Verbal skills

This is a discussion on Verbal skills within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; First, I don't like Walmart. They are always understaffed, and you can never find a clerk. Second, you should have put the cart up. That ...

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  1. #31
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    First, I don't like Walmart. They are always understaffed, and you can never find a clerk. Second, you should have put the cart up. That is just being a good person. Third, you handled the situation perfectly. Fourth, Walmart just sucks. I don't go there. I salute your restraint, you are a much better man than the one who chastised you.

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  3. #32
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    I wasn't there, but I know the guy. We all do. He's a little too loud and very eager to give others a piece of his mind whether they ask or not. If that weren't enough he's good at accessing people and finding the right buttons to push. Face it, if it was about the cart, I mean really, really about the cart, he would've taken it to the coral himself. Who here hasn't dragged someone else's cart from the hinterlands of a big box lot to the coral or even back to the store after parking? If you had returned the cart, he would've had a problem with your parking skills or the choice of music on your radio. It's his job to get under your skin and your job not to let him. You did the right thing by moving on. Now the next time you're pumping gas, go over and clean some little old lady's windshield and call things even.

  4. #33
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    I used to always return carts to the corral or store until my knees went south on me. Since all the young punks using grandpa's disabled tag take up all the handicap spots, I parks the carts in the closest out-of-the-way spot where they won't bang up anyone's car. I ignore any comments lest my bad self emerge.
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  5. #34
    VIP Member Array Crowman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lordofwyr View Post
    As soon as Walmart and other stores star placing motorcycle spaces up front,......
    Just wondering why a motorcycle should rate special parking places........
    "One of the greatest delusions in the world is the hope that the evils in this world are to be cured by legislation."
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    Second Amendment -- Established December 15, 1791 and slowly eroded ever since What happened to "..... shall not be infringed."

  6. #35
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    I hate to be the one to break the bad news to you but it wasn't the guy walking away that told you that.



    Your conscience just woke up briefly and was startled by your actions.
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  7. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luis50 View Post
    As i'm walking back to my car a guy about 50 feet away yells "there's a cart coral right there, lazy a$$ people" as he's walking away from me. I ignored him and continued to my car, got in, took a deep breath, thanked Jesus and drove home. Was I wrong in leaving the cart where I did? Maybe. Should he have addressed me as he did? IMO, no.

    I'm a very non confrontational, easy going guy so walking away is easy however, let's say he was yelling this as he walked towards me? I asked myself this because practicing verbal skills to de-escalate situations isn't something I do.

    I admire people that can have a heated debate without getting worked up and still get their point across. I need to practice those skills. How to deal with difficult people and such.
    Doesn't matter if he's walking away or walking toward you. He's making alot of noise. Those who make alot of noise aren't the ones to worry about. You might get inside his OODA loop and, in a commanding voice say, "You are correct. Excuse me, and I'll move the cart where it belongs".

    Quote Originally Posted by Rock and Glock View Post
    I would have told him to shove it up his cart corral, and move it himself.

    Actually, you did good. I usually use the corrals myself, just for the exercise.
    Or this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luis50 View Post
    I get it. I just think his response was too much.

    My post was more about looking for more civil ways to deal with these types of verbal rants from strangers without escalating. Sure, avoidance is always best but what if that isn't possible at the time? I think some people are gifted debaters/arguers and can get their way just by using the right words and tone.

    If that is a learned skill, I want it.
    Don't forget nonverbal skills. From your avatar patch, you don't need verbal skills except, "OOHAH". You can't fight them while carrying. Any engagement in conversation can go several different ways and none better than keeping silent distance. You gotta channel Don Rickles sometimes. Seriously, I doubt there's anything that you can say to that person. Just walk back in the store with your cart like you forgot something and smile politely.

    Quote Originally Posted by lordofwyr View Post
    Personally, I love Wal-Mart. I can remember the days in the 60's and 70's where you had to go to ten different stores to get the stuff you needed. Now it is all in one place, which is a God send. Think about it, if you had to drive to the grocery store for groceries, then to the pharmacy, then to the gas station, then to the shoe store, then to the sewing store....ad infinitum.....

    As to lazy...well, I would address that comment...but I am lazy and tired of typi.........
    Best stuff at the best prices all in one store. The American way. What's not to love?

    Quote Originally Posted by tolduonce View Post
    I wasn't there, but I know the guy. We all do. He's a little too loud and very eager to give others a piece of his mind whether they ask or not. If that weren't enough he's good at accessing people and finding the right buttons to push. Face it, if it was about the cart, I mean really, really about the cart, he would've taken it to the coral himself. Who here hasn't dragged someone else's cart from the hinterlands of a big box lot to the coral or even back to the store after parking? If you had returned the cart, he would've had a problem with your parking skills or the choice of music on your radio. It's his job to get under your skin and your job not to let him. You did the right thing by moving on. Now the next time you're pumping gas, go over and clean some little old lady's windshield and call things even.
    Words of wisdom.
    Americans understood the right of self-preservation as permitting a citizen to repel force by force
    when the intervention of society... may be too late to prevent an injury.
    -Blackstone’s Commentaries 145–146, n. 42 (1803) in District of Columbia v. Heller, 554 U.S. 570 (2008)

  8. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luis50 View Post
    I'm a very non confrontational, easy going guy so walking away is easy however, let's say he was yelling this as he walked towards me? I asked myself this because practicing verbal skills to de-escalate situations isn't something I do.
    A moderately loud, "STOP: Don't approach" accompanied by a physical gesture to the same and a look that says, "I'm not one you want to mess with" can go a long way, once less confrontational approaches have failed.

  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by retsupt99 View Post
    Ignore idiots...keep your quiet cool...park your cart properly...have a great day.Special Note: I have a bad hip...to be replaced in less than a month, and I still walk(limp) my cart to a coral or back to the store. I hate to see the wind blow a cart into someone's car or block an empty parking space...but that's just me.
    ^^This for sure ^^. But his insult would have drawn the finger too.
    "He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one." – Luke 22:36

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  10. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by GeorgiaDawg View Post
    Glad you ignored the comment. Not a fan, though, of leaving the carts in random places due to laziness
    Perfect answer GeorgiaDawg. I would not be so proud Luis50 for being so lazy and inconsiderate. I just love people who make up their own sense of responsibility as it benefits them.

  11. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crowman View Post
    Just wondering why a motorcycle should rate special parking places........
    Well, we save gas, so if you put "Green Vehicle" parking up there, it only makes sense. Also, up front usually means fewer people will feel anonymous when wanting to screw around with your property.

    You probably haven't had the joy of people messing with your bike because "you took up an entire parking space!!!" Uhm, yes, it is an entire vehicle! Try coming back out to find your mirrors twisted, trash dumped on the bike or coke poured over it, or the bike moved or knocked over because "You took up an ENTIRE SPACE!" There is a reason some bikers will punch a person out for even laying a finger on their bike.

    So, if a company wants to reward green drivers with preferential spaces, reward the bikers with some marked spaces also.
    Fortune Favors the Bold!

  12. #41
    Senior Member Array Weeg's Avatar
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    yes, poor style leaving the cart where you did. but you did well by just moving on.


    ,

  13. #42
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    instead of walking an extra 25 yards to a cart coral, I left the cart on one of those landscaped islands you find in many parking lots.
    As i'm walking back to my car a guy about 50 feet away yells "there's a cart coral right there, lazy a$$ people" as he's walking away from me. I ignored him and continued ...
    One way to think of it ...

    Personal Responsibility and Integrity. It can rear up to bite us in the most seemingly mundane situations, like this one at the grocery store. The guy was simply pointing out the little mess you'd created, seemingly minor though it might have been to you. He'd reached his limit of exasperation. Perhaps a road-rager-to-be, though like as not he was just a regular guy who sees this sort of stuff all around him ... just like everyone does.

    Solution? Don't do that. Unless one is physically unable to do so, it's hard to imagine that a quarter-mile (or longer) trek through a store can't conclude with a 30yd finish of placing the cart where it should be. The disabled and everyone else look for the carts in these spots; and carts that aren't in these spots can be more difficult to get to, get out to be blown into vehicles, etc.

    Consider a couple of the simpler, more-important ideas involved in self-defense:
    • Avoidance of situations: Staying out of people's cross hairs by doing what we can to avoid situations in the first place. Things like replacing carts in the corrals when we're finished using them.

    • Grey Man concept: Staying beneath the radar consists of being discreet and unassuming in most everything we do, being the one who's underestimated. It focuses on not drawing attention to ourselves, certainly. But, IMO, it can also include simple things like cleaning up after ourselves, treating others like we would prefer to be treated.

    • Don't sweat the small stuff: Seems simple, but it's important. Your little rise in blood pressure and nod to the gods following the incident reflect that there could have been a better way. Think about it. At the extreme end of the scale, nothing's worth dying over. At its simplest, nothing's worth doing unless done right.


    Very likely, this guy wouldn't have blown had the situation not arisen. And by replacing the cart, one shows the basic respect for others and their co-equal place in this world by cleaning up our little messes ... minor as they may seem to us. On the infrequent occasions I fail to do something like that, I try hard to think of what the disabled elderly person would have to go through in order to clean up my mess for me, long after I had left.

    Grant me the wisdom each day to be aware of my little mistakes, and to have the integrity to correct them.


    Quote Originally Posted by Luis50 View Post
    My post was more about looking for more civil ways to deal with these types of verbal rants from strangers without escalating.

    If that is a learned skill, I want it.
    Yes, it's a learned skill. IMO, it comes from within. Remember the "golden rule," and think of how it can be applied in whatever you do and say, or whenever you're dealing with others. Remember your basic integrity, which can seem most onerous when it doesn't appear to be costing anyone else anything and when nobody else is looking. Say what you mean, do what you say, do what's right. That'll get you 98% there.
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  14. #43
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    I'll admit carts being left all over the parking lot aggravates me to no end, however I don't voice it to the person who does it. If someone want to make a comment to something I do (I'm sure there are things I do that aggravates others), let them have at it. I learned in the military many years ago, how to ignore people.
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  15. #44
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    Look on the bright side of things. There may have been a Walmart employee who said to himself, "If I have to go get one more cart from that stupid grassy island I swear I'm going to quit and go to college and make something of myself". You may have inspired someone!
    ep1953 likes this.
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  16. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by mprp View Post
    Don't sweat it. I'd rather have your attitude than his. You did the right thing by just keeping on. One of these days Mr. Cart Police is going to get his lip popped by someone like him. Good job by not letting that be you.
    ....... or worse.

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