Need some advice and maybe some help

Need some advice and maybe some help

This is a discussion on Need some advice and maybe some help within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; My oldest daughter lives in North Hollywood, and is trying to get rid of her ex boyfriend turned ex roommate from the apartment. Where he ...

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  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Need some advice and maybe some help

    My oldest daughter lives in North Hollywood, and is trying to get rid of her ex boyfriend turned ex roommate from the apartment.
    Where he used to be sweet, the darkside has taken over and now he has done all but threaten her. So she really can't call the police.

    Unfortunately, I am 2000 miles away, and though I would like to pick this guy up and remove his stuff from the apartment so the locks can be changed, I can't.

    The Landlord is out of country, and she really does not know any trustworthy guys or strong willed women that can lend a hand.

    Any advice would be welcome, or if it is better, a PM.

    Thanks
    Nehemiah 4:14: “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and draw your Beretta PX4 and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” highlighted added by LMP


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    VIP Member Array StormRhydr's Avatar
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    It sounds to me like an order of protection might be in order. That would have him removed from the apartment, and prevent contact with her. And if he violated it, arrested on the spot.

    You say that he has done all but threaten her. I doubt that.

    I think you mean to say that he has not put his threats into words or actions, yet. His behavior itself can be the threat to her.

    For example, if hes into drugs, not acting rationally, or acting in a threatening manner, etc.

    Id send her off to consult an attorney on this matter.

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    Either he has a legal right to be there <on the lease> or not.

    #1 He has a legal reason to be in co-possession the contracted premises.
    Nothing can be legally done.

    #2 He does not have a legal reason to be on the premises.
    Trespass = Call the police.

    #3 He threatened her? = Restraining order <as good as the paper it's written on.>

    Or she could move out.
    Call a lawyer.
    Don't call 911, call 1911...

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    Tricky situation. If they have a renter's contract signed where they are both on the lease then she can't kick him out. I would send her some money and have her stay at a hotel for a week while she look for another apartment and talks to a lawyer (things can get way out of control and if she doesn't navigate it right he could end up suing her, especially if she has no proof of threats). But yah, get her into a hotel and as hard as it is to get a place in North Hollywood, see if she can move in with a friend or get another place. Don't let things escalate. I'll pray for her safety.

  5. #5
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    SHE needs to move.
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    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LuvMyPX4 View Post
    My oldest daughter lives in North Hollywood, and is trying to get rid of her ex boyfriend turned ex roommate from the apartment. Where he used to be sweet, the darkside has taken over and now he has done all but threaten her. So she really can't call the police.
    Have the means of effective self-defense.

    Get training on practical "street" type defensive/offensive tactics and skills.

    Move, to a spot he's unaware of. If that takes changing towns, phones and all the rest, so be it.

    If she and you are already nervous about the possibilities, then it most certainly has come to threats. She's feeling it, else she wouldn't have told you. You're feeling it, else you wouldn't have posted. ACT on that. Else, it could be too late. And, quite frankly, that could be a regret you could never get over.

    Simplest move: she ejects, moves elsewhere, changes the phone, possibly moves to another town/city/state.

    Most "lawful" method: deal with the renters' rights situation of tenancy, her leasing arrangements, in the "proper" manner. Unfortunately, that's all but certain to not involve ejecting the ex from the apartment. This will keep her in his "clutches" so to speak. Might be the riskiest path, if she fears physical violence.


    My own suggestion would be: safety first and foremost. Get her safe; help her to move to a safe spot now, if you're able. Worry about the rent situation afterwards. Break the lease, stop paying, eject. Might cost a little, such changes. But it could be far less costly than blowing the call, doing something too late to matter. My $0.02.
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    Tag may have the right answer here from a practical perspective. It may or may not fit into the box of principles but safety is key, principles can take a leap out the window.

    It may be time to dig your poker money out of the sock drawer and take a short trip. It may not be possible but it'd be reassuring if you could.
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    This is why I love this forum.
    Thanks for the quick replies and the suggestions and info. I never heard of order or protection, but I will know more about it soon.
    and you are right, physically or verbal threats are still threats.
    He is physically out of apartment right now, sleeping off his latest drunk somewhere, and yes, if he is not legally an alcoholic, he is a fine line away from being one.

    His lease agreement was to be up by end of month, but they signed an agreement (between the two of them) that he would move out by yesterday, so the new roommate (a girl this time) could move in. Unfortunately, there is no notary or legally authorized signature on document.
    She would like to change the locks, but he still has a number of boxes there, and he would break the door down and blame it on her because some of his stuff is still there.
    Nehemiah 4:14: “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and draw your Beretta PX4 and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” highlighted added by LMP

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    Neither Real Estate law, nor Contract law, is the key to this. If you are looking for a quick, and probably most effective legal way to deal with it, consult an atty about an order of protection, or whatever its called in CA.

    In my State, at least, an order of protection can have someone put out of a house THEY OWN. It would also bar them from possessing guns.

    Having your daughter move, isnt a bad idea, but an order of protection from an ex boy friend aint a bad thing. Especially if you think that BF is apt to pop up again.

    What a girl tells her father, might be a bit sugar coated. For any number of reasons.

    ALSO, what someone who has lived in an abusive situation tells THEMSELVES is apt to be a bit removed from the harsh reality of the situation. An atty skilled in the area knows the elements he needs to meet to have an order of protection granted, and can properly question your daughter, as to them.

    Either get her out of there ASAP, and/or get a consultation from an ATTY, ASAP.

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LuvMyPX4 View Post
    I never heard of order or protection, but I will know more about it soon.
    and you are right, physically or verbal threats are still threats.
    This "order or protection" is just paperwork, right? Might all it do is ticking him off, if he's on the edge of physical brutality right now? A piece of paper's only going to lend weight to going after him legally afterwards, after a violation of the paper's requirements; it'll do zip for actually protecting her. For many such violent folks, such "orders" are merely the last straw in a string of perceived slights that sends them over the edge. Think about it, before pulling the trigger on that one. Good, for getting it on official record; potentially bad, lethally bad, if he turns out to be one of those folks we read of in the news.


    He is physically out of apartment right now, sleeping off his latest drunk somewhere, and yes, if he is not legally an alcoholic, he is a fine line away from being one.
    Might be time for her to eject right now, then.

    Any chance you can fly out for a day or two, to assist? Might be the best money you've ever spent. You'll get to see her, ensure she's safe, see her into a situation that's safe and works. And you get to do it pronto, without awaiting God knows what when the idiot awakens from his last bender. Last thing you want is for him to start wailing upon her.


    His lease agreement was to be up by end of month, but they signed an agreement (between the two of them) that he would move out by yesterday, so the new roommate (a girl this time) could move in. Unfortunately, there is no notary or legally authorized signature on document. She would like to change the locks, but he still has a number of boxes there, and he would break the door down and blame it on her because some of his stuff is still there.
    Not a lot of practical effectiveness, there. If he's going to be violent, he's not going to care about a piece of paper that says "stay away", a piece of paper that says he's out, a changed lock, a weak and easily-breached door/frame/window. Particularly if he's got stuff there, hasn't left on his own, he might well take being booted and it being done publicly and officially as being more than he can bear.

    I don't mean to deliberately sound alarmist, but this sort of thing is exactly how such "news" situations come about. All the indicators are there; all the pieces on the board are in bad spots; the potential offender is violent, has been threatening, is on a "bender" or whatever, and is about to become sober enough at the end of his rope to start doing something about it. Caution is due.


    One option, if flying out there is out, but if you've got a little funds you can spread around: find a decent real estate agent in the region who can deal with finding a temporary, short-term rental situation. Someone who focuses on corporate moves and similar. Such a person might well know of many places available for immediate, short-term occupancy. Tougher, in the heart of the city, sure. She might well need to head many miles away, to find the right situation. But the right agent who can assist in hand-holding a quickie move into a decent rental situation might be worth gold, right now. Particularly if motivated by the situation: feeling threatened by a prior tenant, need to move immediately, need to arrange to break/alter the existing lease. Uncertain whether her lease in that state has "teeth" that could bite her badly, but it might well be that breaking the lease at this point would be the least of her worries.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
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  11. #11
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    One other thought if you do happen to take trip out there. I believe I recall you mentioning what a sports enthusiast your are. A stop at a sports shop batting section may be comforting. You may see a batting cage and want to stop for some practice. A Louisville Slugger is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.
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    Quote Originally Posted by LuvMyPX4 View Post
    I never heard of order or protection, but I will know more about it soon.
    This is the legal term for "restraining order".
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    Quote Originally Posted by StormRhydr View Post
    It sounds to me like an order of protection might be in order. That would have him removed from the apartment, and prevent contact with her. And if he violated it, arrested on the spot.
    Well, it'd threaten him with repercussions if he violated the paper's demands, yes.

    Wouldn't prevent contact, though. Wouldn't save her from him, if he chose to ignore the paper. And whether he got arrested (in time to matter) would depend on whether she had LEO's camped out on her doorstep at the time, or not. My guess is, not.

    Just sayin'.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
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    VIP Member Array StormRhydr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StripesDude View Post
    This is the legal term for "restraining order".
    Not in my State, its not. The two are different things.

    Perhaps I should have gone into that, a bit. Not addressing a "restraining order", which in my State has nothing to do with this, but addressing a situation where someone has been assaulted, and was in, or had previously been in a relationship with the Defendant, everyone here understands that there is a criminal charge to be had.

    Namely; Domestic Assault. That is obviously a criminal matter, and a DA would prosecute the case.

    However, there is also a civil remedy to be had. One can do both things. Ie move forward with the criminal case, while seeking an order of protection in another court.

    In many ways, the order of protection provides much more protection, and is a much, much faster form of relief.

    The Defendant may, or may not be convicted on a criminal charge. He might plead it down to a lessor offense. AND, he can have the case drag on forever, and in the meantime has not been found guilty of anything. He still has gun rights, etc.

    The order of protection, assuming it meets the elements, can be granted ON THE SPOT (EX PARTE), and the Respondent then subject to immediate arrest for violation of its provisions.

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    That's going to be a tough situation. In the eyes of the law he's most likely still a legal resident (he would be in MO) therefore what she would most likely have to do is go through the process of legally evicting him before she could do anything else. A lot of it would come down to how he decided to respond to any action on her part. If he goes away quietly, then she would be able to move forward with protection orders or something of that nature to give her some legal recourse if he returned. If he decided to fight, and claim that he still resided at that address, then she could be in for a lengthy court battle. It sounds like she would ultimately win, but everyone has a right to their day in court; even the dirtbags.

    I'd say the most important thing for the OP, moving forward, is to get a good handle on the laws that rule the area in question and proceed from there. Getting someone out of a residence is a tricky, and sometimes frustratingly lengthy process, but it's one that can cause problems for the wrong people if you try to go about it the wrong way.
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