How do you handle family and friends that don't like you carry?

This is a discussion on How do you handle family and friends that don't like you carry? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I'm not ancient, but at my age I don't care it my in-laws like it or not. I do what I want to and if ...

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Thread: How do you handle family and friends that don't like you carry?

  1. #16
    Member Array jfrey's Avatar
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    I'm not ancient, but at my age I don't care it my in-laws like it or not. I do what I want to and if they don't like it, I stay home. Luckily, my in-laws know I carry and they don't mind.
    Keep it to yourself and carry anyway. It's your decision, not theirs.

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  3. #17
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boradriver View Post
    My mother was almost in tears the other day when she found out. I tried to explain my point but she was to upset so I gave up and will try again today.

    So my question is how have you handled family and friends that are against guns?
    I have a few inveterate pacifists in the family who believe (a) that there is not any need to have defensive arms, and (b) that anyone who does have arms must be (or soon will be) a criminal. The worst of them won't tolerate any discussion on either point. They believe what they believe.

    Violent predators don't mind such people. They thrive upon them ... and wait for them to come by, with zero defenses and all.

    My basic discussion tactic in the past has been to describe simple situations and ask how they'd handle it. You know, situations in which you're caught flat footed, in which there is little to be done if you're aren't armed, if you haven't thought through such scenarios, if you're unprepared. Newspaper articles are fairly unavoidable. After a few dozen of those, some of my family members have begun to listen with a bit more respect, as though perhaps it's possible for good people to be in a situation that's worsened by not being armed or prepared.

    To date, I have yet to change anyone's viewpoint by the direct approach. The hallmark proof of a closed mind. But truth is unavoidable. In time, I think they'll see.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
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  4. #18
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    I agree with retsup99 (post #3); sometimes it is worth to talk, but unfortunately often it is not. I had the same problem for not so long time ago with two very close friends; they did not know that I carried and when I told them about it they almost freaked out. Fortunately, they were not really antis, they just knew too little about firearms and for that reason they had been influenced by the media. I took it very easy and avoided any topic related with firearms for a while, now we are planning to soon talk about firearm safety rules. However, I have realized that it is not possible to talk with antis; actually, trying to explain things to them makes it even worse. So, if they really are antis then I consider that the best is to do not show the weapon and avoid the topic.
    "The Second Amendment: America's Original Homeland Security"

  5. #19
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    I don't handle family and friends about carrying because, other than my wife and son, the family doesn't know. I have been married for 41 years and have never had a reason to tell my side of the family or my in laws that I carry. My 2 brother in laws are both hunters and shooters we have hunted together and gone to the range shooting but I have never felt the need to mention to them that I carry on a daily basis and they have never mentioned if they carry or not.
    NRA life member.

  6. #20
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    It's their problem...they need to get over it.

    You do not need to explain or justify---unless they want to have a factual, thought-provoking discussion, then I say hit them up with the fact law enforcement does not have the duty to protect individual citizens...so if something bad happens to them, police are minutes away

    Try these for conversation starters (....or enders)
    Warren v. District of Columbia, 444 A.2d 1 (D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981), states: “fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen.” The court ruled that the state has no duty to provide public goods, thus the police have no obligation to protect and thus do not even have to come to your assistance.
    Riss v. City of New York, 22 N.Y.2d 579, 293 NYS2d 897, 240 N.E.2d 860 (N.Y. Ct. of Ap. 1958); a woman who telephoned police to beg for protection from her boyfriend sued the city for its failure to protect her from an assault in which he threw lye in her face, blinding her in one eye, damaging the other and scarring her face. The city denied responsibility, and the courts agreed. Dissenting opinion: What makes the City's position particularly difficult to understand is that, in conformity to the dictates of the law, Linda did not carry any weapon for self-defense. Thus by a rather bitter irony she was required to rely for protection on the City of New York which now denies all responsibility to her
    Bowers v. DeVito, 686 F.2d 61 (7th Cir. 1982). U.S. Court of Appeals, Seventh Circuit, held that:.. there is no Constitutional right to be protected by the state against being murdered by criminals or madmen. It is monstrous if the state fails to protect its residents against such predators but it does not violate the due process clause of the Fourteenth Amendment or, we suppose, any other provision of the Constitution. The Constitution is a charter of negative liberties: it tells the state to let the people alone; it does not require the federal government or the state to provide services, even so elementary a service as maintaining law and order
    After you explain that to them, then they will start (or continue) to get all emotional...."how can you do that to me? [carry a gun around them]"....like I said, it's their problem to fix...their problem: afraid of an inanimate object that will not harm them without someone pulling the trigger.


    ETA: for those who insist that if they call the police and tell them who the threat is...and the police should come running...

    Riss v. City of New York, 22 N.Y.2d 579, 293 NYS2d 897, 240 N.E.2d 860 (N.Y. Ct. of Ap. 1958); a woman who telephoned police to beg for protection from her boyfriend sued the city for its failure to protect her from an assault in which he threw lye in her face, blinding her in one eye, damaging the other and scarring her face. The city denied responsibility, and the courts agreed. Dissenting opinion: What makes the City's position particularly difficult to understand is that, in conformity to the dictates of the law, Linda did not carry any weapon for self-defense. Thus by a rather bitter irony she was required to rely for protection on the City of New York which now denies all responsibility to her
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  7. #21
    Senior Member Array Gun Bunny's Avatar
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    I only know one person that is "anti" (but he is an avid hunter ), we just don't talk about it.
    Kahr CW9
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    "First Duty is To Remember"

  8. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by varob View Post
    If you want to stop having these conversations, STOP telling everyone you know that you carry. You've made a personal decision, keep it that way.
    That's it in a nutshell. It doesn't have to be public knowledge. It's good practice anyway to carry concealed around your family - if they can't spot it you know you're doing it right.
    "Be justified. Blood may be easily wiped from the sword.
    It cannot, however, be put back from where it came." --Quicksabre

  9. #23
    Member Array DukeShooter's Avatar
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    As far as Carrying and others knowing here's my $.02:

    There is their business...

    My business...

    And NONE of their business.

    The whole point of concealed carry is "concealed", If you tell everyone around you then are you carrying concealed? I don't think you are. What if one of these people happens to accidently "inform" someone that intends to do you harm. That BG now has a BIG advantage even though you are carrying.

    Mike, Peace Out.

  10. #24
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikeroesch View Post
    And NONE of their business.

    The whole point of concealed carry is "concealed"
    The thread is about explaining rationale, not about whether to blab or not. No question that blabbing has its consequences.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  11. #25
    Member Array schwaa's Avatar
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    I've recently come across similar instance where my CC lead to an argument, and almost the ending of a 4 year relationship. Some people just cant think rationally about the subject, as I learned with my girlfriend. It was either I carry the firearm, or were done. She still stands on the opinion that I am paranoid due to the things I see at my work place. I may be paranoid to her, but were still together so I'll take what I can get. From this, I've learned to adopt a don't ask don't tell policy. I will not talk about it in while in the presence of people who I know are anti and I will not talk about it in the presence of people who are possibly anti or their status is unknown. If someone brings up the subject of firearms, I may chime in. If someone brings up the subject of CC, I shut my trap.

    As far as explaining goes, I tried everything to convince the GF to support my carrying, nothing worked. Any rational argument was struck down by an odd fear of "guns".

    I am a huge supporter of concealed carry and 2A rights, but you will have no idea I am if you meet me, that's the way I like it.
    It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
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  12. #26
    Member Array tennvol's Avatar
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    Screw them, it's my choice not theirs. I've had friends who made fun of me and basically yelled at me. Those people are no longer my friends. I have alot of lliberal friends who don't have guns, and never will own one...but they understand that it's my choice to make.

  13. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by schwaa View Post
    As far as explaining goes, I tried everything to convince the GF to support my carrying, nothing worked. Any rational argument was struck down by an odd fear of "guns".
    My GF (now my wife of 17 years) had a similar stance. It took awhile, but I was able to get her interested in martial arts, and from there it's a logical step to firearms.

    Try asking her what her plan is to stop the rapist who could be targeting her; to stop the mugger who wants to hurt her parents, or her (someday?) kids. You won't always be there to protect her, and the police sure won't either.

    Try taking her to the gun range, starting her out on something with low recoil like maybe a Ruger Mark III or some such .22LR.

    Let her know, in no uncertain terms, that this is a part of you, and show her it is something she can enjoy with you. Make sure that she knows that some day, when you are living happily ever after, defending your kids is going to be HER JOB while you're away at work.

    Bottom line is if she wants to be with you, she has to accept the fact that guns are a big part of your life. DO NOT marry her without getting to this point!!! DO NOT think you will "change" her once you're married!!

    Or just dump her and get a more intelligent gal. There are plenty of fish in the sea...
    "Be justified. Blood may be easily wiped from the sword.
    It cannot, however, be put back from where it came." --Quicksabre

  14. #28
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    Seems the cat's already out of the bag!!! Was there a reason to let everyone know you are carrying a gun?

    Next time you are out with your friends and trouble starts somewhere, are they going to blurt out, "hey you got a gun, take care of it?" Something like that will give up any tactical advantage you may have had and get people killed. btw... that has happened before.

    Already you are having problems with people giving you a hard time.... Are you figuring out yet, it's probably not a good idea to let everyone know you carry a gun?

    Very, very few people know I carry a gun. Too many for my liking, but that was my fault and it's a real short list of those who know.

    Unless there's an absolute need for someone to know, I would recommend not sharing with anyone else.

    As for those who already know, I would play it very low key and drop the issue. I wouldn't let them know you are carrying currently the next time you see them and you're going to have to let go of those who now consider you to be a crazy loon.

    As far as in friends homes and around kids... my gun is a hell of a lot safer and more secure on my person than in my car outside. I don't play grabass with people and don't let them play grabass with me. I'm not stand-offish, but I don't allow people to grab all over me at friends or family get togethers. There are ways to give people hugs and there are ways not to give people hugs when a situation dictates it.

    So many people for some strange reason feel compelled to tell everyone whose house they enter, "Hey, I've got a gun... I hope you don't mind." When asked why they feel compelled to inform everyone, they usually have some comeback like it's because I have respect for them or whatever. However you want to rationalize it is fine.

    I go into so many peoples houses it isn't even funny, and no one goes, "Hey, you got a gun?"

    Of course probably all of your friends will from now on out. It's a strict don't ask, don't tell policy with me.

    Welcome to concealed carry. Now keep the damn thing concealed and keep your lip zipped!
    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

  15. #29
    VIP Member Array Hiram25's Avatar
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    There was recently a thread on this Forum with a statement from a young lady who had her husband killed in front of her at a resturant. She had left her weapon in her vehicle to obey the "NO GUNS" rule of the resturant. Later in that same thread someone posted another video of another young lady who had her Mother & Father killed at a resturant. I looked and that thread appears to have been removed? If you check with one of the moderators they might be able to send it to you. I have never heard our argument put in any better words, or explain our outlook for someone against guns to understand it.

  16. #30
    Distinguished Member Array MinistrMalic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by retsupt99 View Post
    Let it go...don't attempt to convince 'blood' who are really anti.
    Keep it well concealed and avoid that issue.
    They'll come around after a crime or two...

    When it comes to family, friends, or neighbors, I know who is capable of listening...to those I may try to expain the importance of taking self-defense into one's own hands instead of depending upon a cop who is 30 minutes away.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^ This guy is smart...notice he has posted a time or two on DC. Just let it go. Carry discretely and bring it up again at a later time...a WAY later time. Just let them have their opinion and move on.
    "...whoever has no sword is to sell his coat and buy one." (Luke 22:36)
    Christianity and Self Defense from a Biblical Perspective

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