Wife is against it

This is a discussion on Wife is against it within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I have my CHL in Texas and am properly trained with a weapon, and the use of deadly force (Was in the Marines). Here is ...

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Thread: Wife is against it

  1. #1
    Member Array buzzed's Avatar
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    Wife is against it

    I have my CHL in Texas and am properly trained with a weapon, and the use of deadly force (Was in the Marines).

    Here is the issue, my wife trusts me with a weapon and knows that i am level headed and competent. She knows I don't have a hero or paranoid or tough guy mentality. But she still doesn't want me to carry.

    She says her main concern is in the event that i draw my weapon, I will make myself and my family a bigger target.

    She admits that if cornered she would prefer that i be armed but she still doesn't want me to carry with her and the kids.

    Thoughts?

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    I think that if you need to draw your weapon you are already someones target and are doing so to defend yourself/family.
    Marc1103, oneshot and gdm320 like this.
    "I got a lot of problems with you people!" - Frank Costanza

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    VIP Member Array Rollo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by buzzed View Post
    I have my CHL in Texas and am properly trained with a weapon, and the use of deadly force (Was in the Marines).

    Here is the issue, my wife trusts me with a weapon and knows that i am level headed and competent. She knows I don't have a hero or paranoid or tough guy mentality. But she still doesn't want me to carry.

    She says her main concern is in the event that i draw my weapon, I will make myself and my family a bigger target.

    She admits that if cornered she would prefer that i be armed but she still doesn't want me to carry with her and the kids.

    Thoughts?
    Sounds like to me that you need to work on convincing her that the only way you would draw your weapon is if you were left absolutely NO choice and that you were sure you had to do so to protect her/your children/your own life. From a pure outsiders view it seems like even though you say "my wife trusts me with a weapon and knows that i am level headed and competent" she doesn't totally believe that.
    -It is a seriously scary thought that there are subsets of American society that think being intellectual is a BAD thing...

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    VIP Member Array TedBeau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fastk9dad View Post
    I think that if you need to draw your weapon you are already someones target and are defending yourself/family.
    Wow thats a perfect answer. Give Fastk9dad a cigar!

    To the OP, I would expound on that answer. Your not going to go looking to make yourself or your family a target. You want to carry to defind yourself in the event you are threatened.
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    Member Array buzzed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fastk9dad View Post
    I think that if you need to draw your weapon you are already someones target and are doing so to defend yourself/family.
    Nice answer. I agree totally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rollo View Post
    Sounds like to me that you need to work on convincing her that the only way you would draw your weapon is if you were left absolutely NO choice and that you were sure you had to do so to protect her/your children/your own life. From a pure outsiders view it seems like even though you say "my wife trusts me with a weapon and knows that i am level headed and competent" she doesn't totally believe that.
    She does trust me with handling a weapon. I see your point about her doubting my ability to decide when is the right time to draw. I don't doubt that she may think I would draw in a senario where I would actually just suffle everyone away. I see the weapon as my last choice I think she sees it a little higher on my list than that.

    The question is how do i convince her?

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    VIP Member Array Guantes's Avatar
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    Buzzed,
    There are times when you (and family) are targeted that the only thing that will help reduce or prevent injuries to you and yours is the deployment of equal or superior force. In most cases, that force is a gun. If you knew ahead of time when you would be "cornered", her words, you could only carry those times, but unfortunately there is no way of knowing ahead of time. The answer, carry whenever possible.
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    Quote Originally Posted by TedBeau View Post
    Wow thats a perfect answer. Give Fastk9dad a cigar!
    "I got a lot of problems with you people!" - Frank Costanza

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    i would advise you to have her read some of info thats out there about real life situations about people who have drew thier weapons and discuss with her about the what ifs if they had had not been armed. you won't be able to "make" her see it your way, but you could educate her on the fact that this can be a mean a nasty old world, my wife wasn't the big on the idea of me packin but i'd see a story on the news about somebody gettin ___________ (fill in the blank) and would use that as a way to illistsrate the need to protect myself and family.

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    Very good answers. My wife was not very comfortable with this at first and we had to work on it. I told her me carrying was not up for debate when we first got married, but she did not like it. Over time we talked about and she saw that it was not some type od wild west thing and she warmed up to it. Now she has her own permit and a HK45C in her purse.
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    VIP Member Array Hiram25's Avatar
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    How is she going to feel if the worst happens and one of her kids is injured or worse, knowing your gun was at home because of her?
    garyacman likes this.
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    Member Array Illusive Man's Avatar
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    I had the same issue with my wife. I asked her did she ever worry about the safety of the family, she said she didn't. She then admitted that the reason she didn't is because she entrusted that to me. I gave her a scenario about waking up to the sound of someone kicking in the front door. She would be scared, and would expect me to respond to the threat (as any good husband would). I told her that any husband would arm himself with something (a knife, golf club, baseball bat, etc). I told her that I would choose to arm myself with my gun to respond to such a threat (after all, BG's have guns). She still doesn't like it, but she does understand why I own one. Every day I pray that I never have to use it in defense of myself or my family, but I also pray that if I have to I do so ruthlessly.
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  13. #12
    TVJ
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    My 2c:

    This is a touchy-feely post.



    Your wife has a very strong feeling against carrying with her and your child present.

    Her first reason may not be the only one driving her feelings.

    The harder you push her to accept and attempt to overcome her feelings, the higher the odds likey become that she hardens her stance and your wedge widens.

    I think it takes a tremendous amount of patience on your part to listen to her, support her feelings, and gently tease out all her issues on the matter without immediately attempting to give answers to prove and convince her.

    CC can be a really heated issue between couples.

    State how strong your "feelings" are about protecting her. Acknowledge and support her feelings fully even if they conflict with yours. If you deny her feelings, I wonder how fast she digs in.

    See if you can begin a process of very small compromise. You CC by yourself and only during one activity for now with your wife and child. Pick the activity you do regularly that you feel most safety concerned.

    If you can get one time, that is a big victory. You begin the process of desensitization. Do that for three months and revisit her feelings. See if she is willing to engage in a second activity. Ask her for nothing else during the three month trial. Honor your agreement

    Another suggestion is taking a private defense class with your wife from someone like Suarez (not that you need it with your backgound). The purpose is to train tactically together in the event of a bad situation. Some advantages include the ability of you both to tactically train together for your safety. She gets a better understanding through limited force on force with an outside "professional" on how important it can be to be armed. She experiences the dynamics. The instructor can help support your case by setting up basic scenarios with and without gun for example to show difference. Just make sure the instructor a hard pressing of the CC issue.

    In summary: Support her feelings and listen, Attempt one tiny compromise or find out what it takes to get that tiny compromise for a three month period, Setup a private class with a quality instructor so you both can train armed and unarmed to show her the difference as well as train you both on what you each do in your separate roles - make the danger issue "real" for her.

    I hope this gives you food for thought. Best of luck
    Last edited by TVJ; March 15th, 2011 at 11:55 AM. Reason: detail
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  14. #13
    Member Array Wolvee's Avatar
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    I few months before mentioning the getting of my CPL, I started mentioning all of the home invasion stories and murders in and around our city. Making them sound as horrific as they were, only applying a personal touch to the news stories. When it was time to actually ask her if she minded if I carried, she asked me why I hadn't decided to do it a while ago. (I was also a Marine. Which doesn't really mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of how responsible a person will be w/ their emotions and temper when they start carrying.)

    :0)

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    VIP Member Array smolck's Avatar
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    I am new to this but here is my $.02. My wife was very upset that I even bought a gun. However I let her listen to several youtube videos of 911 calls (see below for links) and we just talked about it. I am the type that will always look for a way out of confrontation, in public, flight is better than fight IMO. And I don't ever worry about fighting with a single perp (I know I can hold my own long enough for my family to escape) but nowadays seems all the thugs are armed. What really tipped the scales was when I was watching Defensive TV or something like that. An older gentleman and his wife were approached by 4 would be attackers. He had his gun and they took off, but I thought, what if that had been me? I can't fight off 4 guys (I'm not Chuck Norris) so a weapon is the great equalizer. With my S&W .40 I can take up to 15 bad guys on if you know what I mean.

    Anyways, I hope that helps along with this.




  16. #15
    Senior Member Array Haywood's Avatar
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    My wife got the message. I like guns, I have a CCW License. I carry all day every day. Get used to it or do what you got to do. I still carry all day every day. She got used to it.

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