The guy is a time bomb.
I don't have any websites to point you toward, as you asked, but I have some unsolicited observations. I hope you don't mind.
I am engaged and have been for four years. I have been holding off in hopes that my fiancé will change
She's delusional. Or at least she was. If she doesn't think he is capable of harming her, then she is still delusional.
Since being with him, he has been in several new business pursuits and hasn't had a job for over 20 years.
He is struggling terribly financially and will not look for a job.
It took her 4 years to figure out he wasn't a good prospect?
Since then, he has called me 9 times and left two voicemail messages. I will not take his calls....
She started off good.
I told him I needed space and that the telephone is included in that. He finally said last night that he won't call me for two days but if I called him, he would be available but would give me two days. He's going to give me two days -- I said no, I need space, please don't call me. He said
If I read that correctly, she relented and is back to speaking with him. That will just drag it out longer.
He said I believe you might leave me and I can't have that
He is controlling, and he can't handle rejection.
that he will do whatever it takes to keep me.
Sounds like the guys who kill because "If I can't have you, no one can."
Here's what I expect will happen:
1. You'll make some great suggestions to her.
2. She'll ignore your suggestions, hoping it will all go away while believing your suggestions are over the top. If she hasn't considered a gun by now, she probably won't.
3. She will live or die based on the decision the loser boyfriend makes because she won't take adequate steps of protection for herself.
I know I sound harsh, but this guy is a loose cannon. She messed up by hanging around him and being engaged to him for 4 years.
If she won't take your advice, I'd recommend she get her will in order . Then I would seriously tell her "goodbye" in case psycho loser makes good on his threats. I will be surprised if he doesn't become violent with her. And if he does, I expect a lot of rage from him.
IMO, she needs to take several steps of protection already covered by others in this thread, including arming herself, or she needs to be prepared to die at his hands. If she does not take significant precautions, the decision will be his.