September 11th, 2011 10:08 AM
Scenario: controlling anger after accidental injury to your child
The other day, I saw a teenaged mental midget in a silly little pimpified Mazda peeling out on the street next to the park where my two-year-old son was playing.
I came to wonder how I would react if my son were severely injured or killed in front of me under "accidental" circumstances. I put "accidental" in quotes because this guy was (1) talking on a cell phone and (2) going at least 50 or 70 percent higher than the speed limit, so I'm pretty sure he'd end up facing a manslaughter charge at the very least — but the point is, a situation where no harm was intended, but nevertheless very severe harm resulted.
To make things even more interesting, what if the driver shows no remorse but gets out shouting at you for not controlling your kid, being careless, etc.? (And I'm not really interested in hearing if anyone thinks he'd be right--any parents out there know how quickly a kid can move, and accidents do happen.)
Or what if the driver is obviously drunk? (Or was on a cell phone?)
Or what if the driver attempts to leave the scene?
My question is if anyone on this forum has ever been in a comparable situation, and how you controlled your anger. I imagine anyone (whether armed or not) would have a strong desire to return the favor, but of course this could/would put you in prison. Even if your child were dead (god forbid), your spouse would still need you, there might be siblings who need you as well.
I often see people on this forum talk about how, now that they carry, they know they need to "control their anger" and "not escalate." It seems to me that's a lot easier to do in a situation where someone insults you in the street than in the kind of scenario I described above. I'm not sure what kind of discussion I'm hoping for, but it seems worth thinking about ahead of time.
September 11th, 2011 11:03 AM
It's a car accident. It's not a self defense situation. There is no need to introduce a firearm to the situation. As emotional as you might be, the correct thing to do would be to call the police. If the driver attempts to leave, get the license plate and car make/model. A CCW doesn't mean you can detain a fleeing driver.
September 11th, 2011 11:11 AM
Exactly. Unless the driver attacks you for some reason, you have NO REASON WHATSOEVER to draw. You will want to. You will feel like you need to, but it would just cause YOU to get into legal trouble instead of just the driver.
Originally Posted by tokerblue
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September 11th, 2011 11:15 AM
That's reckless driving and disregard to public safety so I'd call 911 and report him.
September 11th, 2011 12:23 PM
First aid for your child until aid arrives is the first concern. If this is achieved, in addition to a 911 call, I would turn my attention to the driver.
Local statutes will influence your actions. In many areas a hit and run with injuries is a felony and actions to prevent a felony are allowed. I will attempt to prevent him from leaving. The level of force I use will be determined by the resistance of the culprit.
"I do what I do." Cpl 'coach' Bowden, "Southern Comfort".
September 11th, 2011 12:25 PM
First day of school in 2008...my wife and I were waiting for our youngest son to get off the school bus for the first time...We lived on a busy 2-lane road in northern VA; my son would need to cross the road to get on/off the bus....we lived in a rather rural area, but within 15 miles of a Level-1 trauma facility. The bus pulled up with its lights flashing and stop sign deployed.
10 seconds goes by (I know this because my video camera was running)....son gets off the bus, walks in front of the bus (around the guard arm so they don't walk too close to the front of the bus)...and then my wife looks to the left and sees a car barrelling down the lane (on-coming traffic), son is crossing the street. My wife pushed him back and then put her hands up to signal the car to stop.
Idiot 17-yr old female driver. On a cell phone. Having a conversation on the phone and with the passenger.
She had the audacity to yell at my wife....totally oblivious to the school bus right in front of her, much less a 6 yr old crossing the street.
Then she flipped off my wife and drove off.
But not before I got her plate number.
...and DoD decal number (on a car that belonged to daddy).
After a call to a friend at the Provost Marshal's office, Daddy and I spoke....Daddy was not happy with his little girl.
- know the difference
is a fancy name for crappy fighter
You have never lived until you have almost died. For those that have fought for it, life has a special flavor the protected will never know
September 11th, 2011 12:31 PM
That's a tough one.
A car can absolutely be a dangerous weapon.
And being a moron is not an accident. It's a choice.
September 11th, 2011 12:32 PM
Thanks for your input, everyone. To clarify: I'm not asking what the right thing to do is in this situation, I'm asking what sort of thinking any of you might have done about how NOT to do the wrong things out of the purest, strongest anger I can imagine experiencing. I guess each person must work out their own techniques for this, but it seems like a situation where being armed could be a real liability due to the quite justified rage you would be experiencing.
September 11th, 2011 12:40 PM
Once you realize the detriments of anger it will enhance your efforts to control it. It can cause you to do things that will result in losses of friends, privileges, employment and freedom. Worst case, it can cause you to make mistakes that will cost you your life.
"I do what I do." Cpl 'coach' Bowden, "Southern Comfort".
September 11th, 2011 12:48 PM
Yeah, you can't let your emotions control your behavior.
Every time I see that I think to myself.. Weak.
Beyond that you owe it to your child to keep them out of those situations and away from the moronic fringe of society. You know the types. Those that are trying their best to find a place to happen.
This is why my feeling after surviving 50 years on this planet is a stark one. I own guns. I have guns. But living in America the main threats I face on a daily basis are not gun related.
September 11th, 2011 02:03 PM
Your actions will depend on whether or not you are around to try to protect your family in the future,there are a lot of first responders that have kids and deal with that scenario every day,dealing with drunk,obnoxious individuals oblivious to the damage they have done until they get a reality check.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
September 11th, 2011 02:15 PM
Forget the weapon in this scenario, unless attacked, your firearm is useless in this situation.
Call 911 and take care of your child first...make and color of car and plate # is important if the driver flees.
If the driver gets out shouting, help him discover which is more important, his loud mouth or your child's life.
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September 11th, 2011 02:18 PM
I honestly don't even think my firearm would enter my thinking as an option because I do not think of my firearm as an option when angered.. only when threatened. In a third person sense (my child) I would have to see an instance where a firearm could help the situation. In the case you've given, it wouldn't... therefore, no firearm.
I think the terror I would feel at seeing my child injured would immediately induce me to start thinking medically. There would be plenty of time for anger later but at that moment my priority would be to keep my child alive and assess what I can do to keep him that way.
A lot of anti-gun people, when they find out I carry, will say stupid things like, "Remind me never to cut her off in traffic," or "I bet her husband never disagrees with her," etc. I find these remarks to be exceptionally insulting as it assumes I consider my firearm as something I would use just because I'm angry.
My husband and I have had passionate disagreements while armed. I have been the victim in car accidents while armed. I have had people say some very horrible things to me while armed and felt angry. I have even been enraged while armed.. but my firearm was not something I thought about.
I'm not saying anger might not be present when I draw my firearm to defend my life or the life of my child, etc, but it would not be the first and only thing to make me do so. There would have to be a benefit or need to bringing the firearm into the equation.
Maybe I'm just not an angry person or I have seen far too many examples of what unbridled anger can do and how it can destroy so much. I believe anger can be extremely useful but I KNOW it can also be detrimental and destroy. That makes me very careful to never let it get the best of me.
September 11th, 2011 02:27 PM
The thought of time in jail is a pretty good check on an out of control temper. About to lose it? Think of the consequence and whether or not you would enjoy your time served.
If the Union is once severed, the line of separation will grow wider and wider, and the controversies which are now debated and settled in the halls of legislation will then be tried in fields of battle and determined by the sword.
September 11th, 2011 02:44 PM
Having seen a friend hit by a car that was driving recklessly, I will tell you this. Anger will not happen until MUCH later. Your initial reaction will be to render aid to your loved one. I can only imagine that the desire to render aid would be significantly greater when dealing with a child.
In my situation, I didn't even think about the driver or what he did or how reckless it was until several hours later. I was so focused on helping my friend that the thoughts never even entered my mind.
Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.
- Mike Tyson
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