I'm back, but different

I'm back, but different

This is a discussion on I'm back, but different within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Hey everyone. I've been gone from the site for a while - it didn't oporate well on my old Blackberry so I quit coming. I ...

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Thread: I'm back, but different

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Tala's Avatar
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    Jun 2010
    Benton, AR

    I'm back, but different

    Hey everyone. I've been gone from the site for a while - it didn't oporate well on my old Blackberry so I quit coming. I have an iphone now and it works great, but anyway.
    Just wanted to share a few things.
    I no longer deliver pizza, though I'm still in fast food. I'm trying to get back to school and get a better job, but I don't have any money to accomplish this.
    Last January (2012) I left my husband (of almost 6 years) while I was unemployed. I don't miss him a bit.
    I still have my dogs, my truck and all my guns, but I no longer own my own house or have any livestock or land. In May I secured a cheap, dog-friendly apartment, so now I live smack dab in town right behind a school, near the no-guns park, and a few blocks from another school - which makes walking the dogs complicated!

    I can't remember if I told yall that my mom had been diagnosed with ALS since December 2010. She died this past summer, June 23, 2012.

    In May I saw mom on Mother's day and I knew she was getting worse. But she hadn't given up yet. She went and got her DL renewed (even though she wasn't driving very much) and pretty much acted like normal. On June 18, mom declared she was through. She just wanted the fight to be over. Everyone came to visit her. At first she wouldn't talk to me, but I spent the day with her. When I left I told her how I loved her and that I would see her soon. She couldn't talk so she signed I love you in sign language to me. My parent's 37th wedding anniversary was Thursday, June 21, then Friday night mom went to sleep to die (and she knew it, she was ready to go). I'm glad she went out on her own terms, when she was ready, and I wouldn't wish her to suffer one more minute here in pain, but in time I miss her so.

    I know I never told you guys that I'm infertile. I don't know why because I can't afford the tests. But my sister got pregnant with her first in July right after mom's passing. So she gets to move on and become a mom. Great timing for her I suppose. It's hard to fight down the jealousy.

    This year has felt like at least 10 years' time, and there's still Christmas to muddle through.
    I'm back, but I feel like a different person. Maybe just older feeling. Or a little lost feeling. They say ya can't go home, because it will never be like you remember it, but especially if mama ain't there.
    I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I expect the same from them. -- John Wayne as John B. Books in "The Shootist"

  2. #2
    VIP Member Array ANGLICO's Avatar
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    Mar 2012
    I'm the guy next door that is polite, but does not tell you crap.
    I did not know you when you were active before (on this site)... Since I am a FNG...

    God Bless your mom and the best to you (may I say heal?, its tough).

    Semper Fi! (which sometimes in my lives means more than 'Always Faithful', but more like we will kick everyone's butts and push through all of the things that weigh upon us. This is weighing on you - and 'WE' (Not sure who 'We' is)..... but I am assured from the group here on DC, we wish you to be well with this.

    My prayers for your mother.

    Semper Fi,
    Bark'n likes this.
    Socialism Kills! Time proven, with a very large body count! We are a Constitutional Republic....... not a Democracy, get it correct!

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  3. #3
    VIP Member Array luvmy40's Avatar
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    Mar 2007
    Personal defense Fourum dot com

    My deepest condolences on the loss of your Mother.

    Welcome back. I for one, have missed your posts.

    I know you've heard this many times but it bares repeating. Have faith that all things happen for a reason. We may not see the reason at first(sometimes we may never truly understand the grand scheme), but have faith that you can come through these trials stronger on the other side.
    The best things in life are not free.
    They are paid for with the blood of brave men and women!
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  5. #4
    Array QKShooter's Avatar
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    Dec 2004
    Moderator Central
    Welcome Back Tala. Don't you even think about leaving us again! Check your Private Mail.
    Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ

  6. #5
    VIP Member Array oneshot's Avatar
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    Jul 2009
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    So very sorry to hear of your mom.
    It sounded as it was a tough disease(I've heard its very hard on whoever is stricken) to deal with.
    Have faith, you will prevail in finding something in the lines of employment.

    Didn't know of the issues about your husband, or what lead to divorce, but sometimes who we marry isn't who we come to live with, and the adjustment is hard or impossible for some, don't sweat it.

    Your sister being pregnant and starting a family is a great thing.
    But it isn't the end of the world just because she is at a different place/time in her life.
    Are you close to your sister?
    Then you should be there for here and experience your lives TOGETHER!
    This is what family is all about.
    Your mom and dad would have wanted things between you to be great.

    Short story;
    My wife of 25+ years was thought to be unable to have kids as well, (she have extremely irregular periods and heavy ones at times) and she had told me this when we were dating after a couple of years.
    I told her that it didn't matter, and whatever God had planned for us would be in his hands.
    We met in 1980, got engaged in 1984 and were married in 1987.
    In 1989 a son was born, and then two daughters in '93 & '95, then an Oppsie (our second son) came along in 2004.
    But it wouldn't have mattered were she not able to concieve, and somewhere out there is a guy who is looking for you, for the great person you are, and he'll want to be with you, no matter what.

    "Remember, don't sweat the small stuff; AND it's all small stuff"

    Good luck, welcome back.
    I would rather die with good men than hide with cowards
    If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans
    Don't ever think that the reason I'm peaceful is because I don't know how to be violent

    M&Pc .357SIG, 2340Sigpro .357SIG

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array varob's Avatar
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    Jun 2009
    Hang in there, glad to see you back.
    Don't believe what you hear and only half of what you see!
    -Tony Soprano

  8. #7
    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    West Virginia
    Welcome back.

    Out of tragedy can come triumph, it depends upon how one looks at life. I think you have suffered things that were not expected, however sometimes the bad leads to good. Look forward, not behind.

    I too like others have had my share of it in life. My first marriage ended after 14 years when suddenly she decided that it was over. I did nothing to instigate it, she just changed into a total stranger. We have a son who is very close to mom, never was to me and I rarely see him even though he's nearly 29 and lives about 3 miles from me.

    I went through all that crap of "what did I do?" It isn't anyone's fault, it's just the way things happen in our frail human condition. I finally got back on my feet, met a wonderful woman and we have a good life. I have step-kids who think I'm the coolest guy. Having kids does not make a person whole and society places a high value upon those who can reproduce, but it doesn't make anyone less of a person if you can't.

    So, hang in there, keep praying for God to give you the peace you are searching so desperately for. I know He will, I am a prime example of that.
    msgt/ret and oneshot like this.
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  9. #8
    Lead Moderator
    Array rocky's Avatar
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    Jan 2005
    Welcome back, sorry to hear your last year or so has been so tough.
    "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." Thomas Jefferson

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  10. #9
    OD* is online now
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    Array OD*'s Avatar
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    Jun 2005
    My condolences on the loss of your Mother.
    "The pistol, learn it well, carry it always ..." ~ Jeff Cooper

    "Terrorists: They hated you yesterday, they hate you today, and they will hate you tomorrow.
    End the cycle of hatred, don’t give them a tomorrow."

  11. #10
    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
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    Feb 2010
    Welcome back Tala. You have my condolences and prayers for what sounds like a real tough year. Hang in there.
    WARNING: This post may contain material offensive to those who lack wit, humor, common sense and/or supporting factual or anecdotal evidence. All statements and assertions contained herein may be subject to literary devices not limited to: irony, metaphor, allusion and dripping sarcasm.

  12. #11
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    May 2007
    Back home in Louisiana !!!!
    Tala, you hang tough! Glad to see you back in spite of your challanges!

    You have my deepest sympathies but stay strong and plow through it!

  13. #12
    Senior Member
    Array RKflorida's Avatar
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    Nov 2011
    Deltona, Florida
    A difficult year, to say the least. You are right when you say you are a different person, you are stronger. I will pray for you, Jesus always helps me, maybe he will help you?

  14. #13
    VIP Member Array wmhawth's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    Western Colorado
    I'm back, but different
    I hope not too different cause I liked you before. Welcome back.

  15. #14
    mkh is offline
    VIP Member Array mkh's Avatar
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    Dec 2008
    Foxhole somewhere in NE FL
    Welcome back Tala. I missed your animal stories and sorry to,hear that they are gone now. Praying that things will get better for you.

  16. #15
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    Array WHEC724's Avatar
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    Aug 2009
    Welcome back, Tala. I'm very sorry about your loss. 2012 was a tough year for me too. I feel like I've aged 10 years.

    I'm praying for your healing.
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