Woke up, drew on my . . . girlfriend! kinda long.

This is a discussion on Woke up, drew on my . . . girlfriend! kinda long. within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; First im going to start by saying I feel HORRIBLE for this. So my girlfriend of three years, mother of my 1 yr old daughter ...

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Thread: Woke up, drew on my . . . girlfriend! kinda long.

  1. #1
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    Woke up, drew on my . . . girlfriend! kinda long.

    First im going to start by saying I feel HORRIBLE for this.

    So my girlfriend of three years, mother of my 1 yr old daughter and my best friend ended up seeing the wrong side of my gun last night.

    Little background. She works as a bartender and has since I've known her, I used to work the restaurant with her until about two years ago(I didn;t need a second job anymore). She works nights, usually until about 11:30 to 12:30 sometimes a little later. She's been working this for about two years, with me always home and almost already in bed usually asleep when she gets home as i get up early for work. I'm a pretty light sleeper and usually wake up when she pulls in the drive. But sometimes she makes it inside and sometimes in the room before I wake up. And sometimes after really hard working days, I don't wake up at all. ANYWAYS, really used to her coming in late and I've had a gun on the headboard for as long as we've been together.

    So last night I'm really tired after a really long tough day at work, get in bed around 11. I wake up sometime in the middle of the night (in my head), and hear some fidgeting at the front door. I become alert and listen really carefully. This is where the situation was different to me. I SWARE I thought she was right beside me in bed, I could've swore I even thought I heard her rustle around. But I never looked over to her side of the bed (which is away from the bed room doorway), I just listned for about thirty seconds or so maybe just like ten probably. Then I hear it! Front door swings open, and I hear soft foot steps. Then before I know it, my gun is in my hand and I'm sitting on the edge of my bed aiming at the door way. There is a pause in steps, my heart goes THROUGH THE ROOF! Then a figure comes around the kitchen corned and into my view. It really took about a full 1 to 1 1/2 seconds until I recongnized it was her. I lower the gun and stare in awe. She catches me lowering the gun and say "Oh my god, babe!" I said I was sorry and fell back in bed trying to keep my heart in my chest, almost felt sick for the next min or two. She was ok, not too mad and not to shooken up. I immiadetly was almost mad at myself and a little embarrassed. I really don't even remeber grabbing the gun or getting in that position. Just at some point i made a decision and almost instantly gun was in hand. Now I'm pretty sure sitting on my bed was not the best positon for me to be anyways, advice on where I should've been is welcome.

    Ok, so I was mad at myself for not verifying she was not in bed with me and for not shouting out to whoever I thought was coming. I always thought and I guess planned on yelling something out but I didn't. I will say my finger NEVER touched the trigger though. Was really glad. I am so thankful looking back that i never even touched it, the situation hadnt' made it that far in my head. And I'm really glad we always leave our kithcen light on at night, I think it works out well for this exact senario - she was in the light and identifiable, I was in the darker room.

    So two things that may have helped this situation. She has a key that has trouble opening the door lock, not the deadbolt but the door knob lock. So since i found this out I just started locking the deadbolt on nights shes at work. I don't want her fumbling with a key late at night and just want her to have to unlock one lock not two that late outside our front door. I'm pretty sure she thought the door was locked and was trying to unlock it. We just got back from vacation and this was her first shift back, she prob forgot it wasnt' locked. And two, the kitchen light was going out (floresent light) and so I think she was walking really slow and paused before the kitchen looking at the light. If she wouldv'e walked in like she normally does, a little faster and not so carefully I might of realized it was her.

    So i totally take all the blame, and think this was not exactly how i should of have handled it but thankfully nobody was hurt or anything. Your thoughts and input is welcome.
    The stupidity of some people NEVER ceases to amaze me.

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  3. #2
    Ex Member Array MadMac's Avatar
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    When my wife and I are in for the night, and I know no one else with a key (one of our kids or their spouse) is coming over, I sleep with my HD gun in the gunsafe with the door unlocked and open on the dresser - four steps away from the bed. The night sights let me know where it is in the dark. I want those four steps to wake up before I grab a firearm.

    On nights when I have my kids and/or grandkids in the house, my HD guns are locked up in the safe (on the dresser) with the quick access unlocking mechanism. I don't want a sleepwalker (or myself) to accidentally grab a loaded gun in the night. If I suspect our home is being breached or we have been invaded, I demand those extra few seconds to ensure I am not targeting a family member. I also leave them in their locked gunsafes if my wife is out late and will be coming in after I go to bed. I keep a flashlight on the nightstand, and ALWAYS grab it before grabbing the gun. I will always keep the gun pointed at the floor with my trigger finger indexed along the gun until I positively ID the target. I lead with my flashlight.

    I can understand how you feel.
    Spirit51, l1a1, ws76133 and 1 others like this.

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    Senior Member Array taseal's Avatar
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    I'm not sure what kind of thoughts we're supposed to give you?

    good job controlling the situation and we're glad you didn't shoot her?

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    Ex Member Array RayBar's Avatar
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    This is very dangerous. Once that trigger is pulled,that bullet won't recognize her and stop. your recognizing her a fraction of a second later won't help either. Ok,so Iv'e stated the obvious.The two of you need to sit down together and devise a plan so that this doesn't happen again,ever. Maybe she should call you just before she comes home so you are aware. If you have to,leave the gun unloaded until she comes home,after she's in,load up. Something,but don't the two of you become part of the firearms accident statistics. Its a problem,put your minds to it,come up with a solution. Be safe.
    mano3 and ep1953 like this.

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    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
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    My wife halfway drew on me once, despite my texting her I was on my way, unlocking the door, knocking and loudly announcing myself. You kept the bullets where they belong till you were sure what was up, and now you've learned a little. No real harm done, and you're a little wiser now.
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    Ex Member Array MadMac's Avatar
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    If she's smart, for the rest of the days you live together, she should shout from the front door. "IT'S ME, YOU BONEHEAD! PLEASE. PUT. THE. GUN. DOWN."

    If it were me, you would always and forever know when I was coming in the house.

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    Can't think of anything other than this: come to understanding and agreement as to the procedure to follow when entering the home, given there are others who are armed in the mix. Consider different situations ... at night, coming from full sleep to waking, the fact that there's a 1yr old child somewhere nearby, how to communicate in each situation, etc. As you've found out, it's deadly serious.

    Something like Mac's simple expedient ("It's me, you bonehead!") is a simple step in the process.

    Stay safe.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
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    New Member Array zenger's Avatar
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    this was close to becoming liberal fodder ... some gun people are wound way too tight. And you see,hear, smell a threat in every single possible situation.

    Gj not shooting the mother of your child....

    Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2
    Hopyard and mr.stuart like this.

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    Member Array scott625's Avatar
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    How about using a tactical light as well? Help with a quicker id too.

  11. #10
    Distinguished Member Array RevolvingMag's Avatar
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    I think you did pretty well, considering.

    The kitchen light is a great idea- whoever is in the kitchen is easily identifiable, and whoever is in the bedroom isn't because of the light. Makes perfect sense to me.

    I would recommend a good flashlight with a strong beam- so you can point it directly at the person in the kitchen, and not only make them more disoriented but make a more positive ID.

    But, you really need to talk to her. Maybe set up some kind of plan to identify each other WITHOUT getting in a position where the gun can come into play- like maybe from around a corner ("put the gun down, bonehead!" ) so that you can't get on target without IDing her.
    "Rock and load, lock and roll... what's it matter? FIRE!!"

    "Gun control means hitting your target every time."

    Please take everything I say with at least one grain of salt- I am a very sarcastic person with a very dry sense of humor.

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    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Get night lites,the ones that put out just enough light so you can identify a threat before you engage or not,my living room and hallway is lit,but bedroom is dark and I can identify anybody coming down the hallway.
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
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    Member Array ofdesp's Avatar
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    I don't keep a gun close while sleeping for this reason. One night DW got up to put our oldest daughter (3 y.o.) back to bed (had to potty). I never heard my daughter come in our room nor my wife get up and leave the room. I did wake up when my wife came back in our room, trying to be very quiet. I, like you, thought she was still in bed with me. My heart started racing and all I could think about was that my gun was on the top shelf in my closet. For those 2 seconds I wished nothing more than to have the gun right there on my nightstand...I'm glad it wasn't. We deadbolt and knob lock all of the doors in the house as well as the windows. We also have 2 dachshunds that will alert to any strange noises. One night they woke me out of a dead sleep barking from inside the house at a racoon that was in the backyard. I was able to get up, get awake, retrive my gun and go investigate. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm comfortable thinking nobody should be able to enter our house at night without someone (dogs included) noticing and alerting me. I have accepted the risk of the gun being out of immediate reach so that I don't end up making a half-awake mistake. Glad everything turned out ok.

  14. #13
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    Learn to ID your target/ subject before pointing your pistol at them. A good light and calling out a warning to whoever is in your house may prevent accidents. If it is a burglar most likely he/she will run when verbally challenged. If it is a friendly they call reply back as well.
    Lotus222, Spirit51 and Bark'n like this.
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    The fact that you posted this story indicates you are self-reflective, humble, and open-minded. I doubt anyone can provide better insight to this circumstance than you yourself.
    l1a1 likes this.
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    Senior Member Array mano3's Avatar
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    I always call out to who is there. We have a big, old house and with two kids and their friends running in and out, I'll ask who's there. The dogs also help, as they react differently to the kids as opposed to strangers.
    US Air Force, 1986 - 2007

    "To disarm the people is the best and most effective way to enslave them..." George Mason

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