Friends do not understand my CCing.

This is a discussion on Friends do not understand my CCing. within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I think I would tell them something like this: "I'm really sorry that this upsets you both, you know I love hanging out with you. ...

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Thread: Friends do not understand my CCing.

  1. #31
    Member Array torgo1968's Avatar
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    I think I would tell them something like this:

    "I'm really sorry that this upsets you both, you know I love hanging out with you. But millions of people carry concealed legally every day without incident. I'm trained, I know how to be safe -- my gun is not going to be accidentally fired and I'm not interested in getting into fire fights. I do this because I value my life and because it is harmless to do so if I am not in danger. If you would like to know the facts about concealed carry, I'd love to share them with you, but I can't let your ignorance override my safety."

    I wouldn't say it in a challenging or angry manner. If anything, you should have a sad tone; make sure they understand that you value their friendship, but you value your life more.

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  3. #32
    Member Array tessa's Avatar
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    One trick for always being able to do what you want, always bring your own car. Separate. That night you could have just said "no thanks" to the club or locked your gun in the lock box of your car. Doesn't help you now, but could help in the future.

  4. #33
    Distinguished Member Array coffeecup's Avatar
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    Your gun can be a much better "friend" than those two. Keep the gun and ditch the others.

  5. #34
    Member Array drjavelina's Avatar
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    I haven't read all of the replies, but I don't need my friends approval for my actions. I didn't ask my friends permission to get my chl or to carry my weapon. Your friends don't like you carrying, to dang bad.
    Blessed be the Lord my rock who trains my hands for war and my fingers for battle. Psalm 144:1

  6. #35
    Distinguished Member Array GunGeezer's Avatar
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    Your decision to CC is a personal one, every bit a personal as your religious choice or who you vote for. You only need to justify it to yourself and prepare to deal with the consequences. Life is all about change and ones ability to adapt. If your friends don't respect this, find ones that do.

  7. #36
    Member Array Phantoms's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GM View Post
    My CCing ruined a beautiful day. We are three people that use to spend time together, two girls and I. We visit restaurants, theaters, cinemas, go to concerts etc. but they did not know that I carry a firearm. Today, we spent the day together once again; I was not the driver. We went to a restaurant, but after eating they wanted to go to a night club; a very nice one. Since I was carrying my firearm and I was not sure about the law concerning night clubs, I could not go in there. So, I had to tell them that I was CCing. Although they said that it was ok and they acted like nothing had happened, I could see that one of them was in shock, and the other one pretty close to it.

    When I later called them to talk about the matter I realized that they really disliked that I CC. I tried to explain to them that I was exactly the same person than before, but they said that they did not want me to carry a firearm when I am with them. They do not want a lot of firearms around them because accidents happen. Furthermore, they said that they cannot worry all the time about the BGs. Actually, they told me that if a BG attacked us when we were together and I was armed, they were afraid that it would trigger a shooting situation and then they should be hurt. It was obvious that they were almost in shock and that they refused to understand. I am sad because of this situation; I am very sad. My CCing ruined a beautiful day, and I am afraid that this will be the end of our friendship. Did any of you have a similar problem? If you did, what did you do about it?
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  8. #37
    GM [OP]
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bark'n View Post
    Ha, I think I know why you hang out with these two girls.
    I am glad you do, because then you surely understand how it feels to lose good friends.
    "The Second Amendment: America's Original Homeland Security"

  9. #38
    Ex Member Array maddyfish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildcatCWP View Post
    (This is my personal opinion and thus is worth absolutely nothing.)

    First mistake: telling them you carry a gun. Concealed means concealed. I would have tried to maneuver myself out of the bar/nightclub* situation. By lying, if needs be.

    Second mistake: Making friends that don't want you to be able to defend yourself, don't want you to defend them, and don't care about bad guys. Sounds like your friends are just immature. They aren't both named Pollyanna, by any chance?

    If they aren't going to frisk you every time you go out, then continue to carry, but be discreet. Try and steer the night's events according to where you can carry. Try to expand your social circle to maybe bring in more pro-rights people who will even things out.

    *Nightclubs are dangerous places anyway. It's just lots of people drunk/coked up and trying to show off. A quick Google News search for 'nightclub shooting' brings up a ton of results. I wouldn't step foot in one.
    ^^^^Just about the perfect response. Don't tell. Ever. None of their buisness.

  10. #39
    VIP Member Array TedBeau's Avatar
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    It sounds like you have at least started to get them thinking about why you carry a gun.
    Here is my suggestion, assuming you really want to keep them as friends make a deal with them.
    Tell them you will not carry while you are with them because it makes them uncomfortable. Explain however that they in turn need to realize that not carrying makes you uncomfortable, so you will have the option of deciding where you consider it safe to go when you are not carrying. They cannot complain about your decisions regarding this. In addition, they have to also agree to let you explain how guns really operate, how you can safely carry, why you carrying makes you less likely to get into an altercation, and how having higher SA makes all of you less likely to be involved in a dangerous situation. You will also be showing them situations found in the local and national news pointing out the criminals do not play fair, and can strike at any time, in any place.
    Hopefully it will not take to long to convince them that you and your gun are nothing to be feared, and that they actually should appreciate your ability to defend yourself or them should the worse happen. Perhaps they will eventually even be willing to learn a little more about ways to protect themselves.

  11. #40
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    Give them some time to think about it. They may change their mind.
    And if not...they probably weren't ment to be your friends. It's sad but that's life.
    Benjamin Franklin: "They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security."

  12. #41
    VIP Member Array packinnova's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MinistrMalic View Post
    Here you have on display the two main philosophies of those who carry.

    1. Anyone who doesn't love guns is a sheep/victim who isn't worth being friends with.

    2. Many who are scared of guns are ignorant of the reality of firearms and most will, with some time and discussion and understanding, come around.

    Me? I strongly prefer door #2. My wife was raised strongly anti-gun, and now can outshoot me any day. I have plenty of family who have come around. Occasionally someone gets belligerent, but that is not common. Instead, with some compassion and understanding, some discussion and a few trips to the range when the time is right, many will come to understand the safety behind CC and will accept and even embrace it.

    So if you want to save the friendships (and it sounds like you do), take that path. Take your time, give them some space and have the discussion(s) with tact.
    I dunno. I think there's a 3rd group in there and they have absolutely no hope.

    Sure you can take some anti-gun folks and if you can get them comfortable enough to take some basic firearm familiarization and instruction they may come around as their anti-stance was based on an irrational fear due to mainly ignorance.

    Then there's the other type, that aren't necessarily just anti-gun. They are anti-self defense period. Their stance isn't based on ignorance of the firearm and you can familiarize them and instruct them until they can do a detail strip and rebuild of every firearm in your safe and it won't make a difference. I've run into a number of folks, men and women alike that would not just not carry a firearm or allow anyone else near them to, but they wouldn't even carry pepper spray. Their theory is that any response by them would trigger a worse response from their attackers. This is a core philosophical issue that needs to be addressed and instruction or range time won't fix that.

    My advice(for the measly half-cent it's worth) to the OP would be to carefully gauge the issue with the friends. If it appears that the issue is just due to fear based on ignorance of the tool, then there is hope. See if you can work something out with familiarization and instruction.

    If they're in the 3rd group, they have some seriously flawed BASE philosophical issues, that quite frankly aren't worth wasting your time on working out and would take a lot more time and effort than just some instruction or range time.

    So it really boils down to:
    1. Which group are they in(2nd from the above poster or my 3rd)?
    2. How good of friends do you consider them? In other words, are they worth the extra effort to you...


    If you can answer both of those questions, you should be able to figure out you need to do.
    "My God David, We're a Civilized society."

    "Sure, As long as the machines are workin' and you can call 911. But you take those things away, you throw people in the dark, and you scare the crap out of them; no more rules...You'll see how primitive they can get."
    -The Mist (2007)

  13. #42
    Ex Member Array Will B. Droopy's Avatar
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    I haven't read all the responses here GM, but keep in mind that the average Joe or Josephine feels that guns are the most deadly weapons on this planet, and they may fear them as we would fear shooting an overloaded 300 year old blunderbuss with no eye protection!

    So, you may want to explain to your friends that a kitchen knife, a nail hammer, or a motor vehicle are all equally dangerous in the wrong hands, and then perhaps they may realize that your pistol is but an inanimate object, and it will not jump out and magically hurt them; even if you stood right next to them for the next 1000 years.

    It's a just a hunk of metal, sitting there safe and sound in its own little bed (your holster), sleeping away until needed by a human (you) to make it safely operate. Since you are that human, they may (unconsciously) not trust you -- or anyone -- with such dangerous objects. If so, ask them if they trust you to drive a two ton car down the road with them as passengers; which is a far more dangerous/deadly object than any handgun could ever hope to be. Or ask them if they would feel comfortable with a trained and armed police officer in the very same room with them. If they would feel OK with a LEO, you may want to point out to your friends that you are highly trained as well, especially in firearm safety, so why would they trust a stranger, the LEO, and not you with a handgun?

    -Bill

  14. #43
    Member Array twocan's Avatar
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    Origin of phrase?

    [QUOTE=BugDude;1539106]+1. Great post!! I'm going to have to use that "screwed the pooch" line, if you don't mind...classic.

    QUOTE]

    Does anyne know he origin of the phrase, "screwed the Pooch"?

  15. #44
    New Member Array Martin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bark'n View Post
    Ha, I think I know why you hang out with these two girls.
    I think I know why as well

    If we're wrong, tell them you'll go gun-less if they go topless!

    Or maybe they just prefer the "gentle"man.

    I would tell them you won't carry again, then carry anyway. This time keep it concealed.

  16. #45
    Senior Member Array Bob O's Avatar
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    There are "true friends" and there are "close acquaintances".

    I have had hundreds of close acquaintances in my life (71 years), but very few (could count them on one hand) true friends.

    Those girls you said were friends were not true friends at all. A true friend will stick by you, thick or thin, and a little thing like your CC experience would not affect a true friendship.

    Friends are well worth spending the time and effort to keep, acquaintances come and go - those two 'up and went'!

    Build up some true friendships. It takes time, effort, and sacrifice on both sides, that's why they are so rare, but they are also valuable and lasting!


    Bobo
    Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other"
    ~John Adams

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