My only child left tonight for Indiana

This is a discussion on My only child left tonight for Indiana within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; As some of you might know, I split up with my ex-fiancée about 4 months ago. We were together about 4 1/2 years, and during ...

Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: My only child left tonight for Indiana

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Katana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Clarksville,TN
    Posts
    1,104

    My only child left tonight for Indiana

    As some of you might know, I split up with my ex-fiancée about 4 months ago. We were together about 4 1/2 years, and during that time we had a child together, a beautiful baby girl we named Anastacia Paige.

    While we were together, I looked forward to every minute I got to spend with my daughter, promising myself I'd be there for her the way my own father wasn't for me. I don't blame him for anything, he just worked his fingers to the bone to provide for his family and that kept him away. I never felt unloved, but it would have been nice to have had more time with him.

    Anyway, after the ex and I split, I would pick up my daughter every weekend as soon as I got into town(I'm a truck driver) and we would spend our time with family and friends or in a hotel room. Since I never signed off on the lease to the apartment that we all shared, it technically left me homeless.

    Well, this Wednesday, the ex had to go to court because she hadn't been paying her rent, and the judge evicted her, giving her 10 days to vacate the property. So she calls me and tells me she's going back home to be with her family up in Indiana. Since we've been amicable since our split, and money has been very tight, we hadn't done anything involving lawyers until just the other day when I called one.

    Every week, I gave the ex about 25% of my check, and bought our daughters groceries. I would call my daughter every night before her bedtime to tell her I loved her and missed her and goodnight. I've really tried my best to be a good dad through everything.

    After she told me she was leaving the state though, I had to find an attorney very quickly and start getting some paperwork drawn up concerning our daughter pretty quickly. So I had to beg my boss to give me a loan so I could afford one. Luckily my boss has been in the same situation, so he had no problem helping me out. Thank God for that.

    Well, tonight was the night they left. And even though I know I'll see my daughter again, it's not going to be every weekend and I don't know what to do about that. Tonight, Ive got a million emotions and thoughts running through my mind. I just don't know what to do and just feel like my life is falling apart.

    I know I'm going to fight this, but according to my lawyer I have no chance of winning right now. She says due to my job keeping me gone, and since I've got no family around here who could take her (parents are too old to take a toddler, & my sister works 2 jobs fulltime and can't take her either), she doesn't want to take this to trial.

    So now to have a chance at winning full custody, I've got to find myself a place as well as finding a new career. I've got a friend in Oklahoma who is offering me a place to stay, so that's covered at least. Now I'm trying to find a job out there over the Internet and see if I can line up some interviews when I go out there in two weeks on vacation.

    It's just so many changes all at once, and I just feel lost right now.

    I just needed to write down my thoughts, and let some of this out.
    "Stand your ground, don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here!" - John Parker April 19th, 1775 Lexington, MA

    Μολών λαβέ!

  2. Remove Ads

  3. #2
    Administrator
    Array SIXTO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    19,756
    Wow thats a tough spot to be in. I've never been there myself, but deal with this kind of garbage on a daily basis as an LEO. Here is my advice; dont give up your job. That is a huge mistake right now. The judge will look at income stability and long term employment even more than he will income itself. Even if you landed a job as a CEO at a fortune 500, chances are slim you would win full custody unless the mother is a drug addict or something like that. Going after full custody is going to cause a lot of problems you dont have with your ex girlfriend.

    I'd try to get route up to or past Indiana so you can see her on a regular basis.

    I'd also stop paying the girlfriend cash. If its cash, its considered a gift, and will not count as support. Buy grocerys, clothes or what ever the little girl needs for now, but no cash. And keep receipts! As much as it stinks, you almost have to go through the state now for monitary support. I've seen a lot of good guys screwed over because they were trying to do the right thing. Do the right thing, just make sure you are doing it the right way.
    "Just blame Sixto"

  4. #3
    Distinguished Member
    Array SleepingZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    ne
    Posts
    1,737
    Take Sixto's advice, it's worth far more than you paid for it.

    Z
    An ounce of lead is worth 200lbs of cop.

  5. #4
    Senior Member Array Katana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Clarksville,TN
    Posts
    1,104
    I did get the ex to sign a statement last night saying that I've been supporting our daughter since her birth and sign it. The worst thing is just if I stay driving a truck, I know I'm limited to weekends only with her.

    My ex does have a lot of problems, both legal and financial right now. That's why I said full, and not joint custody. She has no job, has been arrested for a class e felony since we split (child abuse and endangerment, our daughter got out of her apartment and was out wandering around for at least 45 minutes until the police were called while her mom was sleeping), and I think her sense of judgement is shot.

    I hate to leave my job, but if it means I get her for 3 or 6 months, or full time, I'll do it. I need to talk to my attorney anyway, I'll let her
    know exactly what I'd like to do and get her input on it as well.

    Thank you
    "Stand your ground, don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here!" - John Parker April 19th, 1775 Lexington, MA

    Μολών λαβέ!

  6. #5
    kpw
    kpw is offline
    VIP Member Array kpw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    2,149
    The one thing I can tell you is if you have a job where you are gone or work off hours, you will not get custody, period. I had to change jobs to get 1st shift. The only way would be if she was a serious danger to your child. The incident you mentioned, doesn't really qualify unless it is part of an ongoing pattern. If that is the case, document everything and expect a long battle in the courts. Other than that, it will be near impossible to get custody of a child over their mother.

    I had custody over my 4 children and currently have custody of my youngest 3, but it would have been impossible without working out something with their mother. We had to take a step back and look at what was the best way for our kids. She relocated close by (very close) and sees the kids daily. We've remained friendly towards each other and it's worked out well for the last few years.

    I'm only telling you this because court battles are not good for anyone. You, your ex or your daughter. The time and money wasted could be put to better use. Sometimes it has to be that way, but if it doesn't, avoid it. If it comes down to it, have you considered relocating to Indiana? At least it isn't New Jersey.
    "In a republic this rule ought to be observed: that the majority should not have the predominant power." -
    -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

  7. #6
    Senior Member Array Barbary's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    749
    Katana, you'll be in my prayers.

  8. #7
    VIP Member
    Array ppkheat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    4,094
    I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties, and I hope that things will work out for you and your daughter.

    It is important to demonstrate that you have a stable job/income, and as previously mentioned keeping receipts, avoid paying in cash. Also you may need to show the Court one day any photos, phone records, letters to show that you have been a big part of your daughters life.

    Also you may find it more practical to seek joint custody of your daughter. IOW you might get to keep her for six months and your ex may keep her for six months. However it sounds like she is at school age, so one of you may have her for most of the school year, then the other have her for holidays/summer vacation etc.

    Good luck

    It sounds like you are a good dad, so keep good records, and do the right thing. Those three things should help you in court.
    Turn the election's in 2014 to a "2A Revolution". It will serve as a 1994 refresher not to "infringe" on our Second Amendment. We know who they are now.........SEND 'EM HOME. Our success in this will be proportional to how hard we work to make it happen.

  9. #8
    VIP Member
    Array TX-JB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Sugar Land, TX
    Posts
    5,738
    Remember, if you change jobs, you'll need enough income for your own place, living and medical expenses and for daycare when you are working. As stated before, you have almost no chance of winning custody right now. The advantage your ex has now is that she will be with family, who will be able to watch you're daughter, while she works and to provide a stable support system for both of them.

    If you are thinking about changing jobs, you might want to look in Indiana where your ex will be. Living closer to your daughter will give you more opportunity to visit your daughter and easier for a legal fight. I believe any custody battle will take place in the state/county court where your ex and daughter are residing, especially since you have no permanent residence right now.

    Your in a tough spot right now, but things will work out for the best in the end. You'll be in my prayers.
    "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas!".... Sam Houston

    Retired LEO
    Firearms Instructor
    NRA Life Member

  10. #9
    Senior Member Array Katana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Clarksville,TN
    Posts
    1,104
    Thanks for all your prayers and support guys. It means a lot to me. It's always nice when strangers can come together and help one another, it helps restore my faith in humanity.
    "Stand your ground, don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here!" - John Parker April 19th, 1775 Lexington, MA

    Μολών λαβέ!

  11. #10
    Senior Member Array dnowell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    587
    Man, that's a tough spot to be in. I don't know what the rest of your situation is altogether, but you might see if it makes sense to go to school to improve your long-haul earning power. There are a lot of people doing night classes at the university I go to, and it's set up to be possible. Hard -- but possible. There are even online programs where you can get a degree from a real school without being there in person. Afterward, nobody can tell you got the degree online. Still just as much work -- but might be possible to do.

    It sounds like if you could do that and get a stable white collar job, your odds of getting custody would go way up.

    Whatever you end up doing, make sure you have some sort of plan for how to see your daughter. Even if it's a year out, having a date and a plan will keep your spirits up.

    I know we're all just strangers here, but feel free to PM me. Good luck!

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Have you ever left or almost left your ATM card in the machine?
    By WhoWeBePart1 in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: May 29th, 2010, 08:28 AM
  2. Replies: 2
    Last Post: March 27th, 2009, 04:27 PM
  3. Took the Sig out, left the Glock at home tonight
    By TN_Mike in forum Defensive Carry Guns
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: June 27th, 2007, 09:08 PM
  4. First child on the way
    By broknindarkagain in forum Bob & Terry's Place
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: June 15th, 2007, 08:56 AM
  5. Left Wingers to Dominate TV Tonight
    By gimpy in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: February 25th, 2007, 10:25 PM