Wife has a friend that is a victem of domestic abuse, and she comes to your house.

This is a discussion on Wife has a friend that is a victem of domestic abuse, and she comes to your house. within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Okay, let me get your opinions on this scenario. My wife has a friend who has 2 children, 3 and 5. From her accounts she ...

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 54

Thread: Wife has a friend that is a victem of domestic abuse, and she comes to your house.

  1. #1
    Member Array Sejune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Spartanburg, SC
    Posts
    376

    Wife has a friend that is a victem of domestic abuse, and she comes to your house.

    Okay, let me get your opinions on this scenario. My wife has a friend who has 2 children, 3 and 5. From her accounts she is in a verbally abusive relationship and her husband treats her very poorly in my opinion...again from her accounts.

    Tonight our doorbell rings. Armed, with my G30, I look through our peep hole and see this friend of my wife's. I open the door and see that she is very emotionally distraught. I know of her history so I scan the road for her husband and I open the glass door asking if she is okay. She said no, and I have my kids with me, can we come in. So, I yell for my wife, and she comes to the door and assists with getting her and the kids in the house quickly. The door is bolted and locked behind her and she proceeds to tell my wife about her husband yelling at her, using vulgar profanity in front of their children so she got them together and just left.

    I asked her if her husband had been physical, and she said no, just verbal. I then asked if he knew where she was, but she said no, but he could narrow it down to just a few homes if needed.

    Scenario:

    Husband shows up at my house PO'd, demanding to see his wife. I tell my wife to call 911, and he makes effort to enter the house.

    My thoughts:
    1.) This is my house, and I am protecting my family first and foremost. If he persists in coming in the house, I will stop the threat.

    2.) I am concerned in the back of my head as his two kids are in my house, which he has legal right to. Where do his rights end? At my door?

    Anyway, I need some opinions as I sit at my house now, being vigilant to the possibility of something like this happening. My wife is listening to her friend, and I sit here, typing this out as fast as I can, and wait, and protect my family.
    Sejune
    Glock 30 .45
    Springfield XD 9

  2. Remove Ads

  3. #2
    VIP Member Array MitchellCT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    I don't post here anymore...Sorry
    Posts
    2,333
    If he wants to see his kids, he can get an attorney and file for custody.

    If he shows, call the police.

    If he forces his way in...

    Well. Do what you do.

  4. #3
    Senior Member Array JohnK87's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Hastings, MN
    Posts
    600
    ^^ This. He can discuss it with the police when they arrrive. He can go back home. But, if he breaks in after being told no, he will be met with deadly force.
    ‎An enemy of liberty is no friend of mine. I do not owe respect to anyone who would enslave me by government force, nor is it wise for such a person to expect it. -- Isaiah Amberay

  5. #4
    Senior Member Array CCWFlaRuger's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Florida's NatureCoast
    Posts
    708
    His wife and children are invited guests in your home. He is not, if he forces his way in, you are defending yourself and your loved ones.

    Now, I do not know about SC and Castle Doctorines, however, in Florida, any intruder in your home is condsidered armed, dangerous and an immediate threat to your life, or wellbeing.
    "You will not rise to the occasion and you will not default to your level of training. You WILL ONLY default to the level of training you have mastered."
    -Ruger P345; LCP
    -Mossberg 590A1; Model 42
    -Phoenix Arms Raven

  6. #5
    VIP Member Array Guantes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    5,272
    If he is in enough rage to break in to your house, he may be enraged enough to take it out not only on his wife, but you and your family also.
    Domestics are a combination of a snake pit and a bottle of nitro.
    Protect you and yours.

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    texas
    Posts
    15,179
    His rights end outside my house,he can wait for the cops,he forces his way in,this is Texas and he will be carried back out
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  8. #7
    Distinguished Member Array Knightrider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    MI
    Posts
    1,324
    Husband shows up at my house PO'd, demanding to see his wife. I tell my wife to call 911, and he makes effort to enter the house.
    Any "effort" to enter my house without my approval will be treated as an active B&E and will handle it as such.
    Glock: G22 .40 S&W and G23 .40 S&W Sig Sauer: P938 9mm Smith and Wesson: Model 437 .38 Spl, Model 65 357 Mag, and Sigma SW9VE 9mm

  9. #8
    VIP Member
    Array goawayfarm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Fork Union, Virginia
    Posts
    2,695
    First off...avoid a confrontation!

    If she came by car.....put it in your garage or get it out of sight. If he goes looking for her & sees the car, that will remove any doubt in his mind as to her whereabouts. If he doesn't see car, he may move on to the next likely spot.....
    Quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit, occidentis telum est.-Seneca

    "If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid. If I have a gun, what do I have to be paranoid about?" -Clint Smith

    "An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." -Jeff Cooper

  10. #9
    Senior Member Array 1911PKR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Kansas City, MO
    Posts
    607
    If he forced his way into your house, you'd be fully justified in shooting him to the ground however, be advised that IF there is ANY doubt in the case, the abused wife WILL be taken the stand against you. Happens all the time. I'd do my best to stay out of that domestic cluster.

  11. #10
    Senior Moderator
    Array HotGuns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Arkansas
    Posts
    14,877
    As one that has dealt with this very thing as an LEO, I'll put my 2 cents in on it.

    My thoughts:
    1.) This is my house, and I am protecting my family first and foremost.
    Absolutely correct.

    I am concerned in the back of my head as his two kids are in my house, which he has legal right to. Where do his rights end? At my door?
    His legal right to anything stops right at your door. If you are giving "sanctuary" to his wife and kinds, (which you are) he has no right to enter into your house unless you invite him.

    Lets say that he is drunk and abusive and you tell him to leave. He refuses, yelling and screaming and even pounding on your door. Immediately call 911 and inform them of the situation. They will dispatch someone to the scene.

    In the meantime, you put the others in a back room, and stand fast at the front door.

    If he persists, inform him that he is trespassing that you have called the law and that they are on their way. Sometimes this will work and they will leave, sometimes it does not.

    Do what you feel you have to do. Sometimes showing up at the door with a gun is enough, sometimes it is not.In any case, be prepared to use it.

    Responding officers will arrest him if he is still there. If he has made any threats, the very least he'll get charged with is terroristic threatening and trespassing, because you have told him to leave and he has refused.

    Sometimes things go south and people get shot. We understand this. If you have to call 911 a couple of times, do it, it'll all be on record or they may tell you to stay on the phone,the whole thing will be recorded.

    Just be prepared, both mentally and physically to do what you may not want to do. Sometimes just the proper attitude displayed goes along way to preventing more later on.
    I would rather stand against the cannons of the wicked than against the prayers of the righteous.


    AR. CHL Instr. 07/02 FFL
    Like custom guns and stuff? Check this out...
    http://bobbailey1959.wordpress.com/

  12. #11
    VIP Member
    Array Hopyard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Disappeared
    Posts
    11,658
    All good advice. I like, hide the car.
    Also, if you have any sort of voice or video recorder that you might start up the instant he appears, if he does, I would set it up now and be ready to have it going instantly. It will help you out a lot with the inevitable aftermath should he attempt to force his way in.

    Also, be really really careful about answering your door for him. He could come armed. Mad and armed. Crazy and armed. The good guys don't always get the winning shot. BE REALLY CAREFUL.

  13. #12
    VIP Member Array ExSoldier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Coral Gables, FL
    Posts
    5,802
    Your thought #1 is correct and you can stop there. Most state laws also allow for deadly force in defense of a 3rd party as well, but especially if said 3rd party is in your domicile of record. Refer to your own #1 and sit tight.
    Former Army Infantry Captain; 25 yrs as an NRA Certified Instructor; Avid practitioner of the martial art: KLIK-PAO.

  14. #13
    Distinguished Member Array DefConGun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    1,685
    Nasty situation I wouldn't want anyone to be in. I think everyone hit the key on the head. If he wants his kids then there are legal avenues to pursue and he is not justified in turning to violence to retrieve his kids in a home where they are not in danger and are in custody with their mother. We are, however, dealing with a very motivated individual in some cases and emotional husbands that have violent proclivities aren't always the most rational creatures. I wouldn't do anything that would antagonize him just the same. I wouldn't, for example, allow the wife to leave and go somewhere and leave the kids back to stay with you and your family at your house. In this situation, their mother isn't around and by all rights he would be justified in asking for you to hand his kids over to him - I wouldn't even want to get into the legal ramifications of that scenario.

    Protect you and yours but at the same time that doesn't mean that you can't try to de-escalate the situation and talk to him him in a calm manner and try to talk him down from his rage. I'm not saying to go outside and hold his hand and buy him a beer but be wise and don't provoke him and treat him like he's the bad guy. He may very well be the bad guy but you probably don't know all there is to know and I'm sure in his mind he probably feels justified in the things he says and does. When I say this, I in no means am trying to justify or defend domestic abuse because there is no excuse for it. Leave judgment and justice, however, to the proper authorities and don't unnecessarily make an enemy out of a guy that is running on raw emotion and perhaps has left and abandoned rationality some time ago. Don't for a minute think that the only scenario is that the guy comes to your door and tries to break it down. He's already upset, don't give him the ingredients to set up vengeance in his heart.

    Be safe and use wise judgment.

    On another note that may be a little unrelated to your scenario. Don't be an enabler. I wouldn't let this little scenario where this lady comes to your house to become a regular event. If this woman really wants help and out of this situation then there is help and assistance available. Help her to get in touch with a spousal abuse center - I'm very sure there is one in your area and if you can't find one - call the State Police and describe your situation and ask them for assistance, I'm sure they can point you in the right direction. As much as I would like to see this lady out of her abusive situation, I wouldn't want her to habitually put you and your family in danger.

    Grace & Peace,

  15. #14
    Ex Member Array WhoWeBePart1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    762
    I still would have reported this type of incident. My local PD has a non-emergency number. I dial it, hit option 5 and I get dispatch just as I would if I dialed 911 but they know it is a non-emergency call from the way it came in.

    I would want it well documented that they had a verbal and the wife and kids where currently at my residents. That is just me though.

  16. #15
    VIP Member Array ExSoldier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Coral Gables, FL
    Posts
    5,802
    I think DEFCONGUN is 100% spot on correct in every point made. Well said, too!
    Former Army Infantry Captain; 25 yrs as an NRA Certified Instructor; Avid practitioner of the martial art: KLIK-PAO.

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Should You Lose Your 2A Rights If Convicted Of Domestic Abuse?
    By ronwill in forum The Second Amendment & Gun Legislation Discussion
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: May 19th, 2014, 03:40 PM
  2. Re-arming at a friend's house when...
    By EvilMonk in forum Carry & Defensive Scenarios
    Replies: 43
    Last Post: March 12th, 2011, 07:20 AM
  3. BAD: Lawyer gets in domestic dispute with wife, gets into shootout with police
    By Ghettokracker71 in forum In the News: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: January 31st, 2011, 11:53 PM
  4. Almost made at a friend's house
    By ExactlyMyPoint in forum Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: January 15th, 2011, 07:25 PM
  5. Carrying to a friend's house
    By youngda9 in forum Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions
    Replies: 74
    Last Post: February 6th, 2008, 09:31 PM

Search tags for this page

victem by his wife in usa

Click on a term to search for related topics.