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Thanksgiving family advice PLEASE!?

5K views 68 replies 44 participants last post by  Bullet1234 
#1 ·
I drove with my family from MI down to OH for Thanksgiving, I read up on the OH laws, I have reciprocity, and I brought my portable gun safe. On the way down, my mother insisted that I tell my aunt or uncle with whom we are staying for 3-4 days that I have my CPL and have my firearm with me. I didn't think I should be obligated to tell them because it's my responsibility and I have it well under control. Out of respect for my mom I decided to tell my aunt. After all, it is their home. My aunt didn't completely freak out but did a little bit, she has some crazy/irresponsible kids that make very bad decisions, and she said "you should have asked before you came down, I wish you would have left it at home". I wanted to say "then I wouldn't have come", but my respect for family stopped me. She also expressed that she has an irrational fear of pistols and is even used to loaded and unlocked long guns being around but the crazy kids and stealing stuff was a concern. I let her know that I understand the gravity of the responsibility and I assured her very assertively and politely that nothing bad will happen as a result of my sidearm, and that she will be the ONLY person I tell, NO ONE will know I have it, so no one would even come looking for it, and even if they did it will be securely locked in a safe, or on my hip so NO ONE is getting their paws on my gun. ...but I still don't feel like she's convinced. Reality tells me I probably won't be able to convince her or make her comfortable with it...

I find myself torn and wondering what is the best way to go from here... Is there anything you can think of that I might be able to say to my aunt to convince her that everything is perfectly cool and OK? should I offer to lock it up in our family vehicle, lock the Jeep and just leave it there so she's more comfortable but leaving myself defenseless? I don't want to do that but feel like it might be best. Should I just continue to handle it as I am now, which would be to leave it where it is, she is basically accepting, but not happy/comfortable with it so just no longer bring it up and keep it on me or locked up in my care as usual?

All suggestions and input are much appreciated! :scratchchin:
 
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#2 ·
I would have told my mother to stay out of it. Sometimes parents have a hard time believing that we are grown ups. At this point in your case, I wouldnt bring it up anymore and let it rest, or seek out a nice motel. Remember, you might have to see the next year.
 
#3 ·
Welcome to the forum. You can't go back and undo what is already done, but as you are now aware, the less people that know you are carrying, the better. It helps avoid situations like this. Given the situation that you are now in, I would just leave things as they are and not mention the gun anymore to your aunt or anyone else. Locking it in the Jeep leaves it vulnerable to being stolen by anybody, not just your aunt's kids. I can't think of anything you can tell your aunt that will make her feel better. You've already done everything you can to assure her. Good luck and try to have an enjoyable holiday.
 
#4 ·
I would continue to keep it on your person and concealed! I personally would not leave my firearm locked up in the car overnight. To me, that is too much of a risk! I would have trouble sleeping worring about someone breaking into the car! Just my .02 for what it is worth.:yup: Hope it all works out OK for you and you and family are able to enjoy a safe and happy Thanksgiving!:smile:
 
#5 ·
Without your pistol you're "defenseless"? Not me. I have all kinds of family defensive capabilities, and only one is a firearm.

You have a moral obligation to accept the rules of the homeowner. In cases such as this, there are no words that can make your case. You're not in front of a judge. The homeowner's word is final, and you should respect that. Lock up your handgun in your vehicle and store it there. I personally feel people have an obligation to let family and friends know if they are bringing a firearm into their home. Others disagree with me.

I often lock my gun in my car. I use a COM vehicle safe, and I simply don't worry about it.

If the homeowner doesn't want the gun in their home, you must lock it in your vehicle. You also have the option of staying in a motel/hotel and locking up you gun when you are in their home. It's only polite.
 
#8 ·
I agree! If you can afford it, stay in a nearby hotel or motel. I would approach your aunt and let her know that you completely understand her concerns, and out of respect for her and her home, you're willing to stay elsewhere. If she gives you the patented reply "Oh don't be silly" just tell her your serious. If she comes around and tells you she's sorry that she may have over re-acted, you say that it's understandable, but that your offer still stands. If she accepts your offer you have no choice. Next year you will have a choice as well, to go or not to go!
 
#10 ·
Gone to vist in the hood ? Better stay armed !! From some of the posts I read here it appears either a lot of posters reside in really bad areas or their just super paranoid !!
 
#12 ·
Right this minute, my wife and I are traveling from Ohio to Pennsylvania to spend the holiday with her family. She has no idea whether I am carrying or not. None of her family is even aware that I have a CHL. Maybe that is meant by "concealed carry".
 
#18 ·
With the situation as it is you can't unring the bell but maybe you can alter it's tune. I understand her kids are irresponsible and that is part of her concern. She feels uneasy because of that and maybe something else that you may not be aware of. How many kids does she have? Maybe you could discuss firearm safety with her and the possibility of a safety course. Perhaps if she is agreeable you could find, enroll her in and pay for a course for her. Here is an opportunity to show that firearms owners can help solve such problems. If she doesn't agree the only thing you can do is show her the respect you would want her to show you but keep the lines of communication open so that if she changes her mind she knows where to come for guidance.
 
#19 ·
Keep it on you at all times ! When it's not on you, lock it up and hide it ! Don't mention the subject anymore, talking about it is just going to cause angst and unease.
OMERTA= Silence ! Act normal and enjoy the holiday as usual. My mother-in-law is like that and thinks guns are what causes all the trouble in the world !
I live with my wife at her moms house so the subject comes up occaisionally. "Why do you have to Have that Thing on you ?" "Your Looking for trouble !"
If you just like guns and collect them why do you carry it then ? I heard it all and argued until I was blue in the face. My answer would always be "Better to have a Gun and not need it, than to need a gun and not have it !" It usually would shut her up for awhile ! LOL
 
#20 ·
I have a different view. Assuming you are not staying at an especially bad area, lock the gun in your safe, lock the safe in your car, lock the car. That will keep the irresponsible kids (adolescents and young adults I assume) from it.

It will make your host happy.

Your risk of a locked safe being stolen from a locked vehicle is very small; your risk of needing the gun while a guest where you are is also very small.

Millions of people travel unarmed and stay places unarmed and most of the time nothing goes wrong as far as encountering a BG. (Someone said there are other ways to protect yourself. I think it was Mad Mac.)

For you now, the most important thing is smoothing out the family issue; show your mom and your host that you respect their feelings and their wishes when you are at their home.
 
#24 ·
I have a different view. Assuming you are not staying at an especially bad area, lock the gun in your safe, lock the safe in your car, lock the car. That will keep the irresponsible kids (adolescents and young adults I assume) from it.

It will make your host happy.

Your risk of a locked safe being stolen from a locked vehicle is very small; your risk of needing the gun while a guest where you are is also very small.

Millions of people travel unarmed and stay places unarmed and most of the time nothing goes wrong as far as encountering a BG. (Someone said there are other ways to protect yourself. I think it was Mad Mac.)

For you now, the most important thing is smoothing out the family issue; show your mom and your host that you respect their feelings and their wishes when you are at their home.

Given the incident that took place near you last month, I'm surprised you would say that. The stabbing in the parking lot of the grocery store that I use (while I was inside shopping) made me realize that minimal risk of something happening is no longer an acceptable reason not to carry. I used to think..."Well, I'm just running down to the store. It's broad daylight. Why bother with the gun?" I don't think that way anymore, because once in a blue moon, something can happen and I now feel that I need to be ready for it.

In this particular incident, to keep peace in the family, the risk is minimal. But, I think the idea that the risk is minimal can become a complacent behavior that proves dangerous.
 
#21 ·
I am visiting my wife's family in Detroit and staying at her father's house. He knows and doesn't care (as long as I unload it when it is not on my person). some of wife's other relatives know, but don't care. Many others don't know. While I agree it is the homeowner's rules, I wouldn't have gone. Your mother needs to stop volunteering information and mind her own business or find another ride down to Ohio.
 
#22 ·
First of all, welcome to the forum.

should I offer to lock it up in our family vehicle, lock the Jeep and just leave it there so she's more comfortable but leaving myself defenseless?
This kind of bothers me. You weren't defenseless before you started carrying a gun, you just relied on other methods to defend yourself. Even now, your gun should be your last choice for defending yourself, not your first, or primary means. Remember, your best defensive weapon is on your shoulders. Sharpen your skills and use them.

As to your mom, I would have simply explained that carrying a gun is a personal decision, and one that no one else can make for you, and devulging the fact that you are carrying isn't something that someone else should make either.

With your Aunt, I wouldn't have told her. It is your business, not hers. Ohio, unlike SC does not require you to have the home owners permission to carry in their home. Now that she does know, just drop it. The ball is in her park now. If she informs you in the future she wants you to leave your gun at home, you will have to decide between that, or not going.
 
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#23 ·
As so many say, concealed means concealed. I personally would not have said anything but we are a close family and everyone knows I carry a gun or two all the time. In fact most are very comfortable if I have it on and less comfortable if I take it off and lay it on the tip top of a cabinet or something. Just remember as always out of site out of mind. Although if you carry IWB that may get uncomfortable after the turkey:smile:. Good luck and happy thanksgiving.

Jason
 
#26 ·
So many good posts here, thanks for bringing this conversation up. I, too, have confided to my mother when visiting. Moms can somehow elicit things out of us with just a look. That's a good thing.

I think the obvious answer here is to do what you find to be right for your situation. And then of course learn for the future whatever that might be. Lastly, do report in on how the drama ends.

Happy Thanksgiving!
 
#27 ·
Here's another fly in the ointment...

In ARKANSAS you are legally bound to inform a homeowner that you are carrying if you enter into their home.

Now we know that what is moral, what is legal, and what is right can be different things.

Morally,you are in their home, so you are obligated to thier wishes. Some have no issue with it, others do.
Legally, you may be bound by your state to inform.

While it is true that you do have an obligation to protect yourself and your loved ones, you must also be able to do what is right and you must be able to determine what is right.

On the other hand, I know that the holidays can be very stressful for all involved, and the rate for domestic disputes go sky high from Thanksgiving Day until the New Year. Lots of things happen then and it happens everywhere and it can happen in the blink of an eye. There is no such thing as a "safe" place anymore, crime can and does happen everywhere, no place is immune from it.

When you are throughly confused as to what do it, remember that it all boils down to respect.


Do you respect the wishes of your Aunt in her own home? If so, then you know what to do.
 
#29 ·
Here's another fly in the ointment...

In ARKANSAS you are legally bound to inform a homeowner that you are carrying if you enter into their home.

Now we know that what is moral, what it legal, and what is right can be different things.

Morally,you are in their home, so you are obligated to thier wishes. Some have no issue with it, others do.
Legally, you may be bound by your state to inform.

While it is true that you do have an obligation to protect yourself and your loved ones, you must also be able to do what is right and you must be able to determine what is right.

On the other hand, I know that the holidays can be very stressful for all involved, and the rate for domestic disputes go sky high from Thanksgiving Day until the New Year. Lots of things happen then and it happens everywhere and it can happen in the blink of an eye. There is no such thing as a "safe" place anymore, crime can and does happen everywhere, no place is immune from it.

When you are throughly confused as to what do it, remember that it all boils down to respect.


Do you respect the wishes of your Aunt in her own home? If so, then you know what to do.
If the state law requires that you inform the homeowner, that's a whole different matter. You obey the law. If the homeowner has their property legally posted with "No Guns" signs, you obey the law. If your aunt knows that you carry and tells you to leave the danged thing at home, then you either leave it at home, don't go, or stay somewhere else. But, unless the law states differently, I don't think you are under any moral obligation to inform everyone on God's green earth (and that includes family members) that you are carrying. Keep it concealed. Keep your mouth zipped. And, just go about your business.
 
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