wife's perspective - Page 2

wife's perspective

This is a discussion on wife's perspective within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Otherside, I also applaud you joining the forum and shedding more light on the subject. The storage/maintenance issues are constantly debated here, so opinions are ...

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  1. #16
    Member Array cmycek's Avatar
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    Otherside, I also applaud you joining the forum and shedding more light on the subject. The storage/maintenance issues are constantly debated here, so opinions are really all over the place and don't impact the basic rules of gun safety. You mention that there are many reasons you do not want him to carry, I think it would be helpful to hear those. My wife doesn't mind me carrying, but doesn't think I should carry almost always. I made the decision to make it part of a routine, a habit, so it's second nature should the time come for SD. We've agreed to disagree about it, but it hasn't really impacted our relationship similar to other issues where we hold different opinions.
    Exercise your 2nd amendment rights....not doing so jeopardizes that right for everyone.


  2. #17
    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    Sounds like you are debating more about who's going to be in control and have their say, rather than finding a solution to the real issues. Discuss the 'real ' issues and how they can be resolved, and get out of the control game and who can dig their heels in the deepest or have it their way. Neither of you , married or not, really can DICTATE what the other does or not.... you are both grown adults and free to make your own choices. Because of the marriage, compromise and negotiation are essential. However, self-defense is a serious and real issue, which you don't seem to want to accept ...

    Is this how ya'all deal with other issues to ? If it is, I"m betting there will lots of arguments and sleeping separately in your future .................

    So, ...

    1. How he stores things isn't how you were taught, dosen't meant they are really wrong. You mention cases vs not, which is enough to get a 12 page thread going on this forum on the pro's and con's and different opinions. They don't have to be transported with trigger locks ..... that's California for ya, not everywhere else. The idea of 'the case" .... comes more from Fedl requirements on how to legally transport a gun, than necessarily keeping the gun in good shape at home ... especially if it's in a safe, cabinet, or good dry / safe area at home. My guns don't sit in cases at home, and I've had some for 30-45 yrs, and they are in great shape.
    2. If you think he needs classes , why .... if you are unfamiliar with it too ? You should both go to some self-defense classes, then you can have some grounds to complain if he's not utilizing safe methods, etc. Otherwise, it's like complaining about handling dogs when you've only owned cats. Sounds like you don't know them either and that you are more afraid of someone carrying a loaded gun.

    3. Bad storage of ammo , equals losing such ammo and having to buy more. It's not going to do anything but 'rust' and need disposed of.... there is nothing inherently dangerous unless it's rusted thru and / or near an heat / ignition source.

    4. " but my heels really dug down deep by him not being honest to me about why he wants particular guns (always for hunting or such, until he starts to talk about them with someone else), " . So, you showed "reluctance" and unwillingness to discuss the issue, and accept most guns have more than one purpose. He's interested in self-defense, and you seem locked into that the only good reason to have a gun is for hunting. I have a good double barrel shotgun and others that can serve both purposes quite well. So ?

    5. Personally, I think you may need to get much more familiar with the 'reality' in today's world and that self-defense is a legitimate concern, and that he's trying to tell you, but you are set on not listening .... you are too busy "digging in your heels" .
    I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. --- Will Rogers ---
    Chief Justice John Roberts : "I don't see how you can read Heller and not take away from it the notion that the Second Amendment...was extremely important to the framers in their view of what liberty meant."

  3. #18
    Senior Member Array BkCo1's Avatar
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    Otherside, Welcome aboard. I hope the posts here have been helpful. I will not offer any advice. Others have given you plenty. Wish you well.
    Semper Fi
    surefire7 likes this.

  4. #19
    Senior Member Array Lewis128's Avatar
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    welcome to the forum! I hope you can find a good compromise. As others have said, there is no absolute "right way" to "keep and bear arms".
    Some folks clean their firearms every single time they fire even one single round. Others every few hundred, even if that means several trips to the range.
    Some have big expensive safes and use them consistently. Other people keep a loaded weapon on their person even when wearing a bath robe.

    There is plenty of room to find a middle ground.
    The only advice I will offer is from my own experience. If he's forced to give in every time you "dig in your heels" your marriage will last about as long as mine did.
    The views expressed above are the opinion of the poster and may or may not be total bunk.
    Viewer discretion is advised.

  5. #20
    Member Array merlin82plus's Avatar
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    Welcome... I'm in a similar boat - I have owned at least 1 handgun, sometimes more, for the last 33 years, but for many of those years did not CC. My wife at one time considered getting a carry permit herself, when we lived in an area where some homes were being burglarized during the daytime, with occupants home even. That was 25 years ago, and she never did get the permit (we moved). Now she is less than happy when we travel and I carry (FL & NY permits). I think what finally got her to relent was my asking her if she felt safer when I was with her - she said yes. I said, well I feel safer when I am carrying. I think she reluctantly accepts that I carry now, but if the day ever comes where I need a gun to protect her life or mine, I believe she will finally understand.

  6. #21
    Member Array Sturmruger's Avatar
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    I read through all the comments and don't see anywhere if you guys have kids or not?? I use to be pretty relaxed with the storage of my guns, but once my son started crawling around I knew that I had to come up with a better way to store them. I bought a 800lb safe and now keep all my guns but a self defense pistol in the safe. The SD gun is in a finger lock safe.

    I think everyone has a right to self defense and that includes you husband. I can see that if he is not always safe with guns why that might make you nervous. I think you guys should have a open conversation discussing what he can do to put you more at ease. I think if you approached him and said "i would be ok with you carrying if you do X, Y, and Z" he would be willing to try to put you at ease.

    Another thing you should check out is this woman on YouTube named Lima. She is a young mother who is also a 1911 expert and a NRA pistol instructor. She offers some great opinions on guns and carrying from a woman's perspective.

    YouTube - Lima Update: Facebook and Armed Pregnancy Blog

  7. #22
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    I hope Otherside comes back and lets us know her many reasons for not wanting him to carry. We may never know. It could be his attitude, his temper, too much machismo and movies...any number of things.

    My wife knows that I do not WANT to shoot someone. I hope I never NEED my firearm. If I do, it is an absolute LAST resort. I have modified my behavior in many ways since starting to carry. In ways she has noticed. I do everything to avoid, de-escalate, etc. Perhaps Otherside's other half has not demonstrated some of these behaviors or mindsets. I hope we find out...perhaps she can help him understand her issues and maybe it will help him be a better carrier.
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
    No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.

  8. #23
    Distinguished Member Array RevolvingMag's Avatar
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    I have to agree with a few of the people here ('it's hard to give a good opinion without more information'), but in my experience, it's a hard compromise to make. I just recently took my SC CWP class, and am currently waiting for my permit to arrive. However, most of the time I'm home one of my handguns is within arms reach. When I leave home, I have my .45 with me. Legally- in my glove box.

    My fiancee doesn't like it too much. But she's coming around. She's slowly accepting the fact that it's getting less and less safe. I don't like it, but that's just the way the world is now. She knows that when I have my permit, I will go armed everywhere I legally can. She knows that I love her, and that is one of the main reasons that I carry- so that I can protect her better should the need arise, and so that I can come home to her at the end of every day.

    I hope that what I've said had helped in some way. Welcome to the Forum; I hope to see you around.
    "Rock and load, lock and roll... what's it matter? FIRE!!"

    "Gun control means hitting your target every time."

    Please take everything I say with at least one grain of salt- I am a very sarcastic person with a very dry sense of humor.

  9. #24
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    I have a 9 year old and a 2 year old. I have a large safe, a small closet safe for daily carriers, and a safe in my truck. I also have cable locks. NO unsecured firearms in my house. The only one out of a safe is on my person in a properly retained holster with trigger covered. They do not clear leather in the house (no loading and unloading, messing, etc. They are loaded and stay that way to reduce handling).
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
    No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.

  10. #25
    VIP Member Array zacii's Avatar
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    Maybe someone didn't like all of the common sense replies.

    A pretext, the op is.

    Sent from my phone
    Trust in God and keep your powder dry

    "A heavily armed citizenry is not about overthrowing the government; it is about preventing the government from overthrowing liberty. A people stripped of their right of self defense is defenseless against their own government." -source

  11. #26
    Member Array GettingOld2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by other side View Post
    My husband wants to conceal and I don't want him to. At this point we've both dug in our heels and need help.
    My husband didn't get a girl who was afraid of guns. I grew up around guns but of the hunting variety. I wouldn't say I'm a gun expert but I can shoot a deer, dove, no problem. I enjoy going hunting or shooting skeet. But the longer I'm married to my husband the less I want to have to do with guns and it's not really the guns that I oppose. He didn't really get into concealed carry or self-defense (other then your basic, i know where the shot gun is when we hear weird noises at night) until several years into our marriage.
    There are many reason's why I don't want him to carry but my heels really dug down deep by him not being honest to me about why he wants particular guns (always for hunting or such, until he starts to talk about them with someone else), him concealing with me after we came to a reluctant agreement that he wouldn't do it around me, and me not feeling like he takes care of his guns and is responsible with them.
    A few points and then I'll ramble.

    I too didn't get into the whole CC thing until after I'd been married several years (30).

    It's common to want to avoid conflict with your spouse. If he knew you would "dig in your heels" he likely was simply avoiding the issue because of the expected conflict. It's not rational or effective, but most of us do it at one time or another.

    Responsible care and handling is paramount.. My mental guideline is that if I ever use the CC: it better work reliably, and expect to pay $20,000 in legal fees so it better be worth it.

    The incident that was my epiphany was when the wife and I were hiking and we were charged by two Dobermans and a Pitt Bull that left us back-to-back with hiking staffs fending off their snapping lunges as they circled around us for a very long 30 seconds until their owners caught up and physically pulled them back.

    Even after that incident my wife freaked when I initially broached the subject of guns. It's been a few years, but my wife now has own CCW but has yet to carry. There have been several occasions where we've be out on walks where something uncomfortable was happening nearby and she asked if I was carrying and took comfort in the affirmative. I don't carry all the time, (yeah I know), but I carry particularly at times that many people would think was backward. I make sure I'm carrying whenever we take our grandchildren out for walks and hikes. The weapon won't get loose and become evil, but you better believe I'm prepared to keep these tiny people safe.

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