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I have a lunatic problem.

8K views 61 replies 40 participants last post by  Joshp689 
#1 ·
Alrighty here goes.

My sister-in-law has a ex husband that is currently battling her for custody. She made some bad choices and got her license suspended so I have been driving her out to drop off and pick up her son for visitation.

This guy, lets call him Mr D, is quite the lunatic. He constantly goes up to the car and swears at her(in front of her 11 yr old son) when I drop him off/pick him up. We just keep the windows up and ignore him. One day he was extra vicious and said some nasty things to me and my window was down. I shouldn't have but I said with a condescending smile. "Ah, poor little baby, looks like someone needs a nap. Did you go poopy?"

He turned a weird shade of purple and shouted, "it not gonna be funny when you need to get new tires" (he used to work at les swaub, but got fired for assaulting a fellow employee with a tire iron)

Seeing that I got to him, I said "ok buddy calm down your all purple"

Then he said "better keep your son at home"

I never bring my 2 year old son to these little visits, but Mr D's son has no doubt talked about him.(they love to wrestle)

That got to me alittle so I asked a cop friend what to do. He said it wasn't an "official threat" and I didn't really have any evidence, but to file a report anyway, just so there is record of the incident. Did it, went on with life.


Several months later I come back from a vacation to find all four tires on my mothers jeep slashed. I am living with parents while buying a house, but have used the jeep before dropping Mr D's son off. He must have assumed it was my personal car.


Again, not any proof. Not sure how he knew we were going on vacation, maybe we said something around his son and his son told his dad. I checked it out and its pretty easy to find someones address online, so that's how he figured that out. (we run a home business and our address is out there)


4 months later, sister in law is about to go to court again and has almost paid all fines and community service and can get her license back, and I will be done dealing with Mr D.

However, today, as I was dropping him off at our meeting place, he yelled out the window, "hey hows the jeep doing hahahahaha" and sped off.


I guess its nice to know that it was definately him, and not just someone random or mad at my mother for some reason. And yesterday some one came down our driveway at 1 am but reversed out when the dogs started barking and running up to them (dogs were kenneled the tire slashing night)


To say the least I am a bit worried about this crazy guy doing something stupid. I definatly shouldn't have pissed him off, but not really sorry I did it.

Have put up signs (no trespassing, beware of dog, your on camera,etc) and have even put up some security cameras that are infared. My wife is really afraid of this guy and refuses to be left at home alone now.

Whole situation sucks, thought I would vent and ask for any advice. Thanks guys
 
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#3 ·
Oh yes, taking the wife out to shoot this weekend. Have a berretta neos that she can use for home defense(she is uber afraid of recoil and not really a fan of shooting.) At least its something I guess. I would prefer a twenty gauge or 38 revolver or something, but we are working on that.

Oh yeah forgot to mention, on one of the drop offs, after we left the infamous Mr D was walking his beagle puppy, got mad at it and either kicked it to death or unconscious and threw it in the back of his car with his son watching. Several people witnessed it and called in with his license plate and his description. They are currently working up a case against him, but he has moved and they are having trouble locating him for questioning.

Sigh, karma needs to hurry up.
 
#4 ·
good idea on the video camera, we have used hidden microphones, but they only work so-so. I do have a lot of tape of him cursing us out. We now park further away at the transfer spot to reduce problems.

I know my wife, she won't ccw. Maybe oc spray....
 
#6 ·
Good idea, looking into it tomorrow. Unfortunatley without me as driver, she cannot see her kid(he has primary custody for now due to those bad choices she made I mentioned earlier) Would a restraining order prevent me from driving to the meeting place or what? I guess i'll find out for sure tomarrow. Thanks
 
#7 ·
Ive dealt with this sort of thing. First dont take the sister in law along to make the exchanges. Her presence practically ensures he will make a show of himself.
When I was in this situation he would never do it when I was in ear shot but Id get the story after we left.
Just take the child with you alone do the exchange and leave. I was a bit more direct on my first exchange with the dude that I would suggest you be, but I got the point across that things would be civil when we did them for his sons sake if nothing else.

Second youve taken all kinds of home precautions. This guy is a blow hard coward or he would have tried to yank you out of the car when you ticked him off instead of sneaking around slashing your tires. I highly doubt he could be paid to come to your home with anyone there. But I guess there is that chance. Arm your wife, show her how to use the weapon, tell her to have no contact with the guy if he shows up at the door and if hes stupid enough to force his way in.......what happens to him after that is on him not her.

And kudos to you my friend. Your a much more patient man than I am.:yup:

Edit i didnt see the dog thing as I was typing my post. This guy is definitely someone with a bad temper but to scared to do anything to anyone or anything he thinks might do something back.
 
#17 ·
This guy is a blow hard coward or he would have tried to yank you out of the car when you ticked him off instead of sneaking around slashing your tires.
That's an assumption. We've all seen the sort that acts a given way but then blows ugly when they do blow.

Ranting, psycho abuse in front of his own child, physical beating of a dog (witnessed), physical attack of colleague that got him fired, slashing of tires, making a point of tracking down folks and then monitoring/tracking location of those folks ...

Not much gap between what's been going on and the ugly, violent next step. All it'll take is a "match."

All those "signs" we've been speaking of, in other threads on mental health and the violent? I believe here's a solid case of just that, in all its color.
 
#13 ·
It's winter time heavy clothing,tasers are not 100% effective and you want her to let him get close enough to deploy a taser or OC spray,Even LEO's either have somebody standing by ready to use lethal force or are prepared to employ their own sidearm if option #1 fails
 
#9 ·
I do have a suggestion for you, yu now know you have a wack o on your hands, you also know u can predict his actions, the best thing is do nothing at all, because if you do all you are doing is fueling the fire, if you have a confrontation with him say nothing at all to him, no matter what hes says to you, if you file a restraining order against him that will just piss him off more, but if he does threaten you again take it seriously it sounds like he will follow thru with it, like I said dont do anything and dont say anything to him no matter what hes says to you, yu could record him next time you have to meet up with him, but for every action there is a reaction and thats what he is looking for a reaction from you and then he will act on it, but if he continues to do things call the police so you have a report. but be careful not to piss him off. he wants to be in control. I am reading a book thats called the "the gift of fear" by Gaven De Becker, its a really good book, it talks about people like that, and how to predict their actions, and talks about your fear and gut feelings. good luck,
 
#10 ·
Personally I guess im old school but I think not getting out adjusting his attitude for talking to woman like that in front of a kid is probably why hes not meek as a lamb now. Reaction is the last thing this guy wants. Lack of it encourages him because he takes it as fear. But thats just me and my ramblings. And Im not repeat not suggesting you do anything now.
 
#11 ·
Wow, you are in a tough situation. All I can say is my family comes first above everything! I will do WHATEVER it takes to protect them and have in the past, although it was not as bad as the situation you are in. You need to think how far you want to go with this and what consequences are worth it for what you may or may not do.
You can tell he has a violent streak, is a sneaky *******, and will do things to hurt you at least financially.
Good luck!


Be safe!
 
#14 ·
Whatever you do, do not get out of the car to confront him! Once you get out of the car it is no longer seen as him assaulting you but both of you voluntarily going at it, and if a gun were to go off or something you would not be in a good position. Also there's a woman and child on the scene and you wouldn't want any violence to be breaking out.

On the other hand, if he assaults you, the restraining order becomes real easy, and he might just lose custody too.

Being the guy has a history of violence and he sees you with his ex-wife, there's a chance he might try to retaliate by going after your wife so arming her is an excellent idea. The 20-gauge and revolver are good choices. Also consider a 22LR rifle if she is completely terrified of the recoil.
 
#15 ·
Fix your tires.

Do nothing and say nothing.

Either leave the dogs loose on your property, or call 911 when someone uninvited shows up. Keep 911 on phone while conversing with 911 operator. If he goes inside your house, warn him twice before using deadly force. Check Washington laws first about home intrusion, though. Its a bit different here in Texas.
 
#19 ·
I don't know if you carry concealed or not, but if you are armed and prepared to use lethal force for self defense, you can not afford to be seen as an antagonist.

You now have prior knowledge he is unstable, and with very poor impulse control. Becomes enraged at the drop of a hat. You also know he's a revenge seeker, and rather cowardly at that (ie, slashing tires on your mothers jeep).

These are danger signs which tells a reasonable person he is a potential ticking time bomb. While so far, his actions have been passive-aggressive in nature, it didn't take much to set him off and almost cause him to blow a head gasket (becoming so violently angry he turned purple at your derogatory remarks).

Next time he could flip out and become violent which would force you into a position of having to use force to defend yourself. You know all this. You are worried about it. Your wife is worried about it. Your sister-in-law is worried about it.

If you make any further smart ass quips or insulting remarks towards him which would be seen as inflammatory and sets him off in the future, you will likely lose your ability to make a legal claim of self defense in court if things get out of hand and you are forced to employ lethal force to defend yourself.

You may not get convicted of murder, but any mediocre prosecutor would likely get a convition for voluntary manslaughter.

I can assure you, this will be looked at as a domestic type situation. Historically, shootings involving domestic type situations go against the shooter more often than it's ruled a completely justifiable shooting. Usually it's due to the personal nature of the parties being related, whether it's through marriage or a blood relative. Almost no one has completely clean hands in situations like this.

You've already shown a little lack of maturity by saying with a condescending smile. "Ah, poor little baby, looks like someone needs a nap. Did you go poopy?"

Now, that may seem to be pretty trivial, and of little consequence now. And most people would say, that is pretty minor. And while he's still alive, it is pretty much a minor thing. But when there's a dead guy laying at your feet and a smoking gun in your hand, I can assure you the police, the prosecutor, and a jury won't be laughing.

You've seen how he responded the last time you made a flippant comment towards him. You are now on notice. Act accordingly.

I can assure you, there are plenty of decent folks doing hard time in prison for manslaughter or murder for just this type of situation. They aren't bad people, and they thought they were doing the right thing. They just didn't realize all the legal pitfalls that lay lurking to snare you once a death occurs.

Good luck with the situation. Defend yourself as necessary. But be aware that you don't know as much about the law as you think you do. Once there's a shooting, whether he lives or dies, there's going to be an investigation. Once they find out, you're loosely related to him, they are going to investigate it with a microscope. If you are forced to defend yourself with lethal force, you want to be as clean as the pure driven snow in the eyes of the investigators.

This isn't meant to scare you. And this isn't to say you can not defend yourself against an attack. Or use lethal force, if lethal force is what's warranted. I'm just simply trying to bring some things to light and illuminate the terrain a little bit.

I'm a little concerned that while you said, you knew you shouldn't have said what you did to set him off, you also said that you didn't regret it.

That's not a good attitude to have for a guy who carries a gun, and has the power to snatch a person's life away in a heartbeat. (And again, I don't know if you carry a gun or have a ccw permit. You never indicated one way or another).

Good luck. I hate these kinds of situations. I've been in the middle of too damn many of them. And no small number of those that ended with a loss of life.
 
#26 ·
... But be aware that you don't know as much about the law as you think you do....
To put this in perspective, Bark'n wasn't throwing rocks at you with this remark: VERY FEW of us know as much about the law as we think we do. That's why we hire lawyers.

Reread his post again: it's gold for you.
 
#24 ·
In the last couple years or so here in WA there have been at least two occasions of homeowners shooting intruders looking to raid the homeowners pot operation, in neither case did the homeowner face charges related to the shooting. We don't have Castle Doctrine or Stand your ground per se, but Washington's laws are pretty favorable towards the good guys.
Police: 2 intruders shot, killed at marijuana grow house | Local & Regional | Seattle News, Weather, Sports, Breaking News | KOMO News
Shooting ruled self-defense in Lakebay home invasion | Local & Regional | Seattle News, Weather, Sports, Breaking News | KOMO News
 
#25 ·
OP, be aware it does'nt take much intelligence for an adversary to subscribe to your internet activity. Be careful what you post. But it works both ways.Learn how your enemy thinks...
 
#29 ·
All I'm going to say is this: You knew he was a nutcase, yet you opened your mouth and involved yourself. Now you have to deal with him because of it. That's a life lesson for you.
 
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#30 ·
If the sister-in-law and her son don't know you carry, make sure they don't ever. Don't do anything gun related around them, and hide all the gear. While on one hand the gun stuff might make the sister-in-law feel "safer," she has already proven to make poor choices in the mate and driving departments. The mom or the son could go, "And he'll blow your head off if you mess with us!" and then the lunatic knows you're carrying, and that's one piece of intel he doesn't need. Right now he seems to settle for face-to-face bigmouth and taking things out on tires. You don't want him sneaking up behind you or picking you off from a distance.
 
#32 ·
I have seen many comments of advice that are "spot on", but let me add this. Can you get the pick up point changed to the local Police station or Sheriff's station?? Also...as soon as the sister in law's legal problems are behind her....she really needs to get custody back from him ASAP and with his documented cruelty to the dog in front of his son and his outbursts it should help.
 
#34 ·
Keep in mind that the video/audio recording devices can be a double edged sword. They record your words and actions as well. So if you make anymore smart-mouthed comments that make him turn purple, that will work against you if you ever have to defend your self-defense actions in court. It would also be wise to check your state's recording laws. Some states require that both parties are informed to be legal.
 
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