Parental help

Parental help

This is a discussion on Parental help within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; My wife likes to keep toys in every room in the house so the kids can stay occupied. I'm tired of them laying around, no ...

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Thread: Parental help

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array Pro2A's Avatar
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    Question Parental help

    My wife likes to keep toys in every room in the house so the kids can stay occupied. I'm tired of them laying around, no one ever cleans them up and it just makes a mess. I'm tired of keeping after the kids all the time to keep clean. I figure just put the darn things in their rooms and be done with it. Well today while the wife was gone I put all the darn toys in the kids rooms. I'm tired of the clutter and tripping over them all the time.

    She came home and had a fit about it. We obviously disagree about it. She wants to make sure the kids are happy 24/7 and I don't think it's my job as a parent to make sure they are entertained every moment of the day.

    She wants the toys in the living room, I don't. It's not a play room. Thats why they have bedrooms.

    Help out here.


  2. #2
    RMS
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    Many times as parents we make the mistake of trying to make our kids happy 24/7 when this is not what life is like in the real world. Children need to be taught early that life has both joys, dissapointments and responsibilites.

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    When your wife is doing the cooking (assuming she is the one) can she better supervise the kids if they are in the living room than if they are in the bedroom?
    If so, there should be some toys in the living room so she can keep an eye on the kids.

    Lots depends here on the kids ages, and whether or not the issue of clutter is arising in other areas of your marriage. Is keeping clean and neat a broader issue in your family that is now being focused onto the kids and their toys? If so, you two need to work it out and leave the kids out of the fight.

    If the disagreement is solely about the kids and their toys, keep in mind that you are better off with good memories of your kids playing happily in your home than useless fighting over an issue like this. They'll be big and out of the house before you know it. Enjoy their play now.

  4. #4
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
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    You figure this one out, let me know. We homeschool, so we don't have toys in every room rather we have just stuff. Beakers in the kitchen, globes and work books, magnets, etc. all over.

    Do you know what it is like to step on a small intestine from a human body model at Midnight, not as bad as a Lego but it does hurt.
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    I can't offer any specific advise Pro but just an observation from my own life... my kids are in their thirty's and grand children in their teens.
    I used to be pretty anal about the clutter/toys etc. but looking back, I see that it really wasn't as important as the people I lived with. It's their house too. Making those small sacrifices, the ones I tried to make out to be B-I-G issues, is a tangible demonstration of genuine love that they can see and I suspect your wife already knows that.

    But I'm an o'fart, what the heck do I know?
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    When we built our last house, I tried to address this problem by designing a large, dedicated play-room upstairs.

    It didn't work. We still have toys everywhere.

    However, after they go to bed, sometimes I sit down and pick up a toy and think of a future day when I'll have a quite, clean house again - and quite honestly, that thought makes me sad. So I just try to appreciate the chaos I have now, knowing that someday I'll really miss these days.
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    Distinguished Member Array ErnieNWillis's Avatar
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    I started picking them up and depositing them in the trash (except for expensive toys like the Ninetendo DS). They got the picture pretty quick.

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    Look in the mirror and check to see who's wearing the pants in the family.

    Note: Pick your battles so you can win the war! I'm just sayin'...
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    Distinguished Member Array jumpwing's Avatar
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    I started picking them up and depositing them in the trash (except for expensive toys like the Ninetendo DS). They got the picture pretty quick.
    This.

    And this:

    Look in the mirror and check to see who's wearing the pants in the family.
    Find out exactly why your wife wants their toys in every room of the house. Then make a decision you're prepared to follow through on.
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    Whats so hard about getting out one or two toys at a time, then putting them away when done?
    "Just blame Sixto"

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    My ex, tried to keep them happy and be their "friend". They are in their 30's and tell her all the time, they didn't need a 'friend' and resented it all.

    I had a simple rule, if they are playing with it... fine, but when they are done it better travel back to their room, or I would put them in my big plastic trash bag. Now, they couldn't touch anything in the bag..... and had to "earn" each one of them back by doing "work"..... so , it all depended upon how important it was to them if they were willing to do the work. If they didn't worked to earn them back by the end of the month... they went into the trash.

    My 'kids' joke about his ... all of the time. They said when they heard me coming home, they would race in to put all the toys up before I came into the house. Or, if they were ticked off at the other one, throw some of their siblings toys into the room so I would find them.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by SIXTO View Post
    Whats so hard about getting out one or two toys at a time, then putting them away when done?
    This is one of the great unsolved mysteries of all mankind...
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  13. #13
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    When our kids were young, we constantly kept on them to keep their toys picked up. No matter how hard we tried, they wouldn't do it. One day I snapped and told them that any unattended toys I found anywhere else other than their rooms, I would gather up and throw away. It took exactly one violation for them to find out that I meant business and the problem was solved. I did not, of course, actually throw them away. I put them in a trash bag and put them in the garage. After they were in the habit of cleaning up after themselves, I gave them back and told them next time they would never see them again.

    That doesn't help, though, with the differences with your wife on the subject. I would probably just give them the ultimatum without involving her, taking the heat when she finds out....
    Bumper
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  14. #14
    Senior Member Array Snowman23's Avatar
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    My son is 14 months old, walking everywhere and carrying his toys along. They end up everywhere as well. Sure I would love to keep it all in his room, but that's just not practical. I can't ask my wife to spend the whole day in his room. We do keep them out of the office and OUR bedroom. 1st they are not romantic...2nd you only have to step on a plastic block at 2am once to realize you don't want to do it again. Keep em out of your room.

    We have a couple of bins/boxes for the reasonably sized stuff that we toss it all into during naps and in the evening. Just gets it out of the way and not so visibly frustrating. It's not a total solution...maybe something to consider.

  15. #15
    VIP Member Array cvhoss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bumper View Post
    When our kids were young, we constantly kept on them to keep their toys picked up. No matter how hard we tried, they wouldn't do it. One day I snapped and told them that any unattended toys I found anywhere else other than their rooms, I would gather up and throw away. It took exactly one violation for them to find out that I meant business and the problem was solved. I did not, of course, actually throw them away. I put them in a trash bag and put them in the garage. After they were in the habit of cleaning up after themselves, I gave them back and told them next time they would never see them again.

    That doesn't help, though, with the differences with your wife on the subject. I would probably just give them the ultimatum without involving her, taking the heat when she finds out....
    I did exactly the same thing as Bumper. It's not about keeping the house clean or organized, it's about teaching personal responsibility and you can never start too early.

    When I read your wife's position, my first thought was how they don't keep score during recess ballgames anymore as they don't want the kids that lose to feel inferior. Maybe we shouldn't give grades on their schoolwork either. Somewhere along the line, we quit preparing our kids for life and started teaching them how to be dependent on everyone except themselves to take care of them, clean up their messes and get them out of trouble.

    Sorry for the rant, just a pet peeve of mine.

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