Suggestions on Spousal Assurance of my CC...

This is a discussion on Suggestions on Spousal Assurance of my CC... within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Need some wisdom here... I recently gained my CCW and am going through the beginning states of actually carrying (comfort, peace of mind, concealment..etc..) I ...

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Thread: Suggestions on Spousal Assurance of my CC...

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    Member Array MadDawg34's Avatar
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    Suggestions on Spousal Assurance of my CC...

    Need some wisdom here...

    I recently gained my CCW and am going through the beginning states of actually carrying (comfort, peace of mind, concealment..etc..) I have never been the "gun/military/hunting" type (no one in my immediate family is an "outdoorsman"), so when I first obtained a weapon for home defense, even that took a "statement" more than a "inquiry" to bring my wife on board. (To this day, she has never even touched my first pistol). She is not anti-gun, she is just unaccostumedly (not a word, but works like a word) fearful of them. aka "no one has ever been shot where a gun wasn't present." (I know there are some rare instances of bullets falling from the sky....not the point here).

    Anyway, how do I share my philosophy and reasons for now carrying and build her assurance and faith in guns as well as my ability to handle them? How do I carry regularly without getting the "what the hell are you doing" treatment? Have any of you had to walk this path? Right now, I carry without her knowlege which bugs me, but thats not an excuse to be unprepared in my book.

    Of course, her opinion may change with the proper circumstances, but I am hoping and praying that doesn't happen.

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    Member Array Jackscon's Avatar
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    I have hit this very instance. My wife isn't pro CC by any means but a few instances have made her more so.

    Shortly after I got my CWPFL my father in law asked us to pick up a check from one of his rental properties. I told her I wanted to carry, she said why, I said for the safety of my family, long story short the guy was late, not the nicest part of town and had our young daughter in the car with us. After we waited for our on the way home I asked if it made her feel any better knowing I was carry, she didn't really answer but we did reach the conclusion that I will carry when I feel necessary and we would not discuss it.

    Fast forward, we have been taking a lot of vacation by car lately, for many reasons. Driving through small town central FL after dark, farm roads what not. I get asked, you are carrying right?

    She'll come around, just let her know you want to do it for the safety of the family and if she doesn't want to know that is fine you will not discuss it. I usually still don't holster up in front of the wife.

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    Member Array localgirl's Avatar
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    I would say either keep her completely out of it, or take her to the range and get her familiar with firearms. Most people who understand how guns work lose their fear and aversion to them.
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    Senior Member Array bps3040's Avatar
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    My wife was like that, scared of guns, because she had never been around them. I told her, since I have guns, she at least needs to understand how they work, etc. That way she could make sure they were safe if something happened. I convinced her she should pick out a gun, since she was going to have shoot it once or twice to learn about it.
    We went to a gun show, she picked out a Walther .22 (best gun to teach them on, no kick) Long story short(I hate that saying,lol) She had a blast shooting it and a couple months later made me buy her a XDsc9. She now buys me a pistol for my birthday every year. She loves to shoot and now wants to shoot an "ugly" hog with her pistol, lol. It took a couple years but she finally came around. So, I preach patience.

    PS. now my daughters shoot also
    NIS350ZTT likes this.
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    VIP Member Array 357and40's Avatar
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    Range trips (as suggested above) are the best medicine.

    How to start carrying.... Start... That simple. You don't tell her not to rock her favorite handbag. Put a brick in that handbag & it is a deadly weapon... Just plain start carrying, no need to justify it... She questions it and tell her you made a conscious decision to be able to adequately defend the lives of the people you care about the most & she is #1 in your book.
    "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
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    VIP Member Array joker1's Avatar
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    INVITE her to the range to shoot a .22. Use all of the safety rules and go over them with her. Show her how the safety works on an UNLOADED gun, reassure her that most guns do not magically fire unless the trigger is manipulated. After she is comfortable with the .22 work up to .38 spl, 9mm, .45 etc. at her pace. Is is important that you at least get her comfortable with you carrying, it would be great if she were comfortable enough to use whatever you have if she should ever have to defend herself. Guns are tools they do not kill, people use them as tools to kill sometimes but they can also use them as tools to protect.
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    While the range is a good idea, even better would be to have her take an NRA beginner handgun training class. If it will make her feel better, take it with her. They will focus on safety, safety and more safety, as well as the fundamentals of handling a firearm.
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    Member Array rm3482's Avatar
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    For my wife it just took time and I had to not push her in any way. I just got my license and began carrying quietly. I would always carefully alert her to news articles without saying "see see" . And then after a couple of months I asked her if she wanted to go with me to the range and she surprisingly said yes. She shot maybe five rounds and was done and I didn't push her. She said she had a great time. Now she will tell you that she feels safe and is glad that I always carry and has actually shown interest in getting her own gun. We shall see....... Just don't push was the best advice I have learned.

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    VIP Member Array tokerblue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bps3040 View Post
    My wife was like that, scared of guns, because she had never been around them. I told her, since I have guns, she at least needs to understand how they work, etc. That way she could make sure they were safe if something happened. I convinced her she should pick out a gun, since she was going to have shoot it once or twice to learn about it.
    - This also worked for me. I applied for my pistol permit when I was 21 and made sure that my girlfriend at the time knew that I was interested in protecting myself and her. She was very nervous at first, but I took her to the range a few times and encouraged her to take a NRA safety course. I emphasized that at the very least that she should be familiar with the handling of firearms and how to safely disarm one.

    Fast forward over a decade later, we're married, she has her permit and we have three children. All of the guns are locked away in a safe and I've taught them as much about the dangers of firearms that they can understand.

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    Senior Member Array MotorCityGun's Avatar
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    If she's willing and open to common sense (vs emotion), have her read this entire thread: Why do you carry? (A serious discussion)

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    VIP Member Array oakchas's Avatar
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    You know, range trips seem to be the common answer.... We have SD handguns for the home... there is one in my wife's nightstand. I have taken her to the range... she claimed to enjoy it... but somewhere along the line, after I got my permit, she indicated in a heated discussion that she really doesn't enjoy range trips. She goes because I enjoy it. hmmmm...

    She is willing and claims to have no compunction about shooting an intruder, if I'm away from home. But I am not so sure about that. She does not want me to carry while we are out together. This requires much more diligence on my part on where we are going... and I KNOW it can happen anywhere anytime...

    I work around the problem very carefully... her arguments are not reason-based, so there is no "winning" an argument about it... Now, I could put my foot down. And she would comply... but it would not be pleasant for a while...

    Some women don't like "the range." It's noisy and smelly.. and there are all those ugly guys hanging out there... so maybe the range won't work for you.. Just think about it from her perspective.

    But the important point to make is this... "I could not live with myself if anything happened to you and it was something that I could have prevented. We have a fire extinguisher (get one if you don't) to keep a small kitchen fire from becoming a life-threatening conflagration. I know how to use it, and I want to show you how, just in case I'm not home when a fire breaks out.

    The world is an ugly place... We live in a fairly decent neighborhood, and have decent jobs. But sometimes bad things happen to good people in good, safe places. I will do whatever it takes to keep us safe... And that, unfortunately in this world we live in, includes having self defense weapons in our home, and carrying a weapon to protect us.

    If you don't want me to carry while I'm with you, I will abide by that. But, you have to give me a lot of lattitude in the places we go and the times we go there. If I don't feel it's a good idea from a safety stand point, we won't go, is that fair enough?"

    I want you to know that when we are not together, I will always be armed... I want every chance there is to always come home to you, forever."

    Now you can word that any way you want... but you better be looking her straight in the eys and it better convey to her that she, and your relationship with her, are the most important things in your life.

    Godd luck.
    All that said....
    It could be worse.
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    VIP Member Array chiefjason's Avatar
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    Before I got my permit I told my wife that I would carry everywhere I was allowed to. I was not going to get caught in a situation where I could be armed, but was not. I think she thought I was loosing it.

    She is not anti by any means. I have hunted and owned guns since we met. But hunting and carrying are different animals all together. I would invite her to go shoot with me. She refused for about 8 months. Finally decided to try it. She probably thought I was having too much fun. She took to it pretty well.

    She is not the owner of a Rem 870 12 ga outfitted for home defense and a Springfield XD sc 9mm. She's a very good shot with both. She also has her CCP. I wish she would carry more often. But she has come a long way.
    I prefer to live dangerously free than safely caged!

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    I have no idea where you are in you gun education, but, if I were in your shoes, I'd go all out and really become a proficient CCW'r. Once she see how serious you are taking it, coupled with a few range trips with her, I think you'll be OK.
    "Just blame Sixto"

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    One set of advice does not work with every relationship.

    My only encouragement to you is don't give up. Be diligent in your training, be safe & be smart. I quietly took many years of ridicule from my wife before she started to come around. If you've come to the conclusion that this is a safe and rational practice that best protects you and your family, don't let anyone sway you from doing what you know is right.
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