Friends do not understand my CCing. - Page 2

Friends do not understand my CCing.

This is a discussion on Friends do not understand my CCing. within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by gasmitty This won't come as welcome news to you, but I think you screwed the pooch when you pronounced your concealed-carry status ...

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Thread: Friends do not understand my CCing.

  1. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by gasmitty View Post
    This won't come as welcome news to you, but I think you screwed the pooch when you pronounced your concealed-carry status to your friends. You had the option of quietly slipping your carry piece under the seat or otherwise leaving it behind without giving up your status as a CCW-er to these girls. Basically, YOU "triggered the situation."

    One of the fundamentals of concealed carry which you will often see repeated in this forum is "never tell." There was absolutely nothing to be gained by revealing to your friends that you carry for self-defense, except perhaps among like-minded people.

    That said, do you still want to associate with people who hold your beliefs in contempt? Your friends may just never have given the thought of self defense much thought, so you might not want to be too hard on them. If that's the case, and you truly value their friendship, then you might consider having a more in-depth chat with them about the value of human life, your level of training and preparedness, etc.

    For many who we here describe as "sheep", the thought of someone actively taking measures for personal defense is anathema... a foreign concept. Give your friends a little time to get used to the idea that you carry, BUT - stand your ground. Don't change your beliefs because THEY are afraid. "If you don't stand for something, you'll surely fall for anything."
    You might be right, and I really thought about what you say. Maybe it had been better if I had lied; but I could not. Perhaps I was naive, but I could not lie to them when they asked me why I did not want to go in. We were not my in car, and for that reason I would never leave my gun inside it without permission of the owner. Yes, I perhaps am naive, but I do not like lies; even less when talking about friends. I believe in “do not do to other people what you do not like other people do to you”.

    Quote Originally Posted by DM2 View Post
    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm also sorry to hear about the closed mindedness of your friends. I sure hope good friendships are not ruined because of this. Maybe you can try to talk to your friends and explain to them your background with firearms, training, practice etc. You might also invite them for a friend night at the range, or possibly arrange a ladies night at the range with them and some of their other friends with a neutral party doing the instructing and assistance. Maybe you could meet them afterwards for lunch or something to discuss their feelings.

    I've found that most people's negative reaction to guns are based in fear. I know mine was. I was never interested in guns until I took my first class. Now, I enjoy the challenge of mastering the sport.

    I hope it works out for you. Good luck.
    The strange is that they are not anti; one of them is considering to perhaps get pepper spray. However, she believes that if she gets a gun she will most probably shoot herself. When they said that accidents happen I asked them if they were afraid that my gun should jump out of the holster and start to shoot people by itself; they were not afraid of that. They are afraid that if I carry a firearm it will incite a gunfight and that it could be fired by accident while carrying; according to them carrying is totally unnecessary. I told them that I could explain the CC laws, safety rules, and how guns work, and after that we could go to the range. They accepted talking about the safety rules and the law, but they did not want to touch a gun or that I should do it unless we were at the range, because it could be fired by mistake and then kill the neighbor; they wanted me to explain how a gun work using a diagram. I would never take to a public range two persons that do not have a clue about how a gun works.

    Quote Originally Posted by BugDude View Post
    +1. Great post!! I'm going to have to use that "screwed the pooch" line, if you don't mind...classic.

    You could have told them that something you ate at the restaurant didn't agree with you and you wouldn't be able to go to the club. No one ever asks too many questions regarding gastro-intestinal issues. The pooch is out of the bag at this point, but a good excuse to fall back on for future reference. I've used that line a few times to get out of shopping (my wife does not want me having GI issues around her, especially in public).

    I did not know about it until she parked the car


    This entire situation is so sad and strange at the same time. I really feel very bad because of it.
    Last edited by GM; March 15th, 2010 at 11:15 AM.
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  2. #17
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    Good grief, is carrying a gun really top secret? It blows my mind that folks are so worried about other people finding out. I would go nuts if I lived somewhere that I had to worry about people finding out I carried. FWIW, the person I want to defend myself from is 99% sure to not be someone that knows I carry.

    It stinks that they are acting that way. My personality is a bit confrontational at times. I would come up with a list of things and ask if they would disown a friend because of race, religion, sexuality, taste in music, whatever I could come up with. Basically, I would look at forcing their hand on the bigotry towards guns. If they insist on it then you have your answer.
    I prefer to live dangerously free than safely caged!

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  3. #18
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    Hey man, it is what it is. Try to help them understand in a positive manner. Don't approach is from the "your opinion is wrong" standpoint, but from a "I want to help you understand my perspective, not that you have to agree with it." If they understand your perspective, perhaps they will change their own opinion...you can't change it for them. Reinforce safety by saying, "if some folks aren't comfortable with a gun, then they should not posess one." If a person is not comfortable with or knowledgable of guns, then their chances of an accident or having it used aganist them may indeed be greater (I don't know, I'm just saying hypothetically). If you explain your training and safe gun handling measures (and they see that it stays concealed, holstered, and not handled in front of them), then they should have nothing to fear. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

    PS. I'm still impressed that you're hanging out with chicks...but then again, you've got drama. There is no drama hanging out with a bunch of old geezers. They all carry and as long as their old ladies aren't giving them grief, they could give a rat's behind about anyone else. Old guys are just mellow that way.
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  4. #19
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    understanding and accepting the risks

    Before I bought my first pistol I thought that I would need to have all kinds of safeties on it to be comfortable, but after a while it sunk in that the gun is not going to discharge on it's own. It'll only fire if the trigger is pulled, and the trigger can only be pulled if it's taken out of the holster, which you would never do carelessly.

    You might remind them how uneasy they felt the first time they got behind the wheel of a car. That's a deadly weapon they roll around in every day, but they don't live in fear of it because they know they have the training and experience to handle it safely. It's the same with firearms.

    If it's any comfort, us at DC understand you and support your decision to exercise your rights.

  5. #20
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    People that have never touched a gun go by what the newspapers tell them,Gun goes off and kills innocent bystander,man accidently shoots friend,man was cleaning gun when it just went off.The only way to teach them any different is to have them take a gun safety class in a classroom setting,and realise that most quality firearms don't just go off due to the built in safetys
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  6. #21
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    They're your friends.....use some love and compassion. Fear is the issue.
    A day at the range sounds like a good dealif they'll bite.

    If thier too closed-minded about the issue, part ways.
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

  7. #22
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    Tough act to pull off...





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  8. #23
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    Ha, I think I know why you hang out with these two girls.
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  9. #24
    VIP Member Array grady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GM View Post
    My CCing ruined a beautiful day,
    IMO, their reaction ruined a beautiful day, not your CCing.

    Quote Originally Posted by GM View Post
    and I am afraid that this will be the end of our friendship.
    If that's their decision, respect it, and move on. You can't force someone to want to be around you.

    Yes, it's sad to lose good friends, but people and friendships change. Maybe they'll come around eventually, maybe not.

    I guess now you get to decide if their company or carrying while you're with them is more important to you, that is, if they still want to be around you.

    If a "friend" would dump me because I carry a gun, then they weren't much of a friend to start with. I'd wish such a person well in life, and then move on.

  10. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by grady View Post
    IMO, their reaction ruined a beautiful day, not your CCing.

    If that's their decision, respect it, and move on. You can't force someone to want to be around you.

    Yes, it's sad to lose good friends, but people and friendships change. Maybe they'll come around eventually, maybe not.

    I guess now you get to decide if their company or carrying while you're with them is more important to you, that is, if they still want to be around you.

    If a "friend" would dump me because I carry a gun, then they weren't much of a friend to start with. I'd wish such a person well in life, and then move on.
    Well said Grady!
    Disclaimer: The posts made by this member are only the members opinion, not a reflection on anyone else, nor the group, and should not be cause for anyone to get their undergarments wedged in an uncomfortable position.

  11. #26
    Distinguished Member Array Guardian's Avatar
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    Well, it's been said, you have two choices here partner. Don't wear it when your with them, I mean come on is wearing that gun worth losing two friends, is that piece of metal all that dang important over two friends just because they think differently then you, if so, part ways partner, it's that simple.

    If not, don't wear it when your with them, enjoy their company and then re-arm when your day is done, no big deal, go out and enjoy their company as you have done in the past.

    Obviously you all became friends over more then one issue, so one issue should not dissolve that friendship (Yah, I'm standing out from the crowed here) just a little.

    Three choices here actually, see if they would be willing to compromise and go to the gun range as suggested and find out why you CC and if not, then your down to the two choices and time to make one.

    I know which one I would make, but I'm not you.
    "I dislike death, however, there are some things I dislike more than death. Therefore, there are times when I will not avoid danger" Mencius"

  12. #27
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    I think that people who have not realized that the real world is not the model of the universe they carry around as a description in their heads live in a world in which "life is beautiful all the time". (To quote a popular song from the '60's, "They're Coming to Take Me Away".)

    Our preparation for the eventuality of a need for self defense and defense of others causes an internal psychological conflict for such people. And since they perceive you as the cause of their cognitive dissonance, they identify you as the bad guy. They really want to believe that the world is bunnies and rainbows, and you're telling them that it's a violent and unpredictable place.

    I always ask such people why we have police, fire, and EMS, and whether they've got a fire extinguisher in their houses. People whose view of the world is so warped as to be controlled by their need to believe that nothing bad can happen deserve what they get.

    "Shake the dust off your sandals as you leave that town."
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  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by GM View Post
    I told them that I could explain the CC laws, safety rules, and how guns work, and after that we could go to the range. They accepted talking about the safety rules and the law, but they did not want to touch a gun or that I should do it unless we were at the range, because it could be fired by mistake and then kill the neighbor; they wanted me to explain how a gun work using a diagram. I would never take to a public range two persons that do not have a clue about how a gun works.
    Are they open to taking the safety course? it might put them more at ease to be in a controlled environment where they are explained and shown safe handling and how a gun operates and then also allows them to fire one. You can always go with them.

  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by GM View Post
    My CCing ruined a beautiful day. We are three people that use to spend time together, two girls and I. We visit restaurants, theaters, cinemas, go to concerts etc. but they did not know that I carry a firearm. Today, we spent the day together once again; I was not the driver. We went to a restaurant, but after eating they wanted to go to a night club; a very nice one. Since I was carrying my firearm and I was not sure about the law concerning night clubs, I could not go in there. So, I had to tell them that I was CCing. Although they said that it was ok and they acted like nothing had happened, I could see that one of them was in shock, and the other one pretty close to it.

    When I later called them to talk about the matter I realized that they really disliked that I CC. I tried to explain to them that I was exactly the same person than before, but they said that they did not want me to carry a firearm when I am with them. They do not want a lot of firearms around them because accidents happen. Furthermore, they said that they cannot worry all the time about the BGs. Actually, they told me that if a BG attacked us when we were together and I was armed, they were afraid that it would trigger a shooting situation and then they should be hurt. It was obvious that they were almost in shock and that they refused to understand. I am sad because of this situation; I am very sad. My CCing ruined a beautiful day, and I am afraid that this will be the end of our friendship. Did any of you have a similar problem? If you did, what did you do about it?
    Take them to the range ... seriously. They'll have fun and you get to explain why the "gun accident" problems perpetuated by the news and Hollywood are not concerns for responsible adults.
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  15. #30
    Distinguished Member Array MinistrMalic's Avatar
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    Here you have on display the two main philosophies of those who carry.

    1. Anyone who doesn't love guns is a sheep/victim who isn't worth being friends with.

    2. Many who are scared of guns are ignorant of the reality of firearms and most will, with some time and discussion and understanding, come around.

    Me? I strongly prefer door #2. My wife was raised strongly anti-gun, and now can outshoot me any day. I have plenty of family who have come around. Occasionally someone gets belligerent, but that is not common. Instead, with some compassion and understanding, some discussion and a few trips to the range when the time is right, many will come to understand the safety behind CC and will accept and even embrace it.

    So if you want to save the friendships (and it sounds like you do), take that path. Take your time, give them some space and have the discussion(s) with tact.
    "...whoever has no sword is to sell his coat and buy one." (Luke 22:36)
    Christianity and Self Defense from a Biblical Perspective

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