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I have a lunatic problem.

8K views 61 replies 40 participants last post by  Joshp689 
#1 ·
Alrighty here goes.

My sister-in-law has a ex husband that is currently battling her for custody. She made some bad choices and got her license suspended so I have been driving her out to drop off and pick up her son for visitation.

This guy, lets call him Mr D, is quite the lunatic. He constantly goes up to the car and swears at her(in front of her 11 yr old son) when I drop him off/pick him up. We just keep the windows up and ignore him. One day he was extra vicious and said some nasty things to me and my window was down. I shouldn't have but I said with a condescending smile. "Ah, poor little baby, looks like someone needs a nap. Did you go poopy?"

He turned a weird shade of purple and shouted, "it not gonna be funny when you need to get new tires" (he used to work at les swaub, but got fired for assaulting a fellow employee with a tire iron)

Seeing that I got to him, I said "ok buddy calm down your all purple"

Then he said "better keep your son at home"

I never bring my 2 year old son to these little visits, but Mr D's son has no doubt talked about him.(they love to wrestle)

That got to me alittle so I asked a cop friend what to do. He said it wasn't an "official threat" and I didn't really have any evidence, but to file a report anyway, just so there is record of the incident. Did it, went on with life.


Several months later I come back from a vacation to find all four tires on my mothers jeep slashed. I am living with parents while buying a house, but have used the jeep before dropping Mr D's son off. He must have assumed it was my personal car.


Again, not any proof. Not sure how he knew we were going on vacation, maybe we said something around his son and his son told his dad. I checked it out and its pretty easy to find someones address online, so that's how he figured that out. (we run a home business and our address is out there)


4 months later, sister in law is about to go to court again and has almost paid all fines and community service and can get her license back, and I will be done dealing with Mr D.

However, today, as I was dropping him off at our meeting place, he yelled out the window, "hey hows the jeep doing hahahahaha" and sped off.


I guess its nice to know that it was definately him, and not just someone random or mad at my mother for some reason. And yesterday some one came down our driveway at 1 am but reversed out when the dogs started barking and running up to them (dogs were kenneled the tire slashing night)


To say the least I am a bit worried about this crazy guy doing something stupid. I definatly shouldn't have pissed him off, but not really sorry I did it.

Have put up signs (no trespassing, beware of dog, your on camera,etc) and have even put up some security cameras that are infared. My wife is really afraid of this guy and refuses to be left at home alone now.

Whole situation sucks, thought I would vent and ask for any advice. Thanks guys
 
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#35 ·
My daughter had the same problem once, and we used the Police Station for the exchange, and A LEO would come out and stand with her for the exchange. The problem ended real fast.
 
#36 ·
One of my friends in Virginia was in the same situation with her grandaughter and what she referred to every week as "The Hostage Exchange" because that's exactly how the dad used his daughter. Like a hostage to terrorize the rest of the family on the mom's side. They also had the site changed to the local PD and that resolved at least the issues during the exchange.

The reality is you are dealing with a psychopath (or sociopath, slight variation same issues). Very dangerous. Don't provoke them in the least. They are unpredictable and you can never think as many steps ahead as they do. They never tire of it. Treat them like the IRS. Stay away from them unless you have no other choice, then limit the interaction to the bare minimum necessary. Tell them nothing, say nothing, and get away from them as fast as possible. NEVER tell them anything about you personal life, family, comings and goings, etc. Once you're on their radar as foe, you can't reverse that. Just minimize the impact of it is the best you can do.

They play scenarios out in their mind and have anticipated your reaction in one of several ways. You have to try to not react or at least react in a manner that they could NOT anticipate (without being provoking). I'll give you an example. I worked closely with a lady for 10 years that was a psychopath. When she would get in my face flying all to pieces trying to provoke me into saying or doing something she could use against me, I would calmly look at her and say, "You're in love with me aren't you?" That ended the episode abruptly. Your best defense is to say nothing and get out of there.

Good luck, and I hope it improves.
 
#37 ·
With much firepower comes way more responsibility. I feel as a HCP holder that it is my responsibility to do everything within my power to diffuse a situation. Does it mean sometimes I have to swallow my pride ABSOLUTELY. Pride will get you no where in this situation.
 
#38 ·
Unfortunately, I can say what we used to do with guys like this .... just think "old school" . The end result was, when they saw us... they ran. LOL.

He's a bully and uses "initimidation" and "threats" so that people will be afraid of him. May sound strange, but don't be. The more he knows you aren't initmidated, the more bothered about it he'll be.

You can sue him for the tires, the events, the admission indirectly to you, are permissable in a civil court... and then you have a great record of it.
 
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#39 ·
Unfortunately, I can say what we used to do with guys like this .... just think "old school" . The end result was, when they saw us... they ran. LOL.

He's a bully and uses "initimidation" and "threats" so that people will be afraid of him. May sound strange, but don't be. The more he knows you aren't initmidated, the more bothered about it he'll be.

You can sue him for the tires, the events, the admission indirectly to you, are permissable in a civil court... and then you have a great record of it.
Good idea. Small claims court should suffice for the tires. The standards are much lower in civil proceedings. All they need is a preponderance of the evidence. His statement made to you about how you like your tires should be sufficient for even Judge Judy. Or even Judge Joe Brown.
 
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#41 ·
Make your drop off and pickup points the local Police Station. When your sister regains her license She will be having to deal with him. Park your car where the desk Sgt can see her to her car. Make sure you are first there and last to leave. If you think hes following you go back. Cops don't like bully's either! Get your Sis used to this before she has to deal with him alone. With an outside party as a witness She stands to have a better chance in court. DR
 
#43 ·
wow thanks for all the great posts. I know I shouldn't have said those things to him. Its been going on a year every other weekend and it wore on me. I'm not so much afraid of him as think he is a big child, but definatly a dangerous one.

I'll go with Bark'ns and others advice and just let it go, record all interactions and try to get the pickup and dropoff at the police station. Maybe the people investigating them might happen to want to talk to him. But then hes pissed again. sigh......



No comment as far as if I carry or not..........

But avoiding conflict will be on the top of my list from now on. (It was before, just that one time cost me.....) Life lesson indeed.

Thanks again guys!
 
#45 ·
I hope you didn't take away that I was disagreeing with how you handled things. As one who finds it hard to hold their tongue myself, I know how easy it is to let inflammatory things slip out.

I am just trying to bring some things to light which can come back and bite you at the worst possible time.

I know you'll be relieved with Sis-in-law gets her drivers license back and you can bow out of the situation.

Be careful, watch your back, and be prepared to defend yourself. Then leave the nutjob alone and go on with your life.

Good luck buddy.
 
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#46 ·
thanks bark'n, life goes on. Its good to get the whole family on the same page as far as home defense and firearm traing goes. Situational awareness too.
 
#47 ·
If it were me in this situation, I'd be all gung ho about sending this clown a message and drawing a line in the sand. Eventually, after contemplating the many different ways to go about this, I would come to the realization that there is no effective way of "communicating" with a lunatic and if it were to come down to a high noon scenario, I want as much daylight between myself and any suspicion that a shooting could possibly be motivated by guilty conscience.

Play this by the straight and narrow. We have all been through this situation at one point, or atleast pondered how to deal with it. The best way to deal with this is to simply go on living life as you normally do, but on level orange and a heartbeat away from red. Make back up plans with the wife in the event you are attacked such as having her stay at a friends house. He knows your patterns and is able to anticipate hers as well. Thats about as Cloak and Dagger as you need to get with this, otherwise, stop making the exchanges, or atleast audio record the meetings.
 
#51 ·
Anything you do that will provoke this person will work against you. Be patient and wait. If the aggression continues he will hand you everything you need. Until then play dumb, and be friendly to a point.
 
#54 ·
A co-worker of mine had a situation eerily similar to this a while back. And he was just trying to help a friend out. The nutcase in his scenario also had a penchant for slashing tires and just wreaking havoc whenever possible. My co-worker installed cameras on the front and back of his house. I don't think it really cost him too much to do it. I think the OP should strongly consider it. Slashing tires is only one of the things people can do to a car. It's amazing what people with a nothing-to-lose mindset are willing to do...and just for the thrill of it.

I think your most powerful weapon right now is vigilance and preparation. Be aware of your surroundings at all times and make sure your wife knows how to lock n load for when you aren't around. Every month I kinda drill my wife on opening the safe, grabbing the gun, racking the slide to be ready to fire.
 
#56 ·
I think your most powerful weapon right now is vigilance and preparation. Be aware of your surroundings at all times and make sure your wife knows how to lock n load for when you aren't around. Every month I kinda drill my wife on opening the safe, grabbing the gun, racking the slide to be ready to fire.
I hope that safe is a push button affair. Having to take the time to operate the dial on a safe is a good way to get killed in my book. :yup: YMMV
 
#57 ·
You could "plan" a family vacation to a place your son didn't really want to go. Make him think you are really going, though or it won't work. Then, after he had a chance to tell his friend, you could cancel it, hire an off-duty police officer as a security guard for the week to watch the property, put the dogs in the pin, keep the lights out, and see if you can catch him in the act.
 
#61 ·
i'd say half a brain is pushing it, but he seems to be somewhat of a savvante when it comes to criminal endevours. No new news as of yet. Cops still can't locate his new address and aren't really doing much it seems. Not sure if the animal abuse thing is going to go anywhere.

Picking up little guy tomarrow, i'll let ya know if anything happens. New plan is to keep the car parked far away, windows up, car running doors locked and camera on.
 
#62 ·
The way I see it, he is the "alpha" male type or a self conscious type.

The Alpha has to "protect his territory, and will challenge any other male that comes around. Think of it like he is the "man" of the house. It’s his job to protect the family. Not only from an attack but also some one stepping in to his alpha(man of the house) spot. Think of a herd of deer, when an out sider comes near the herd the alpha challenges him and reminds him of his place in the herd.

The lower self esteem self conscious type has to degrade others so they can feel "superior" to them. This type of person is generally doesn’t want any confrontation, "all bark and no bite". Which might be why he wouldn’t do anything to you(your person), but would slash the tires. You’re on vacation so very unlikely there is a confrontation, but he still gets back at you, making himself feel better. Another clue to this is he left as soon as the dogs came up, he doesn’t want a fight he just wants to feel bigger then you.

From the looks of it he is the second of the two. When you said "Ah, poor little baby, looks like someone needs a nap. Did you go poopy?" he didn’t grab you or call you out, but rather waited for you not to be around when he "got you back".

If it was me I would just cut all ties, but stay protected. If he is the alpha type he will find someone else to challenge. If he is the second of the two he will not feel better than you. Remember this is just my opinion and should not be acted upon.
 
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