Advice needed on a domestic problem:

Advice needed on a domestic problem:

This is a discussion on Advice needed on a domestic problem: within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Here is the situation, I am a manager at a small company and had a female employee come to me and tell me that she ...

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  1. #1
    New Member Array Resqu2's Avatar
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    Advice needed on a domestic problem:

    Here is the situation, I am a manager at a small company and had a female employee come to me and tell me that she is in the process of leaving her husband due to him drinking and threatening her with a gun. 911 has already been involved due to his threats. During one fight she was leaving in her car and heard him fire his gun, she doesnít know if he was shooting at her or in the air to scare her. She is in the process of getting a restraining order which we all know are worth what they are written on.

    Iím wondering if anyone else has ran in domestic problems at work, employees going through a divorce and the other party turns things violent. Work is an easy place to find someone. If you have any firsthand experience, how was it handled? Myself and the owner carry and I donít think either of us could stand by and watch someone get killed but we canít be a body guard all day long either.

    Bad situation either way if something does go down.

    I posted this on another forum and every response was to stay out of domestic situations and I agree but I am responsible for employee safety while I'm at work. My concern is that he will come to work and start trouble, I will call 911 but we all know that when seconds count, the police are only minutes away.

    Any advice?


  2. #2
    Member Array rmarcustrucker's Avatar
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    Not only should you stay out of it, but it's for her own safety that she not be at work for awhile and not go to her home. It's best to get away from the common area's he is going to look. She should be getting a temp CCW, but again, her choice.

    Many women make bad choices, and some go back. It's a vicious circle.

    With a potential or proven violent tendency you can only assume that for her and all co-workers it's best that she stay away from work for awhile.

    This is just one reason why my wife and I are such good savers. Her first marriage ended in diverse and she was put in the hospital several times. (Over 15 years ago) She learned to save money so she could live without work for a few months and get an apartment and otherwise live.

    Just my opinion.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array cagueits's Avatar
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    Some FYI...

    For you:

    Workplace: Solutions for Small and Large Employers

    For her:

    Get Help - National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.

    She needs to at least get to a safe house and inclued her place of work in the restraining order. She may be able to use some sick days to deal with this depending on the law. You should call the DOL for guidance as to what your duties/responsabilities are as employers.

  4. #4
    New Member Array Resqu2's Avatar
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    Thanks to both of you guys, very good info from a prespective I haven't thought about. Some additional info about my problem:

    The lady told me Friday that she was moving to an unknown (except to her) place while husband was at work, this leaves work as the only place to find her if he so chooses.

    She feels he is no danger to anyone unless he is drinking which has become more often, most of the reason for her leaving him.

    Our company is small, many access doors and only about 50 employees all on one shift. Very few guys work there and only the owner and myself CCW, he does not know about this problem

    She told me about her problem as her manager/supervisor and ask me to not tell anyone.

  5. #5
    Distinguished Member Array bandit383's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rmarcustrucker View Post
    ... She should be getting a temp CCW, but again, her choice.
    Curious, never heard of such...do states issue "temp CCW"?

    As for the situation...this could turn bad very quickly (and lots of real world examples of such). There are always two sides to every story...but the firing of a weapon would make my hair stand-up. I think:

    1) A visit by the police would be a start.
    2) Security for other employees a must
    3) Brief others to look for his vehicle/description
    4) Warn him that if he shows on property, 911 call immediately

    Taking away his surprise element can sometimes deter.

    Good luck
    Rick

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array cdwolf's Avatar
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    If he is taking shots at her, he want stop. She needs to figure out what her life is worth!! Man is the most evil creature on the planet, it happens to much!
    The owner needs to know now, so he don't get walked up on and shot in the head. Both of you need to on alert, she needs to go to family or if she don't have any,let her borrow some money, or Get some donations at work and get out of town!! Get a bus ticket and try somewhere else.
    This is what family is for.
    If she wants to live more then him she will arm herself now. She needs to understand that, She will be presented with a situation where she will have a choice to make, don't miss!!
    The county S.O should be called and a report made out for every encounter.
    Good Luck
    GUN CONTROL= I WANT TO BE THE ONE IN CONTROL OF THE GUN

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  7. #7
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    If they got kids it will be hard if not impossible to just leave and start life in another state,psycho alcoholics like that seem to feel a sense of ownership in a relationship.I would tell the other owner and i would keep an AR15 with 2 mags in the office or a shotgun with 00 buck and slugs in case ya gotta shoot thru cover.Even if cops confiscate his guns he can get another one anywhere.If i was her and could get away withouthim finding out where i would move out of state and start a new life,he could be onea those guys that would sit and stew for weeks months or even a few years and one day show up and kill her
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  8. #8
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    Tough situation. The owner need to know asap. Without knowing anything about your work place, could she work at a different (remote) location, this would MAYBE keep things more civil at work, and allow her to keep the income she probably needs, and retain a employee if she is a valued part of the work force.

    I would sure want the person who is at the front door to know what he looks like, and what he drives. This may be a opportune time to go over this type of situation with the other employees, some what similar to a tornado drill. With 2 CCW's you should tell the employees if it is a SHTF scenario to get on the floor, they don't need to know about the CCW's but it would be nice to have them out of the line of possible fire.

    One other thought---maybe hire a security type guard for a short period if $$'s allow. If the soon to be ex shows up the guard may be $ well spent.


    Z
    An ounce of lead is worth 200lbs of cop.

  9. #9
    VIP Member Array glock27mark's Avatar
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    domestic troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by dukalmighty View Post
    If they got kids it will be hard if not impossible to just leave and start life in another state,psycho alcoholics like that seem to feel a sense of ownership in a relationship.I would tell the other owner and i would keep an AR15 with 2 mags in the office or a shotgun with 00 buck and slugs in case ya gotta shoot thru cover.Even if cops confiscate his guns he can get another one anywhere.If i was her and could get away withouthim finding out where i would move out of state and start a new life,he could be onea those guys that would sit and stew for weeks months or even a few years and one day show up and kill her
    good point, have to agree with ya on that one. sad but true
    happenes all the time. stay safe,good luck to ya and start packing.
    (luggage and ccw permit)
    (SHERIFF BUFORD T. JUSTICE) "what the hell is
    the world coming too"

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    U.S. ARMY FT.SILL, OKLA.

  10. #10
    Distinguished Member Array Paymeister's Avatar
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    Two basic options: stay completely out of it:
    1) Arm yourself well.
    2) Tell the owner - perhaps give her the option of telling him, but her request that you not tell anyone puts you in an impossible situation. If she chooses to tell him, I would be there to offer support.
    3) Pray like a big dog for her and that the Lord would keep the husband sober and away from you.

    OR try to help the poor lady:
    1) Try to determine if she's going to waffle: if she's headed back to him, stay clear of the situation entirely - you can't help. Pray for her.
    2) Arrange Leave of Absence for her, so if this blows over she can come back to work for you in a few months, perhaps. Or work-from-home-in-new-city?
    3) Contact someone in your same line of business in some other city, and find your counterpart. Explain that she's a valuable employee who needs a temporary position (or a permanent one, perhaps). Maybe you can help her get a job well out of the area.
    4) If you have connections with a church, or if she or your owner does, see if the church leadership has connections with someone in a remote city who could put her up. If there's a possibility of it, refer her to meet with the church folks so it wasn't you who got her out of town.
    5) Follow the advice above, with respect to employee training and lookout for him and his car.
    6) Pray like a big dog for her and that the Lord would keep the husband sober and away from you.

  11. #11
    New Member Array Resqu2's Avatar
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    I totally agree with everyone that said to stay out of the situation and I intend on doing just that. She is going to get a restraining order this evening and I think that could esculate the situation but it at least tells me she is serious about wanting him to leave her alone.

    I have a select few people that is helping watch and the lady has been told where to go in case he shows up, kinda have a safe room she can get locked into. Her work partner has my 2 way radio that can communicate directly with our police and rescue dispatch center in case she sees his car enter the parking lot.

    As for myself, I can only deal with him as I would anyone coming through the door with a gun threatening someone or myself. I just hope he is too drunk to be a good shot if he is stupid enough to come around.

  12. #12
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    Temp CCW

    Quote Originally Posted by bandit383 View Post
    Curious, never heard of such...do states issue "temp CCW"?

    As for the situation...this could turn bad very quickly (and lots of real world examples of such). There are always two sides to every story...but the firing of a weapon would make my hair stand-up. I think:

    1) A visit by the police would be a start.
    2) Security for other employees a must
    3) Brief others to look for his vehicle/description
    4) Warn him that if he shows on property, 911 call immediately

    Taking away his surprise element can sometimes deter.

    Good luck
    Rick
    Not to try to hijack thread but here in North Carolina if a restraining order is issued the victim may be issued a temporary CCW valid for 90 days but rarely will the magistrate inform the victim she has that option to defend herself. Also the sheriff is required to confiscate all of the aggressorís weapons.

  13. #13
    Member Array mrhutch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msgt/ret View Post
    Not to try to hijack thread but here in North Carolina if a restraining order is issued the victim may be issued a temporary CCW valid for 90 days but rarely will the magistrate inform the victim she has that option to defend herself. Also the sheriff is required to confiscate all of the aggressor’s weapons.
    victim =/= aggressor. unless ya'll's state laws are just plain messed up.
    Last edited by Captain Crunch; April 28th, 2008 at 02:24 PM. Reason: Deleted a language workaround.

  14. #14
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    I would encourage her to:
    1. take time off
    2. get a CC permit ASAP
    3. change her everyday routine, and change it often

    Then I would stay out of it, unless her husband come to workplace with intent to cause harm. Even then I would be very cautious. All too often the victim will turn on the person attempting to help, especially when there are children involved.

  15. #15
    VIP Member Array havegunjoe's Avatar
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    You may not want to get involved but this guy may end up on your doorstep anyway. Fellow employees need to know of the potential danger, I don't think it advisable to keep them in the dark. I would allow her to work different hours if possible, her soon-to-be X knows her normal routine. I would move her to a different work area if possible. If she has a picture of him let everyone know what he looks like and to bail out if they see him coming. Make sure reception area knows what he looks like and what to do if they spot him. Get a discription of the car he drives. Get local LE involved in checking on your place of business frequently until things cool down. Don't offer yourself as a body guard but if you and the boss are armed be especially vigilant.
    DEMOCRACY IS TWO WOLVES AND A LAMB VOTING ON WHAT TO HAVE FOR LUNCH. LIBERTY IS A WELL ARMED LAMB CONtestING THE VOTE.

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