The D word came a'callin last week....
This is a discussion on The D word came a'callin last week.... within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Sorry to hear the news, Steve, but if she's not interested in being your wife, better it ends now than later.
I agree with the ...
October 31st, 2009 08:54 PM
Sorry to hear the news, Steve, but if she's not interested in being your wife, better it ends now than later.
I agree with the advice of others to lawyer up, paternity test, etc.
After a rough patch ahead, it may be that your life will get much better. I hope so.
October 31st, 2009 09:38 PM
Sorry about the situation,Steve. I will say this,even if a person has to borrow the money,get an attorney! I am married to my 4th wife,and she is a keeper.I speak from experience about the attorney. I have never witnessed a friendly divorce. Seems like when there are minors involved, it sooner or later goes bad.
November 1st, 2009 01:13 AM
So I know that my situation doesn't even compare to yours but... I just returned from a friends halloween party this evening and my ex-girlfriend (dated for 3.5 years) was there who broke up with me and then starting sleeping with my best friend. I was pretty pissed seeing her.... I was proud of myself though -- I was an absolute gentleman to her and as a bonus no one can say "ah ha your right he is unbearable and I see why you had to leave him".... I guess what I'm getting at is just try and keep your emotions in check and dont give her anything to use against you (especially since your situation might end up in court).... I feel for you man. Glad you shared your situation w/ the forum.. Somebody posted earlier in this thread about how he met a fantastic woman and has been married to her for 11 years now after his first wife divorced him... So things can and will get better and you just got to believe that.
November 1st, 2009 01:15 AM
Aye, listen to what the others are telling you. You've got God knows how many years of experience giving you sound advice. I'd take it.
I just went through something similar myself back in July. Wasn't a divorce, but it might as well have been. Find things to do to occupy your time, focus on work, focus on your friends and your family, focus on hobbies, whatever it takes to keep your spirits up.
It's rough now, but everything gets easier with time, my friend. Have faith that things will get better for you, because eventually they will.
And once again, +1 on the paternity test, and +1 on the getting rid of your guns. If you've got friends or family that you can trust, sell them to them for $1. It's what I did with everything I own but my glock (which was my XDM before I traded.) But these are also friends I've had for 20+ years as well, who were there for me whenever I needed them.
Having people like that in your life will make things go smoother. And in a time like this, you'll find out who your true friends are anyway.
"Living well is the best revenge."
"Stand your ground, don't fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here!" - John Parker April 19th, 1775 Lexington, MA
November 1st, 2009 01:23 AM
There's no explaining people and reasoning. Some can rationalize anything. I'm with others who suggest she had set her mind, and needed an excuse.
You're better off without, if that's the case. God only knows what breach of trust you'd be faced with, in future, if you decided to stick it out.
Condolences, but sometimes good things come wrapped in ugly packages.
November 1st, 2009 10:39 AM
So far good advice... and though I've never been married, I would recommend getting a test to prove your the father BEFORE signing the birth certificates. In Texas, if you sign the birth certificate as the father, you cannot go back and get it changed. So ALWAYS get tested to see if you're the father if you have the slightest doubt. Btw, she'll tell you that you're the father 100% and that she never slept with anyone else... It may be true, it may be a lie to have you locked into a legal nightmare.
Good luck man.
Also, if you can, take pictures of your gun safes and where you kept your firearms.. that way she can't say you provided access to firearms to a minor
November 1st, 2009 02:38 PM
BlueNinjaGo is right. Get the test before you sign the birth cert or you may be paying for a long time if the baby is not your's. Good luck either way.
November 1st, 2009 03:32 PM
Do you have a friend you can "sell" your guns to, who can sell them back to you, when all this crap is behind you?
November 1st, 2009 05:26 PM
Sorry to hear of your situation. I agree with a lot of excellent and frequently the same suggestions. My advice is follow most all of the suggestions. I especiallly liked the one of taking your guns to get cleaned now and get a receipt for the guns.
I'm betting of a hookup with her former man before you even moved closer. Myself, I'd put a PI on her and her records. And get your money out of the bank and get your credit cards cancelled. I've never seen a nice divorce that did not turn nasty.
November 1st, 2009 05:33 PM
Dunno the entire legality of it, but there is keylogging software out there that will take screen shots and record keyboard strokes, then e-mail you updates or whatever. I've never had any experience with them, but i know they exist.
November 1st, 2009 06:41 PM
Divorce. Been there. Done that. Barely got a t-shirt.
But seriously, the advice here is good, wish I would have had some place to turn when my first marriage went into the toilet. Luckily for me she wasn't the vindictive type and we had a fairly nice divorce, if there is such a thing.
Like others say, trust is the big issue here, and I get the feeling that you don't and probably can't trust her now so watch your backside.
On the flip side, I have experienced the same things, feelings and thoughts, but guess what........you will survive. Take it from personal experience.
Also, having faith in God doesn't hurt either. If anyone can help, He certainly can.
"A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"
The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green
November 1st, 2009 09:06 PM
+ 1 --- good attorny
+ 1 --- paternity test.... really !!
Also file for custody of the unborn child ..... if you are wanting custody and it's yours.
I've been divorced for 11 1/2 yrs, after 27 yrs of marriage. I began realizing after I was divorced, I had given up much more than I ever realized..... and all I can say, is it's the best thing that ever happened to me.
You will have doubts at times, but given what you've described... move on as quick as you can.
November 11th, 2009 12:05 AM
I am going to get flamed into oblivion for this, but I believe most of the advice you have received on this thread is absolutely horrible. Is this the woman you committed to, for life, for better or for worse?
Here is my advice:
- Buy the movie FireProof and watch it
- Buy the book The Love Dare and use as a guide to regularly practice loving your wife more than yourself
- Buy a Bible (if you don't already have one), read the New Testament, and ask yourself if you are the man and husband God wants you to be. Start with the Gospel of John and Romans.
None of this is guaranteed to save your marriage, for it does take two. But if you do the above, earnestly, you might just save your marriage. Divorce never solves problems, only reconciliation will genuinely solve your problems. And if that is going to happen, it needs to start with you.
FWIW, I have a master's degree in biblical counseling and counsel people through my church. I have seen God work in amazing ways in really, really, really bad marriages to bring reconciliation and great joy to couples who were on the brink of divorce. If you would like more information feel free to PM me.
Ok, let the flames begin...
November 11th, 2009 12:20 AM
Not all relationships can be salvaged.
Originally Posted by mrtwice99
Not all relationships should be salvaged, commitment or not. An oath might have been given, but the oath is mutually given. Upon breach and betrayal, one has to question the foundations, to determine if anything can be kept, fixed, gotten beyond.
I'm all for fixing a relationship, if it can be done. I'm all for keeping one's promises to love, if it can be done. But reality is often different than we want it to be. If through infidelity, breach, betrayal and absence, the other party is refusing to engage, commit or fix the issues, then one party's wishes only get things so far down that road.
BTW: disagreement isn't "flaming." These comments aren't intended as "flames," either.
November 11th, 2009 05:54 AM
I would say jca1 is offering very sound advice! You have just entered a chess game in which you have a lot to lose. Maybe more than you realize! From this point forward, you are literally trying to negotiate your way through a mine field. There could be some dire consequences if you are not careful.
Originally Posted by jca1
You need to be as unemotional as possible over this. Look at it as strictly a cut-throat business venture.
You can really get hurt in this if you let your emotions rule you in any way. If it's over, It's Over! Deal with it in a business manner.
She can really put the financial screws to you, and if she wants to be vindictive and cruel, all she has to do is issue an order of protection against you, or say she is in fear of you and you may likely lose not only your ccw permit, but may lose the ability to own any firearms at all.
So, again. Be careful and be cautious with your every move!
Look out and protect yourself from being blindsided later on down the road! She may be amicable right now, and plotting to really jack you up later. Do not let her get the upper hand.
"The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."
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