February 22nd, 2010 11:48 PM
My bank was robbed today
Different bank than was robbed awhile back, but both are about 2 blocks from my house. Today's was Truman Bank which is located almost on the boundary of St. Peters and St. Charles, just off the I-70 Cave Springs exit.
Thanks to what I've learned here, I seldom go inside banks any more. I was in that bank last month, though I can't remember why at the moment. But I've cut my inside visits down to once or twice a year. Everything else is by way of the drive-through.
Unfortunately, I was right: I expected crime to increase here, and it has. We've had several smash-n-grabs (multiple cars broken into during each crime spree), a cellphone store was held up in broad daylight (the one by Bass Pro Shop on 5th St.), two different hotels around here have been robbed at gunpoint, and today's bank, all within the last 2-3 months. And this is a "good" area.
I expect home invasions next.
And all the while my wife still doesn't see the need to use the security alarm while we're home. Tried to tell her I didn't buy it to protect our stuff while we're gone, I got it to help protect us. She still doesn't get it, and refuses to use it when I'm not home, and complains when I use it.
If I ever marry again (doubtful), it will be to someone to understands the evil in mankind, and who is willing to take at least the most basic self-protection measures, and who doesn't moan and whine when someone is trying to help keep them safe.
I do not understand the logic of one who complains about another trying to protect her. Excuse me while I go bang my head on the wall.
Here's what it will take to wake her up: her or our daughter being a crime victim.
I just hope I'm home if it happens, to hopefully stop it... and if it happens when I'm not around, I hope they survive.
Some of you wonder why I'm so inflexible on security issues with my family... it's because if I do it her way, I dismantle every single security measure we have, and pretend evil doesn't happen to people like us in neighborhoods like ours.
Not gonna happen.
I'll do what I can, but I can only do so much.
I was right about the crime wave coming west from across the Missouri River.
I hope I'm not right about the home invasions.
I hope I'm not right about my wife's vulnerability to crime, but I know I am.
It is a hard thing to watch someone you love do stupid things, things which endanger her life and the life of our daughter. But I can only do so much, and I can only be around so often.
I have armed our daughter, and regularly go through drills with her of what to do in a home invasion. I think she'll follow through, but when she's not home, the wife is totally vulnerable.
The weak of this herd is willfully running around out in the tall grass by herself, and she scoffs at any mention of danger.
Maybe it's bad taste to complain about your spouse. Okay, guilty. I have bigger issues to deal with than that, like a spouse who thinks it's 1950's "Leave it to Beaver", i.e., no crime could possibly happen to us.
If it happens, and she lives through it, I will throw it in her face that I tried to protect her but she refused. I'm not concerned about being a gentleman; I'm concerned about her finally learning a lesson in the importance of self-defense. Being a gentleman doesn't work for her--she needs full-on confrontation to have any chance of getting her attention. Been married to her over 20 years. Don't pretend you know what works for her when you've never even met her (except you, Geds).
And spare me the "I don't love her" crap. If I didn't love her, I wouldn't be trying to protect her, in spite of her protestations. If I didn't love her, I'd let her go blindly on her way, never saying anything about taking care of herself.
Poor taste, complaining about her on the internet? Yes. So what. I've got bigger issues to deal with, like trying to keep her alive. You think I'm paranoid? Read the papers for this area.
One of these days I may not give a . But I do now. So pardon me while I go bank my head on the wall.
February 22nd, 2010 11:54 PM
You're "Pardoned". Your heart and mind are in the right place. Make sure the TV is tuned into local news at every opportunity, and start discussing the local crime. You said
"she needs full-on confrontation to have any chance of getting her attention". So do it.
We know ya love her.
February 23rd, 2010 12:06 AM
I am so blessed, my wife not only gets it, she is very SA and covers my back as I try to protect our family.
May the problem in your family work out and you two start to walk as one in the grace of like.
NOT LIVING IN FEAR, JUST READY!!!
I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness,
nor the arrow for its swiftness,
nor the warrior for his glory.
I love only that which they defend.
February 23rd, 2010 03:11 AM
*sigh* I hear your frustration.
You probably cant change her much at this point. You have your responsibilities, and she has hers. Perhaps, while remaining vigilant, you can allow some of her more positive views of people to affect your perspective. Vigilance is one thing, but a lifestyle of negativity isnt good for you (not that you are that extreme). Take advantage of what your partner brings to the table.
Yes, I think she's wrong. And I pray your family remains out of harm's way. Is it at all possible to move somewhere less crime-prone? (of course nowhere is perfect, but there are more peaceable areas.) Again....stress does take a toll on one's life (& relationships).
Fortune favors the bold.
Freedom doesn't mean safe, it means free.
The thing about "defense" is that it has practically nothing to do with guns. (As passed on by CCW9MM)
February 23rd, 2010 08:11 AM
Grady, I understand your frustration, and I don't blame you one bit for the way you feel.
My Dad and I go through the same thing with my Mother. As she ages, her SA is going from bad to non-existent and her pity me because I choose not to try attitude ticks us both off.
For the most part Dad is with her 24/7, maybe twice a month he goes somewhere without her, and for the past three months that has only been to go to the range.
She did come once, complained about everything, noise, crowd, smoke, the drive, anything she could think of to generate pity for herself. This is not the woman I have known for almost 50 years!!!
Mom used to be very self-sufficient, she taught me to be that way.
I understand she has some physical issues, mostly strength and balance, yet she refuses to try to do anything about them, and has adopted a "roll over and play dead" attitude. If she thinks she can no longer do something, she refuses to even try.
The past three trips Dad has made to meet us(me hubby and our daughter) at the range, have become just another chance for her to piss, moan, and whine about being left alone and defenseless. Yet she is not defenseless, one gun is always available if she is alone. I have done all but stand on my head and spit wooden nickles at her. I've asked until I'm blue in the face for her to try handling one of Dad's two S&W M&P 9mm pistols. I've told her if she tries it and absolutely can't handle it, I will rent any and every rental gun in the store until we find one that she can handle, but no, again she simply refuses to try and goes in to her "pity party" mode.
now this is the very same woman who used to enjoy going to the range as a family when I was younger, and shot every gun we owned, she did better with some than others, but enjoyed every one.
I don't know what else to try to get her to understand that she needs to get past her mentally self imposed state and try, something, do her exercises and take some responsibility for herself on those rare occasions that she is alone.
Excuse me while I go bang my head on my desk as well.
Disclaimer: The posts made by this member are only the members opinion, not a reflection on anyone else, nor the group, and should not be cause for anyone to get their undergarments wedged in an uncomfortable position.
February 23rd, 2010 10:37 AM
read some of the other papers in other area's as well so she knows it dosnt just happen to one area it happens all around. Locally here 2 girls were robbing older people.
When life gives you lemons, Open a lemonaid buisness.
February 23rd, 2010 10:46 AM
I used to live in that area...I went to school in chesterfield, and my wife worked at the family arena in st. charles. We lived in the 'mobile home community' behind Mid Rivers Mall in St. Peters. That is a nice area, and I am sorry to hear crime is on the rise...many nice communities there...stay safe.
--people ask why I carry, and I show them this picture. I think it says it all.--
NRA Certified Instructor--many disciplines
February 23rd, 2010 11:05 AM
What woke my wife up was a home invasion in our "nice neighborhood where bad stuff doesn't happen" about 5 years ago. The BG's actually exited the neighborhood via our street (and it's not a long street). When you hear the name of your street mentioned on the local news it tends to wake you up. I'd been badgering my wife for a while for us to get a gun. We purchased our first gun (.38sp) the next day. We're somewhat better armed these days :)
February 23rd, 2010 12:56 PM
Grady, I hope your spousal unit never finds out how right you are. Mrs Cleaver has the ability to live forever thru reruns. We don't.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around laws. Plato
February 23rd, 2010 03:18 PM
Have you considered or have metal security doors? The open out, and prevent smashing in. I like them,and they are inexpensive. In addition, what about iron work around your windows? Although I live in a "nice neighborhood" a couple of my neighbors had them even though we have never had a violent entry.
My wife hates alarms, and if one accidently goes off she is about like the cat you see in cartoons with all four legs straight out and all the hair standing. So I don't set our alarms when home. The door that seems to be least secure is a glass sliding door like many of us have at the back.
February 23rd, 2010 03:43 PM
Hang in there Grady.....Keep working at her, you may be making headway and you don't even know it.....It sounds like your doing all that you can.....In the meanwhile keep educating your daughter at least she's getting prepared....Stay Safe and stay aware it sounds like Evil is getting a little to close for comfort....
February 23rd, 2010 04:30 PM
at that point grady throwing it in her face would be about as cold hearted and counterproductive as one could get...the point will be made if...god forbid...it does happen...form there it would take a great deal of support and i'm reasonably certtain she would come around to your style of thinking...and realize herself that it came too late but fortunately early enough to protect herself in the event she does fall victim again...
Originally Posted by grady
seriously...listen to yourself...then put her and you in that situation...and say it in your head before you type it for the rest of us to read...
February 23rd, 2010 09:10 PM
I know what you are saying Grady. It took a really, really aggressive panhandler to wake up my wife. Aggressive like when she finally got her wallet out, he grabbed it, emptied it, and then left. She realized that she could do very little to stop a bad guy. No real harm done, money lost only, but it woke her up.
February 23rd, 2010 09:45 PM
I feel your pain
Grady, I'm sorry you're in that situation. If misery love company, you should know I'm in a similar situation.
Here's my story: I had been trying to get my wife to come to my gun club to learn how to shoot. She and my beautiful 17 year old daughter often ride their horses in the Pike National Forest west of Colroado Springs. I wanted to buy her a gun and get her trained for when they're out on a ride.
A couple of years ago, an incident occurred where a woman was kidnapped at gun point in Taos, New Mexico and forced her to drive north to Denver on I-25. As luck would have it, the woman's car broke down in Colorado Springs, right at my exit in a nice part of town! The woman fortunately escaped but the guy ran into my neighborhood. A full manhunt went into effect and a reverse 911 call went out to our neighborhood. The next night there was a home invasion in our neighborhood. Couldn't prove it was the guy but what are the odds? All this time I was on business on the East coast and couldn't do a thing about it except pray.
When I got home I told my wife that I was taking her to the club to teach her to shoot so that she could protect herself and our children (We also have two sons). I store my guns off-site at my wife's request so we stopped by and picked up my range gun, showed her my woods gun (a .44 revolver) and we headed to the club. I let her shoot my gun, rented several others at the range so she could try different ones, and I told her I would sign her up for the NRA "First Steps" course. Afterwards I took her to her favorite restaurant for lunch.
How did my wife respond to my protective behavior? She went to the Pastor of her church, told him I was stockpiling weapons and that she feared I was planning to kill her. I am not making this up. I have never looked at my wife the same way again. As far as I'm concerned her security is her issue. My only concern now is how I can protect my children.
February 23rd, 2010 09:52 PM
I'm glad I don't have those problems. My wife is security concious all the way. When she worked nigyhts, I always left the front door open until she got home at 11:00 P.M.. This use to drive her crazy. Now that she's on days, that front door is locked as soon as she walks in or I walk in whoever gets in later.
"I dislike death, however, there are some things I dislike more than death. Therefore, there are times when I will not avoid danger" Mencius"
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