Unconditional love

Unconditional love

This is a discussion on Unconditional love within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Spurred by another post I am just waxing lyrical a bit. I am on my ''second time around'' married to my ideal partner ... we ...

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  1. #1
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    Unconditional love

    Spurred by another post I am just waxing lyrical a bit.

    I am on my ''second time around'' married to my ideal partner ... we are best friends and lovers and - I do not expect her to ''fit in'' with my quirks and oddities, any more than she thinks I should fit in with hers! We share and enjoy. Every day is a blessing, and how.

    This - unconditional love ... IMO is the best way to go.

    I so often see the results of couples trying to 'control'' each other and mould them to what is wanted .. doesn't work! Worse still is when jealousy creeps in - much of that is lack of trust ....... we have to trust our partners even if we trust no one else. Jealousy is destructive ... very destructive.

    So - to all who are already wed or those who plan such - think on this ... because this old man believes (and knows) that unconditional is the way to go. If that don't work then possibly choices have been gotten wrong.

    Don't forget too - 'compromize' - use it and practice it - if two-way things can go fine.

    Forgive an old guy's ramblings!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.


  2. #2
    Senior Member Array ridurall's Avatar
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    You've made a great post there Chris. My wife and I knew each other for 3 months before we got married 30 years ago. My daughter was engaged to her jerk for 2 years and went steady for 1 more year before that. While her mother and I knew he had flaws she wouldn't listen and there is only so much you can do as a father. She never gave me a bit of trouble growing up. I just didn't like the boys sniffing around much as any other father would feel.

    I learned a long time ago that I was not going to change my wife. She is much like her mother who I was not able to get to know before we got married. With my son-in-law we had the talk about my daughter being like her mother. So he could expect what she would be like. While we were uncomfortable with her choice we stuck by her and gave her the wedding she wanted. By the way I met my wife in Sunday school. Not a bad place to meet a future mate. It seemed like when my daughter and her husband quit going to Church everything went down hill. I think faith can cure a lot of ills and he told us that he was a believer and even had his own child hood friend preacher marry them. At least my daughter is home safe now. One thing though to make matters worse, she hit a deer on the way home last night. She got lucky and I think only the headlights and grill were mainly damaged. The door is a bit screwed up but we have a friend with his own body shop. When it rains it pours.
    Life member NRA since 1983
    I carry a Kimber Ultra Carry II in a Crossbreed SuperTuck. My wife carries a Walther PPS .40 w/Crossbreed holster.

  3. #3
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    Well said, Chris. A great reminder.

    Oh, and let's not forget the art of just letting the little crap go.

    JD goes to deposit a check for me and accidentally deposits it into the wrong one of my four bank accounts.

    I start spending money only to be hit with three $10 overdraft fees and all sorts of mess.

    It would have been easy to get upset with him about it but it would do nothing for us.

    It was a $30 lesson to both of us to make sure checks are deposited in the right spot before we start spending money.

    I think too many people (and we women can be particularly guilty of this) have a bad habit of keeping a little record of mistakes in the back of their head.

    They start building those mistakes into a formidable club with which they can plummet the accused should they ever mess up again.

    It not only serves to beat on a man's soul and sense of self worth, but it also can beat a good relationship to death.

    If JD makes a mistake. We talk about it once. We discuss how WE can keep it from happening again. We smile and forget about it. He extends the same courtesy to me.

    A lifelong relationship is hard enough without being at each other's throats all the time over insignificant things that mean nothing in the long run.

  4. #4
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    By the way I met my wife in Sunday school. Not a bad place to meet a future mate.
    I can believe that - tho for this old heathen it was not a factor. Believe it or not we met thru internet - and via many emails and then phone calls ''condensed'' if you will our ''dating'' into a quite short time ... such that with no holds barred we spoke about our good and bad points. I truly felt this was pre-destined.

    I'll be honest - when we met first time in March 2000, I knew this lady had to be mine. We married June 2000 but it was Sept 2000 before I could get all sold up and move over.

    Hitting the deer sure is a "Murphy'' deal but - as long as she is OK the rain may pour but - she is still with us. I can well empathize with all you described in the other post BTW.
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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    VIP Member Array AZ Husker's Avatar
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    Glad for you happy couples, but after a couple tries, I realized I was meant to travel life solo. Nothing wrong with that! I see so many unhappy couples, and wish they could just accept the fact that many of us just need to be by ourselves. Too bad we couldn't realize that before we got married...the divorce rate would go way down!

  6. #6
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    Tracy - I do believe there is some ''luck'' involved as I can state that my first marriage was ostensibly - ''for all the right reasons'' way back in 1972 but - it was not to be. We grew apart. It can happen I found out.

    I did tho from that union have two amazing kids, now grown up and having given me grandkids so - I'd not turn the clock back.

    I do tho wish you and anyone else the possibility of finding that special person - it is such a blessing I cannot describe it any different. To face each new day not just as a life blessing but - a blessing where you share another day with someone so special. That is a gift - a precious gift.
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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    Member Array mslaughtertx's Avatar
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    I could not agree more. My wife loves and support everything that I do (no matter how dumb sometimes) and I do the same with her. We are truly the best of friends and could not imagine life without her and she knows it. I recall what the lady who married us said, "be slow to anger and quick to forgive" and by following this we have had a truly blessed marriage. Thank you so much for you post..

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    VIP Member Array AZ Husker's Avatar
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    Thanks Chris...I too was blessed with two daughters, now making me very proud. My ex and I get along well, so that's a good thing too. I'm comfortable with living alone and taking care of myself. Sorry to say that many of us are soured by bad past relationships, and are reluctant to open ourselves up to another possible tragedy!

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    My wife and I have been married 17 years (second marriages for both of us) and to this day, we have never had an argument or even a strong disagreement. We are best friends that spend almost all of our time together. When we're apart for more than a day or so, it just feels like something is missing. We trust each other completely so there is no jealousy. We truly are "soulmates" and I'm not sure what I would do without her.

    If you've been married before and it didn't work out, you just haven't met the right person yet.....
    Bumper
    Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde; Beware the anger of a patient man.

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    I'm going on 8 years with my wife. Compromise is a key fixture with our relationship. Being best friends is the base for it. I go to her first always.
    I've got a few quirks and she has some faults......thier nothing that'll hurt our friendship much less threaten our marriage.

    It's work being married, but it fun too and I laugh through it more than anything else. I'm also learning first hand those "differences" in the way men and women think and approach life. That subject alone could be it's own thread.
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

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    VIP Member Array ELCruisr's Avatar
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    Boy, P95 opened up something pretty important in my life these days........

    My wife and I are working on year 27 right now. When we met we were both young, divorced people with abusive childhoods behind us and plenty of baggage. We were also new christians. We walked into our new marriage like most do without a clue as to what the future would bring.

    Around year two things started to get rough and we weren't sure things would work out and maybe we'd made a mistake. We then sat down and talked with a friend we both respected who had what seemed to be a really good, solid marriage. He then explained to us all the trials that he and his wife had overcome to get were they were in their relationship and how they had nearly given up a few times in the past. His rules were no score keeping and the word divorce is not in your vocabulary. That means that you have the choice as a couple to be miserable or make changes and be happy.

    It made a huge difference and we both applied it and became incredibly happy in our relationship over the next few years. It was a lot of work but we both committed to it and worked out the details. Selfishness had to go. We also learned that love is a decision to care for the needs of each other not a fleeting emotion.

    As life went on this water rat finally moved his wife, son and himself into the life he had seemed destined for from birth (much to his families chagrin) and took to sea in a 37 foot sailboat. Worked as an itinerant ship wright, sailed around a lot and lived a life that many dream of but don't have the will to try for.

    Just as we were getting ready to take off for a three year trip to were ever the wind took us my wife was struck down with a rapidly advancing form of multiple sclerosis. The doctors took everything we had and we were left with heavy debt. We were told that people with her disease usually would be divorced (90% are) within 5 years so we should probably get used to the idea. I was working 60 to 90 hour weeks trying to get ahead and care for my wife and maintain our home (as in our boat). Our son had grown and bought his own little cruiser and was off in the isklands. Our cruising friends kept in touch as they could but were all on the move themselves. I think most wondered if we could survive as a couple and in being stuck on the dirt.

    For people like us what most of you regard as a desireable and normal life we regard with true horror. It's hard to describe unless you've been there but some of us are just not made to be tied to a piece of dirt. I recall one old friend who was in his late seventies who had tried after twenty years of roaming the world under sail. After six months they found him wandering in circles in a Wal Mart parking lot. He went back to sea. He begged me not to go in, he said it would kill a guy like me.

    Well, to our horror my wifes disease finally beached us. We sold our faithful boat to our son, who still sails her. At 31 he has not spent a night dirtside since he was ten and is worried about his parents. To say it put a strain on us a couple was an understatement. We were in an alien world and my wife felt it was all her fault. She saw what it was doing to me and it made it worse for her. Heck, I hadn't even driven a car for many years! She then decided that despite the fact that we had a strong relationship it would be best if we parted so that at least I could return to the life I knew best.

    Well, that time has past now as well. We are still dirtside but but we've got a cheap little old hunk of fiberglass that will never cross any oceans. We're fixing it up to live on. One day we might be able to take her coastal but we'll see. Neither of us can stand living on land much longer and this is better than nothing. Her health is still the big question mark. She is just now able to eat again after two years of intestinal paralysis. She as been in and out of a wheelchair several times. She can no longer speak. She often has bouts of cognitive problems similar to alzheimers. We are still each others best friends and have learned how great tough love can be. I have learned that tough love has to face trials or it never deepens and becomes truly "tough". Sort of like tempering tool steel.

    Sorry if I've rambled on too long, this thread just sort of brought it out in me.....
    If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good. ~ Thomas J. Watson, Jr.

  12. #12
    VIP Member Array ron8903's Avatar
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    Only for my Kids and Grand Kids
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    Distinguished Member Array coffeecup's Avatar
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    My first wife and I were high school sweethearts. Married way to young and had promptly had 4 children. She passed away at age 46(lung cancer). The second wife(witch from hell) was 18 years my junior. We had 3 children before the divorce. I went several yers as a single guy before meeting(on the internet) the absolutely most wonderful lady in the universe! She treats me like a king and in turn gets the queen status.

    At this writing I have absolutely no idea of the whereabouts of my ex and our kids. Yesterday was my youngest daughters' birthday and until this year I had never missed sending a present, but have no clue as to were to send it. I never missed Christmas, birthdays,etc for any of my children, but never recieved even a note from the last three. It's tough for an old geezer like me to get used to the idea of never seeing them again,but such are the breaks in life.

  14. #14
    Distinguished Member Array Gunnutty's Avatar
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    Good Thread!
    My wife and I will be married for 24 years come March and we have been blessed with 2 fine boys. I was already pastoring a church when Robin walked in and tho I hadn't said a word to her, I knew this was the one. Pretty corny huh? We started dating, were married and she has stood beside me ever since.
    I too hope that everyone meets that special one. I guess I'm a romantic at heart .
    Too many couples want their relationship at two years to be what someone elses is after 15 or 20 years and that just isn't gonna happen. Love, compassion, compromise, and consideration are thngs that don't just happen. They have to be practiced.
    I've enjoyed reading all of your posts in this thread.
    We will be much better off when we learn to deal with things as they really are, instead of how we wish them to be!

  15. #15
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    Sorry if I've rambled on too long, this thread just sort of brought it out in me.....
    No problem Eric - your candor is appreciated ... I feel we all learn from others. In fact thanks to all who have added to this, which might have seemed a rather odd or extreme thread anyways.

    Just one of those things a guy writes when in thoughtful mode sometimes and thanks too for accepting it.
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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