Parental help - Page 2

Parental help

This is a discussion on Parental help within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A firm hand and goes far...for wife and kids....

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Thread: Parental help

  1. #16
    Member Array IronMike's Avatar
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    A firm hand and goes far...for wife and kids.
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  2. #17
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    When my boys were growing up their toys were kept in their room. If they wanted to play with something in the living room, they brought it out and put it back when done. Some may not like my way of thinking, but it is a cruel world out there. Kids need to learn that they're not going to be happy all the time and things don't always go the way they like it to go.

  3. #18
    Member Array ItsMyRight2's Avatar
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    I agree with you bro. I think its terrible when you see homes that look like giant toy boxes.

    It just screams.." Yes,I have kids and they have taken over my WHOLE LIFE and I have no control"

    How can a guy relax in that?? lol

  4. #19
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    There are two choices: silver-spooning a child, 24x7; or, having a child contribute via walking 15ft to get the entertainment of the moment, and then walking 15ft to clean up after his/her own mess.

    I'm of the opinion that life lessons are clearly forged through such things: bad lessons and behavior are learned from the former; and good lessons and behavior are learned from the latter.

    If they don't learn socially acceptable choices now, then society will teach them those lessons later. At that point, it might get pretty ugly, to be taught such things so late.

    Pretty simple. Which sort of child do you want to end up with? Decide now, because the lessons you're providing are forging exactly that sort of child every day.

    As you might imagine, failure to get on the same page about this issue can be a relationship-busting problem.
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  5. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by RMS View Post
    Many times as parents we make the mistake of trying to make our kids happy 24/7 when this is not what life is like in the real world. Children need to be taught early that life has both joys, dissapointments and responsibilites.
    Quote Originally Posted by cvhoss View Post
    I did exactly the same thing as Bumper. It's not about keeping the house clean or organized, it's about teaching personal responsibility and you can never start too early.

    When I read your wife's position, my first thought was how they don't keep score during recess ballgames anymore as they don't want the kids that lose to feel inferior. Maybe we shouldn't give grades on their schoolwork either. Somewhere along the line, we quit preparing our kids for life and started teaching them how to be dependent on everyone except themselves to take care of them, clean up their messes and get them out of trouble.

    Sorry for the rant, just a pet peeve of mine.

    Hoss
    Quote Originally Posted by ccw9mm View Post
    There are two choices: silver-spooning a child, 24x7; or, having a child contribute via walking 15ft to get the entertainment of the moment, and then walking 15ft to clean up after his/her own mess.

    I'm of the opinion that life lessons are clearly forged through such things: bad lessons and behavior are learned from the former; and good lessons and behavior are learned from the latter.

    If they don't learn socially acceptable choices now, then society will teach them those lessons later. At that point, it might get pretty ugly, to be taught such things so late.

    Pretty simple. Which sort of child do you want to end up with? Decide now, because the lessons you're providing are forging exactly that sort of child every day.

    As you might imagine, failure to get on the same page about this issue can be a relationship-busting problem.

    +3 on the above posts! I agree 100% Words of wisdom right there!
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  6. #21
    Member Array alelks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SIXTO View Post
    Whats so hard about getting out one or two toys at a time, then putting them away when done?
    EXACTLY! Teach them responsibility at the same time. If you take it out you're responsible for putting it up when you're done playing with it.

  7. #22
    VIP Member Array farronwolf's Avatar
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    This really isn't about the kids as much as it is about the wife the way I read it.

    I am sure if it was up to Pro alone he could figure out a fairly simple solution to getting the kids in line. It took me one time when my son was about 2 of actually throwing a toy in the trash can of a restaurant on the way out for him to realize dad meant business. It was a crappy happy meal toy but he was upset the rest of the day non the less.

    I guess my only suggestion is to tell the wife that if she wants the toys in the den then she can clean them up. If they get stepped on by Pro, they get put in the trash or toy time out for a couple of weeks. Maybe after the wife has to spend some extra time picking up toys in all parts of the house she will come around to the idea that they need to be in their bed rooms or picked up after they are done playing with them in the den.

    BTW, we have toys in the den and his room. I am planning on fixing that starting this month by putting hard surface floors in his room so his legos will stand up and cars will roll just as well in his room as they do in the den. He is expected to pick up his toys when he is done with them and before bed every evening.

    Good luck with the wife on this one.
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  8. #23
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    Some of us don't really understand the importance of keeping a house looking like a museum. We live in a home where the people are more important than the way socks or silverware are arranged. I don't understand why the OCD type behavior needs to be passed onto a another generation. If it's not something unsanitary, then why make a big deal over it?

  9. #24
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andr0id View Post
    Some of us don't really understand the importance of keeping a house looking like a museum.
    Nobody does. But then, "museum-grade" cleanliness wasn't the point of anyone's post, least of all the OP's.

    The OP was merely questioning a house full of toys being tripped on and what that laxity teaches (or fails to teach) children. That doesn't even touch the problem of being able to have guests to the home, being able to enjoy one's own home, knowing one's children are being well-prepared to function well in a world that won't appreciate being forced to live in a mess created by the kids when they are unleashed. As well, it's about the wife apparently failing to have learned some lessons in life, as to the impact of such laxity and mess on others.

    Some of us don't really understand the irrelevance of these questions and the corresponding lessons the mother is ignoring.
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  10. #25
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Oh Boy!

    So many things.......

    One of the life lessons I'm trying to impart on my kids....and wife to a lesser extent.... is to put away the stuff your finished using. Toys, vacume cleaners, make-up, blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc.
    The women in my life are just short of slobs (JMO). My house is cluttered ALL the time with 'stuff'. If it's a horiztal surface, it has stuff on it. I went 'hard-core' on it for awhile, threw 'things' away that were 'left out' for 'too long',............ I chalk it up to an 'estrogen thing' and just stay on it without being 'stupid' about it.
    As stated in prior posts, pick your battles. They'll be gone soon and you WILL miss it. But also, you don't want to send them into the world without learning a few important life lessons as well......like picking up after yourself.
    I guess a good question to ask is do the young'uns do this everywhere (leave 'stuff' around) or just at the house? Be the 'parental unit' first and foremost, but don't be too 'hard-core' either. Set the boundries and stick to it, but be reasonable AND fair.

    This sounds like something you need to 'sit down' and discuss with the wife in order to come to an agreement/compromise.

    Just my opinion as a parent....and grandparent
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  11. #26
    Senior Member Array gilraen's Avatar
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    Boy does this topic bring back a lot of memories.

    I was (and still am, to a degree) the one who let them have their toys all over the house, and my (ex) husband was the one with the bloody temper tantrums.

    I listened to my husband scream at the kids, and the kids scream back -- for a couple of decades. He didn't know any other way, and I couldn't stop him.

    I chose my battles carefully, and toys just weren't one of them. When I got home from work, took care of the kids, fixed dinner, got them their baths, homework, etc., I had no energy or desire to either (1) pick up their stuff, or (2) walk around the house behind every one of them, and point out every toy they were to pick up, and make sure they picked them up, and put them away.

    I understand making kids learn what they need to know. But neatness wasn't a high priority. Communication was. They knew (and still know) they could come and talk to me about ANYthing whatsoever, and I would listen and respect them, even if I disagreed. I have their love, AND their respect to this day, and THAT is what I lived for. Not a clean floor.

    I hated the stupid power games that make up a marriage. Glad I'm divorced.

    Good luck on solving the problem. We were never able to......
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  12. #27
    Member Array andr0id's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gilraen View Post

    I hated the stupid power games that make up a marriage. Glad I'm divorced.

    Good luck on solving the problem. We were never able to......
    Nicely said. My observation (mostly of family members that are now divorced) is that these are really control issues, not cleanliness issues.

    Tidiness and food choices are two of most common areas for this because the other spouse (often the wife, but not always) can never get it right thus the controller is always able to start an argument over it.

    If somebody is extremely picky about how you do some portion of the housework, but won't do it themselves and are unwilling to listen to your comments about what they do, you know you got a problem.

  13. #28
    Member Array Riana's Avatar
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    When my son was young, it wasn't terribly practical to keep all his toys in his room - we lived in a two-story house, and his bedroom was upstairs; I didn't want him crawling up and down all day.

    We had a small popup tent he could play in in our living room. All his toys had to go inside it by the end of the day. Periodically, I'd take a bunch of those upstairs to the bedroom. He was able t o handle this responsibility even at a year old.

    Now if I could just get him to clean his room...

  14. #29
    Senior Member Array Tom357's Avatar
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    Consistency with the kids is critical. You and your wife have to be on the same page - no one can deal with that but you. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Follow through.

    We had toys in the familiy room and in the kids' rooms. There was a bin in each room and the kids were required to keep their toys in the bins. It was that simple. To me, this seems like the logical compromise. Toys/activities where the kids are likely to spend time, but contained, and with the expectation and requirement that they put them away. It's never too early to teach the kids to put their toys away. If they are really young, make it a chance for success. If they are older, make it a growing up responsibility to feel good about. It doesn't have to be a negative thing. They respond better to success, than failure.
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  15. #30
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    We have baskets in the main living areas (dining room, kitchen, office, family room, etc) so Bunny Jr and the dogs -- yes, they are our kids too-- have designated areas to put their stuff. If it's out and it shouldn't be, I will ask ONCE for it to be put away. After that? MOM cleans up...and we tend to never see the offending toys again. I don't like stepping on Legos and Hot Wheels.

    But then, Bunny Jr is almost 11 and should know better by now. I don't know how old your little ones are, but maybe something similar and an age-appropriate edict? Would your wife be on board to something like that? The kids would still have their "entertainment" but it wouldn't be all over the place, and they'd learn to be responsible for their things, too.
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