Does your spouse know what to do if you're forced to draw your weapon?

This is a discussion on Does your spouse know what to do if you're forced to draw your weapon? within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Ok, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, or whoever. Have you thought about discussing with them what they should do if you are together and a situation ...

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Thread: Does your spouse know what to do if you're forced to draw your weapon?

  1. #1
    Member Array danwdooley's Avatar
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    Does your spouse know what to do if you're forced to draw your weapon?

    Ok, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, or whoever. Have you thought about discussing with them what they should do if you are together and a situation exists which becomes dangerous enough that you are forced to draw your weapon? How they react if you do may make the difference in the outcome.

    In other words, are they going to react in a way which may create such a distraction for you that you don't react or respond properly to the situation? Will they be trying to influence or control what you do during the situation? The way I look at it is if I am the party who has perceived the threat to be real and have drawn, I am in charge and I would not want my wife voicing her second guessing of the situation or doing something like yelling at me with the intent of making me take another course of action. Such a distraction could easily result in one of us or both ending up dead. I think it's something like the backseat driving spouse (not saying my wife is that, but you get the point, I hope). Such can cause an accident if it results in driver confusion.

    The situation which prompted this scenario question was an instance I read about not long ago. A convenience store clerk and his girlfriend (guess she was working with him) experienced an armed robber who apparently had deadly intent enter and proceed to attempt to rob the store. The clerk was a CHL and as he was drawing his weapon his girlfriend went into a panic and screamed at him something like "don't do it!" Basically trying to stop him from drawing on the BG. Fortunately he was able to tune out her distraction and shot and killed the BG but if he had allowed himself to be distracted, it could have ended differently.

    That got me to thinking that I really have never had that discussion with my wife. She's not exactly the backseat driver sort, but she has, too often, being the strong personality she is (I love her in spite of it ) second guessed me in situations (thankfully so far, not life and death situations) and those can result in hesitation from intended courses of action.

    Likewise, what have they been taught to do as for as their own movement? Grab and cling to you? Hide directly behind you in the possible line of fire from the BG? React in a way which draws the BG attention to them possibly getting them shot?

    What do you think?
    Dan,

    CZ82 nut

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  3. #2
    Member Array tnlc9's Avatar
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    we BOTH carry ... whoever can, will use deadly force when the need arises.

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  4. #3
    Distinguished Member Array claude clay's Avatar
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    i offer the spouse to join in the CCW class at no charge ( no cert either....)
    reasoning that if there is going to be a gun in the house both should be able to safely handle it
    or in an emergency, even be able to verify its loaded and operate it correctly.

    it is than up to the two to plan 'what-if' and who will do what. perhaps key words of phrases
    which mean--the person behind us makes my skin crawl.
    whatever works for you two.
    Last edited by claude clay; May 27th, 2012 at 10:28 AM. Reason: speleng
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    Draw her's, if she is INCONUS at the time. OCONUS, she knows.
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    Member Array framedcraig1's Avatar
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    Yes. She also has a Utah cc permit, and an LCP, but rarely carries when with me. She does carry at her job. She knows to stay behind me, or to seek cover asap if the need presents itself.
    All men are equal...CC makes us equal-er.

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    Member Array ScottieG59's Avatar
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    I do not count on my wife reacting right. Most people do not act right without a lot of training and drills. If I issued the wife and kids a command, they would not react right and ask why.

    I expect others in the area to be confused and not know what they should do.

    They would not know where to look or which way to go.
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  8. #7
    Distinguished Member Array claude clay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScottieG59 View Post
    I do not count on my wife reacting right. Most people do not act right without a lot of training and drills. If I issued the wife and kids a command, they would not react right and ask why.

    I expect others in the area to be confused and not know what they should do.

    They would not know where to look or which way to go.

    you have work to do. the children especially need to obay 1st and than ask why. actually after they obay the why will most always become self evidant.
    .....more kids jumping out of moving cars??
    and both you and the mrs must now by the tone of voice when something spoken is Serious Now vs 'lets discuss it".
    Be aware, be deliberate in your actions and be accurate.
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  9. #8
    VIP Member Array Spirit51's Avatar
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    Hubby and I both carry. We have both been in stressful situations in our careers. In a incident....I am his back up. I follow his direction. I would draw, take cover and follow his lead. We are a team...he is team leader, unless he is down...then I take command.

    I go shopping with my daughter and grand daughter. They have had it drilled into them that if we are in a parking lot and I say "Drop!" they drop and roll under the closest vehicle. Daughter is to call 911 and neither comes out until LEO arrives...no matter what.

    If we are outside the store "drop" means run back into the store and scream for help. Don't come out until LEO arrives. We talk about different things in the news while driving around and discuss what steps would be taken if it happened to us.

    If you are with someone and there is a possibility of a incident occurring...they have to know tactics too. If you have to worry about what they will do...it takes away from your ability address the threat.
    A woman must not depend on protection by men. A woman must learn to protect herself.
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    VIP Member Array suntzu's Avatar
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    Yes, and I am trained to know what to do when she draw hers
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  11. #10
    VIP Member Array Spirit51's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by suntzu View Post
    Yes, and I am trained to know what to do when she draw hers
    Hide??

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    mkphillips likes this.
    A woman must not depend on protection by men. A woman must learn to protect herself.
    Susan B. Anthony
    A armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one has to back it up with his life.
    Robert Heinlein

  12. #11
    Member Array danwdooley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spirit51 View Post
    Hubby and I both carry. We have both been in stressful situations in our careers. In a incident....I am his back up. I follow his direction. I would draw, take cover and follow his lead. We are a team...he is team leader, unless he is down...then I take command.

    I go shopping with my daughter and grand daughter. They have had it drilled into them that if we are in a parking lot and I say "Drop!" they drop and roll under the closest vehicle. Daughter is to call 911 and neither comes out until LEO arrives...no matter what.

    If we are outside the store "drop" means run back into the store and scream for help. Don't come out until LEO arrives. We talk about different things in the news while driving around and discuss what steps would be taken if it happened to us.

    If you are with someone and there is a possibility of a incident occurring...they have to know tactics too. If you have to worry about what they will do...it takes away from your ability address the threat.
    Spirit51, you hit on something which though I've never encountered as a life/death situation, but have observed it as a natural reaction to "commands" and have wondered how best to overcome it becoming a bad outcome. Just my imagination and scenario building in my mind, so to speak. I have observed that people in general, and perhaps especially, kids often fail to hear and react but rather question. You're driving along a busy expressway with your kids in the car (ok, actually mine are up and grown and have kids of their own so it's more of a hypothetical with me now. Kinda). In your peripheral vision you see a car pull alongside and a BG points a gun at your car. Maybe even cracks off a round. Maybe misses on that one. You yell "Drop!" or "Get down on the floor!" or something to that effect. Instead of the kid or kids dropping to the hopefully better safety of the floorboard, you hear a "huh? What?" and they sit there with the deer in the headlights daze. Now it's not that they don't hear you. They're not deaf. The response, I believe, is more of a "why did you say that?" Now I realize that the best counter to this is probably some "game" time to create a reaction. Honestly I never did that with my kids when they were young but the times, even though things did happen then, were not what they are now. Of course now kids are so tethered in their seats that they're pretty well captive anyhow.

    I know the legitimate counter will be, "bullets go through metal doors just as easily as through window glass" and I agree, but if a BG is shooting at you in your car, is he more likely going to be shooting at the visible head in the window or shooting low at the door? I suspect the former. Get the kids down on the floorboard and he loses his target. Of course that does leave you, the driver as his target. I know, it is a "what if" but it's something I've thought about. I guess more than anything because the monotony of driving can open the mind up to all sorts of "day dreaming" and wondering.
    Dan,

    CZ82 nut

  13. #12
    VIP Member Array Spirit51's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by danwdooley View Post
    Spirit51, you hit on something which though I've never encountered as a life/death situation, but have observed it as a natural reaction to "commands" and have wondered how best to overcome it becoming a bad outcome. Just my imagination and scenario building in my mind, so to speak. I have observed that people in general, and perhaps especially, kids often fail to hear and react but rather question. You're driving along a busy expressway with your kids in the car (ok, actually mine are up and grown and have kids of their own so it's more of a hypothetical with me now. Kinda). In your peripheral vision you see a car pull alongside and a BG points a gun at your car. Maybe even cracks off a round. Maybe misses on that one. You yell "Drop!" or "Get down on the floor!" or something to that effect. Instead of the kid or kids dropping to the hopefully better safety of the floorboard, you hear a "huh? What?" and they sit there with the deer in the headlights daze. Now it's not that they don't hear you. They're not deaf. The response, I believe, is more of a "why did you say that?" Now I realize that the best counter to this is probably some "game" time to create a reaction. Honestly I never did that with my kids when they were young but the times, even though things did happen then, were not what they are now. Of course now kids are so tethered in their seats that they're pretty well captive anyhow.

    I know the legitimate counter will be, "bullets go through metal doors just as easily as through window glass" and I agree, but if a BG is shooting at you in your car, is he more likely going to be shooting at the visible head in the window or shooting low at the door? I suspect the former. Get the kids down on the floorboard and he loses his target. Of course that does leave you, the driver as his target. I know, it is a "what if" but it's something I've thought about. I guess more than anything because the monotony of driving can open the mind up to all sorts of "day dreaming" and wondering.
    It is enforced at the beginning of each shopping trip. Especially with the grand daughter. I don't use any other word other than "Drop" so no confusion. When it becomes second nature, they don't have to think it over...they just react. Since my daughter and especially my grand daughter don't question me...it is a reliable plan for us. They know why and accept the responsibility of doing what they are told.
    oldnfat likes this.
    A woman must not depend on protection by men. A woman must learn to protect herself.
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    A armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one has to back it up with his life.
    Robert Heinlein

  14. #13
    Member Array danwdooley's Avatar
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    Right now my wife does not carry. She has not been through a CHL class nor does she have her own weapon. The only handgun here, so far is my one. I do hope to change that in the near future. I'm working on her and I think she will come around but it may not be a quick thing. She's already countered that when we're out, for the most part, we're together and my being armed is enough. That's not a logical and complete rational but that's the way it is. We ARE together more often than not, but she does go grocery shopping on her own, sometimes stopping to gas up the car or run some other errand. We live in a, for the most part, a relatively safe area, but even bad things happen in safe areas. She makes trips to Granbury, TX (about an hour's drive from home) to visit her folks, and often goes down into Ft. Worth to join up with some of her friends from her former job and who knows what areas she may drive by or through. Besides, when we're together, in an emergency situation, I'd like a friendly to be there to cover my six. So yes, I see the importance and as I said, I'm working on it.

    I think if I can get her to the range to try a few rounds with my gun, at a target she might decide it's fun. We're a couple who does so much else together anyhow. Kayaking, biking, travel, mountain trail hiking, to name just a few common interests and we're emotionally close as well. So one more "common" thing to share would not be too much to ask. I just know when I have to take things slow. Maybe now you can tell that I've not been long at this CC thing. No newcomer to guns and the notions of self-defense and emergency preparedness, but just new to concealed carry and having my own handgun.

    My initial question was posed as a result of reading of the situation with the convenience store clerk and his girlfriend during the robbery attempt. That got me to thinking and piecing together all of the "what if" situations. The writer in me supplied the rest of the wondering about the scenario. Some overbearing wife (not mine, thankfully) who in an emergency situation, though she has tolerated her husband's "silly whim" as she might call it, to carry a gun and now she does not see, nor acknowledge the dangerous situation her husband does see prompting him to unholster his weapon, and slaps him on the arm with a "put that silly thing away!" That action could get them both killed.
    Dan,

    CZ82 nut

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    Distinguished Member Array ericb327's Avatar
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    My son is sixteen and learning to shoot defensively, he knows to go to cover or a safe place and call 911. I'm a single dad.
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    I told my wife...if you sense real trouble, nonchalantly put your fingers in your ears, it's going to get loud.

    I wonder how that would look to some dirtbag preparing to attack a 'trapped in' old man.
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