Defensive Carry banner

Does your spouse know what to do if you're forced to draw your weapon?

7K views 68 replies 41 participants last post by  tricolordad 
#1 ·
Ok, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, or whoever. Have you thought about discussing with them what they should do if you are together and a situation exists which becomes dangerous enough that you are forced to draw your weapon? How they react if you do may make the difference in the outcome.

In other words, are they going to react in a way which may create such a distraction for you that you don't react or respond properly to the situation? Will they be trying to influence or control what you do during the situation? The way I look at it is if I am the party who has perceived the threat to be real and have drawn, I am in charge and I would not want my wife voicing her second guessing of the situation or doing something like yelling at me with the intent of making me take another course of action. Such a distraction could easily result in one of us or both ending up dead. I think it's something like the backseat driving spouse (not saying my wife is that, but you get the point, I hope). Such can cause an accident if it results in driver confusion.

The situation which prompted this scenario question was an instance I read about not long ago. A convenience store clerk and his girlfriend (guess she was working with him) experienced an armed robber who apparently had deadly intent enter and proceed to attempt to rob the store. The clerk was a CHL and as he was drawing his weapon his girlfriend went into a panic and screamed at him something like "don't do it!" Basically trying to stop him from drawing on the BG. Fortunately he was able to tune out her distraction and shot and killed the BG but if he had allowed himself to be distracted, it could have ended differently.

That got me to thinking that I really have never had that discussion with my wife. She's not exactly the backseat driver sort, but she has, too often, being the strong personality she is (I love her in spite of it :king:) second guessed me in situations (thankfully so far, not life and death situations) and those can result in hesitation from intended courses of action.

Likewise, what have they been taught to do as for as their own movement? Grab and cling to you? Hide directly behind you in the possible line of fire from the BG? React in a way which draws the BG attention to them possibly getting them shot?

What do you think?
 
See less See more
#3 · (Edited)
i offer the spouse to join in the CCW class at no charge ( no cert either....)
reasoning that if there is going to be a gun in the house both should be able to safely handle it
or in an emergency, even be able to verify its loaded and operate it correctly.

it is than up to the two to plan 'what-if' and who will do what. perhaps key words of phrases
which mean--the person behind us makes my skin crawl.
whatever works for you two.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ericb327
#6 ·
I do not count on my wife reacting right. Most people do not act right without a lot of training and drills. If I issued the wife and kids a command, they would not react right and ask why.

I expect others in the area to be confused and not know what they should do.

They would not know where to look or which way to go.
 
#7 ·
I do not count on my wife reacting right. Most people do not act right without a lot of training and drills. If I issued the wife and kids a command, they would not react right and ask why.

I expect others in the area to be confused and not know what they should do.

They would not know where to look or which way to go.

you have work to do. the children especially need to obay 1st and than ask why. actually after they obay the why will most always become self evidant.
.....more kids jumping out of moving cars??
and both you and the mrs must now by the tone of voice when something spoken is Serious Now vs 'lets discuss it".
 
#8 ·
Hubby and I both carry. We have both been in stressful situations in our careers. In a incident....I am his back up. I follow his direction. I would draw, take cover and follow his lead. We are a team...he is team leader, unless he is down...then I take command.

I go shopping with my daughter and grand daughter. They have had it drilled into them that if we are in a parking lot and I say "Drop!" they drop and roll under the closest vehicle. Daughter is to call 911 and neither comes out until LEO arrives...no matter what.

If we are outside the store "drop" means run back into the store and scream for help. Don't come out until LEO arrives. We talk about different things in the news while driving around and discuss what steps would be taken if it happened to us.

If you are with someone and there is a possibility of a incident occurring...they have to know tactics too. If you have to worry about what they will do...it takes away from your ability address the threat.
 
#11 ·
Spirit51, you hit on something which though I've never encountered as a life/death situation, but have observed it as a natural reaction to "commands" and have wondered how best to overcome it becoming a bad outcome. Just my imagination and scenario building in my mind, so to speak. I have observed that people in general, and perhaps especially, kids often fail to hear and react but rather question. You're driving along a busy expressway with your kids in the car (ok, actually mine are up and grown and have kids of their own so it's more of a hypothetical with me now. Kinda). In your peripheral vision you see a car pull alongside and a BG points a gun at your car. Maybe even cracks off a round. Maybe misses on that one. You yell "Drop!" or "Get down on the floor!" or something to that effect. Instead of the kid or kids dropping to the hopefully better safety of the floorboard, you hear a "huh? What?" and they sit there with the deer in the headlights daze. Now it's not that they don't hear you. They're not deaf. The response, I believe, is more of a "why did you say that?" Now I realize that the best counter to this is probably some "game" time to create a reaction. Honestly I never did that with my kids when they were young but the times, even though things did happen then, were not what they are now. Of course now kids are so tethered in their seats that they're pretty well captive anyhow.

I know the legitimate counter will be, "bullets go through metal doors just as easily as through window glass" and I agree, but if a BG is shooting at you in your car, is he more likely going to be shooting at the visible head in the window or shooting low at the door? I suspect the former. Get the kids down on the floorboard and he loses his target. Of course that does leave you, the driver as his target. I know, it is a "what if" but it's something I've thought about. I guess more than anything because the monotony of driving can open the mind up to all sorts of "day dreaming" and wondering.
 
#10 ·
Hide?? :rofl:

"Honey, I forgot your birthday."

"You forgot? Then let's see you dance."

BANG BANG BANG
 
  • Like
Reactions: mkphillips
#13 ·
Right now my wife does not carry. She has not been through a CHL class nor does she have her own weapon. The only handgun here, so far is my one. I do hope to change that in the near future. I'm working on her and I think she will come around but it may not be a quick thing. She's already countered that when we're out, for the most part, we're together and my being armed is enough. That's not a logical and complete rational but that's the way it is. We ARE together more often than not, but she does go grocery shopping on her own, sometimes stopping to gas up the car or run some other errand. We live in a, for the most part, a relatively safe area, but even bad things happen in safe areas. She makes trips to Granbury, TX (about an hour's drive from home) to visit her folks, and often goes down into Ft. Worth to join up with some of her friends from her former job and who knows what areas she may drive by or through. Besides, when we're together, in an emergency situation, I'd like a friendly to be there to cover my six. So yes, I see the importance and as I said, I'm working on it.

I think if I can get her to the range to try a few rounds with my gun, at a target she might decide it's fun. We're a couple who does so much else together anyhow. Kayaking, biking, travel, mountain trail hiking, to name just a few common interests and we're emotionally close as well. So one more "common" thing to share would not be too much to ask. I just know when I have to take things slow. Maybe now you can tell that I've not been long at this CC thing. No newcomer to guns and the notions of self-defense and emergency preparedness, but just new to concealed carry and having my own handgun.

My initial question was posed as a result of reading of the situation with the convenience store clerk and his girlfriend during the robbery attempt. That got me to thinking and piecing together all of the "what if" situations. The writer in me supplied the rest of the wondering about the scenario. Some overbearing wife (not mine, thankfully) who in an emergency situation, though she has tolerated her husband's "silly whim" as she might call it, to carry a gun and now she does not see, nor acknowledge the dangerous situation her husband does see prompting him to unholster his weapon, and slaps him on the arm with a "put that silly thing away!" That action could get them both killed.
 
#14 ·
My son is sixteen and learning to shoot defensively, he knows to go to cover or a safe place and call 911. I'm a single dad.
 
#15 ·
I told my wife...if you sense real trouble, nonchalantly put your fingers in your ears, it's going to get loud.:blink:

I wonder how that would look to some dirtbag preparing to attack a 'trapped in' old man.:confused:
 
#16 ·
Reaction is a learned response; if it's not trained or a mindset it generally takes someone that don’t think along the lines to react.

example: I was at a Kmart on time on the south side of town and a car backfired well all the ghetto rats dropped and ran for cover (learned reaction) while all the white people stood there looking around for the source (non learned reaction)
 
  • Like
Reactions: mano3 and Spirit51
#20 ·
That reminds me of the time back in the '60s when I took a weekend pass from my base and visited my mom in St. Louis. The neighborhood she was living in was starting to turn, well you know.... and at that time in the 60's there were a lot of riots and threats of riots going on, so the potential danger was very much in my mind.

Sleeping in one of the front bedrooms with the window open (no AC in that house) in the middle of the night one of the famous St. Louis t-boomers rolls through. A big bright flash of lightening and a house shaking boom and I probably jumped three feet up out of a sound sleep. The fractional second image in my mind was they're setting off bombs in the street out front. Sheesh! Scared the tar out of me. Glad it was only a clap of thunder.
 
#17 ·
Does your spouse know what to do if you're forced to draw your weapon?
Yeah, she draws too.
 
#18 ·
My wife is an NRA instructor and carries as much as I do. We have twin 5 year old kids. We have code words among ourselves as well as a word for the kids to react, taking cover, moving, etc. Our system has been tested under real life dangerous situations and has worked so far just as we intended. My daughter is much more interested in shooting than my boy, but both are safe gun handlers and each has several guns of their own. My wife is learning to build ARs, so she has several different ones that she will toss into the car depending on her mood. Her every day guns were a Glock 26 and a Seecamp in .25, but she has an arm injury and is using a Tomcat with Lasergrips for a while.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Spirit51
#19 ·


Something I put together a while ago on the subject.

My husband and I both carry. We recently took a partner tactics class as well and learned a lot about working with each other. It sounds so easy when you talk about ... oh, we'll both draw our guns and that will be it.. but when you are put in an environment where you are actually working in and around each other you find how hard that really is if you haven't been trained or at least practiced any kind of partner tactics. It's pretty hard to get used to talking to one another, being safe while working around each other in close proximity, etc. I strongly believe that those who carry guns together should get partner training.

For unarmed spouses it's just as important to know what to do and what not to do. Their role is just as important depending on what they decide they can do.

If someone knows I carry and we are out together I often give them just a brief statement such as, "If anything happens, stay away from me and call the police."

My kids are still too young to understand complex commands or actions but that's okay. As they get older and understand we'll work with them more.
 
#21 ·
Unfortunately my wife is not exactly taking any training from me, but I think I know her well enough to know her response. It will be like the majority of the populace "Huh? what was that? is somebody shooting off fireworks?"

One of these days I may try to broach the subject but I think it will have to be after an eye opening experience, such as a close call or friend/acquaintance/relative incident.
 
#24 ·
The Best Defense had a good episode about this a few weeks ago. I had never thought of this scenario much. Now we have the same word as they used in the episode that means "You do not question me but simply find cover IMMEDIATELY!!!" The word we use is "cover" (I admit, not all that original). So now, if I holler "cover" the family (whoever is with me) will bolt away from me and find what cover they can.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Spirit51
#27 ·
Mine is "drop". It is good to use one word. Less confusion.
 
#25 ·
My word is MOVE.....The wife doesnt carry. So if I yell, she grabs the kids and gets as far away as she can. We practice this with the kids on a regular basis...
 
  • Like
Reactions: Spirit51
#32 ·
I really do think that we have to incorporate the "freaking out" factor into our response plans. Though we say we know how we'd respond in an emergency situation, we can't really say for sure until that time comes. For us who think about it and make it a matter of mental preparedness, chances are much better that we'll act on some degree of habit and instinct. That's what training is all about. Even if that training is informal and mostly self managed. For spouses and kids, especially for the kids and spouses who do not carry, I wonder how much beyond lip service to the efforts of preparedness exists. "Yeh, I know, if that's what you say I should do in an emergency, I've got it." And goes on to completely forget about it. I wonder if they may even resent the bother. They may see it as a bother if it's not in their nature to see things as potentially serious. Especially for those of us living in normally peaceful, quite suburbia where we don't see acts of violence every day. So though I think I know how my wife would react, and she is rather level headed as a rule, I would not want to bet our lives on it and do need to consider that in spite of perceived understandings ahead of time, things may not go according to plans if bad comes to bad.
 
#33 ·
I suspect that one of the problems we guys face (sorry ladies if I'm misreading anything :smile:) is that they may not take us as serious as they should at times. Certainly not as we'd like to be taken seriously. Remember, they often think of us as just grown up boys (maybe we are, a little) and thus this thing with guns and fighting and cops and robbers and cowboys and Indians is just games we overgrown boys play and so this thing about emergency response is just another of those silly boy games and not meant to be taken too seriously. Now I know that's an over dramatization and hopefully they do take it more serious than I'm picturing it. I guess the question is how to get them into the same mindset. So the guys who have wives who really are involved and are ready and willing to become their partners in the defense of their families are blessed.
 
#34 ·
I suspect that one of the problems we guys face (sorry ladies if I'm misreading anything :smile:) is that they may not take us as serious as they should at times. Certainly not as we'd like to be taken seriously. Remember, they often think of us as just grown up boys (maybe we are, a little) and thus this thing with guns and fighting and cops and robbers and cowboys and Indians is just games we overgrown boys play and so this thing about emergency response is just another of those silly boy games and not meant to be taken too seriously.
I've gotten that 'look' when I bring up gun related stuff.

My wife will forget to carry and leave her snubbie upstairs. She's also bad about leaving the door open with just a screen storm door for protection and not setting the alarm. When I talk to her about it I either get that 'look' or some excuse about being forgetful, snubbie is uncomfortable, etc...

Thank God the two Shepherds follow her around all day.
 
#36 ·
My wife's primary role when we're out together is to back me up. (If the kids are along, it's to protect them should things go bad.)

We work on SA as a family. I constantly talk to my kids while we are out in public. I want them to recognize all the potential dangers in their environment. I guess it works pretty well because my kids know to choose a table where we can see everything & make an escape if we need to. They also are becoming a lot more attentive to people around them.

We don't use any "code" words. My family knows what to do if I say "get down"; "take cover"; "get behind me and let's go"; "get to the bathroom" or "get to the emergency exit now".

If I'm out with anyone besides family, I don't want to accidentally communicate in a "code" that someone might not understand.

I want to be clear an concise as possible during a stressful L&D situation when I have to communicate effectively with someone. We all react differently in stressful situations and I don't want to run the risk of my wife or kids (or myself for that matter), forgetting the code.

Personally, I don't see the point of code words; for the most part.

-
 
#37 ·
This is a great thread, as it made me have this conversation with my family last night at dinner time.

She and the kids now know to either retreat and call 911 (in the house) or get down low and behind me, seek cover and call 911 (in public).

We also confirmed a family meeting place in case of fire.
 
#38 ·
She and the kids now know to either retreat and call 911 (in the house) or get down low and behind me, seek cover and call 911 (in public).
mano, I presume when you said "get down low and behind me" that you do not mean to physically be directly behind you. The reason I'm bringing up this point is that you want to get them out of the possible line of fire. If the BG is shooting at you, anyone too close to you is also in danger. Perhaps I misunderstood your meaning, thus the question.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top