Nightmare scenario - threat from family

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Thread: Nightmare scenario - threat from family

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    Member Array faithmyeyes's Avatar
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    Nightmare scenario - threat from family

    Have any of you ever been faced with, or considered as a hypothetical, the possibility of having to defend against a deadly threat from within your family? Would your actions in response be any different than if the threat were a complete stranger? What might the legal implications be?

    I find myself having to consider such a possibility. I don't want to be overly specific, but it's something like the wayward cousin who's been in small-time trouble for a number of years... this person is somewhat of a sympathetic figure and is being "protected" by other family members who have allowed themselves to be taken advantage of - even to the point of refusing to report criminal offenses against themselves (theft, most commonly - but occasionally "minor" battery).

    Recently it has become apparent that this person is using some type of drugs. Additionally, they may have made death threats against another family member (person who claimed this is not 100% reliable) and may have acquired or be trying to acquire a firearm (don't know the whole story here yet).

    I pray daily that this situation will de-fuse on its own or that those who have been directly offended and could take action to prevent any further problems will do so. However, prudence in considering the defense of my immediate family dictates that I at least consider scenarios such as this person's showing up at a family gathering while high, getting into an argument, and producing a deadly weapon. Such a scenario could have no "good" outcome.

    I'm pretty torn up emotionally over the dichotomy of having a real Christian concern for this person and their welfare vs. being forced to recognize a potential deadly threat. I will defend my family at any cost, but the cost in this case is almost unthinkable.

    Thanks for putting up with my rambling. You can imagine that discussing this with those close to me would be rather dicey... but just getting some of it in words and off my chest eases some of the worry.

    in peace
    faithmyeyes

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    Quote Originally Posted by faithmyeyes View Post
    Have any of you ever been faced with, or considered as a hypothetical, the possibility of having to defend against a deadly threat from within your family?
    Yes.

    My brother-in-law, who has robbed my home several times, and who beats my sister, his wife, for fun, has threatened to kill me, my wife, my child, and my mother many times. I've got a drawer full of restraining orders. And my wife and I have both been armed 24x7 for years...

    The good news - he managed to die last week, and I didn't have to be involved in the process. Yay.

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    VIP Member Array deadeye72's Avatar
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    Family or not, if you try to harm me or my family, you will be dealt with accordingly. I can't say that I would even feel any sorrow about it later either.
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    Member Array Dan M.'s Avatar
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    I have been in that situation, Faith. It's not easy, not by any means at all. Much prayer, tough love, and a hard line were all exercised to our limits. Fortunately for us, the law finally was able to step in and take over after a number of years of living on edge. For the time being, things are at a much lower level. Peaceful, even. Hang in there. It's a season, and seasons pass. Veeeeeeery slowly sometimes, but there is something better after this one.

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    VIP Member Array SIGguy229's Avatar
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    Faith...
    Does your wife carry? or is she familiar with firearms? Is there a restraining order against this family member? For your legal protection, you need to have a paper trail on this. Secondly, your immediate family (wife, kids) need to have a plan. This isn't paranoia, it is like preparing for a home fire. Everyone knows where to rally in the event of a fire, right? Same premise.
    I recommend doing some searches here on the forum to answer immediate questions, then ask follow-up questions accordingly.

    Mike
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    VIP Member Array matiki's Avatar
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    The threat from family and acquaintances is very real and the Bureau of Justice Statistics prepared a report on the relationship of victim to offender in homicides. It is available here.

    This is a particularly serious issue for Women, of whom 41.8% of murder victims were killed by spouses, ex-spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend or family members.

    For Men, 11.8% were killed by the same group (sig. other/family), and 35.3% were killed by acquaintances.

    For both men and women, less than 40% are killed by strangers or those that the police cannot positively identify a relationship.

    So where is your biggest threat after all? I'm afraid it's the folks around you.
    "Wise people learn when they can; fools learn when they must." - The Duke of Wellington

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    1st off Faith, I'll be praying too!

    2nd, I think you need to resolve in your own heart and mind what you are willing to suffer at this person's expense. You need to "draw the line" at some specific point.

    Personally, I do not believe you will win this person to the Lord by allowing him/her to rip you off or hurt you nor do I believe that you are expected to do that. Until this person genuinely repents and seeks change, he/she is a threat to you and your family.

    That said, I would prepare for an encounter with this person as best as I could. I would have everything from pepper spray to, God forbid it be needed, a firearm. I would not violate my own training and experience because of family and bottom line, if threat to human life or threat of severe bodily harm was imminent to myself or any member of my family, I would take whatever measures necessary to "stop the threat".

    This person is living by his/her own choices and poor choices will result in poor outcomes. Those choices and resulting consequences made by this relative are theirs, not yours should you be forced to take action, to live or die with!

    Again, I'll be praying with you!

    Thumper
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    Maybe I'm cold-hearted, but wacked-out family members do not get a pass, nor extra consideration during threats or crime. I'm not talking about bad words between relatives, but rather real crime or a real threat to cause great bodily harm.

    Step up to the pay window and you'll get your due...stranger or relative...no matter! OMO

    Stay armed...have a plan...hang in there...stay safe!
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    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    By enabling his behaviour you are doing him no favors,I carry to defend myself from a physical threat against my life there is no disclaimer on my permit that says "unless it's someone I know or immediate family members"
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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    VIP Member Array Rob72's Avatar
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    In short, "yes." And, "I fail to see any difference between animals."
    I don't need abusive family members. I don't need family members who support abusive/dangerous family members.

    Regarding "Christian concern," Christ threw the money-lenders out of the Temple. Let's think about this: one man, throwing out at least two (lenders) other grown men who made their livings making loans and collecting debts. Anyone think they just said, "Well, okay, you're right...."?

    The lenders were violating the Temple (as our bodies are described, and as marriage/family ties are likened to) by their actions, though as Jews, they had every right to be there (money-lending aside.)

    Christ didn't "ask." I'd be willing to bet good money that his sandals fluffed some robes, and he had a couple handfuls of someone else's hair, saying, "Listen here, brother..." through clenched teeth.

    Blood is what you make it.

    Christianity is only all-accepting pacificity to those who don't know history and are unwilling to accept adult responsibility. MHO.

    Good luck. Be just, but be hard.

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    Yeah, I have a relative or two who would not be admitted to my house if they showed up on my door step. They know they are not welcome and I would not hesitate to call the police if they did not leave the front porch when told to do so.

    They would be mistaking me for some whole other kind of relative if they attempted to force their way inside or if I came home and found them already inside!

    They are common criminals and blood or marriage has nothing to do with it.
    -Bark'n
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    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

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    Relatives can be the worst scum to walk the earth.

    Why? Because they will use every advantage that they have against you.

    They will use the fact that they are of the same blood as you against you.
    They will take what little trust you have in them and misuse it.
    They will steal from you because they know that more often than not, you will not press charges and even forgive them if they show just a bit of remorse.
    They will lie to your face,cheat you at every opportunity and expect you to bend over back wards for them whenever they need it.

    While I consider myself fortunate to not have any relatives like the above or any problems at all with them, I have dealt with many situations with people and their own blood kin that resulted in arrests, serious beatings,and every sort of abuse up to an including death.

    Those people that call themselves your kinfolk can surely kill you as dead as anyone else and bear watching very closely.
    The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those that speak it...- George Orwell

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    A short circuit is a short circuit, as a threat is a threat, no matter if we share a name or blood.
    "Just blame Sixto"

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    1) Your generic job is to protect the innocent;
    2) Your SPECIFIC orders are to protect your family (wife and kids - they're under your roof and under your authority: with that comes duty);
    3) Family member or not, your marching orders ("protect family") trump any relationship you might have with the threat.

    You could also say, quite legitimately, that by presenting a threat he would be "turning in his family card" - Jews were put out of the camp and Christians who earn it are excommunicated. If he were to threaten your family, a case could be made for his not being 'family' any more.

    I'll be praying, too. And, yes, if my wife's brother shows up I'll have a call in to 911, a pistol in hand just out of sight, and a command for him to leave immediately and not return. He's one reason we moved so far away.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SIXTO View Post
    A short circuit is a short circuit, as a threat is a threat, no matter if we share a name or blood.

    There ya have it.
    The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those that speak it...- George Orwell

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