Friends do not understand my CCing.

This is a discussion on Friends do not understand my CCing. within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; My CCing ruined a beautiful day. We are three people that use to spend time together, two girls and I. We visit restaurants, theaters, cinemas, ...

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Thread: Friends do not understand my CCing.

  1. #1
    GM [OP]
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    Unhappy Friends do not understand my CCing.

    My CCing ruined a beautiful day. We are three people that use to spend time together, two girls and I. We visit restaurants, theaters, cinemas, go to concerts etc. but they did not know that I carry a firearm. Today, we spent the day together once again; I was not the driver. We went to a restaurant, but after eating they wanted to go to a night club; a very nice one. Since I was carrying my firearm and I was not sure about the law concerning night clubs, I could not go in there. So, I had to tell them that I was CCing. Although they said that it was ok and they acted like nothing had happened, I could see that one of them was in shock, and the other one pretty close to it.

    When I later called them to talk about the matter I realized that they really disliked that I CC. I tried to explain to them that I was exactly the same person than before, but they said that they did not want me to carry a firearm when I am with them. They do not want a lot of firearms around them because accidents happen. Furthermore, they said that they cannot worry all the time about the BGs. Actually, they told me that if a BG attacked us when we were together and I was armed, they were afraid that it would trigger a shooting situation and then they should be hurt. It was obvious that they were almost in shock and that they refused to understand. I am sad because of this situation; I am very sad. My CCing ruined a beautiful day, and I am afraid that this will be the end of our friendship. Did any of you have a similar problem? If you did, what did you do about it?
    "The Second Amendment: America's Original Homeland Security"

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  3. #2
    DM2
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    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm also sorry to hear about the closed mindedness of your friends. I sure hope good friendships are not ruined because of this. Maybe you can try to talk to your friends and explain to them your background with firearms, training, practice etc. You might also invite them for a friend night at the range, or possibly arrange a ladies night at the range with them and some of their other friends with a neutral party doing the instructing and assistance. Maybe you could meet them afterwards for lunch or something to discuss their feelings.

    I've found that most people's negative reaction to guns are based in fear. I know mine was. I was never interested in guns until I took my first class. Now, I enjoy the challenge of mastering the sport.

    I hope it works out for you. Good luck.
    DM2
    "I did the thing I feared the most. Excuse me while I cheer. Now here I stand a stronger soul and all I lost was fear." ...Anonymous

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    Member Array wildcatCWP's Avatar
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    (This is my personal opinion and thus is worth absolutely nothing.)

    First mistake: telling them you carry a gun. Concealed means concealed. I would have tried to maneuver myself out of the bar/nightclub* situation. By lying, if needs be.

    Second mistake: Making friends that don't want you to be able to defend yourself, don't want you to defend them, and don't care about bad guys. Sounds like your friends are just immature. They aren't both named Pollyanna, by any chance?

    If they aren't going to frisk you every time you go out, then continue to carry, but be discreet. Try and steer the night's events according to where you can carry. Try to expand your social circle to maybe bring in more pro-rights people who will even things out.

    *Nightclubs are dangerous places anyway. It's just lots of people drunk/coked up and trying to show off. A quick Google News search for 'nightclub shooting' brings up a ton of results. I wouldn't step foot in one.

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    First, congrats on hanging out with two girls. I hang out with a bunch of old guys (me being an old guy too). Right before I got my CCP, I had to fire someone who reacted in an unstable manner. I OC'd for several weeks before I got it in the mail (I had already taken the class and submitted the paperwork). My SD weapon was in my truck locked under the seat while I was at work. A very high ranking official in our company was at our location and asked me to take him to one of our offsite locations. He was there with another high ranking official and he did not have the key to the rental car, so I had to drive. As we walked to the truck, I was contemplating what to do. I decided to stay legal and when we got in, I said, "Don't be alarmed, but the State of VA requires me to place something on the dashboard until my license arrives." I pulled out a holstered .357 and placed it on the dash. He of course knew about the situation from earlier that week and knew the police had to be involved. None the less, I could see the jaw dropping expression on his face and I have since learned from others that he was floored and told everyone in the higher up office. I'm concerned that it has impacted perceptions of me on a broader company level. I say, oh well. Life isn't a popularity contest. We have made our decisions for personal reasons and not everyone will agree with them. True friends would respect your needs and your decision. If not, then you should not comprimise your reasons to make them feel better. Same with my job...if they can't understand someone in a position like mine feeling the need for SD, then oh well. I was looking when I found this one and I'll be looking when I find my next.

    Tread slowly and see if there are opportunities to educate. Ask them why they wear a seat belt, have fire extinguishers, or even locks on their doors. If you can't seem to gain even small ground, then let it go...and them too.
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  6. #5
    Senior Member Array Freedom Doc's Avatar
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    That really does stink, sorry that happened to you.

    BTW I would have carried into the place in that situation anyway, but I have GREAT confidence in my conceal-ability. I know that doesn't help you now.

    They think if a bad guy attacks you might incite a gunfight? They evidently don't know that most of us watch our surroundings very well, and would have a gun in the guy's face (or ready to put there) if he were approaching the car -- 83% of the time, no gunfight ensues, rather the BG runs away.

    You need to see if your friends are out and out anti-gun, or just propagandized to think how they do. If the latter, maybe they can be swung to our side, or at least not look at you like you have AIDS or something...

    Good luck...
    Anti-gunners seem to believe that if we just pass enough laws, we can have utopia. Unfortunately, utopia is NOT one of our choices.

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by GM View Post
    My CCing ruined a beautiful day.

    Furthermore, they said that they cannot worry all the time about the BGs. Actually, they told me that if a BG attacked us when we were together and I was armed, they were afraid that it would trigger a shooting situation and then they should be hurt.

    It was obvious that they were almost in shock and that they refused to understand. I am sad because of this situation; I am very sad. My CCing ruined a beautiful day, and I am afraid that this will be the end of our friendship. Did any of you have a similar problem? If you did, what did you do about it?
    This won't come as welcome news to you, but I think you screwed the pooch when you pronounced your concealed-carry status to your friends. You had the option of quietly slipping your carry piece under the seat or otherwise leaving it behind without giving up your status as a CCW-er to these girls. Basically, YOU "triggered the situation."

    One of the fundamentals of concealed carry which you will often see repeated in this forum is "never tell." There was absolutely nothing to be gained by revealing to your friends that you carry for self-defense, except perhaps among like-minded people.

    That said, do you still want to associate with people who hold your beliefs in contempt? Your friends may just never have given the thought of self defense much thought, so you might not want to be too hard on them. If that's the case, and you truly value their friendship, then you might consider having a more in-depth chat with them about the value of human life, your level of training and preparedness, etc.

    For many who we here describe as "sheep", the thought of someone actively taking measures for personal defense is anathema... a foreign concept. Give your friends a little time to get used to the idea that you carry, BUT - stand your ground. Don't change your beliefs because THEY are afraid. "If you don't stand for something, you'll surely fall for anything."
    Smitty
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    Member Array John Luttrel's Avatar
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    If they are not family, dump them; life is too short to go through it trying to please everyone that doesn't count anyway.
    John Luttrell

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    I understand your situation kind of. I'm married to someone who hates guns and was raised completely against guns. I'm someone who LOVES guns so it can make for pretty interesting conversations. I have to give it to her, she's done well to compromise and it generally isn't a problem. However every now and again (like last night) she had a friend over who had the same view as her and I hear a lot of the "accidents happen when guns are in the home" type arguments. Nevermind that drownings, smotherings, etc are more likely to happen, in fact she brought up the fact that the leading cause for death among teens was drunk driving (in a separate conversation). I told her that it's quite odd that even though that's the leading cause of death there is no campaign to ban cars or alcohol........Anyway, to get at what you are saying, do what you do. You can't let anyone dictate what you do. If they are true friends then you guys can agree to disagree and just be discreet about it when you are out with them. Not everyone is going to agree with you CCing and you don't (I'm assuming you don't at least) want to get into the pro-gun vs. the antis debate every day. So like many of the folks are saying, just keep it to yourself and they will never know. If you end up going somewhere you can't have a gun, just "happen" to need to go back to the car because you forgot something. That's just my opinion though. Good luck with it.

  10. #9
    Senior Member Array canav844's Avatar
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    Sounds like you may have gone from nothing to everything a little too quickly for them. You're the same person you were before today, and I think it sounds like it was just unexpected enough that it turned out to be a shock to them, there was no transition phase.

    Their concerns are just as valid as yours if it's a healthy friendship; and while the reasons behind those concerns aren't something that we would agree with here, it is something you need to address with them. I like the suggestion above, of taking them to the range and socializing them to firearms as it sounds like some of those reasons are founded in myth. But it may ultimately come down to deep concealment and careful location selection.

    And props to you for speaking up before entering a situation that you were uncomfortable with. That's exactly the type of thinking that's going to help you avoid putting yourself in a situation that self defense is going to be required of you in the first place, and the maturity that shines positively upon the gun community as a whole. (Not saying you're carrying was the way to go, but you did avoid entering the club with the firearm)

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    VIP Member Array NC Bullseye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DM2 View Post
    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm also sorry to hear about the closed mindedness of your friends. I sure hope good friendships are not ruined because of this. Maybe you can try to talk to your friends and explain to them your background with firearms, training, practice etc. You might also invite them for a friend night at the range, or possibly arrange a ladies night at the range with them and some of their other friends with a neutral party doing the instructing and assistance. Maybe you could meet them afterwards for lunch or something to discuss their feelings.

    I've found that most people's negative reaction to guns are based in fear. I know mine was. I was never interested in guns until I took my first class. Now, I enjoy the challenge of mastering the sport.

    I hope it works out for you. Good luck.
    Absolutely golden suggestion!

    This is one way to get your friends to stop and think a bit and as long as you aren't there for the class they loose the worry of hurting your feelings if they don't live up to your expectations.

    Give them a free class and then you end up arguing over who supplies the ammo next time. Don't give up!

  12. #11
    Senior Member Array stevem174's Avatar
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    Sounds like your friends don't trust you. Maybe they weren't such good friends after all.
    Don't do things you don't want to explain to the Paramedics!

    Stupidity should be painful.

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    Member Array narcberry's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, sheeple can make good friends. Concealed means concealed.

    No need to lie. You could have just said you have a drinking problem. Of course, meaning you can't carry around establishments that sell drinks, don't want to be in stupid places/people (come on safety rules), or actually have a drinking problem (get help).

    Like a ninja in the night, I've told you how to fix your life and away I'm gone into the night. WOOOSH.
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    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    Sounds like your 2 friends are potentially prime victims who don't want to open their eyes to the world they actually live in, vs the one they would like to live in. That's a shame.

    My daughter was one of them. She's learned and opened her eyes after she working in the medical dept at the jail. She wants to get her CC license now.

    I have had a similar situation occur where 2 friends and I departed ways because I .. CC. So be it. They want to hide their head in the sand, that's up to them, but I'm not going to join them.

  15. #14
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gasmitty View Post
    This won't come as welcome news to you, but I think you screwed the pooch when you pronounced your concealed-carry status to your friends. You had the option of quietly slipping your carry piece under the seat or otherwise leaving it behind without giving up your status as a CCW-er to these girls. Basically, YOU "triggered the situation."

    One of the fundamentals of concealed carry which you will often see repeated in this forum is "never tell." There was absolutely nothing to be gained by revealing to your friends that you carry for self-defense, except perhaps among like-minded people.

    That said, do you still want to associate with people who hold your beliefs in contempt? Your friends may just never have given the thought of self defense much thought, so you might not want to be too hard on them. If that's the case, and you truly value their friendship, then you might consider having a more in-depth chat with them about the value of human life, your level of training and preparedness, etc.

    For many who we here describe as "sheep", the thought of someone actively taking measures for personal defense is anathema... a foreign concept. Give your friends a little time to get used to the idea that you carry, BUT - stand your ground. Don't change your beliefs because THEY are afraid. "If you don't stand for something, you'll surely fall for anything."
    +1. Great post!! I'm going to have to use that "screwed the pooch" line, if you don't mind...classic.

    You could have told them that something you ate at the restaurant didn't agree with you and you wouldn't be able to go to the club. No one ever asks too many questions regarding gastro-intestinal issues. The pooch is out of the bag at this point, but a good excuse to fall back on for future reference. I've used that line a few times to get out of shopping (my wife does not want me having GI issues around her, especially in public).
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
    No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.


    Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.

  16. #15
    Distinguished Member Array Agave's Avatar
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    Really man, if a gun ruins a friendship, it wasn't much of a friendship.
    The preceding post may contain sarcasm; it's just better that way. However, it is still intended with construction and with the Love of my L-rd Y'shua.

    NRA Certified Pistol Instructor, Tennessee Certified Instructor

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