New girlfriend (w/bi-polar ex) - Page 2

New girlfriend (w/bi-polar ex)

This is a discussion on New girlfriend (w/bi-polar ex) within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I am late to this and have nothing of use to offer - it's all been done. It is tho a fascinating thread with much ...

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Thread: New girlfriend (w/bi-polar ex)

  1. #16
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    I am late to this and have nothing of use to offer - it's all been done.

    It is tho a fascinating thread with much useful input on the subject - hopefully many have learned a lot.
    Chris - P95
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  2. #17
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    Ditto what limatunes said only she said it better than I could.
    and great post by Bark'n
    Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ

  3. #18
    Senior Member Array SOLOLUCKY's Avatar
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    Well she got her TPO..and the T means just that. It lasts 10 days with 0 contact..via in person, by phone and even by 3rd party! wow! Then she hasta go back to the court and I guess they re-evaluate it.
    It gave her custody of the kids (which kinda upset her cuz she said she never wanted to keep his kids from him) but he made this bed so he faces the repurcussions.
    I agree with the "guns and crazy people should never mix and these situations are ones (as stated prior) CCW'ers always try to avoid.

    Now lets hope he holds to it....hhhmmm.
    I have a call in to a LE friend of mine to learn the penalty for violating the TPO, which is highly likely.

    And I agree with SixTo that I will go slow with any TPO in my name as it will only serve to educate him as to my whereabouts...Thanks for that lil, yet crucial, tidbit of info.
    R1

    This is mine. That is yours.

    Lets keep it that way.

  4. #19
    Senior Member Array Pitmaster's Avatar
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    I am not a doctor or psychiatrist. I am just a paramedic. I certainly can't make medical or psychiatric diagnosis and what I say here should in no way be construed as such! I can't stress that more.
    As a licensed psychiatric and clinical social worker who can make a psychiatric diagnosis and has worked with all sides of these types of relationship issues including inpatient and outpatient, with various mental illnesses and personality disorders. The smart thing to do is extricate yourself from this mess completely. The likelihood of this ending happy is virtually nil. You are at the greatest risk from him if you are there when he comes over. One word of intervention and he can escalate. If he has a weapon you are either gravely injured, dead, or most likely in jail. There is a very good chance you will be spending a lot of money on a lawyer to get out of this and there's no guarantee that you will. You could end up pleading to involuntary manslaughter to avoid prison and would still have a felony.

    No matter what the kids will never look upon you fondly. NEVER! Unless he has beaten them up and even then...

    If you and him get in to a fight she will always back her children against you.

    If he's Bi-Polar and ??? then there is no ability to predict the future except that it will be extremely chaotic. With very little chance for happily ever after.

    Dump her!
    Pitmaster

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    HAGAR: To sign a peace treaty with the King of England.
    HELGA: Then why take all those weapons?
    HAGAR: First we gotta negotiate...

  5. #20
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    What is it we say to our sons and daughters at down times in their relationships (dating times)..."There are a 'million' fish in the sea...you'll find another one."

    My advice is something you don't want to hear...run...turn and run fast...there are millions of snag free relationships available. Everyone has problems and we all deal with those, but this type of a problem could cost you dearly...it really sounds like a lose-lose situation.

    What if you go through ALL this and she heads back to the 'old farm?' It's a story that's been told thousands of times.

    If you DO stay around, don't do it without arming yourself. The new GF doesn't like guns? Well now you are headed for another set of problems. Man, you are a glutton for punishment...

    You need to put out the white and yellow lights...stay in orange!

    Stay armed...stay in orange...stay safe!

    ret
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  6. #21
    VIP Member Array Rob72's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SOLOLUCKY View Post
    (which kinda upset her cuz she said she never wanted to keep his kids from him)
    It'll be hard to hear this man, but she's not over the relationship, and/or is unprepared to cause the children upset to do what's right.

    There is no"friends", period. She makes a total, complete break, or you'll both be in a world of hurt. If Mom doesn't make it exceedingly clear that Daddy was wrong, and that he's no longer part of their lives, no matter how well you do the job, you'll never be more than a live-in child support agent. The children come first, and if the kids still think daddy's wonderful..........what you have won't be a relationship, much less ever a marriage.

  7. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by SOLOLUCKY View Post
    Well she got her TPO..and the T means just that. It lasts 10 days with 0 contact..via in person, by phone and even by 3rd party! wow! Then she hasta go back to the court and I guess they re-evaluate it.
    It gave her custody of the kids (which kinda upset her cuz she said she never wanted to keep his kids from him) but he made this bed so he faces the repurcussions.
    I agree with the "guns and crazy people should never mix and these situations are ones (as stated prior) CCW'ers always try to avoid.

    Now lets hope he holds to it....hhhmmm.
    I have a call in to a LE friend of mine to learn the penalty for violating the TPO, which is highly likely.

    And I agree with SixTo that I will go slow with any TPO in my name as it will only serve to educate him as to my whereabouts...Thanks for that lil, yet crucial, tidbit of info.
    Not sure exactly how the law works in Ohio, but generally these things start with a Temporary Order (sometimes called an ex-parte Order because it is issued without the presence of the respondent) which is intended to put protections in place until there is a hearing to evaluate the need for a longer-term order.

    The Order becomes effective once it has been served upon the respondent, at which time he or she is specifically enjoined from engaging in the conduct specified in the order.

    The State of Ohio provides a pretty good library of documents relating to Civil Protection Orders here: http://www.sconet.state.oh.us/Spec_Dockets/dvac/

    All of that said, regardless of which flavor of Order is issued, at the end of the day it is still just a piece of paper. If the guy is a genuine threat before he is served with the Order, he's still one afterwards. Perhaps even more so.

    Matt
    Battle Plan (n) - a list of things that aren't going to happen if you are attacked.
    Blame it on Sixto - now that is a viable plan.

  8. #23
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    One Addition

    It seems that most folks who have posted helpful info here are still thinking in terms of this guy possibly having to be confronted in a normal predictable manner as with the possible use of deadly force in a direct confrontation.
    He may not want to play the game the way you imagine that he might.

    Remember that this guy is not playing with a full deck at all times. You need to place yourself into his mind in order to understand how he might possibly decide to retaliate.
    He may not want a direct confrontation & you might walk out the door and unknowingly be Center Of Mass aligned in his high power rifle scope cross-hairs from half a block away.

    If he can still gain entry into the home he might slosh it with a few gallons of gasoline and torch the house in the middle of the night.

    If he decides that he does not want somebody else acting like a Father to his kids (in his mind) he might think that getting rid of everybody including his own kids is his "only" option/solution.
    AKA if "I" can't have my wife and kids then nobody else is going to have them either.
    It's common thinking with enraged mentally ill people.

    Just be careful because if he decides that he does not care if he lives or dies - then no piece of legal paper is going to deter him from doing what he thinks he might need to do to make things right in his own head.
    He may then have something else on his mind much more sinister than simply knocking on the front door to attempt to get into a fistfight with you allowing you to easily take him out.
    Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ

  9. #24
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    To be brutally honest, no woman is worth that much drama in my life. I would walk away. Too many people who are drama free in this world to put yourself in harms way for someone elses mistakes. But that is just me.

  10. #25
    Senior Member Array SOLOLUCKY's Avatar
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    I appreciate all the info and opinions offered from everyone.
    I use this site as a sounding board...thats why I posted my situation.
    I am not one to leave a friend hanging when in need so abandoning her in this time of need, no matter how "wise" that would be, is not an option.
    I am on a continuous "orange" alert when there or out with her...and now that he has seen me I am up one level of awareness in general.
    Certainly not the "easiest way out" choice but I HAVE NEVER ABANDONED MY FRIENDS if they are in the right And these are choices I have lived with.
    I am certainly still armed (business as usual) when not around her and will deal with what arises on an individual basis...she knows this and has no qualms about that. She is not anti-gun by any means and it would look even worse in court to shoot him in her house. If he approached me on the street, well the chips fall how they fall.

    Am I making the right choice? Well right and wrong are in the eyes of the beholder.
    The wise choice...now thats a more tangible question.

    on a side note, she stated she is already having a much more peaceful day than past days without his text/phone harrassment so maybe he has been served already.
    R1

    This is mine. That is yours.

    Lets keep it that way.

  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by retsupt99 View Post
    What is it we say to our sons and daughters at down times in their relationships (dating times)..."There are a 'million' fish in the sea...you'll find another one."
    +1

    There is lots of good advice in this thread but it seems like the best is to leave her. Even if you take your weapon out of the equation, I don't think any new relationship is worth the amount of effort you'll have to put into this one.

    Her ex-husband is her problem and she needs to fix it before she can be in a healthy relationship with someone else.

    Until she does, go "fishing".

  12. #27
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    If your intention is not to abandon her and she wants you to stick by her - then do try your very best to make sure that it's on your terms.
    Best of luck to you and hope that everything works out OK for all of you good folks stuck in this situation.
    Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ

  13. #28
    Ex Member Array azchevy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SOLOLUCKY View Post
    I appreciate all the info and opinions offered from everyone.
    I use this site as a sounding board...thats why I posted my situation.
    I am not one to leave a friend hanging when in need so abandoning her in this time of need, no matter how "wise" that would be, is not an option.
    I am on a continuous "orange" alert when there or out with her...and now that he has seen me I am up one level of awareness in general.
    Certainly not the "easiest way out" choice but I HAVE NEVER ABANDONED MY FRIENDS if they are in the right And these are choices I have lived with.
    I am certainly still armed (business as usual) when not around her and will deal with what arises on an individual basis...she knows this and has no qualms about that. She is not anti-gun by any means and it would look even worse in court to shoot him in her house. If he approached me on the street, well the chips fall how they fall.

    Am I making the right choice? Well right and wrong are in the eyes of the beholder.
    The wise choice...now thats a more tangible question.

    on a side note, she stated she is already having a much more peaceful day than past days without his text/phone harrassment so maybe he has been served already.
    Good luck and stay vigilant.

  14. #29
    Senior Member Array SOLOLUCKY's Avatar
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    We all have to be able to live with the decisions we make...whatever the situation may be.
    leave, stay, shoot, don't shoot, buy, sell....

    I plan on utilizing LE to the fullest extent possible in this unpredictable arena and pray for a positive outcome...and keep things, as much as possible, on my terms as you say QKShooter.
    R1

    This is mine. That is yours.

    Lets keep it that way.

  15. #30
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    Wow, the posts here are so great I don't think I can add anything but this: GOOD LUCK!
    Former Army Infantry Captain; 25 yrs as an NRA Certified Instructor; Avid practitioner of the martial art: KLIK-PAO.

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