Having a hard time dealing

Having a hard time dealing

This is a discussion on Having a hard time dealing within the Bob & Terry's Place forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I just got my third friend request on facebook from the Dad of a buddy who was KIA. Not the third time for one person, ...

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 18

Thread: Having a hard time dealing

  1. #1
    Member Array ScubaDuba's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Winston-Salem, NC
    Posts
    431

    Having a hard time dealing

    I just got my third friend request on facebook from the Dad of a buddy who was KIA. Not the third time for one person, but the third request from a Father of three different buddies who were KIA. It's weird, I 've lost some good buddies, even one that I grew up with, played T-Ball with, went fishing with as a kid, and then served together with. For some reason, the message I got tonight (not unlike the rest, just wanting stories, and to know who their son was), really upset me. A lot of feelings I am unable to deal with came out. The problem is, there isn't any place in my life to deal with this crap right now. Have any of you guys had this type thing happen? How did you deal with it? I'm really sucking right now.
    Last edited by ScubaDuba; December 5th, 2009 at 11:45 PM. Reason: language


  2. #2
    Member Array Jim Macklin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Wichita, KS
    Posts
    236
    There is no easy way to deal with the death of a friend or family member, whether from old age, illness, accident or in the service.

    There are churches, military counselors, veterans organizations. Best to stay away from the bars, better to talk about the good times and everybody help each other.

    Be careful, "accidents" happen to people who survive because they are not fully on point while driving, working, even taking a bath.

    Can't say exactly what you should do, but personally, talking and even laughter is better medicine than medicine and way better than trancs, alcohol or drugs of any sort.
    The People Think the Constitution Protects Their Rights;
    Government See IT as an Obstacle to be Over-come.

  3. #3
    Member Array golfnguns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Surrey, BC
    Posts
    85
    Wanna email me? We can talk a bit in a more private setting, or if you prefer we can do it right here, out loud. You may want a variety of counsel. No pressure. Only if you want to.

    ken.nyman@hotmail.com
    "I believe that's my stapler."

    NRA Member for Life
    "I can not, for all the Stars in Heaven, find one instance or occasion or a living example of a woman who gave birth to anything but another human being, regardless of the period of time that baby was in the womb".

  4. #4
    Member Array hengst's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    185
    Never easy! I always thought the best way to deal with lost buddies was to simply ignore everything and stay busy. It worked well for me or so I thought. After 3 tours I always found away to get out of memorial ceremonies and such becase I knew they would be a kick in the balls.
    Not long ago I lost another friend after we returned from Iraq due to a bad accident/drugs/alcohol. Some counselor and the Chaplain had the bright idea to put together a scrap book for the family and our platoon had to sit in a blasted conference room and everyone had to share stories etc. I was 10 different ways from mad and didn't really talk. Later in the day I told someone a story about our friend and we talked it actually helped alot.
    So what I am trying to say is we think it is easier to ignore things and stay busy to keep the mind from wandering but I found out it can help to talk a little it hurts like crap but try it.
    As far as the family goes they are trying to deal with your friends death in the same way maybe it will help them.
    By all means use the Army's ( I assume) or your services help to talk to someone before you get worse.
    I am old and have seen alot of crap in my life and 6 mos ago I would not have written this so give it a shot and talk to friends, leader or a counselor or even your friends family like I said it hurts but it will help.
    I hope you find peace

  5. #5
    Member Array hengst's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    185
    BTW Jim is right please by all means stay away from drugs and alcohol I have lost to many Soldiers and friends because this is the way they subconsciously dealt with stuff to get numb or stay busy

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    @ Wits' End
    Posts
    2,817
    SD,

    Ask around for a pastor who is a veteran. There are many. And that would be free.
    Or, look in the yellow pages for therapist.
    Many employers have Employee Assistance options for counseling.
    Call a local church that has a counselor.

    As hard as it may be, TALK to somebody with some training.
    It won't be forever. But, it WILL help.

    When we don't deal with this stuff, it will come out...in drinking, or rage, or depression, or whatever.

    The good news is that it doesn't have to be that way.

    God bless.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein

  7. #7
    Member Array golfnguns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Surrey, BC
    Posts
    85
    Hey 'Duba,

    The guys are right on about talking about it. I'm so glad we have a forum with knowledgeable and experienced members.
    I was there in Desert Storm with a company sort of like the one on that TV show called "Generation Kill", except mine was a little darker, if you know what I mean. We lost men on that tour. It's close to 20 years now, and sometimes it still hurts, some times more than others.
    It was near impossible for me to talk about it when I got back. Along with the grief I was dealing with, I was angry too. Again, the guys are right about steering clear of booze and drugs. At first, that's how I tried to deal with the feelings. All that did was make me feel guilty about the 3 years I had waisted doing that. My wife was the only thing/person I had going for me, the only one who accepted me, no matter how I felt or what I did. She was an angel. Still is.
    The anger eventually turned into severe depression, and I became suicidal. Not a proud moment in my life. But me writing this email is proof that I came through it, and I'm a lot better now. Not completely better, but I can function in daily life, and even get a little joy out of it.
    It will be really hard to talk about the memories, and it won't be solved just by one talk. You'll have to do some tough slogging, but hey, you've been through basic. You can do this. If you can't find someone to talk to, you can post us, and we'll be there for you. You can even call me if you want. Just ask for my number. Hope you don't mind the long distance charge!

    Be blessed, my brother. This too shall pass.
    "I believe that's my stapler."

    NRA Member for Life
    "I can not, for all the Stars in Heaven, find one instance or occasion or a living example of a woman who gave birth to anything but another human being, regardless of the period of time that baby was in the womb".

  8. #8
    Senior Member Array stanislaskasava's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    U.S.
    Posts
    1,121
    I've never been in the military or known anyone who was KIA, but earlier this year I heard the news that an old pal of mine had died in a bad way. It sunk in after a few days and hurt more than I thought it would. Emotional pain snuck up on me when I didn't expect it -- something about it seemed like destiny and there was nothing I could have done to prevent such a pointless end... the most frustrating thing is that it feels so unfixable. I can usually get myself out of the average jam, but I just can't fix 'dead'.

    I didn't know what to feel. I think maybe we block things out naturally while we are unable to deal with them. But that doesn't make it go away. Talking to a mutual friend helped a lot. Sometimes there isn't anyone around who can understand what you need to say so writing can help to vent stuff.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Array stevem174's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    MO
    Posts
    749
    PM sent
    Don't do things you don't want to explain to the Paramedics!

    Stupidity should be painful.

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array Paco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    McKinney, TX
    Posts
    3,507
    I honor a good friend of mine by wearing a memorial bracelet with his info on it. I didn't serve with him, we served at different times, but we did grow up together.

    It his me hard when I got the call that he was gone, EOD in Afghanistan 15 Apr 02.

    I'm not sure if you can do that, since you have more to remember than I do, but it helped me and his Parent's enjoyed seeing the bracelet when I went to visit them.
    "Don't hit a man if you can possibly avoid it; but if you do hit him, put him to sleep." - Theodore Roosevelt

    -Paco
    http://www.shieldsd.net

  11. #11
    VIP Member
    Array msgt/ret's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    7,642
    Here is another resource you may want to try, they have a much better understanding and help now than when I returned from RVN.

    National Center for PTSD Home
    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."

  12. #12
    Administrator
    Array SIXTO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    20,193
    Talk to your buddies fathers. It will do you both a lot of good.
    "Just blame Sixto"

  13. #13
    Member Array golfnguns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Surrey, BC
    Posts
    85
    That's a great thing you're doing Paco.

    Damn, it's gettin' heavy in here!
    "I believe that's my stapler."

    NRA Member for Life
    "I can not, for all the Stars in Heaven, find one instance or occasion or a living example of a woman who gave birth to anything but another human being, regardless of the period of time that baby was in the womb".

  14. #14
    VIP Member
    Array Thumper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    7,324
    I think that you might just find your own healing by helping others with theirs!

    Give it a try.
    ALWAYS carry! - NEVER tell!

    "A superior Operator is best defined as someone who uses his superior
    judgement to keep himself out of situations that would require a display of his
    superior skills."

  15. #15
    Member Array ScubaDuba's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Winston-Salem, NC
    Posts
    431
    Thanks for the kind replies guys. I called a few buddies last night. They all say they are dealing with the same issues. Feeling a lot better today. Final exams at school are this week. I think after the testing is over I'm going to try to make an appt at the VA. I definitely need to do something different than I am now because I fly along all good, and then bam! something happens that just knocks my dingle dangle in the dirt. Again, thanks for the kind comments and emails, it feels really good to know I'm not the odd ball for feeling this way.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Sponsored Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Having a hard time finding a De Santis Nemisis????
    By supv26 in forum Defensive Carry Holsters & Carry Options
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: January 21st, 2011, 08:11 PM
  2. Dealing with loss of pet
    By Tally XD in forum Bob & Terry's Place
    Replies: 49
    Last Post: March 3rd, 2010, 08:53 PM
  3. I know why my kids had a hard time in school.
    By Stevew in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: January 11th, 2010, 10:17 PM
  4. Having hard time making choice
    By norris53206 in forum Defensive Carry Guns
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: February 26th, 2008, 08:09 PM
  5. Imagine Dealing with Something Like This
    By Euclidean in forum Law Enforcement, Military & Homeland Security Discussion
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: March 20th, 2006, 11:28 PM