advice on ways to convince my wife to get her CHL

This is a discussion on advice on ways to convince my wife to get her CHL within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; ive got her thinking about it and considering it but shes still on the fence ive used the its because i care and i cant ...

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Thread: advice on ways to convince my wife to get her CHL

  1. #1
    Member Array wolf88's Avatar
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    advice on ways to convince my wife to get her CHL

    ive got her thinking about it and considering it but shes still on the fence ive used the its because i care and i cant always be right there ive used what if you need it to one day save my or childs life what other good arguements could i use to help convince her any thoughts??????

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array tkruf's Avatar
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    Well, even if you manage to get her convinced, she still has to be willing to carry, get used to carrying, and carry all the time. Your best chance to get her to get her CHL is to get her to "like" shooting. I don't know if you've taken her shooting before, if she liked it or not. If not, you've probably got your work cut out for you. If there is any tom boy in her, she should like shooting. Getting the CHL will naturally follow.
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    VIP Member Array farronwolf's Avatar
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    That is a decision she is going to have to make on her own. If you keep pressuring her on it you run the risk of turning her off all together.

    One suggestion that I have is to make a deal with her to simply attend at CHL class. Yea it will cost you some money but if it convinces her to go ahead and send the paperwork in you are half way there.

    The reason that I say this is that since we started teaching CHL classes we have had several (mostly women) say that even if they don't go ahead and send the paperwork into the State of Texas they were definately glad they sat through the 10 hour course and learned what the state laws were, and had time to discuss various things about guns and self defense.

    If you can get to a compromise on the taking the class you might win and you might loose, it is a gamble no doubt. But at least she will learn something and have a better understanding of the mindset that goes along with CHL etc. She may meet some other people like her and may just decide to go ahead and follow through with it. Then again it may strengthen her resolve not to get her CHL, but still she will learn your state laws ect.

    Pick a good instructor, see if there are some that teach womens only classes if you think that might help, and pray for good results.

    Good luck.
    Just remember that shot placement is much more important with what you carry than how big a bang you get with each trigger pull.
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    Member Array Mikhail's Avatar
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    Tkruf that sounds like a good idea maybe IDPA??? http://www.idpa.com/clublist.asp?pick=OK It helped me get into shooting handguns and lead to me getting my CWP.

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    Member Array wolf88's Avatar
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    shes shot a 10/22 before but thats it im still tryin to get her to the range to see if its even worth takin her to the class (oddly she said if she does get it she wants my 21) like i said shes coming the right way i just want her to be safe

  7. #6
    Member Array cardinalfan's Avatar
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    My wife was totally against guns (took me a year to tell her that I had my CCW), then one day she told me of a new range opening near us she heard on a local radio ad. We went over there opening weekend and while we were there, 4 older ladies came in, signed up, and went to shoot. Wife wanted to watch them shoot, so while they were getting some basic handgun safety before heading to the lane, we looked at some guns. After she saw the ladies shooting, she wanted to try. We rented a S&W 38 for her to shoot (I had my Glock 23 on my hip) and went to the lanes. That S&W was pretty hard to sight in, and after two holes in the new ceiling baffles, I pulled out the Glock. Mind you, my wife has NEVER held or fired a gun. Let her empty the mag on the Glock, put a new target up and she hit 35 of 36 in the '9' or better on the target, the one stray went thru the BG's collarbone. She liked the Glock much better that the S&W due to the sights. After we finished up, she signed up for the CCW class offered at the range. Now she will be ready. Also, my wife and our daughter were robbed at gunpoint 5 years ago and at that time were still against guns.

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    Senior Member Array JohnLeVick's Avatar
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    Good luck. I've been a CHL Instructor for 15 years. Got my wife an application for a license in 95. It is still sitting in the filing cabinet, unopened. If anyone has really good answers to this question, I want to hear them.

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    Member Array wolf88's Avatar
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    Hey if she really wants my glock 21 then i guess she can carry it if thats what it takes ill keep all posted and see what i can do even if i can get her proficient at using one of mine it would make the world of difference to me

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    VIP Member Array tkruf's Avatar
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    Sounds like there is a hint of interest there if she's made that comment (if she does get it she wants my 21). I'd say ask her if she wants to go shoot. Let her shoot the 21 and see what she thinks. If she says it kicks to much, then suggest a similar weapon in a lighter round. She may go for it. You'll atleast see how she actually feels about it. She may shoot it, and have a big grin on her face and afterwards go on and on talking about it. Ask her if she wants to go shootin' with you and try out the 21. See what she says.
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  11. #10
    Member Array wolf88's Avatar
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    My gut tells me she will love a 19 im takin her this weekend and im gonna let her try the 21 and go from there see if she likes the 19 and hope she does because then ill know she has a 100% reliable weapon on her
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    VIP Member Array sass20485's Avatar
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    Took awhile to convince my wife. She took a liking to guns, after being a total ANTI. I got her out to the range and let her shot a .22 rilfe, then she tried a .22 handgun, later a .38 revolver with target loads. SHe soon wanted to try her hand at shotgunning and love it. We later got involved in cowboy action shooting and she really liked that. She was buying more guns than I was, but was not into carrying gun for dfense. She had a scare while out in a parking lot one day, when a guy caught her off guard. She took the offensive to shake him off his whatever he was up too. She realized how vulernable she was and that anyone can be a victim at anytime, after that episode. She then began thinking about carrying a gun and paying more attention to my habits on the street and my carrying. Once she was of the proper mindset and motivation, I took the course with her to make her more comfortable. SHe got her, took a defensive shooting class, took some self defesne course and goes the range more often now, even does some IDPA with me. SHe still does not carry all the time, but she is much more aware of her surroundings, carries some non lethal devices and keeps a gun with her in her car.

    SO, I'd suggest getting your wife more comfortable with shooting in general, before putting a high powered handgun in her hand. SHe needs to be comfortable with shooting and her skill with a gun. She also needs to have the proper mindset, that she could use a gun she was carrying to defend herself, rather than think it will just scare away a BG on its own or she can just shoot the BG in the foot. If you have friends who are female that shoot of the wifes or girlfriends of others that are shooters ( and are safe & knowledgebale ) see if she can spend sometime with them, as the one thing you can't do is teach her anything from a women's prespective. My wife is now an NRA instructor and has turned around more than a dozen women she has come in contact with and made shooters out of them. Also once she gets more in tune with shooting, let her pick her own gun and be sure it fits her properly. The gun you choose, might not be her choice for her. Take your time and be patient, as a bad expereince can nix the whole thing or set back any progress you were making.

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    Member Array wolf88's Avatar
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    i just wish i had the handguns to let her work her way into it i have a 22lr but after that its high power rifles 12gauge .357 and 45's i spose i could get some target loaded 38's for the 357 (its 6" barrel) and that might be lite enough
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    I think it's a bad idea to push anyone toward carrying. Be a good and responsible CCW'er, if she's going to be interested it will be from your example and it will be HER decision.

    It's an awesome responsibility and a huge commitment if it's done properly. Just my 2 cents.
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    Ex Member Array Ram Rod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolf88 View Post
    ive got her thinking about it and considering it but shes still on the fence i've used the its because i care and i cant always be right there ive used what if you need it to one day save my or childs life what other good arguements could i use to help convince her any thoughts??????
    If you've got your wife to thinking about it....that's step one and you done good so far. My wife was more ready for it actually. Simple prod and enrolling her in the class. So.....since you got the ball rolling, I'd say a few simple and subtle things such as finding the local news highlights and putting them in front of her, or whenever the local news comes up with something bad that conveys....elaborate on it a bit. Tell your wife that your concern is her safety, and not that you wish she'd carry so that you feel more comfortable. Show her that the pepper sprays and other non-lethal techniques are not as effective during an attack, and most times not even a threat as to a criminal backing off. On the fence.........................you know, I want to put out an analogy for you to think about. Most cities put up new traffic lights at certain intersections ONLY after a certain number of accidents have happened at the specific location. The first accident was a warning, but most cities define a period of time and 30+ accidents at the same location to verify the cost of constructing a traffic control device at that specific intersection. Red tape is what that's called, and statistics as well. Well, we don't want to wait around and become part of the statistics do we? While others (criminals) seem to have surprise and statistics on their side (in choosing a victim). Criminals go for easy prey since they have no grit (balls) to confront an equal. Ask your wife if she would ever become a victim if she had a choice. Tell her it's going to be either her or the criminal to survive the encounter (since you can't always play the role of protector). Tell your wife that if she decides to seriously defend herself without a doubt that it will be a change of life and life styles perhaps. Thing is....each and every time someone takes up the cause of carrying concealed or carrying at all.....we take a bite outta crime....and we send a message to the criminal. This message may not always be well publicized (we are not a billboard about don't mess with me). We are changing the ways criminals look at so-called 'easy prey' because with carry....they'll always be unsure. In the end, tell your wife that if and when she decides to take up carry...that she'll not only be doing herself a service.....but the country as a whole. That's what I think about each and every time someone here posts about finally getting their permit. Another one able to take care of themselves.....and another one in the army against crime and injustice to humans. Not everyone is cut out for it.......taking responsibility to the next level. Not many realize what it entails, and what effect it will have long term. You and I are here for a reason, and we've done what we've done for the same reasons and we portray these reasons best we can to the rest of society and our loved ones since we are concerned and responsible. Get your wife to read some of the forum posts you look at day in and day out. Get her to join and find out for herself. Carrying a weapon is not something for everyone. But having something at hand that can save your life is something anyone should seriously look into no matter how it's going to affect your life the way you think of it now. Do whatever you can to see the next day, because life is valuable and everything we will see tomorrow and experience goes into the collective. Keep above ground and cherish each and every day. Our time is limited on this earth. Let nobody cut your time short. Being on the fence will only get you one of two things............a sore butt, or birds pooping on you. Maybe both. I sincerely hope I've given you some ammo on the convincing part. You've got a long row to hoe, and I don't envy that one bit. But....you've got the resources, and you've asked. I'm giving you all that I have in hopes that things will work out for the best. My best to you both.

  16. #15
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    I'm going to go about this a different way so bear with me....

    Why would you want to try to convince someone to do something like this?

    I know that you want to protect her and for her to be able to protect herself when you are not around but carrying a firearm for self defense is a very serious and personal thing. If she is carrying for you or to appease you she is carrying for the wrong reasons. This needs to be HER decision and if you just "talk her into it" then you might be putting her at further risk because she may not have thought through all of the things that come along with carrying concealed.

    You need to be brutally honest with her and don't pull your punches just because you want her to agree with you and get her permit.

    Is she ready to KILL to save her own life?
    I know that we don't like to use that terminology. We like to say we shoot to "stop the threat" and while that's true lets not try to fool ourselves into thinking that it doesn't sometimes lead to death which brings a WHOLE lot of legal and psychological baggage with it.

    Of course no one who hasn't had to take a life before can really answer as to whether he is really ready to take a life but one who carries should at least think about it and consider it and decide whether he or she (personally) believes it is something he or she can handle.

    When my husband asked me if I would consider getting my concealed carry permit he asked me a series of very serious questions...

    "Are you ready to take a life to save your own? Are you ready to KILL another human being?"
    "Do you think you are strong enough to point a gun at someone and pull the trigger?"
    "Are you strong enough to handle knowing that you took a life?"
    "Would you be able to live with yourself and the constant questioning as to whether you did the right thing or not?"
    "Are you strong enough to get help if you think you may need it?"

    Of course we DON'T WANT to kill. We want to save life which is why we carry but if we delude ourselves into thinking death won't happen we are sugar coating the issue and not doing justice to those who are coming after us. Some people CANNOT handle the responsibility of carry and they should not be talked into carry if they are not ready no matter how good the intentions.

    I don't think I have to remind anyone where the road paved with good intentions leads.

    You may say, "Hey, if she uses her gun at least she'll be alive." I would caution you then to get intimate with someone living with PTSD, guilt, depression, anxiety and other mental disorders spawned from a traumatic event. Yes, someone may be able to save her own life with a firearm but at the cost of severe emotional issues. Certainly people who have considered these things can still have emotional issues from using a firearm in self defense but they can have a better understanding of them and be aware and prepared for them if they have at least considered them.

    If she can't answer the questions that I posted above seriously and honestly than I don't think you should press the issue. Yes, you could work on that mindset and you should. You can take her to the CCW classes and help her, discuss with her, debate with her, and constantly work on her but don't push.. it's her decision and should be.

    Until she is ready work on weapon-free defense methods and maybe some non-lethal options.

    Good luck.

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