First time I actually thought I might need my 1911

First time I actually thought I might need my 1911

This is a discussion on First time I actually thought I might need my 1911 within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Ok I'm a workstudy at my college. Well one of the other workstudys (she's about 30) has a crazy boyfriend. She couldn't leave because she ...

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Thread: First time I actually thought I might need my 1911

  1. #1
    Member Array fox2102's Avatar
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    First time I actually thought I might need my 1911

    Ok I'm a workstudy at my college. Well one of the other workstudys (she's about 30) has a crazy boyfriend. She couldn't leave because she had no where to go and had a suspended drivers license. Well She finally got her license yesterday. Well my friend and her have started getting involved and said boyfriend found some innocent text messages from him to her. He goes kinda crazy and comes up to the school and they start fighting. This guy is a little off his rocker. Very possesive and has no job. He actualy sits in the parking lot most of the day so he can keep an eye on her. Well they are outside talking we (the workstudies) position ourselves at a distance so we can keep an eye on him. Well he makes me and another guy and gets out of the care and trys to stare us down. He does not make a move because he knows he is surrounded. He finally leaves. After that the girl tells me and the guy i was with that he wanted to come kick our ass because we were in his buisness. Which i supose we were but we have to look out for the girl. Well that night I walk with her out the back to go to my car and he is parked right next to me in a fairly empty lot. Maybe 10 or 12 cars. Scared me to death. I couldn't just leave her to fend for herself incase he wanted to start something there so I got in my car and put my .45 under my leg cocked and locked. I have tinted windows and it was dark so he would have had a hard time seeing it because I kept it low. Well we looked at each other and they drove off. Scared me to death. I'm pretty sure that if he had approached me in a mildly threatening manner i would have presented. I am glad that it ended the way it did but this guy makes me nervous. He isn't right. I also know that he has it out for my friend that is involved with this girl too. She is going to leave him today actually and some guys from work are going to help her move. I know the boyfriend has a weapon in his house. One of the guys that is going to help move carries a glock 23. I'm going to try to avoid going but if they ask me too I will. I think they are going to call the sheriffs dept. too. I'm just worried that this guy is going after my friend because my friend has a really really bad back so one hit and he's out. He is only 20 but we're going to try to get his CCW tomorrow.

    any suggestions? thought?


  2. #2
    Member Array Rivers's Avatar
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    TRO. Fast. Get that crazy boyfriend disarmed ASAP. Then stay vigilant until the scenario changes.

    Before anyone misreads my intentions here, there are appropriate responses and uses for temporary restraining orders. This sounds like one of them. In many states, getting a TRO from a domestic abuse situation also mandates the surrender of firearms until the TRO is lifted. While not an absolute solution, this may keep some people alive, including said nutcase. If the nutcase actually goes after the gf or her friends, someone could easily not go home that night. Might even be an innocent bystander. The TRO will get the bf on the LEO radar so they can hopefully defuse the situation before anything happens.

    Last, or maybe first, is to also get the gf aware that ultimately she is responsible for her own safety. She needs some good coaching about security at home and in her vehicle, how to defend herself, and how to not make herself an easy target. She may also be able to get a carry permit rushed through with a TRO in place against her (ex) bf.

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array Pikachu711's Avatar
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    I'll echo "Rivers" response. It's time for the young lady to go to the cops & apply for a TRO. The fact that he has access to a weapon is that much more reason to get the TRO.

    Be careful now too when you are around this young lady!
    "Gun control is being able to hit your target."
    Glock 26

  4. #4
    Member Array fox2102's Avatar
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    Yeah I really dont know how crazy he is but from what I've heard I dont want to leave it to chance. He came up today and was being nice but once he realizes she's leaving i'm afraid it's going to get nasty. The thing is that I leave my .45 in the car because the school has a no carry policy. So anytime we go outside at night we're going to go in pairs. Thankfully my car isn't too far from the door but the situation still makes me nervous

  5. #5
    Member Array Rivers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fox2102 View Post
    Yeah I really dont know how crazy he is but from what I've heard I dont want to leave it to chance. He came up today and was being nice but once he realizes she's leaving i'm afraid it's going to get nasty. The thing is that I leave my .45 in the car because the school has a no carry policy. So anytime we go outside at night we're going to go in pairs. Thankfully my car isn't too far from the door but the situation still makes me nervous
    She also needs to advise school security of the situation. Go with her. See if you can get permission from school security to carry on school property. Going out in pairs is great, unless you're both unarmed and the bf isn't. Having known of a few instances when both bf/gf were abducted and murdered, you're just offering him a second target. And don't count on night for the danger level to go up. She needs to have better defense while becoming less of a target herself.

    Side note. After moving from where I went to grade school, I went back 15 years later, ran into a neighbor playmate. Asked him about others in the neighborhood. He said that the cute chubby blonde girl that was in our group got thin and very pretty. As a senior in high school, she broke up with then-bf. Went to a Sunday afternoon concert at a park, walking through an expensive downtown commercial center to go home with new bf. Ex-bf comes from behind with a RIFLE, broad daylight, and murders her. Message in this story is to not take an apparently safe situation for granted. When a known danger exists, think about how that danger could come to life.

  6. #6
    Member Array fox2102's Avatar
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    I agree rivers. No situation is 100% safe. The school is so small that we do not have our own security. However the administration is involved. The boyfriend also happens to be a student here as well. The criminal justice chair is former FBI and has close ties with local PD and is well trained himself. She is going to be working closely with him for the new couple weeks. We pulled in a favor as well to get her a can of OC spray. Going to have a couple of off duties to go with her to get her stuff today too. It is a sticky situation i will admit. I'm just hoping it plays out without incident

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    Senior Member Array Stirling XD's Avatar
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    I'm glad you and your friend are trying to help out someone that is in a tough spot. You might also want to consider whether or not this woman is simply a drama magnet. I'm sure her BF has a few loose screws, but I think she deserves a second objective look as well. After all, she was living with him. Just a suggestion. I don't know her, you do.

    I agree with the suggestions of the TRO. It's only a piece of paper, but it puts him on the LE radar. Keep in mind that a TRO is going to have one of three affects on him.

    First, it may have no affect at all. He'll just go on being crazy and obssessed.

    Second, it might back him off. Some people push until they get pushed back. Then they realize they may have to face some consequences if they don't stop. This is the affect that we all hope for.

    Third, it may cause him to escalate his bad behavior. He may feel like someone is now trying to controls his life and anyone that does that should pay. This is the one to watch out for.

    Good luck. Stay alert.

  8. #8
    Member Array fox2102's Avatar
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    Yeah definantly staying alert at all times in this situation

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    Senior Member Array highoctane's Avatar
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    Yea. This sounds like it could be bad. Hope not. Keep us posted on how things are going or turn out. You all keep on your toes and stay safe.

    I also wanted to add that Stirling brings up a good point. I dated a girl once that had a crazy BF. Used to beat her and call her names etc. Turns out, she was as crazy as he was. Trouble from the start. Im not saying THIS girl is just keep your eyes open and your head straight. Your friend that is getting involved with her may have his blinders on.

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array JerryM's Avatar
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    Be very cautious about getting into a situation such as this one. If it ever came down to the use of deadly force the questions would revolve around the facts that she must contact the police, and if necessary get a restraining order. What business did you have to involve yourself to the degree that shooting was necessary?

    In my view this is a lose lose situation for you. One has a right to date whomever he will, but you are not anybody's body guard, and so carefully consider if you are willing to go so far as to use deadly force, and face the consequences that would be inevitable.
    This is the business of the police and not a CHL holder.

    Regards,
    Jerry

  11. #11
    Member Array Vtxdpm's Avatar
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    Not a good situation but sounds like if she's still 'with' him, it's not your business to be involved.

    Now once she's actually broken it off and he starts stalking her, it's a different story but that's not a job for you to handle. Get the pros involved.

    Pretty sure that had you 'presented' and he wasn't threatening you with deadly force as would be seen in the eyes of the court (had the immediate intent, ability and opportunity), you'd still be trying to defend yourself from a 'brandishing' charge or worse.

    I know it's tough, but the dirtbags seem to have the sympathy of the state.

    Be well,
    V

  12. #12
    Member Array McDougal's Avatar
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    Avoid the situation; don't get over-involved. If he is a true psychopath, she needs to get campus security and the police involved. Chances are - that guy is still sniffing around because she is sending subtle signals. Whatever she is telling her friends, it isn't the whole unvarnished truth. Women just don't/can't be honest with themselves at that age, and therefore they can't be honest with you. If she slept with the guy and borrowed $100 from him last night, she'll 'forget' to mention that when she asks you to walk her to her car/door. Don't get pulled into the drama. She will NEVER date you. It's too late for you; you crossed from potential boyfriend into friend and brother already.

    Men have been doing stupid stuff for pretty girls they are just friends with, since we were knuckle-dragging apes. Even if it is unintentional, she will instinctively manipulate the men around her - it is the nature of pretty young does, and the nature of young bucks to be manipulated.

    If you've been eye-balling some guy for days and he's been eye-balling you, and you end up taking a punch, that's mightily close to mutual combat. Depending on your state's laws (which I don't know), you might not be allowed to use a gun to defend yourself, since it doesn't official count as a threat of grievous bodily harm when you engage in mutual combat.

    A stranger jumps you - yep, that's what a defensive cw is for. But a guy you kinda know, and you know why he wants to fight - a prosecutor may prove to the jury that you only expected a whupping, and that you used the gun to win the fight, not to save your life. That's dropping out of school because you can't afford violent-crime bail, never being able to get a good job because you can't explain the hole in your resume, and a possible felony conviction which prevents you from legally owning a gun for the rest of your life.

  13. #13
    Distinguished Member Array nutz4utwo's Avatar
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    You should not be handling this yourself. Although it is legal to carry on some college campuses, it is often against school policy and can get you expelled. Not to mention that this guy could come after you. Don't rock the boat.

    You need to call campus security or LEO's. This girl needs to get herself out of the situation and away from this guy. He is bad news.

    Most campuses have a "night walk" service. Use it. Get her to use it (even if it is just building to car...). If it is late at night, stay inside with doors locked until there is someone to escort you. Especially if he is there.

    If she is not willing to take steps to get rid of this guy, find a new workstudy that is far away from her or work different times. Domestic situations are ALWAYS ugly and you should keep your distance. Get this girl the help she needs and stay away.

    In case of confrontation do this:

    Avoid
    De-escalate
    Evade
    Obtain assistance from LEO
    Respond with appropriate force

    Edit: It is good of you to help your friend. II think you have reached the point where law enforcement should be involved. This girl might be making poor decisions, remember your safety is important too.

  14. #14
    Member Array fox2102's Avatar
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    Well the deal is she couldn't leave until she got her license back. Which she did today and she left him. We have tried to get the LEO's involved but they say until something has happened there isn't anything they can do. We have no campus police but we do have a police officer on campus but is usually not around. My friend does indeed have his blinders on. I'm trying not to go out of my way to get more involved than I need to. Also this girl is pretty straight up. She's a former army drill sargent. You'd think she could easily get rid of him and I believe she could but she up until today she had no way out.

    I wont present outside of my right too.

  15. #15
    Member Array Vtxdpm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by McDougal View Post
    Avoid the situation; don't get over-involved. If he is a true psychopath, she needs to get campus security and the police involved. Chances are - that guy is still sniffing around because she is sending subtle signals. Whatever she is telling her friends, it isn't the whole unvarnished truth. Women just don't/can't be honest with themselves at that age, and therefore they can't be honest with you. If she slept with the guy and borrowed $100 from him last night, she'll 'forget' to mention that when she asks you to walk her to her car/door. Don't get pulled into the drama. She will NEVER date you. It's too late for you; you crossed from potential boyfriend into friend and brother already.

    Men have been doing stupid stuff for pretty girls they are just friends with, since we were knuckle-dragging apes. Even if it is unintentional, she will instinctively manipulate the men around her - it is the nature of pretty young does, and the nature of young bucks to be manipulated.

    If you've been eye-balling some guy for days and he's been eye-balling you, and you end up taking a punch, that's mightily close to mutual combat. Depending on your state's laws (which I don't know), you might not be allowed to use a gun to defend yourself, since it doesn't official count as a threat of grievous bodily harm when you engage in mutual combat.

    A stranger jumps you - yep, that's what a defensive cw is for. But a guy you kinda know, and you know why he wants to fight - a prosecutor may prove to the jury that you only expected a whupping, and that you used the gun to win the fight, not to save your life. That's dropping out of school because you can't afford violent-crime bail, never being able to get a good job because you can't explain the hole in your resume, and a possible felony conviction which prevents you from legally owning a gun for the rest of your life.
    +1

    I was too lazy to type a similar post but you've nailed it.

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