple months ago my Father was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. The day they were to start chemo, his doctor told him they found 6 spots on his brain. As of right now, 3 spots are gone and the other 3 are nearly indistinguishable. That's the good news. The bad news is they were never concerned with the brain cancer as the lung cancer will get him first. He gets a massive amount of chemo every 3 weeks and is on his 5th, if I'm not mistaken. They said it should help in some way, but it's only a matter of time.

    The first doctor told him a year or two, though some make it longer. His doctor now, who's a renowned cancer specialist, won't give him any time frame as it varies greatly per person.

    My Dad was/is a powerful man. He was a well-known Los Angeles district attorney before going into private criminal defense. When he's in a room, you know it. People flock to him and just want to be around him. To see and hear him weak is not something I ever expected and am struggling to deal with.

    Coming to terms with the fact someone close won't be around much longer is very hard. I've had family and friends die quickly before. Though it's a shock, we deal with it and move on. This anticipation though is extremely hard.

    Prayers for you father in law. Be strong for the wife, she'll need you. There's nothing you can say that will make it much easier, but just being there for her and the family will do more than you know.

    Hang in there man. You'll all get through it and though it may not seem like it to your wife right now, it'll all be ok.

    Edit - Be sure to tell him everything that you want to. Make sure the wife and kids tell them how important he is and that they're going to be ok. This is the hardest part, but it will make a difference in the long run. We made it to my grandfather's minutes before he died. He could barely speak. He was trying to say something to us. My Mom told him that we all knew how much he loved us and how much we loved him and that as hard as this is going to be, we're going to be ok from here. We all thanked him for being the best person we all knew and that we'd always keep him in our hearts and he could let go now, and we were all there and we'd be ok. He kind of nodded his head and slightly smiled while struggling for his breath, grabbed our hands tight and had tears in his eyes. He smiled a little more then just let go.

    Man, that was hard to type. Anyway, it's important for all of you that he knows he made a difference in your lives and he loved you and that you'll thank him and remember him every day for that.

    - We were actually at my Grandfather's cousin's funeral when my aunt called and told us it was time. I remember my uncle's cell phone ringing during the mass and I wondered what jerk had his ringer on (this was 2000, so vibrate wasn't as common if your hone was a couple years old). When i saw who it was answering his phone, I just knew. We took off out of there (I was a supposed to be a paul bearer) and made it in time. Since only a couple of us were taking turns staying with him as we knew it was soon, had we not been at the mass all together, there's no way we would all have made it in time. There's no way we could have gotten in touch with everyone, especially since not everyone had cell phones then, and even if we did, who knows where they would have been. Interesting how it worked out.
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  16. #15
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    Peace be with you and yours.

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