Loved ones' and friends' reactions after lethal action

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Thread: Loved ones' and friends' reactions after lethal action

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    Member Array Agent47's Avatar
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    Loved ones' and friends' reactions after lethal action

    For those that have killed in self defense, you probably went through counseling to figure out how you feel about the situation and how to cope with it, but how did your friends and significant others cope with it? What were their reactions and how did you deal with them after the incident?

    If you have not engaged lethal force yet, do you have some sort of contingency plan as to how to deal with the emotional crises of others after action?
    Medical College of Virginia School of Medicine Class of 2013

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    Member Array gunshrink's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agent47 View Post
    For those that have killed in self defense, you probably went through counseling to figure out how you feel about the situation and how to cope with it, but how did your friends and significant others cope with it? What were their reactions and how did you deal with them after the incident?

    If you have not engaged lethal force yet, do you have some sort of contingency plan as to how to deal with the emotional crises of others after action?
    I am an NRA instructor who teaches at least one and sometimes up to three classes a month. I am also a licensed mental health professional and a Critical Incident Stress Debriefer. Finally I have been in combat (two years in Nam). In my classes I talk about the aftermath that people may/will experience and offer to be available if and when they need it - the LE have a department shrink. I offer to be the "department shrink" for those in the civilian community. Thus far I have not had to take anyone up on that offer. About 1/4 of my caseload is combat vets however and with them I do get to process the impact of lethal force. I went through about 14 years of help in getting through my experience as well. I notice you are with the medical community and not simply curious. I will be interested in the results of your study. PM me if I can be of any help.
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    VIP Member Array hogdaddy's Avatar
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    Hope I NEVER need to use Deadly Force to STOP a threat. It's like insurance,
    But hope you never use it. ; )
    H/D
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    New Member Array crazy4tat2s2's Avatar
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    I have had long talks with my wife and adult children and they understand that in the event I have to use deadly force it will be the last resort. I hope that I am mentally prepared if it comes to that. Hopfully it never will but I am ready if it does and will not hesitate and have to deal with the aftermath as best as I can.The thing about it is if someone has to defend themself at least they will still be here in order to have to deal with it otherwise they will be in the morge.

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    Senior Member Array AlexHassin's Avatar
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    Me and my LTGF had that conversation once in Mass. We agreed it would be horrible and moving to a new apartment would definitely be considered if it happened at home. Also we would go see someone about it together at least once no matter how we feel about the incident. Overall we hope that we do not be in the unlucky bracket. Maybe it’s a good plan, maybe its not, who knows. Not me for shore.

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    Member Array sentioch's Avatar
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    We probably all have friends who would not want to be our friends anymore if they didn't know you CCW and then you shot someone in self defense.

    I think that right there may be a good indicator to if the line justifying deadly force has been crossed or not. If the line has been crossed, you will not be thinking about nor care about the friends you will lose because you will know that what you have to do is necessary to keep your life.

    If you are thinking to yourself, hmm, maybe I shouldn't do this because my friends won't like me anymore, then you probably aren't really in a life threatening situation at all. As for preventing a felony robbery, that's the only time where you might have to balance such a decision.
    "In a world of compromise, some don't." -HK

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    3D
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    To your topic . . just last week I purchased the following book:
    "On Killing . .The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society" by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman - paperback - Barnes & Noble. It's my next scheduled read so I can't comment on it yet. Have you seen/heard of it speak2u ?
    "It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end"____Leonardo da Vinci 1452-1519

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    Member Array MSteve's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3D View Post
    To your topic . . just last week I purchased the following book:
    "On Killing . .The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society" by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman - paperback - Barnes & Noble. It's my next scheduled read so I can't comment on it yet. Have you seen/heard of it speak2u ?
    When you finish it, buy his book "On Combat." Very good set. I got to see him speak before my first deployment.

    I think people need to read this type of thing, and be prepared for the aftermath. Allot of people seem to have the attitude that it will not effect them at all. They might be lucky, and it won't, but they'd be in the minority. I'm married to a mental health proffesional, so I'd have someone kicking me into a therapist whether I want to go or not. She's worked with LEOs involved in shootings, witnesses to a mass shooting, and a civilian who had to almost kill someone with his barehands in defense of his kids. What little she can tell me about those cases has been very interesting.
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    3D
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    Thanks MSteve . . I'll get it. ("On Combat")
    "It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end"____Leonardo da Vinci 1452-1519

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    VIP Member Array friesepferd's Avatar
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    i would certainly expect it to be hard on me. and i would certainly expect my family and friends to help me through it and be suportive. even my crazy antigun liberal family members.
    Wo die Notwehr aufhört, fängt der Mord an
    (Murder begins where self-defense ends)
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    Member Array beaker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by friesepferd View Post
    i would certainly expect it to be hard on me. and i would certainly expect my family and friends to help me through it and be suportive. even my crazy antigun liberal family members.
    if your family's reaction is anything but supportive... like if they criticize you for shooting someone, just remind them that YOU could be the dead right now if you didn't use deadly force. and have them imagine what that would be like... but i really don't think anyone is that ignorant to criticize a family member or a friend for using deadly force when deadly force is being used on them. even the most anti-gun people. perhaps even the brady campaign folks. but you do never know.

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    Member Array Agent47's Avatar
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    Thanks guys, at this point I made up my mind about carrying and CISD, but I'm not looking forward to "public relations/damage control" after the incident. sentioch and beaker both have similar ideas to I have now, but I just wanted to see what others thought. I am a responsible person, but there are times when cleaning up/defusing someone else's vitriol on you isn't worth the time and pain involved, because you never know who would do that...
    Medical College of Virginia School of Medicine Class of 2013

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