Chimp encounter?

[Fjolnirsson]

I was inspired by this article:

Chimpanzees remove man's face/testicles/foot....

So, you're at the zoo(just for giggles, let's say you're alone, and therefore don't need to protect children), and you hear screaming, not quite human. You round a corner, and see two chimps attacking an elderly man.
What do you do?

?????????????

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[Bud White]

All right i posted once lets try again ...

i would shoot them as many times as it took to make um stop ..preferably till they were dead

[The Tourist]

Bud,

I don't think you'd have to shoot an elderly man very many times until he was dead. First of all, by the nature of the adjective 'elderly,' I'd opine a shot or two would have finished him off. It kind of sounds like the monkees were well on their way to killing him, even if you didn't participate.

It's nice to see in this day and age that you wanted to get involved.

While there is some debate as to whether chimps can communicate and use simple tools, it should be relatively simple to bump off an old guy even if they were a disorganized horde. Your firearm might have startled them, scaring them off before the kill was completed. In fact, your involvement might have hurt their effort.

[QKShooter]

If you a left wing tree hugging liberal & a member of P.E.T.A. then you "turn the corner" and QUICKLY decide that the chimps must have had a really good reason for attacking the old man.
Maybe the old guy voted for George Bush or he was a registered Republican or maybe he once cut down a tree in his backyard. He might not "Recycle" or he is possibly not a vegetarian. If he eats butchered animals then the animals have every right to rip his face and other things off.
Possible he didn't believe that Greenhouse Gasses were depleting our Ozone layer & destroying the rain forests...in which case he deserves to die at the hands of primates. Maybe his foot got ripped off because he was wearing (Oh My!) LEATHER shoes!
Every effort should be made to save the chimps. They just need counseling from a good, qualified animal psychologist & then need to be returned to their natural habitat but only after they have been medically checked to make sure that they didn't pick up any human diseases from the elderly guy.

[acparmed]

You guys are killing me here!!!
I can't see to type for the tears of laughter in my eyes.

[rfurtkamp]

I drop to my knees, look up at the sky, and adopt my best Charlton Heston face.

I look at the chimps and yell "Goddamn you all to hell! You really did it this time!"

They should run immediately.

[JT]

What if he has a Glock?

[rstickle]

I was inspired by this article:

Chimpanzees remove man's face/testicles/foot....

So, you're at the zoo(just for giggles, let's say you're alone, and therefore don't need to protect children), and you hear screaming, not quite human. You round a corner, and see two chimps attacking an elderly man.
What do you do?

?????????????

No doubt! Blow the chimps apart, taking care not ot hit the man. Never really liked chimps anyhow!

[rstickle]

a member of P.E.T.A.

P.eople E.ating T.asty A.nimals? Where do I sign up!

[QKShooter]

If that were ME being attacked by two chimps & I were ALREADY minus my face...my jingleberries & one foot...do me a favor & finish me off!

Chimpanzees are incredibly strong ~ as strong as you imagine they might be multiply that by about 4 or 5.

[Bumper]

That link doesn't work....

[QKShooter]

Primate Experts Not Surprised By Brutal Chimp Attack
Doctors Release Gruesome Details Of Mauling

POSTED: 9:11 am PST March 4, 2005
UPDATED: 7:06 pm PST March 4, 2005

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. -- Despite the popular image of chimpanzees as fun-loving companions, primate experts said Friday they weren't surprised by the gruesome attack by two chimps that left a Southern California man mutilated.

The primatologists said that chimpanzees, the primates most closely related to humans, are known for their aggressive, sometimes violent behavior toward fellow chimps as well as other animals in the wild.

"Male chimps are intensely territorial. They defend their territory against any perceived threat," said Craig Stanford, a professor at the University of Southern California who studies primate behavior. "Chimps can be violent at times just as humans can be."

On Friday, authorities continued to investigate how the two chimps escaped from their cages and brutally mauled St. James Davis, 62, of West Covina, before they were shot dead at Animal Haven Ranch, a remote animal sanctuary about 30 miles east of Bakersfield that holds state permits to shelter exotic animals.

"A big part of the investigation will be figuring out whether the owners were in compliance with regulations," Sheriff's Cmdr. Hal Chealander said Friday. "There's a reason why those chimpanzees got out. It will be crucial to our investigation how they got out."

State wildlife and county health authorities also were testing the dead chimps for rabies and other diseases that could affect the victims' health, Chealander said.

The son-in-law of the sanctuary's owner killed the animals that left St. James Davis in critical condition with massive injuries to his face, body and limbs, said Steve Martarano, a spokesman for the California Department of Fish and Game.

"He saw what was happening and had one kind of weapon with him and then got another he felt would be more substantial and shot them," Martarano said. "He pretty much saved a life."

Davis' wife, LaDonna Davis, 64, suffered a bite wound to the hand while attempting to help her husband, Martarano said.

The Davises were at the Animal Haven Ranch to celebrate the birthday of Moe, a 39-year-old chimpanzee who was taken from their suburban Los Angeles home in 1999 after biting off part of a woman's finger.

The couple had brought Moe a cake and were standing outside his cage when Buddy and Ollie, two of the four chimpanzees in the adjoining cage, attacked St. James Davis, Martarano said. Officials do not yet know how the chimps got out of their enclosure, he said.

Moe was not involved in Thursday's attack, Martarano said.

Primate experts said the presence of the two female chimps could have played a role in the attack.

"We know that one of the most reliable predictors of increased male aggression is the presence of sexually receptive females," said Jeffrey French, a psychobiologist who studies primate behavior at the University of Nebraska, Omaha.

Dr. Maureen Martin, of Kern Medical Center, said the monkeys chewed most of Davis' face off and that he would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach his nose.

Davis was transported to Loma Linda University Medical Center, where he had surgery late Thursday night, Martarano said.

The medical center would not release any information about Davis' condition on Friday. Hospital spokeswoman Julie Smith said the family requested confidentiality.

Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian that besides the damage to his face, Davis had his testicles and foot mauled off. Buddy, a 16-year-old male chimp, initiated the attack and after he was shot, Ollie, a 13-year-old male, grabbed the gravely injured man and dragged him down the road, according to Chealander.

"Everybody was trying to get the chimp off," Chealander said.

Two other chimps, females named Susie and Bones, also escaped from the cage they shared with Ollie and Buddy, prompting sheriff's deputies, animal control workers and Fish and Game officials to launch a search.

The wayward pair were recovered after five hours. Martarano said one chimp was two miles from the sanctuary.

The Davises had waged an unsuccessful legal fight to bring Moe back to their West Covina home and visited him regularly at the sanctuary where he had been living since October. They brought the chimp from Africa decades ago after a poacher killed his mother.

Animal Haven Ranch has held state permits to shelter animals since 1985 and serves as a sanctuary for animals that have been confiscated or discovered lost, Martarano said.

It is allowed to house up to nine primates at one time and is home to one spider monkey and six chimpanzees, he said. The permits are held by Ralph and Virginia Brauer, who could not be reached immediately for comment.

A woman who answered the phone at the Brauer residence on Friday said the family is not talking to the media about the incident.

Chealander said the incident has been stunning to the owners.

"They've been up there for 20 years and nothing like this has ever happened, according to them. And we certainly don't have any reports of anything like this happening," Chealander said.

A woman who said she was a friend of the Brauers and was leaving the sanctuary Friday morning told an Associated Press reporter that the couple is distraught. She refused to give her name.

"These are good chimps," the woman said. "This is just devastating."

The sanctuary is 30 miles east of Bakersfield, in a steep canyon that winds past horse ranches and grazing cattle. It sits at the top of a dirt road carved into a rocky hillside that is covered in sage brush and oak trees.

Chimpanzees can turn surly if not handled properly, said Martine Colette, animal director of the Wildlife WayStation, a sanctuary near Los Angeles where Moe was housed for a time.

"Chimps are notoriously strong and they have some very, very specific behaviors," Colette said. "If someone tries to confine them, they will definitely put up a fight."

"An average person who doesn't know chimp body language can't read them," she added.

On Friday, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals called on Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to ban private ownership of exotic animals in California, citing the increasing popularity of keeping such animals as pets. The group said there have been more than 90 reported dangerous incidents nationwide involving primates since 1990.

Primate experts said that chimpanzees, which typically weigh between 120 and 150 pounds and are much stronger than humans, are known to kill chimps from neighboring groups, to hunt other primates and even to attack humans in the wild.

"This episode highlights some of the dangers of privately owning primates," said Steve Schapiro, who studies chimpanzee behavior at the University of Texas. "When you maintain large, strong animals in captivity, you think you know what they're going to do, but in the end they're unpredictable."

[clubsoda22]

I drop to my knees, look up at the sky, and adopt my best Charlton Heston face.

I look at the chimps and yell "Goddamn you all to hell! You really did it this time!"

They should run immediately.

Get off of him you damn, dirty apes!

[rocky]

simple, shoot chimps. Head shots if possible.

[The Tourist]

Well, if my cajones were in a chimp's mouth I wouldn't be asking for head shots!

Q: What has been you're most painful experience?

A: I think the second most painful was a chimp bite to the 'nads?

Q: "Second most"?

A: Well, a few seconds later a hollow-point shredded both of them...