Advice needed on a domestic problem:
This is a discussion on Advice needed on a domestic problem: within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Benn in a few, thankfully none turned violent...at work.
The restraining order should include her place of employment. I am not sure if you are ...
April 29th, 2008 07:49 AM
Benn in a few, thankfully none turned violent...at work.
The restraining order should include her place of employment. I am not sure if you are a public business (retail store) or office. Either way, persons at the point of entry should be made aware of the person of interest, nothing more (READ - they do not need to know who or why, just that that person is barred from the building and if he shows up, he is trespassing), and to notify police first, then management of their presence. It does not matter if she takes a vacation or leave of absence, the husband does not know it and may still come looking for her.
Exceptions should be made for her parking, and an escort for her to and from the building while outside.
Beyond that, IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM! Do what you can to accommodate her at work if she has no other option, and no more. Remember, you only have one side of the story...hers. It may be accurate, it may be embellished.
Grasseater // Grass~eat~er noun, often attributive \ˈgras-ē-tər\
A person who is incapable of independent thought; a person who is herd animal-like in behavior; one who cannot distinguish between right and wrong; a foolish person.
See also Sheep
April 29th, 2008 07:58 AM
April 29th, 2008 08:40 AM
Is this a retail location? Do the front/back doors have to be unlocked? Other than advising the owner and posting a pic for everyone to discreetly call 911 if they see the guy, I don't know how else you can help. Stay on your toes, and like already suggested, change her hours if possible and maybe walk her to/from her car. It wouldn't hurt if she could drive a different car for a while, since he knows her current one.
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April 29th, 2008 09:03 AM
On reflection and on gaining wisdom from the other posts, I would have to amend my earlier advice on active assistance: I agree (now) that staying well clear (and following above advice from others) would be your best course of action.
Thanks, all, for helping me see this more clearly.
April 29th, 2008 09:55 AM
Thanks for the advice, My handle comes from 20 plus years in the fire and Rescue service
Originally Posted by retsupt99
April 29th, 2008 10:08 AM
This post is to answer a few questions that have been brought up.
The company only works one shift and it's a manufacturing job, no public is involved. We have all doors posted and a big sign on the gate. She has told him not to be here that it would be trespassing if he was. So far, no problems.
Everyone agrees that no involvement is the best and that is my course of action. If he or anyone else walks through a door with a weapon then I have no choice but to get involved. I have spent 20 plus years trying to help people and the last thing I want to do is be involved in a shooting or get shot trying to help someone but I couldn't stand by and watch anyone get killed IF I can intervene at that time.
April 29th, 2008 05:59 PM
Just something to think about. Let's say you are another employee of this company but nobody told you of the situation. You see this guy from a window walking across the parking lot for the front door but don't see the handgun he has under his coat. The receptionist doesn't have a clue because nobody gave her a picture or told her anything. He walks in and kills the receptionist. He walks through a door and starts to systematically kill others. Nobody knows what is going on because nobody was told of any potential danger. No course of action was pre-arranged because everyone that knew decided to "not get involved". If I survived I'd sue the crap out of this company.
This is a fellow employee that has a problem that could potentially spill over onto everyone she works with. That is unfortunate but things like this happen. You don't need to volunteer to be her body guard but I think it is in the companies and employee's best interest to notify everyone and formulate a plan of action. Imagine what would happen if a school was threatened and the administration decided to just keep quiet about it. A company has a duty to try and provide as safe a working environment as possible. Ignoring this does not do that.
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April 29th, 2008 09:36 PM
I do salute your service...
Originally Posted by Resqu2
Proverbs 27:12 says: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.”
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April 30th, 2008 12:52 AM
I know it's not a popular opinion here, but I think it'd be a real good idea to lawyer up. If something happens it could really hit the fan liability wise, and you need to be able to demonstrate that you acted in good faith and have a good defense.
May 2nd, 2008 08:17 AM
Tell the lady not to tell the husband that she has confided in you.
May 2nd, 2008 08:57 AM
+1 on that, Things have gone well this week, she received one call early in the week telling her to "enjoy your last day at work" I was tense and watchful most all of that day as this is the only place he can find her if he wanted to do anything. She says most of the calls and txt msgs have stopped now. The longer it goes, the better I feel about the situation.
Originally Posted by CURMUDGEON5
Again, thanks for all the advice, lots of points were brought up that I would of never thought about. Glad I signed up on this site.
May 2nd, 2008 10:22 AM
The bad thing is he knows where she works and could just sit in ambush waiting for her to leave then follow her til he sees an opportunity to attack,just cause the messages have stopped doesn't mean lower you're guard i would be even more alert
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May 2nd, 2008 11:09 AM
You need to inform homever handles your legal matters / insurance of what is going on.
Get a copy of the restraining order and ensure the work place is listed and does not inlude phrases like "while the person is at the place of work" - that will mean he can come by when she is not around work and LE can't arrest him for being at your place of work. Also, while right now she may be all for processing his spouse for domestic violence, she could latter get reattached to him, give him a break, etc, and have the order dismissed, just to start the abuse cycle all over again. Discuss this matter with your legal / HR / insurance person to see what options you may have.
Look into serving him tresspass papers; right now is all hearsay as far as who told him to stay away from the property, but if tresspass papers are served, it becomes a criminal matter if he shows up to work, regarless of if she is around or not - plus it is another charge he can get extra time to stay in jail for (violation of a protection order and of a tresspass warning as well).
Threats by email, telephone, etc, are crimes on some jurisditions. Save the communications for evidence and file a complaint with local LE / prosecutors office.
May 2nd, 2008 11:20 AM
As a sidebar, you should be talking to your personal (not your employers) attorney / insurance person about what is going on. If you end up shooting, you may be the one getting charged for homicide / murder if the stars / planets are not lined up right when the DA reviews the case.
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