Divorced?

This is a discussion on Divorced? within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Please move if not the right place. I feel sure some here have been through it. I was divorced 30+ years ago. I remarried after ...

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  1. #1
    Member Array pignut's Avatar
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    Divorced?

    Please move if not the right place.
    I feel sure some here have been through it. I was divorced 30+ years ago. I remarried after about 8 years and we have been married 20 years this year.We have never had an argument. The first marriage was only arguing,most of the time.
    My question is what kind of relationship do you have,or would want to have with your ex,and ex in-laws.Those with small children I understand how that is but after all these years do you still want to be like old friends or do you want to move on and forget that other life as much as you can? Thanks to those who respond. I am not looking for debate or right or wrong. I would just like to know how others handle it.

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    Distinguished Member Array GunGeezer's Avatar
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    I was divorced after 3 kids and 25 yrs. of marriage. Re-married and widowered after 6 yrs. married to my third for 15 wonderful yrs. come Jan. Money can be a huge source of stress that can tear a marriage apart. I worked 3 jobs for 25 yrs. to give my wife and kids the best. In return, I got a divorce and 3 kids that think I'm an ass-hat. My current step-children and step-grandchildren treat me better than my own. Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what your gonna get(Forest Gump).

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    Member Array pignut's Avatar
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    Geez that sounds somewhat like me. Work you butt off so they have money then get blasted cause you are not home.
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    VIP Member Array joker1's Avatar
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    Haven't been there, haven't done that. I would think that trying to get along would be best for everyone. Maybe not as well as when times were good but act like adults. The divorce should end the bickering (theoretically) and adults should move on from that point. Unless one parent was a very bad parent, both parents should be involved in the lives of their kids as much as possible. The parents should not try to turn kids against the other parents or use the kids for their gain. I've been married for 20 years and we have one child together. We've had some tense periods, had some yelling arguements, but we were able to calm down and talk it out. We've never even considered separation or the d-word. I know several classmates who have been married multiple times and it blows my mind. I'm not saying there is no reason for divorce, but I feel like some people don't put the required work into their marriages.
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    Like Joker, we've been married 16 years, and been through some really rough times. Although we have stood on the ragged precipice of divorce and looked into the void. Given our love for our son, we decided that divorce would be even more terrible than what we were experiencing, so we've toughed it out. Enduring what it took to keep our marriage was possibly the most difficult thing that we've ever done. I'm so glad that we have.

    My heart goes out to ya'll that have gone through this.
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    Not what I expected...... and I feel like an ass hat for what I was going to type.


    Not been through it either, Mrs. Stove and I just celebrated 22 years together on the 8th of this month.

    Divorce is tough, I have many friends and employees who have gone through it and I see the hell that they live with.

    My best to all of you.
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    Member Array latentcarry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GunGeezer View Post
    I was divorced after 3 kids and 25 yrs. of marriage. Re-married and widowered after 6 yrs. married to my third for 15 wonderful yrs. come Jan. Money can be a huge source of stress that can tear a marriage apart. I worked 3 jobs for 25 yrs. to give my wife and kids the best. In return, I got a divorce and 3 kids that think I'm an ass-hat. My current step-children and step-grandchildren treat me better than my own. Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what your gonna get(Forest Gump).
    That and in laws that constantly have drama and are needy. As far as my children go: I sometimes wish I had bit their heads off when they were still young and tender.

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    Quote Originally Posted by joker1 View Post
    Haven't been there, haven't done that. I would think that trying to get along would be best for everyone. Maybe not as well as when times were good but act like adults. The divorce should end the bickering (theoretically) and adults should move on from that point. Unless one parent was a very bad parent, both parents should be involved in the lives of their kids as much as possible. The parents should not try to turn kids against the other parents or use the kids for their gain. I've been married for 20 years and we have one child together. We've had some tense periods, had some yelling arguements, but we were able to calm down and talk it out. We've never even considered separation or the d-word. I know several classmates who have been married multiple times and it blows my mind. I'm not saying there is no reason for divorce, but I feel like some people don't put the required work into their marriages.
    Quote Originally Posted by WHEC724 View Post
    Like Joker, we've been married 16 years, and been through some really rough times. Although we have stood on the ragged precipice of divorce and looked into the void. Given our love for our son, we decided that divorce would be even more terrible than what we were experiencing, so we've toughed it out. Enduring what it took to keep our marriage was possibly the most difficult thing that we've ever done. I'm so glad that we have.

    My heart goes out to ya'll that have gone through this.


    ^^^^^^^YEP^^^^^^^^^^


    26 years married we will be this June 26.

    Have been with each other for 33 total years.

    Have pondered divorce, but nothing serious.

    We have not been better, and toughing it out and realizing that somehow being together is /must be part of the grand design.

    We can somehow, in certain circumstances read each others minds, and simultaneously say what it is that we were thinking together at that very moment.

    I agree with everything in bold above
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    Senior Member Array Buckman60's Avatar
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    Was married for 26 yrs. Have 3 grown children . My ex cheated on me 4 times I know of . Stayed with her cause my kids begged me not to leave them with her . When my youngest daughter turned 18 I filed for divorce . My ex worked for her dads business , lied to judge about her income . I have to pay her $404.00 a month for ten years . Then when I retire she gets part of my pension . Your state is messed up on this 50/50 law .

    After my divorce , I stayed single for two years . Married my sisters best friend, going on six years come February . Who would of thought someone could be this happy and married at the same time . We haven't fought once in those five years !!!
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    Never divorced here , i consider myself lucky for sure . Been married coming up on 34 yrs. There are times my we both shake our heads at each other for various things but you have to let things roll off your back . We all have good days and bad days . I see that alot of people think the grass is greener. Plus it is to costly to divorce .
    Last edited by welder516; June 18th, 2013 at 06:19 PM.
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    Wow Gun Geezer you've led an interesting life. Your first marriage kinda sounded like it was fraught with unhappiness. Number 2 you got gypped when your wife was taken from you. Tho I've never been married I had 2 girlfriends that tore a hole in my heart 5 miles wide. I'm still in Love with her.

    Glad to hear that #3 seems to be the Ward and June Cleaver type WHEC and Joker sounds as tho they have what it takes to weather the storms. Life ain't fair and you just gotta ride it out. My own folks marriage was fraught with hardships and pitfalls but as a family we pulled together and got thru it. Sure I have my short comings but my upbringing helped keep me strong and continues to do so now at 60.

    I've been having problems with my Keyboard. It's working Right Now but at any minute I expect it to go KAFLOOIE Again!! (Yes you were Right PigNut and my age and growing up in the 50s-60s is EXACTLY THE REASON I turned out as well as I did. Woo Hoo!!

    This is a Good Thread PigNut. I like it. That girl friend that stole my heart she and I never had a fight/argument until we had the first one. It was also the last argument and we broke up.

    In my whole life I only lived with a gal once and that was 22 years ago. We weren't together very long. It was one of those whirlwind affairs like right out of that old TV show The Love Boat. Damn I was 39 and she was 18. I met her while on vacation in Montana. For the last 20 years my best sage advice was the single person (m-f) was don't camp in the same spot for more than 3 or 4 days or this could happen to you too

    This is a really Great Thread!!
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    Ex Member Array Harryball's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oneshot View Post
    ^^^^^^^YEP^^^^^^^^^^


    26 years married we will be this June 26.

    Have been with each other for 33 total years.

    Have pondered divorce, but nothing serious.

    We have not been better, and toughing it out and realizing that somehow being together is /must be part of the grand design.

    We can somehow, in certain circumstances read each others minds, and simultaneously say what it is that we were thinking together at that very moment.

    I agree with everything in bold above
    My anniversary is on the 26th as well to my second wife.

    As to the OP question. I divorced my first wife about 15 years ago, and have had no contact with her. I do not want to talk with her, I could care less what life had brought her. There is a reason that I divorced her, and that was so that I never had to deal with her again....
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    Member Array pignut's Avatar
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    First time we were married 12 years. We tried but we just got married to young and found out we really did not like each other when we grew up some. What I never could and still can't understand was she asked for the divorce and I said if you want that ok. Then I somehow got blamed for everything by everybody,both sides of the family. Now,after being divorced for around 30 years and married to my perfect mate for 20 years,my only child 30 years old,I can't see why I still can't go my way and her family go theirs. Just going to have to try and out live them I guess.
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    Ex Member Array Harryball's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pignut View Post
    First time we were married 12 years. We tried but we just got married to young and found out we really did not like each other when we grew up some. What I never could and still can't understand was she asked for the divorce and I said if you want that ok. Then I somehow got blamed for everything by everybody,both sides of the family. Now,after being divorced for around 30 years and remarried to my perfect mate for 20 years,my only child 30 years old,I can't see why I still can't go my way and her family go theirs. Just going to have to try and out live them I guess.
    You can pick your friends, but you are stuck with your family. It would seem that saying is more truth, than fiction...
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    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    Like so many out there I have suffered the pain of divorce. Mine happened in 1997 after 14 years and to tell the truth, I just don't know what went wrong. People who have not seen me for years are really surprised that it happened.

    My "ex" just gave up I guess, refused to even talk about the "problem" if there was indeed one and it got to the point that it was like living in house with a total stranger and my kid. After numerous attempts to get her to talk, acknowledge a problem I was faced with no choice but to divorce her. I found out much later she had been seeing another man while we were married but had the audacity to accuse me once later on of adultery. I never, ever did.

    She got custody of my son but did not request alimony. I had to keep them in the house, by paying half the payment and was forced to move out. I bounced around a couple of places until I got a killer deal on a house, bought it and lived there. I had no idea where the "ex" was or what she was doing. My son when he would come to visit me was ever so tight lipped about her activities. I did not press the issue, but through the grapevine, heard she was somewhere in Ohio with a biker guy. Not that Biker guys are bad, but that was just so about-face for her that it's downright comical.

    I stayed single until 2001 when I met someone. We long distance dated, she lived 8 hours away and we met once a month. She has two boys from two marriages and they took to me as if I was their own dad. We married in 2004 and she moved to my hometown. We will celebrate our 9th anniversary in October. She is more of a partner than wife, she loves to shoot, has her permit and carries that .357 LCR everywhere. She is the best in the world, not only for that, but she just has so many good qualities it's difficult to list them all.

    I don't have animosity for my ex, but I don't really care where she is or what she does. I have closed that chapter in my life and have moved on. My son is nearly 30 and closer to his mom than me, but he wanders into my life on occasions, I'm still his dad no matter what.

    So that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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