Friends do not understand my CCing.

This is a discussion on Friends do not understand my CCing. within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; E-mail your friends this link... Dr. Suzanne Gratia-Hupp as she testified before congress. Maybe from another woman's perspective they may just listen. It's along shot ...

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Thread: Friends do not understand my CCing.

  1. #61
    Senior Member Array TheShadow's Avatar
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    E-mail your friends this link...

    Dr. Suzanne Gratia-Hupp as she testified before congress. Maybe from another woman's perspective they may just listen. It's along shot but it's a very powerful and emotional video to watch.

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  3. #62
    Ex Member Array Will B. Droopy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GM View Post
    - Buying an airsoft pistol to explain them how a pistol function. I am sure that they will enjoy shooting one of them; and when they are use to it I can learn them to handle a firearm.
    Just as a quick safety tip, GM, in case you have never fired an Airsoft gas gun: The gas ones can be surprisingly powerful, so watch that you or your friends obey all of the safety rules. (I mistakingly thought that they were mere (Nurf-like) toys, and to show my wife that Airsofts were not dangerous, I shot at one of our plastic window blinds that I had taped a target to: The round plastic projectile went right through the damn blind. Boy, was she p!ssed. But I'm certainly glad I found out that way, rather than before someone lost an eye...)

    -Bill

  4. #63
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by liljake82 View Post
    I've been that guy that buys drinks, movie tickets, and meals, holds doors and purses, and runs off the guys that the FM doesn't want to talk to. In short, I've been used and kicked to the curb...
    That sounds like me...I'm that guy right now...and I've been married 17 years!!!
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
    No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.


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  5. #64
    GM [OP]
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bill Calley View Post
    Just as a quick safety tip, GM, in case you have never fired an Airsoft gas gun: The gas ones can be surprisingly powerful, so watch that you or your friends obey all of the safety rules. (I mistakingly thought that they were mere (Nurf-like) toys, and to show my wife that Airsofts were not dangerous, I shot at one of our plastic window blinds that I had taped a target to: The round plastic projectile went right through the damn blind. Boy, was she p!ssed. But I'm certainly glad I found out that way, rather than before someone lost an eye...)

    -Bill
    Oh man, you made me laugh . I can imagine your face when you shot through the blind right after telling to your wife that Airsoft gas guns are not dangerous. I am sure that you had to hear it after that!
    Last edited by GM; March 16th, 2010 at 06:07 PM.
    "The Second Amendment: America's Original Homeland Security"

  6. #65
    Member Array scorpion12's Avatar
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    Call it what you will, but there's a "glass jaw argument" the ladies are throwing at you... it may look strong but given the circumstances, it will not withstand scrutiny.

    Ask them what their plan is when someone gets belligerent in the night club... or when they are approached at a gas station...
    or when they're loading their groceries in their vehicle and they see the same van drive by 3 times and they're not looking for a parking spot...
    or whatever situation you can think of that is run into every day...

    Is their plan to seek help? From whom?

    If they say seek help, ask them how many times they have passed someone by that might have needed help but they pretended not to notice...

    Explain to them that the first thing taught in CCW/CWP/CPL or whatever it's called in your state class is: Avoid if possible... extract yourself from the situation and DO NOT ESCALATE!

    Then ask them how far away the nearest police officer is... pretend to call 911 then wait 2 or 3 minutes or even longer and show them how long it truly is...

    It sounds like they are suffering from an irrational fear or firearms... fearful that touching one will cause it to go off and "kill a neighbor"...

    Point and counter-point their argument with valid points and reasons to carry... use everyday situations they will understand.

    If after this they still don't understand, then carry anyway and wish them well living their lives oblivious to how society is becoming more dangerous.

  7. #66
    GM [OP]
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    Quote Originally Posted by scorpion12 View Post
    Call it what you will, but there's a "glass jaw argument" the ladies are throwing at you... it may look strong but given the circumstances, it will not withstand scrutiny.

    Ask them what their plan is when someone gets belligerent in the night club... or when they are approached at a gas station...
    or when they're loading their groceries in their vehicle and they see the same van drive by 3 times and they're not looking for a parking spot...
    or whatever situation you can think of that is run into every day...

    Is their plan to seek help? From whom?

    If they say seek help, ask them how many times they have passed someone by that might have needed help but they pretended not to notice...

    Explain to them that the first thing taught in CCW/CWP/CPL or whatever it's called in your state class is: Avoid if possible... extract yourself from the situation and DO NOT ESCALATE!

    Then ask them how far away the nearest police officer is... pretend to call 911 then wait 2 or 3 minutes or even longer and show them how long it truly is...

    It sounds like they are suffering from an irrational fear or firearms... fearful that touching one will cause it to go off and "kill a neighbor"...

    Point and counter-point their argument with valid points and reasons to carry... use everyday situations they will understand.

    If after this they still don't understand, then carry anyway and wish them well living their lives oblivious to how society is becoming more dangerous.
    I agree with everything you write. What makes it kind of ironic is that since I always told them to avoid bad areas and places that could imply getting in trouble - and if we were together I refused to go to those places - they used to say that I was paranoid and that I could not be afraid of everything.
    "The Second Amendment: America's Original Homeland Security"

  8. #67
    Senior Member Array Tom357's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GM View Post
    ...When I later called them to talk about the matter I realized that they really disliked that I CC...They do not want a lot of firearms around them because accidents happen. Furthermore, they said that they cannot worry all the time about the BGs. Actually, they told me that if a BG attacked us when we were together and I was armed, they were afraid that it would trigger a shooting situation and then they should be hurt. It was obvious that they were almost in shock and that they refused to understand. I am sad because of this situation; I am very sad. My CCing ruined a beautiful day, and I am afraid that this will be the end of our friendship. Did any of you have a similar problem? If you did, what did you do about it?
    Quote Originally Posted by GM View Post
    You might be right, and I really thought about what you say. Maybe it had been better if I had lied; but I could not. Perhaps I was naive, but I could not lie to them when they asked me why I did not want to go in. We were not my in car, and for that reason I would never leave my gun inside it without permission of the owner. Yes, I perhaps am naive, but I do not like lies; even less when talking about friends. I believe in “do not do to other people what you do not like other people do to you”.



    The strange is that they are not anti; one of them is considering to perhaps get pepper spray. However, she believes that if she gets a gun she will most probably shoot herself. When they said that accidents happen I asked them if they were afraid that my gun should jump out of the holster and start to shoot people by itself; they were not afraid of that. They are afraid that if I carry a firearm it will incite a gunfight and that it could be fired by accident while carrying; according to them carrying is totally unnecessary. I told them that I could explain the CC laws, safety rules, and how guns work, and after that we could go to the range. They accepted talking about the safety rules and the law, but they did not want to touch a gun or that I should do it unless we were at the range, because it could be fired by mistake and then kill the neighbor; they wanted me to explain how a gun work using a diagram. I would never take to a public range two persons that do not have a clue about how a gun works.




    I did not know about it until she parked the car


    This entire situation is so sad and strange at the same time. I really feel very bad because of it.
    It doesn't sound to me like you have lost your friends, though I understand how disappointed and regretful you felt about their initial reaction. It sounds to me like their immediate reaction was due to being caught off-guard and facing a concept right in front of them that had only been safely hypothetical, before. It sounds like theirs was a gut-level, emotional response, first, followed by a more logical response, later.

    I disagree with those who have made snap judgements about how your friends don't respect you. Clearly, from the follow-up conversation, they DO respect you, enough to learn more about a subject they fear. I think that says a lot about the positive nature of your friendship, and their respect for you, once they got over their initial response from feelings.

    My wife grew up in Berkeley, California, in the 1960's. When we started out, she was very anti-gun. I began by having her look at Oleg Volk's site, Make a choice, and we discussed the issues (and her arguments) that came up. I followed up by showing her news articles from local news and from the articles compiled on Keep and Bear Arms - Gun Owners Home Page - 2nd Amendment Supporters. In retrospect, it was important for her to read and hear about positive outcomes from people carrying. She started having doubts about her position. She enjoyed target archery, and I got her to go to the range. She shot a pistol and a couple of revolvers, and discovered that she likes revolvers better than semi-autos, and that she enjoyed target shooting.

    One night, my wife reached what turned out to be her crisis point on the matter. We had a very honest conversation. She said two things that have been seared into my memory.

    "It isn't that I hate you carrying; but, I hate that you think it's necessary and it scares me."

    "I wanted my bedroom to be a place I feel completely safe, and if you think we need a gun in the nightstand, then it isn't."

    My wife didn't want to think about the BG's, either. Later, she admitted that I'd made some good points she needed to think about. A few months passed. One evening, she walked in to the family room, and quietly announced that, when we had some money to spare, she wanted me to help her pick out a revolver.

    It has taken patience, persistence, mutual respect, and love. You clearly have respect and love for your friends. Be patient and persistent. Don't compromise yourself for their regard.
    - Tom
    You have the power to donate life.

  9. #68
    Member Array DIXIETWISTER's Avatar
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    My wife does not even bat an eye when i carry, but her father is former law enforcement.
    You may not like guns. You may choose not to own one. That is your right.
    You might not believe in God. That is your choice.
    However, if someone breaks into your home at 3AM the first two things you are going to do are:
    1) Call someone with a gun.
    2)Pray they get there in time." - A wise man

  10. #69
    Member Array Hotbrass's Avatar
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    If they will not listen and be OK with you carrying, you will have to decide which is more important to you.

    I say you need new friends. If trouble breaks out you will be left alone. While screeming women are running away.
    Keep your powder dry

  11. #70
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    If they are not family, dump them; life is too short to go through it trying to please everyone that doesn't count anyway.
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    +1 John...women are like city buses, but true friends are rare. These two belong in the first category and apparently never were in the second.

    (John, any kin to Mark?)
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  12. #71
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    This is me. This is who I am. Learn to live with it or move on.

  13. #72
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GM View Post
    My CCing ruined a beautiful day.
    Nope. Close-mindedness and prejudgment ruined the day.

    Your carrying was fine. And you handled the situation well, as ridiculous as it is to be forced into divulging what shouldn't have to be anybody else's business. It's one more example of how the permissions process effectively harms upstanding people in a myriad of ways.

    Of course you're the same person as before. Except for the fact that you're now "one of them," a "gun" person, and God knows what you're gonna do with that thing.

    Oh, my ... you're a Presbyterian, Libertarian, Fruit Eating, Motorcycle Riding, Mountain Hiking, Beach Combing, Literature Indulging, inveterate human being? OMG! Gee, and all this time I never knew. Things will never be the same between us, now that I know. You're obviously not who I thought you were. And that's your fault, Bob. You caused this rift. And you're gonna have to change, because of it, else I don't want to have anything to do with you ... blah, blah, blah.


    "True" friends recognize that you're still good, upstanding. That you haven't changed. That you are, in fact, the same person as you were 60 seconds earlier. Just as honorable. Just as compassionate. Just as prepared to defend your life and your loved ones from having everything taken in a moment of needless violence perpetrated for no reason whatsoever. It's just that now the person understands you actually are prepared to do that, and the person utterly fails to appreciate how ultimately loving and caring that is: that you would risk laying down your life in the defense of those you love, if need be, and you won't allow their lives to be taken without a fight. That's a good thing, by any standard.

    Friends who aren't really friends feel that they don't need an education on the topic. Friends that can't get past it aren't who you thought they were. Not everyone is destined to be your friend. Such is life.

    My CCing ruined a beautiful day, and I am afraid that this will be the end of our friendship. Did any of you have a similar problem? If you did, what did you do about it?
    Yes, I have had a couple acquaintances drop off the deep end, once they realized I didn't think all firearms should be melted down and recast as medical equipment for the poor. No, they wouldn't attempt to discuss or understand a perspective that altered their view of the topic. I wasn't prepared to lose a friend over carrying of firearms. Apparently, each of them were. Such is life. (Though, nobody has found out I carry and then blown a gasket. The mere idea I considered defending life a good thing with ... with ... firearms, was anathema. Didn't even need to know I carried, which undoubtedly would have caused burst blood vessels all over the place.)

    What can be done? You either cease doing the activity, or you help the person change his/her understanding in the hope that ignorance can be banished. However, one of the great lessons in this life is: ignorance is often like a warm blanket, to some, and it cannot always be eliminated.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
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  14. #73
    Senior Member Array Tom357's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ccw9mm View Post
    ...ignorance is often like a warm blanket, to some...
    ooo....good line and good analogy.
    - Tom
    You have the power to donate life.

  15. #74
    AzB
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
    E-mail your friends this link...

    Dr. Suzanne Gratia-Hupp as she testified before congress. Maybe from another woman's perspective they may just listen. It's along shot but it's a very powerful and emotional video to watch.
    Wow, I'd never seen that. Thanks for posting.
    Az

    -- Luck favors the well prepared.

  16. #75
    GM [OP]
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
    E-mail your friends this link...

    Dr. Suzanne Gratia-Hupp as she testified before congress. Maybe from another woman's perspective they may just listen. It's along shot but it's a very powerful and emotional video to watch.
    Although I knew about this lady and I had seen this video before, I totally had forgotten about her horrible story. Thank you very much for reminding me about it.
    "The Second Amendment: America's Original Homeland Security"

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