I have seen many comments of advice that are "spot on", but let me add this. Can you get the pick up point changed to the local Police station or Sheriff's station?? Also...as soon as the sister in law's legal problems are behind her....she really needs to get custody back from him ASAP and with his documented cruelty to the dog in front of his son and his outbursts it should help.
I agree with most everything above. I can not imagine the situation from your viewpoint. If you have a smartphone turn on the video recorder every time you go to drop off/ pick up your nephew and watch your comments. Then make sure that your sisters attorney gets a copy of those videos before the next court date.
Keep in mind that the video/audio recording devices can be a double edged sword. They record your words and actions as well. So if you make anymore smart-mouthed comments that make him turn purple, that will work against you if you ever have to defend your self-defense actions in court. It would also be wise to check your state's recording laws. Some states require that both parties are informed to be legal.
My daughter had the same problem once, and we used the Police Station for the exchange, and A LEO would come out and stand with her for the exchange. The problem ended real fast.
One of my friends in Virginia was in the same situation with her grandaughter and what she referred to every week as "The Hostage Exchange" because that's exactly how the dad used his daughter. Like a hostage to terrorize the rest of the family on the mom's side. They also had the site changed to the local PD and that resolved at least the issues during the exchange.
The reality is you are dealing with a psychopath (or sociopath, slight variation same issues). Very dangerous. Don't provoke them in the least. They are unpredictable and you can never think as many steps ahead as they do. They never tire of it. Treat them like the IRS. Stay away from them unless you have no other choice, then limit the interaction to the bare minimum necessary. Tell them nothing, say nothing, and get away from them as fast as possible. NEVER tell them anything about you personal life, family, comings and goings, etc. Once you're on their radar as foe, you can't reverse that. Just minimize the impact of it is the best you can do.
They play scenarios out in their mind and have anticipated your reaction in one of several ways. You have to try to not react or at least react in a manner that they could NOT anticipate (without being provoking). I'll give you an example. I worked closely with a lady for 10 years that was a psychopath. When she would get in my face flying all to pieces trying to provoke me into saying or doing something she could use against me, I would calmly look at her and say, "You're in love with me aren't you?" That ended the episode abruptly. Your best defense is to say nothing and get out of there.
Good luck, and I hope it improves.
With much firepower comes way more responsibility. I feel as a HCP holder that it is my responsibility to do everything within my power to diffuse a situation. Does it mean sometimes I have to swallow my pride ABSOLUTELY. Pride will get you no where in this situation.
Unfortunately, I can say what we used to do with guys like this .... just think "old school" . The end result was, when they saw us... they ran. LOL.
He's a bully and uses "initimidation" and "threats" so that people will be afraid of him. May sound strange, but don't be. The more he knows you aren't initmidated, the more bothered about it he'll be.
You can sue him for the tires, the events, the admission indirectly to you, are permissable in a civil court... and then you have a great record of it.
I have a SIL like him. You have to be on your toes at all times. Absolute waste of oxygen.
Make your drop off and pickup points the local Police Station. When your sister regains her license She will be having to deal with him. Park your car where the desk Sgt can see her to her car. Make sure you are first there and last to leave. If you think hes following you go back. Cops don't like bully's either! Get your Sis used to this before she has to deal with him alone. With an outside party as a witness She stands to have a better chance in court. DR
wow thanks for all the great posts. I know I shouldn't have said those things to him. Its been going on a year every other weekend and it wore on me. I'm not so much afraid of him as think he is a big child, but definatly a dangerous one.
I'll go with Bark'ns and others advice and just let it go, record all interactions and try to get the pickup and dropoff at the police station. Maybe the people investigating them might happen to want to talk to him. But then hes pissed again. sigh......
No comment as far as if I carry or not..........
But avoiding conflict will be on the top of my list from now on. (It was before, just that one time cost me.....) Life lesson indeed.
Thanks again guys!
I hope you didn't take away that I was disagreeing with how you handled things. As one who finds it hard to hold their tongue myself, I know how easy it is to let inflammatory things slip out.
I am just trying to bring some things to light which can come back and bite you at the worst possible time.
I know you'll be relieved with Sis-in-law gets her drivers license back and you can bow out of the situation.
Be careful, watch your back, and be prepared to defend yourself. Then leave the nutjob alone and go on with your life.
Good luck buddy.