Scenerio: Domestic violence prevention/protection

Scenerio: Domestic violence prevention/protection

This is a discussion on Scenerio: Domestic violence prevention/protection within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Decided to post here instead of the "Have you ever been a victim thread" to see what others come up with. First I'll give the ...

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Thread: Scenerio: Domestic violence prevention/protection

  1. #1
    New Member Array tmajors's Avatar
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    Scenerio: Domestic violence prevention/protection

    Decided to post here instead of the "Have you ever been a victim thread" to see what others come up with.

    First I'll give the scenario, then I'll post later what really happened. This is a true life scenario that happened to me.

    I'm living in a two story townhouse in a neighborhood. The back porch is small, 10' X 10' and fenced in with a parking lot/basketball court behind that. No fence in front.

    My roommate is dating this girl. Girl is not living with us, it's just me and roommate. It's night and one of my other friends is over watching TV with us.

    My roommate comes home with girlfriend and they go upstairs. A little bit later they both come back downstairs. My roommate who is bigger and stronger then me says he needs help. Girlfriend's jealous ex-boyfriend is making threats. Girlfriend doesn't want to go home because she is scared. Neither roommate nor girlfriend can afford a hotel and niether has family in town.

    They have already called the police but the police won't do anything about the ex unless he actually commits a crime, police won't come over to where we are unless ex actually shows up. Girlfriend can now get a protection order (we know that's worthless), but not until the morning when the courts are open.

    Questions:

    1. Does the jealous ex show up if he knows there are at least two guys in the house with the girl?
    2. How do you set up an impromtu safe house?
    3. What do you do if the jealous ex shows up?


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    1. Depends on how much " chemical courage " the lad has had .
    2. move her car ( if she brought one ) away from the place , secure all entrys ( doors and windows ) by locking them or nail/screwing any that will not lock , jersy bar any sliding doors .
    3. If he shows up dont open a door , deny she or the roomate for that matter is even there while calling 911 to report a threat . If he forces his way in defend all in the household in accordance with your state laws . That way at least you have a forceable entry ( home invasion ) to work with not just a domestic situation that may or may not be seen as an imminant threat .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  3. #3
    Member Array Joel's Avatar
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    Nothing to do, except act normally

    Unless you are a LEO, in which case you would know what to do, you just act normally. Keep the girl at your house and keep the house secure.

    If you are not a sworn law enforcement officer, you have no other recourse. What is it that you expected to happen? That some monster was going to come and you were going to valiantly save the day? That happens only in movies and to others. In real life, you are held to a higher standard and YOU BETTER NOT TRY TO DEFEND THIS WOMAN WITH YOUR GUN.

    Close the doors and windows and go about your business as usual. If, and only if, this creep tries to break into your home, then you can defend YOUR HOME from an unwanted invader, just like any other who tries to break in.

    Suggest to the girl that she needs to break all ties with this man. Tell your roommate that he needs to be careful and watch how he defends his new girl. (she may still have feelings for this old flame and actually feel 'special' that someone "loves her this much" that he would stalk her. Stranger things happen all the time.) Your primary allegiance is to yourself and your home. Secondary, you might want to help out this "bigger and stronger" roommate if it doesn't cause YOU to go to jail or get yourself killed.

    So, lock the door, pull the window shades and act normally. If this creep wants to break in, then you have to defend YOUR home from unwanted invaders. You are not going to jail because you have a gun and this poor ex-boyfriend was shot trying to "just talk" to his ex. The news and family will paint you as a gun-nut and this jealous man as some altar boy who just loves his girl and was attacked.

  4. #4
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    1. Agree about how much extra courage the guy has. If he has a lot, it is possible, also, he probably doesn't know for sure how many people are in the house. And it depends on how nuts he is.

    2. Agreee on moving the car. Obviously lock all the doors and windows. Put her in a room somewhere away from entrances, with whatever windows are in that room so that they can not be seen through (close the blinds or whatever). Something else is to simply move the girl and maybe boyfriend to another friends residence for the night. Unless he is following her already, he won't know about the move, and probably will not know where she is, especially if it is one of your friends who has an extra couch.

    3. Do not open the door or confront him. Defend your domicile as much as you can legally if he does find a way inside. Have her secured in a room, with a phone. Both you and your buddy should set up in an area between the entrance and that room, that allows you to use your superiority of numbers. If there is an imminent threat once he focre his way into the home, proceed accordingly.
    Fortes Fortuna Juvat

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  5. #5
    VIP Member Array farronwolf's Avatar
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    Does the ex show up if he know others are there? Don't know, depends on how stupid he is. If he is threatening violence we know he is stupid, just don't know to what degree.

    Safehouse setup. It would definately not be at the location he knows she is at. Safehouse would have to be at some other unknown location in order to actually be a safehouse. For your own house, make sure there is nothing around ie car or whatever to give idea that she would be there.

    What to do if ex shows up. First make sure your location is secure before he shows up. Do not open the door to them, do not let them know who is in the residence (that means current boyfriends job it is to be quiet and keep her quiet and well out of sight). Call 911 if he does not go away after telling him to leave the property. If he proceeds to try to enter the house, state your armed and if he attempts to enter, you will respond with appropriate level of resistance according to your state. Hopefully he leaves, if he doesn't and the police don't come really quickly, then I guess your left to defend yourself and the others in the house.

    One question you didn't ask and is maybe more important that those, is what does she do in the future in order to keep herself safe, since he knows where she lives, and works. That is going to be the harder thing to do is keep her safe at home, work, whatever depending on how hell bent this guy is on his threats.

    I hope things turned out well in your case.
    Just remember that shot placement is much more important with what you carry than how big a bang you get with each trigger pull.
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  6. #6
    Member Array katmandoo122's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joel View Post
    If you are not a sworn law enforcement officer, you have no other recourse. What is it that you expected to happen? That some monster was going to come and you were going to valiantly save the day? That happens only in movies and to others. In real life, you are held to a higher standard and YOU BETTER NOT TRY TO DEFEND THIS WOMAN WITH YOUR GUN.
    OK, maybe you are talking about going out of your way to get into a confrontation with the guy and then use your gun, in which case I might agree with you. But if I were walking her to the car so she could drive to her parent's place or something and the guy jumped her, I would use my gun in accordance with the "great bodily harm to another" statutes.

    Does this mean I want to save the day like some movie star? No, but I'm not a "screw everybody else" type and, old fashioned though it is, I still believe there are many times when women need a little help. If it were Betty, I might grab some popcorn and watch her take the guy apart, but in this scenario, I would likely help.

  7. #7
    New Member Array tmajors's Avatar
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    Here is how it played out in real life.

    Setup:

    Only one gun in the house. Mine. Holstered and used as absolute last resort.
    Move my car out to the front, roommate's car in back parking lot.
    Lock the back gate with a pad lock. Back lot is out of view of any house windows or neighbors so no warning at all if entry is attempted there. Take dirty dishes from counter and throw em out on the back porch. Back door is single knob lock door, not a glass slider.
    All external doors locked, windows checked and locked.
    Baseball bat close at hand.
    Back to watching television, and waiting.

    Rules of engagement:

    During the setup I lay out the plan. I say Ex is either going to be pretend to be civil and knock on the front door or attempt to sneak in the back. If he knocks on the front I tell roommate and girlfriend to go out the back and drive around town or hang out at a Denny's for the rest of the night. If he attempts to come in through the back then all of us egress out the front and get in my car. I tell everyone that the object is to avoid confrontation. He isn't there for stuff, he's there for the girl so if the girl isn't there he will probably leave the stuff alone.

    Engagement:

    At about 12:15 am we are all still up. Friend is now upstairs in the office playing computer games. Upstairs office has a window overlooking the back parking lot. He sees a car pull into the back lot with no lights on. He hollers downstairs about it. I yell back up to watch what happens. Ex gets out of car and walks to back fence. Fence is locked. Ex climbs over the fence and lands on some pots and pans that make a nice clattering noise. Ex yells "Ah &^$#" loud enough to hear it inside. Friend yells down that Ex just went over the fence and fell when he landed on a pans.

    Roommate is now on the phone with 911 and standing next to front door with girlfriend. "I called earlier about Ex. Well he's here in the back now. No he's not inside the house yet...He climbed over the back fence and fell...No I can't see him."

    Friend yells back downstairs that Ex got up and climbed back over the fence and went back to the car.

    Roommate: I guess he's back to his car now....Okay they are sending an officer.

    Friend yells down: Ex is leaving.

    Roommate: He's back in his car and driving somewhere...okay...yes please.
    Roommate: They said they'll send a car and let me go.

    I motion to roommate and girlfriend to get away from the front door and back into the back room by the kitchen just in case Ex is just driving around to the front. Few minutes passes and no knock and we don't see his car outside anywhere.

    Thirty minutes goes by and no sign of Ex. We don't leave the house just in case he is just parked down the street watching. Also no police.....

    Roommate calls police again: Yea called and you were supposed to send a car....no he isn't here he left but we don't know where....yes we are all okay for now....nobody is hurt....is someone coming to take a statement? Okay.

    He hangs up: They said they'll get here soon.

    Police NEVER showed up.

  8. #8
    Member Array pappy's Avatar
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    Sounds like it went fine. Just another incident that shows that the police can't be every where at once. and if push comes to shove its up to you.

    Good job and keep safe.

  9. #9
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    Police NEVER showed up.
    That is exacly why you as a responsible person do all you can to stay out of any physical confrentation . I have been the person calling 911 and have been the officer responding on the call too . there is no simple answer other than you cannot carry a cop , so carry your gun wisely . sounds like yall did fine tho .. i wouldnt have sacroficed the dishes ... but i wasnt there lol .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  10. #10
    New Member Array tmajors's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redneck Repairs View Post
    i wouldnt have sacroficed the dishes ... but i wasnt there lol .
    My friend said it was one of the funniest things he has ever seen, so that made it worth it. Dishes were dirty and handy as a make shift alarm anyways. They got cleaned and eaten on the next day.

    Oh and girl and roommate. They stopped seeing each other a few weeks later.

  11. #11
    Member Array PolarBear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tmajors View Post
    Oh and girl and roommate. They stopped seeing each other a few weeks later.
    To avoid problems in the future, I think this is the most important line in this entire thread.
    "Personal weapons are what raised mankind out of the mud..."
    -Jeff Cooper, "The Art of the Rifle"

  12. #12
    Member Array Joel's Avatar
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    Most important lesson

    +1000





    (...and I wouldn't be surprised if she went back to the same boyfriend that we thought was the BG)

  13. #13
    VIP Member Array Tom G's Avatar
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    You have to be careful when you get into this type of situation. I have seen the girl turn on the protecter when she sees her x boy friend getting the worst of it. she could just be useing the protecter to piss the x boy friend off.

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