Need advice for wife.

This is a discussion on Need advice for wife. within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; My wife got her CHL a few months ago. She did it of her own desire, it wasn't like I nagged her into doing it. ...

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Array adric22's Avatar
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    Need advice for wife.

    My wife got her CHL a few months ago. She did it of her own desire, it wasn't like I nagged her into doing it. However, she really hasn't carried her gun much at all. She had spent months trying to figure out what gun she liked. She wanted something that had a good grip and low recoil. I let her pick whatever she wanted and tried not to interfere. She picked a Walther PK380.

    The problem is, she's having trouble concealing it. The PK380 is roughly the size of my Glock 19, so I understand how challenging it can be, especially during the Summer months. Plus she is shorter than me and wears tighter clothing. I have made several suggestions to her.

    1. I have suggested that she carry my little Tauras TCP 738, which I sometimes carry. It is much smaller and easier to conceal. She agrees that it is, but hates the way it shoots. I explain to her that I also hate the way it shoots but sometimes I still wear it because that type of gun is for self-defense, not for having a good time at the shooting range. I suggest that having a gun that "you don't like to shoot" is better than having no gun at all.
    2. I suggested that she carry it in her purse. I also agree it is better to have it on your person but if you are going to leave it at home, then having it in a purse is the lesser of the two evils.
    3. Some of the positions she puts the gun in are somewhat comfortable to her, but you can see a "print" in her shirt. However, when I look at the print, I can't say for sure what I'm seeing. All I can tell is that there is some kind of object under her shirt, but it could be anything. It could be a cell phone clipped on her belt. It just doesn't show enough of the gun's shape to really say that it is a gun. Texas law is questionable on "printing" but most people interpret it that the person must "intentionally" fail to conceal the gun, so a print doesn't count. I've never heard of anyone in Texas getting in trouble over it. So I just tell her don't worry about it and wear it the comfortable way. I would imagine even somebody very experienced with firearms would have trouble discerning if she was carrying or not, the average "sheeple" will not notice.


    So, beyond what I've already suggested, what else can I do to help her? I thought it was great that she got the CHL, but if she doesn't ever carry the gun with her during the Summer, what is the point?

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  3. #2
    Ex Member Array MadMac's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by adric22 View Post
    So, beyond what I've already suggested, what else can I do to help her? I thought it was great that she got the CHL, but if she doesn't ever carry the gun with her during the Summer, what is the point?
    Sounds like you're doing all the right things. I have a similar situation. My wife has simply decided it's too much trouble to carry in most scenarios. It's her personal risk decision.

    In my 31+ years of marriage, I have found arguing, debating, or cajoling in situations such as this is simply counterproductive. YMMV.

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    Senior Member Array Lotus222's Avatar
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    Agreed, it sounds like you are covering all the bases. Whats wrong with her carrying in her purse if she wants to wear some form-fitting clothes? I know it isn't ideal, but it isn't the worst place for a female to carry.
    surefire7 likes this.

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    Member Array tomtsr's Avatar
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    My wife purse carries as well. The big concern I have is a purse snatch situation. I hate the idea that someone else will be shooting her S&W Bodyguard .38.
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    Women

    Cornered CatMany times the best person to influence a woman is another woman, while husbands rank low on their influence scale. Frustrating - I know.

    Try The Cornered Cat link, and the book Armed and Female. Also any knowledgeable committed women you know who would go shooting with her while you go fishing.

    Best wishes!

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    New Member Array KyKidd's Avatar
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    At 5'1" and 100 lbs, I'm all too familiar with your wife's conflict. It's hard to to balance your desire to carry with how much you're willing to change your personal style. Some would say that if the latter isn't very high, then neither is the former, but I beg to differ. You just have to find what's the best of both worlds that makes you happy or you won't end up carrying at all.

    That being said, the aforementioned Cornered Cat site is a wonderful resource for us women. My husband has referred me there numerous times when I've had questions or concerns. I also agree that carrying "something you don't like to shoot" is better than nothing at all. She can carry the Tauras for the majority, and the Walther when the opportunity (ie, wardrobe) presents itself.

    The following are a few things I've tried/suggested, and while what works for one doesn't work for all, it's at least the perspective of another woman in the same situation (and how for a lot of us, it's partly a mental game):

    1)Attempt alternatives - I started with a Ruger LCR and Crossbreed Qwikclip IWB. Unless in a tshirt or "flowy" top, the LCR printed horribly and I hated wearing a belt (not only did the holster make things seem 'bulky', so did the belt). So I tried a Fobus ankle holster, but it was too big for my ankle, even in wider width jeans. I then tried a Flashbang holster from Looper Law Enforcement. I loved the concept, but it just didn't work with my, ahem, body type.

    2)"Carry" 2 guns - Although I've not yet been able to follow through (ah, to have unlimited funds), choosing a smaller gun to CC and a larger one to purse carry (or remain a staple in your vehicle should you travel a lot) is a fair compromise to me. My original plan included the LCR for CC and a Glock 26 for the car.

    3) Change guns - Sometimes the wardrobe overhauls just don't cut it. I traded my LCR for an LC9. The LC9 conforms to my body better than the revolver did, which makes me more comfortable in carrying it, and thus more likely to put forth the effort to do so. Sometimes for me it's more of a mental game than anything.

    3a) Change holsters - When I changed guns, I made the decision to change holsters as well. I liked my Crossbreed, but I hated belts and wanted to try something with a little less real estate/more versatility. I ended up with a Remora no clip IWB and love it. No belt required (or instead of the thick, sturdy ones, more feminine/fashionable ones work just fine) and I can adjust the cant/depth to fit whatever I'm wearing at the time as it's not attached to anything (and believe me, they don't move). The versatility in having no clip has also allowed me to try different carry positions to find what works best for different outfits (so far, for my capris/shorts and slimmer shirts, appendix carry has been a dream). I've carried more in the last few weeks than what I probably did the whole time with my LCR.

    Again, this is just the tale of what worked for me personally. Hope that your wife finds a happy medium soon and starts rocking the CC!

  8. #7
    Senior Member Array The Old Anglo's Avatar
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    Have her buy a Nice Concealed Carry purse or an elegant fanny pack?.

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    Distinguished Member Array claude clay's Avatar
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    is she going too also carry unchambered?

    i ask not to rehash old news but to be able to better offer gun choices based on her hand strength....to be able to rack a slide, some makes and models
    are easier than others and at 5'1" she may have smallish hands. also how she will holster it may be different based on the condition the gun is carried in.

    ideal may be a j-frame ( loaded by its very nature) in a purse as you seem to like.
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    You haven't mentioned your wife's body type but no matter what we women have one thing in common: Curves!

    We have them at our hips and chest, generally. We are definitely more curvy than men are, that's for sure.

    I am a 5'3" 105 lbs woman (when not pregnant). Currently I weight around 111 and still carry and conceal a G19.

    One thing I have found to make a vast difference in concealment for me, as a woman, is the rise of my pants.

    Because we women have curves those curves can greatly affect comfort and concealability.
    High rise pants tend to make firearms dig into your side and/or ribs and can make them hard to get to because of our naturally shorter torsos. Even women with "long" torsos still usually have a shorter torso than a man would. The hips push out on the muzzle or bottom of the gun causing the grip to angle in and cause discomfort.

    Low-rise pants tend to set the gun out too far on the hip making it very difficult to conceal even in the most baggy of outfits. Because of the placement a looser belt might also need to be worn causing a little more "flopping" around.

    The perfect rise seems to be mid-rise pants. The angle of the hips keeps the firearm close to the body and not digging in but not flopping around either. The gun seems nicely tucked in and less obvious.

    Of course, even body type is different but I have had many women who have taken this advice come back and say it was exactly what they needed to help them better their concealment and comfort. It's certainly worth a try.

    Go to a place that has a good variety of pants and with a multitude of rises. The Buckle is one of my favorite places to get pants because they have multiple fits for every body type with different rises to try out. They are a bit more pricey but worth the money for the comfort and ease of concealment.

    Here are a few pictures of me concealing my Glock and a double magazine pouch. These pictures were all taken before I was pregnant and, yes, things are getting a little more difficult now but that's to be expected with an expanding waistline.

    This is the rig I am concealing: A double magazine pouch and a Glock 19. It's the same rig being concealed in all of the pictures. Notice how the mid-rise pants tuck the Glock right into my side so that it doesn't stick out but it's not too high to where it's digging into me and uncomfortable? It's really the "sweet spot" for most women...





















    I also want to point out that all of my clothes are size specific to me. I do not buy clothes that are bigger. I don't want to look frumpy.

    Hope this helps.

  11. #10
    VIP Member Array farronwolf's Avatar
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    Not to hijack the thread, but Lima what kind of belt is that you use? Looks like nylon instead of leather. That might be an option for the wife that doesn't like belts, well at least leather ones.


    For the OP, you're just going to have to let her work through the process. As mentioned before Cornered Cat, and some of the womens posts here or blogs might be very helpful. It is hot here in Texas and cover garments aren't really an option for most of the year. My wife has switched almost exclusively to carrying in a belly band. The only problem with that is you tend to sweat a lot on the gun so maintenance becomes an issue. She has gotten pretty good about wiping the gun down with a silicon cloth each night before she puts it in the gun safe.

    As far as printing goes. That is doing to depend upon where you live, and how comfortable you wife would be if someone asked her if that was a gun under her shirt etc. I prefer not to give folks the opportunity to ask the question.

    (3) "Concealed handgun" means a handgun, the presence of which
    is not openly discernible to the ordinary observation of a reasonable person.
    That is the definition of concealed for Texas. If you can clearly see a gun outline under a tight fitting shirt, I don't think that is concealed. If there is a bulge in the clothing, that is a different matter. I prefer to eliminate both, but that is my personal choice. Everyone has to make that decision for themselves.

    Good luck to your wife in her quest for the ideal method of carry.
    Just remember that shot placement is much more important with what you carry than how big a bang you get with each trigger pull.
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    Quote Originally Posted by farronwolf View Post
    Not to hijack the thread, but Lima what kind of belt is that you use? Looks like nylon instead of leather. That might be an option for the wife that doesn't like belts, well at least leather ones.
    LOL. That is my Wilderness Instructor belt which is FAR more stiff and rigid than my leather belt. I meant to take these pictures with my Boston leather belt but I couldn't find it so I just resorted to wearing this belt to get it over with. I wear my instructor belt when carrying a lot of gear (because it is more sturdy) and when instructing but I almost never wear it in "civilian" (snicker, snicker) attire. It just looks like a gun belt (which it is) and not at all "lady like."

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    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by farronwolf View Post
    Not to hijack the thread, but Lima what kind of belt is that you use? Looks like nylon instead of leather. That might be an option for the wife that doesn't like belts, well at least leather ones.
    Disclaimer: I am not a woman, nor have I ever been one, nor will be one, nor have I ever been accused of being one (to my knowledge ).

    I wear canvas belts almost exclusively. I carry an M&P .40c IWB in a Crossbreed Supertuck every day. I hate leather belts, actually. I find them to be supremely uncomfortable when carrying.
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    Member Array Cattus Vir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by limatunes View Post
    LOL. That is my Wilderness Instructor belt which is FAR more stiff and rigid than my leather belt. I meant to take these pictures with my Boston leather belt but I couldn't find it so I just resorted to wearing this belt to get it over with. I wear my instructor belt when carrying a lot of gear (because it is more sturdy) and when instructing but I almost never wear it in "civilian" (snicker, snicker) attire. It just looks like a gun belt (which it is) and not at all "lady like."
    I have the easy fit 5 with the poly backing it is as stiff if not stiffer than any leather belt I have worn. Plus it works well for us fat guys with curves lol!!

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    Senior Member Array adric22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by limatunes View Post
    You haven't mentioned your wife's body type but no matter what we women have one thing in common: Curves!
    Thanks. I showed her the pictures last night. She is about 5'3" in height but probably weighs a bit more. I suspect around 145 but I am not entirely sure. Here's a picture of her from behind at the shooting range. And this is how she typically is dressed during the Summer.
    les-shooting.jpg

    Unfortunately, she said that style wouldn't work during the Texas Summer as she hates to wear an extra shirt. But it will probably work well during the Winter. I actually wish i could wear that kind of outfit without looking gay because that looks extremely comfortable. It is basically the same comfort as open-carry, since nothing is crammed between your pants and your body.

    We're looking to get her a second, maybe smaller gun for the Summer. She's not real fond of the idea right now since it took her so long to pick the Walther PK380 and get good at shooting it. I have even suggested the new Taurus TCP 732 that just came out. It is essentially the same "mousegun" as my TCP 378 on the outside, but it is chambered for the .32 caliber instead of the .380. Since recoil is her number one complaint with any firearm, and the mouseguns have a lot of that, this may be a compromise. Looks like this:
    1-732039.jpg

  16. #15
    VIP Member Array farronwolf's Avatar
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    You can wear that type of rig, you just have to leave your shirt untucked, and have larger shoulders/chest than waist. There are lots of us who carry OWB with untucked shirt nearly every day.

    The 732 is better than nothing, but going down in caliber but not size is focusing on the wrong issue in my view.

    There are lots of guns out there that are single stack 380's and 9mm that are not too bad on recoil. Has she shot a Sig 238 yet? Has she shot any of the new 9's that are out there. LC9, CM9/PM9/CW9, or some of the others. I would suggest the PF9 but it is pretty snappy since it is so light. Before going down in caliber or such, I would really try to get my hands on some of these other guns and let her get some range time.

    From the looks of your pic, I think a belly band might be something she might consider. Her top looks just loose enough to fit a small single stack gun close to her body.

    Good luck, and don't be to quick to purchase a new gun just yet, you might just end up with a whole bunch of guns before you're done. Of course there is nothing really wrong with that, it can just get expensive.
    Just remember that shot placement is much more important with what you carry than how big a bang you get with each trigger pull.
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