My dad just passed away

My dad just passed away

This is a discussion on My dad just passed away within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Well, I got the call today (7/20). Dad passed away. I have mentioned in my previous posts that he had Alzheimer’s and was deteriorating. He ...

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Thread: My dad just passed away

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    Portland, OR

    My dad just passed away

    Well, I got the call today (7/20). Dad passed away. I have mentioned in my previous posts that he had Alzheimer’s and was deteriorating. He was 86.

    Mom passed away in September of 2007. She had been taking care of him as his Alzheimer’s was beginning to moderate stages. She cooked, cleaned, did his laundry, etc. He was sleeping like 18 hours a day. He had some issues, but she was able to handle it for the most part.

    Mom died real suddenly. She stood up and dropped. That is the way to go. However, once she was gone, my brothers and I knew that dad needed someone to take care of him, although he felt that he could take care of himself. This is a man who grew up being taught that a man takes care of his family. He did that all his life. He just couldn’t accept that he was no longer in charge and couldn’t take care of himself or his family.

    I elected to bring him from Chicago to Portland. He did not come without some chicanery on our parts. I remodeled my house a bit to accommodate his needs, but it was apparent after one month, that this was more than I could handle. I had to place him in an adult foster care home.

    He went downhill pretty quickly after that happened. I think he kind of just gave up. He was devastated when mom died. They were married for over 50 years and I saw just how devoted he was to her. I think due to all the life changes all at once, the Alzheimer’s got worse. He lost lots of weight and ultimately just stopped eating.

    The hardest part is not that I lost both my parents within one year. The hardest part is that neither of them were saved. Being a Christian conservative right wing wacko nut job, I know that neither of them are going to be in heaven.* My wife, my kids and I tried for almost 20 years to show them Jesus’ love but they steadfastly refused. I know they both led pretty hard lives here on earth, and I just cringe knowing they will not spend eternity in heaven. I am crying now, but not because they are gone, but because of where they went.

    In any case, I will be going to Chicago for a bit so we can bury him next to mom. I think writing this is more therapeutic for me than anything, but I just wanted to keep you guys updated.

    Edited in: *Thanks to everyone. And thanks for reminding me that we truly do not know someone's eternal destiny. I should not have made such a sweeping statement as no one but God really knows. I have gotten a lot of good advice from this forum, but that has to be the best of all. I do pray that I will see them in heaven with me.
    Last edited by ExactlyMyPoint; July 20th, 2008 at 09:39 PM. Reason: Added edited in comments
    Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse or Rapture....whichever comes first.

  2. #2
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    I don't know what to say. I am so very sorry for your losses. You and your family are in my prayers.
    If the public are bound to yield obedience to laws to which they cannot give their approbation, they are slaves to those who make such laws and enforce them.--Samuel Adams as Candidus, Boston Gazette 20 Jan. 1772

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  3. #3
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    I'm sorry to hear about both your parents and especially your Dad since it was today. If there is a judgment after death, I hope you are pleasantly surprised. Some people who claim to be righteous, I seriously wonder whether they are fooling themselves. And those who didn't claim to be righteous, who am I to judge? Maybe they changed their mind toward the end but weren't able to or didn't notify those around them.

    I suspect you now have voids that will never be filled, except with good memories. I'm not far behind you. Someday I'll know how much it hurts to lose both parents.

    My utmost condolences during this time of your great loss.

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  5. #4
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    Sincere condolences.

    These situations and life events are never good, always sad, but an essential part of our cycle as humans and members of a family.

    I wish you well as you try to deal with your grief, and then recover from it.

  6. #5
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    I am sorry for your loss. My dad has not to my knowledge been diagnosed with Alzheimer's , but I can see him going down fast.
    He tells the same stories all the time , it takes him forever to get it out , and he forgets the names of the grandkids and there are only 6.

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    @ Wits' End

    God bless you. That is so very hard when you love them and are concerned about where they were spiritually.

    There's an ancient Christian legend where Jesus, after He is crucified, descends into Hell, and actually meets up with Judas. He offers Him forgiveness for what he has done. It certainly isn't scriptural, but who knows? Maybe God still has some surprises up His sleeve.

    God bless.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein

  8. #7
    Distinguished Member Array sniper58's Avatar
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    I am saddened by your loss. I lost my Dad last year and Mom isn't far behind. I am hopeful you will be surprised by your parent's final destination. Grady has a good point. There are many self-righteous people out there who claim to be Christian. They're not. Many are just plain hypocrites and treat people like dirt. Still, there are others who never openly accepted Christ yet believed nonetheless and never hesitated to help someone who was down. It sounds like your parents were more the latter than the former!

    Hang in there and PM if you need to.
    BE PREPARED - Noah didn't build the Ark when it was raining!
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  9. #8
    VIP Member Array HKinNY's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss. I lost my father 3 years ago and it still pull on the heart string often.

  10. #9
    VIP Member Array crzy4guns's Avatar
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    Oct 2007
    I will pray for you exactly, and your family for the loss of your father and mother. My father passed away on 11/15/06 and I still miss him very much. God bless. Jesus will lead them towards the Father. Remember what Jesus told us about how the Father takes care of the birds of the air and the lilies in the field, yet are we not more important then they? For He so loves all of us that sent his only Son to die on the cross for ALL of our sins.
    God bless our troops!

  11. #10
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    My sincere condolences to you and yours. I can emathize and I share your grief.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

  12. #11
    Senior Member Array digitalexplr's Avatar
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    Jefferson City, MO
    Lost my Dad in '97 and there are time it seems like just yesterday. Prayers on the way for you and your family.

  13. #12
    Senior Member Array NYcarry's Avatar
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    May 2007
    My condolences to you

  14. #13
    Member Array AUTOMAG's Avatar
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    Dec 2007
    Virginia Beach, Va.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family my friend. It is never easy to lose a loved one. My dad passed in 1983 and I still think of him every single day. Just remember all of the times that you shared, good and the bad and it will be alright!!!

  15. #14
    Senior Member Array DodgeFB's Avatar
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    Feb 2007
    I am truly sorry for your loss. But maybe you should leave the judgments to their "true" judge. I don't think we should take that authority on our shoulders.

    I wish you peace.
    “Dogs offer one of the most stable and enduring friendships on this earth.”

    Willard Scott

  16. #15
    Senior Member Array Packman73's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    Ground zero of the invasion
    I am very sorry for you loss.

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