Wife is against it

This is a discussion on Wife is against it within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; There have been a lot of good replies from various perspectives so I won't repeat them. But here's something that hasn't been mentioned yet: It's ...

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Thread: Wife is against it

  1. #16
    Member Array mfcmb's Avatar
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    There have been a lot of good replies from various perspectives so I won't repeat them. But here's something that hasn't been mentioned yet: It's not uncommon for someone to trust *you* but distrust a *gun* even if you're the one managing it. It's almost like the gun is a third person. This shows that he/she hasn't fully thought things through and come to an integrated understanding of the situation. There's no one way to rectify this, and several of the replies made so far suggest approaches that would work for various people. Hopefully you can figure out which approach will work with your wife.
    TN_Mike likes this.
    In the heat of the moment, what matters is what your body knows -- not what your mind knows.

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  3. #17
    Member Array buzzed's Avatar
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    I am taking it very easy and am trying to address her fears not just solve or belittle them. She agrees that i am the one to protect us but she is uncomfortable with my decision as to how to do it.

    I like the ideas of easing her into the idea of my gun being on me. infact i am carrying around the house right now and she seems ok with it. So i guess it is just baby steps.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolvee View Post
    (I was also a Marine. Which doesn't really mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of how responsible a person will be w/ their emotions and temper when they start carrying.)

    :0)
    I know you were not attacking me I just wanted to address the Marine thing. I just said that to illustrate that i have had good training from a reputible source. I fully agree that there are many trained people out there who still respond out of emotion/ anger. So I wasn't saying that since i was in the Marines that i am the Perfect person to have a gun. Just that they did train me on how and when to use it. My father is the one who taught me to be responsible.

  4. #18
    Member Array Bkrazy's Avatar
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    Have you been to the range with your wife? Is she able to manipulate your pistol? Have you shown her it can be a source of recreation as well as a tool to defend yourself? My wife never told me 'No" when I brought up that I was buying a gun, she just wasnt sure about it. Once I bought my pistol I took her to the range to shoot. She enjoyed it and has since gotten her own pistol (for the range, she wont carry) and has allowed me to buy my children a pistol so we can all have family time at the range. With everyone comfortable around weapons, it is no longer a big deal that I carry.
    Please take my posts with a grain of salt. I am frequently sleep deprived and always just on this side of "Krazy".

    When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. Edmund Burke

  5. #19
    VIP Member Array chiefjason's Avatar
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    Time to start pointing out all the crazies when you are watching the news. Especially the random acts of violence that occur in places that are "supposed to be safe." Don't be obnoxious about it. Just comment's like, "That's why I want to be able to protect us." or "I wonder if they could have defended themselves if they were armed?" Sometimes you have to point out that the world is not always a safe place.
    I prefer to live dangerously free than safely caged!

    "Our houses are protected by the good Lord and a gun. And you might meet 'em both if you show up here not welcome son." Josh Thompson "Way Out Here"

  6. #20
    Member Array 9c4me's Avatar
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    Tell her to shut her trap and get back in the kitchen. (hide your guns first)
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  7. #21
    VIP Member Array rammerjammer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haywood View Post
    My wife got the message. I like guns, I have a CCW License. I carry all day every day. Get used to it or do what you got to do. I still carry all day every day. She got used to it.
    +1
    my girlfriend is not completely against CCW but she thinks I'm paranoid for carrying 24/7. I don't debate her or try to convince her much anymore.if she comes around to my side fine. If not, she will have to deal with it.

    I do joke with her that if she's so against me carrying, if something does happen where I need to useone of my guns, I'll be sure to only protect myself because she's against me carrying. She doesn't see the humor in it but may someday see the logic behind my joke.
    JerryRushing likes this.

  8. #22
    Senior Member Array sjones's Avatar
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    Appeal to her as a mother.Would she want her children killed or left without a father?or a mother?How would she feel if the worst happened and you were not able to protect her or the kids?

  9. #23
    VIP Member Array gottabkiddin's Avatar
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    My wife didn't like it at first either. My solution was a tad bit on the point blank side, but it was meant with the best intentions.

    What I told her was simply. If someone breaks down our door or attacks us while we are out and about, I don't, and wouldn't expected you to try to provide a defense from me/us while I tried to evade or seek help. It's a simple fact of life in most every case. The male is the first line of defense when the pooh hits the fan, and it doesn't necessarily pertain to a firearm, but in the same breath it doesn't exclude a firearm either; at least not in my book. After the first attempted home invasion, she came around to my side of thinking pretty fast. Because of that, it's totally my decision how to provide for the safety of our family and she now only complains about how many tools I purchase to apply my defense.

    I wont even try to tell you how to address this subject with your spouse, but what I will say is. If something goes terribly wrong and a firearm could've been the difference between life and death, that conversation is going to be much more intense than this one. I wish you and yours all the best, stay safe out there.
    "He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one." Luke 22:36

    "If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so." Thomas Jefferson

  10. #24
    Senior Member Array Lotus222's Avatar
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    I don't think my gf really understands why I carry 24/7 now. Honestly, I don't think most people who know that I carry (aside from my friends that do, too) really understand. Luckily, my gf isn't against it, though. She doesn't have a problem with guns. I take her to the range every now and then, and she is a natural with a handgun. I feel like the people who don't really get it, don't really care that I carry, either. ...right up until the point that they are in a situation that makes them feel uneasy. Then they are glad to know that I am there with some protection. People just don't understand that you can't plan around bad situations. They just happen, sometimes, and you may be the one that it happens to. Your loved ones may be thrust into these situations. I don't want, nor do I need anyones social approval about why I carry. I know why I do it, and no one will change my mind.

  11. #25
    Senior Member Array MotorCityGun's Avatar
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    Would it be possible or do you know any (pro-CCW) women who could talk with your wife? It seems that if she heard it from another female, this might soften the message so that she would be more receptive.

  12. #26
    VIP Member Array oakchas's Avatar
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    I'm in the same situation as the OP. Time may work it out... It hasn't, yet, in my marriage.
    I've tried logic, I've tried protectiveness, I've tried religion. I've had a friend assaulted stabbed and left for dead walking home from work (same place I work).

    She enjoys going to the range, she's fully accepting of a gun in her bedside table and would be comfortable using it if I weren't home. She's reminded me to take a gun when I check out the things that go bump in the night.

    On carrying, there is some disconnect I do not understand... She does not want me carrying when we are out together. Go figure (I sure can't).
    Rats!
    It could be worse!
    I suppose

  13. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by fastk9dad View Post
    I think that if you need to draw your weapon you are already someones target and are doing so to defend yourself/family.
    As others have said that is a great answer. That doctors family in Connecticut was targeted and he obviously wasn't readily armed.

    I understand when wives/girlfriends are nervous about someone concealed carrying, there have been many threads here about that. I guess I'll consider myself lucky, my wife didn't really grow up around guns, her family wasn't anti, but it just wasn't their thing. My wife is 100% behind whatever I'd like to do to adequately protect ourselves, she wouldn't care if I carried so many guns that they rattled when I walked (are you listening Grady?). She'd be more upset if I forgot to carry a gun and suddenly needed it, and didn't have it. I'm lucky in that respect and I know it. Good luck with your wife, I bet she'll eventually feel more comfortable
    Turn the election's in 2014 to a "2A Revolution". It will serve as a 1994 refresher not to "infringe" on our Second Amendment. We know who they are now.........SEND 'EM HOME. Our success in this will be proportional to how hard we work to make it happen.

  14. #28
    VIP Member Array shockwave's Avatar
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    I think it takes a tremendous amount of patience on your part to listen to her, support her feelings, and gently tease out all her issues on the matter without immediately attempting to give answers to prove and convince her.
    That's a really good answer. Y'know, buzzed, this isn't the first time this subject has come up before. There are several points of view that usually emerge from the following discussion:

    1. Who cares what she thinks? Carry. Carry strong. Carry always. She'll come around. Or not.

    2. Patiently explain all the reasons why you need to carry and demolish each of her objections with a well-reasoned, logical argument.

    3. If she ain't down with you carrying, then don't carry until she is.

    I extend perspective number 3 to you, and think that the advice you got from TVJ is excellent.
    "It may seem difficult at first, but everything is difficult at first."

  15. #29
    Member Array mfcmb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oakchas View Post
    On carrying, there is some disconnect I do not understand... She does not want me carrying when we are out together. Go figure (I sure can't).
    I have an idea about that that I'll offer. When you and she go out into the world separately (e.g. to your respective jobs) you each are surrounded by your own individual social bubble. You are two separate entities. But when you go out together you both are within one social bubble and have become one entity (in her mind/heart). Therefore she is a party to whatever is in that bubble and to whatever interactions between the inside and outside of that bubble (social interactions). If she is uncomfortable with carrying herself, then she will be uncomfortable with a gun being carried within the joint bubble. To many women, when out with their significant others there is no longer a (mental/emotional) distinction between him and her; there is only "us".

    With my first wife (now deceased) this was manifested as a belief (in her) that society held her responsible for any social errors I made; therefore she was always got very upset if I ever did made a social mistake when we were out together. I was not shooting or carrying when she was alive, so never had *that* issue.

    With my second wife (still alive :-) ) this is manifested as being deeply intertwined in a lovey-dovey way. Like the OP, she trusts me with a gun, and relies upon me for protection, but feels uncomfortable with me carrying when we're out together. I suggest that's because she feels a part of me when we're together, and being part gun-carrier bothers her.
    In the heat of the moment, what matters is what your body knows -- not what your mind knows.

  16. #30
    Member Array Ianator's Avatar
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    This is the issue you have to explain to her; 1) you are not going to draw your weapon just because you can (Like fastk9dad said) 2) that you have your wife and kid's safety in mind. You are not going to put them in more danger by drawing your weapon. You are looking to protect them, not draw attention from a BG's barrel. She needs to trust that you have their (wife, kids) best interest/safety in mind FIRST, followed by your own. If she doesn't trust that about you then there are different issues. (not insinuating anything at all, just a generality.)

    My wife knows that I am very aware of her and my daughter, as well as all other people around, seeing as I am responsible for where by bullets ultimately land. (but of course my family first) She knows that if a situation arose I would make sure my family were safe before drawing. If I do draw with them present, it will d... sure be to save our lives.

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