Fiancee Doesn't Like Me Carrying

This is a discussion on Fiancee Doesn't Like Me Carrying within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I have a slightly different, but very similar topic regarding this and the SO. I have always been into firearms and have been shooting for ...

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    Member Array Palumbo3284's Avatar
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    Fiancee Doesn't Like Me Carrying

    I have a slightly different, but very similar topic regarding this and the SO.

    I have always been into firearms and have been shooting for about 10 years...trap, skeet, range time, etc. however, over the past year or so, I have become more aware that I need to be more proactive and self reliant on my own and family's protection. Thus, I have been investing in a few different HD weapons and an EDC pistol. I have begun legally concealed carrying for about 6 months, but the SO continually thinks I am stupid for doing so, that I'm putting her at more danger that someone will take the weapon and use it against us vs. protecting us, and so on. She is completely against me carrying and insists on my not carrying while with her. Which would end up being about 50% of the time without my weapon.

    Is there anyway or hope of this discussion getting anywhere with her?

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    Ex Member Array MadMac's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Palumbo3284 View Post
    I have a slightly different, but very similar topic regarding this and the SO.

    I have always been into firearms and have been shooting for about 10 years...trap, skeet, range time, etc. however, over the past year or so, I have become more aware that I need to be more proactive and self reliant on my own and family's protection. Thus, I have been investing in a few different HD weapons and an EDC pistol. I have begun legally concealed carrying for about 6 months, but the SO continually thinks I am stupid for doing so, that I'm putting her at more danger that someone will take the weapon and use it against us vs. protecting us, and so on. She is completely against me carrying and insists on my not carrying while with her. Which would end up being about 50% of the time without my weapon.

    Is there anyway or hope of this discussion getting anywhere with her?
    Not really. I have found a person's perception on firearms ownership and use is pretty fundamental. They are usually, 1) supportive and in favor if it, 2) OK with it if YOU want to "do it", or 3) rabidly against it. You have a steep road to climb, and the less you say about it, the better for your relationship.

    My wife and I took classes together and got our CHPs together. I carry, she doesn't most of the time, although she's pleased when I am armed.

    You need to continue to demonstrate a strong emphasis on safety, and let her see you are serious about it. Other than that, press on.

    /JMHO.
    NYCrulesU, JerryMac and BkCo1 like this.

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    Member Array Palumbo3284's Avatar
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    Thanks. The good thing is she seems to just let it be when it comes to purchasing and owning firearms, as I have many, and she never gives me a hard time about it. It's just the concealed carry part, especially while with her, that she "freaks out" about.

    I think something happened to her mom from her dad when she was a child that she witnessed that has her feeling this way...that is just a hunch based on various conversations. She has never come out and said it. I will continue to show that a responsible person can responsibly and safely handle and use firearms. Maybe some day it will become a non-issue.

    Now just trying to decide if I carry anyway while with her, since she would not notice or attempt to live with her wishes and not carry while with her...it's tough for me, as I have become very used to having it and want it with me everywhere I legally can carry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Palumbo3284 View Post
    Thanks. The good thing is she seems to just let it be when it comes to purchasing and owning firearms, as I have many, and she never gives me a hard time about it. It's just the concealed carry part, especially while with her, that she "freaks out" about.

    I think something happened to her mom from her dad when she was a child that she witnessed that has her feeling this way...that is just a hunch based on various conversations. She has never come out and said it. I will continue to show that a responsible person can responsibly and safely handle and use firearms. Maybe some day it will become a non-issue.

    Now just trying to decide if I carry anyway while with her, since she would not notice or attempt to live with her wishes and not carry while with her...it's tough for me, as I have become very used to having it and want it with me everywhere I legally can carry.
    Are you married? If not then it's something she needs to live with. If she is your spouse and you got married without guns in the picture then I'd be more concerned about her feelings. If she's just a girlfriend then be respectful and don't rub it in her face BUT DO IT.

    The truth is that girlfriends come and go. Wives you have to live with until death do you part.
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.

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    Member Array Palumbo3284's Avatar
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    Getting married in June of this year, so we absolutely must figure it out.

    I have always had guns (shotguns and one pistol) around from the beginning of the relationship and used them for range and skeet/trap which she has never had an issue with. But like I said, I have changed some of my attitude in regards to personal protection over the past year, which is a change from when we first started seeing each other 5 years ago. I have put together BOBs for us, started putting some money into various precious metals, getting some canned food together, and so on. A lot of this attitude change came from the two recent power outages that each lasted for a week in my area over the course of only three months that really made me see we were ill prepared.

    The other querk is that she is very aware of her surroundings, very cautious about everything in regards to her safety, and so on. She wont park next to a van, box truck, etc. in a parking lot from a series of training she went to for self defense, and a myriad of other things she has learned and classes taken over the years given she is in social work and sometimes around some less than desirable people and areas.

    I really think it is just the aversion to the gun itself...I'm starting to think only time and gentle occasional persuasion to actually go to the range with me, learn safety and about weapons, etc. that will get her to a better spot. She keeps saying she will go sometime, but every time I go, I ask, and she says no, and changes the topic.

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    Member Array bliss_137's Avatar
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    Palumbo3284, Congratulations on getting married. A couple of suggestions:

    First, your fiancé may be influenced more by another women than another "gentle occasional persuasion" by you. I've seen how one CCW woman on our mountain has encouraged several others to take all female classes with her, buy their own guns, and to get their CCWs.

    Second, my wife (who was the driving factor in both of us getting our CCWs) is a student of Krav Maga. She noted that some women start with the fitness classes at her school, become interested in the defense classes, and then, because some of those defense classes integrate handguns, move on to getting their CCW.

    Not sure how, in your specific situation, you'd make either of these happen they do work.

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    Member Array Palumbo3284's Avatar
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    That's a good suggestion about other females helping. I know some of my friends' SOs carry, so maybe I could use them.

    My problem though is not necessarily that she won't carry, though I absolutely wish she would, with proper training of course...but that she doesn't want me carrying while with her. Need to work this one out delicately.

    Thanks for congrats!

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    Ex Member Array MadMac's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Palumbo3284 View Post
    That's a good suggestion about other females helping. I know some of my friends' SOs carry, so maybe I could use them.

    My problem though is not necessarily that she won't carry, though I absolutely wish she would, with proper training of course...but that she doesn't want me carrying while with her. Need to work this one out delicately.

    Thanks for congrats!
    Just like money and religion, this is one key issue to resolve BEFORE marriage. You ARE in counseling about religion and money, right?

    If not, please consider it mandatory.

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    (From a female):

    Since you are not already married, handle it how. This is something that can affect you for the rest of your life and set the tone for it in your marriage.

    I suggest that you carry anyway. Tell her, tell that as a couple you should 'try it.' It is a way to be fair to you and your wishes as well as hers.

    IMO she'll eventually forget about it and become desensitized to it. Of course, you need to not mention it and keep it 100% concealed too.
    Fortune favors the bold.

    Freedom doesn't mean safe, it means free.

    The thing about "defense" is that it has practically nothing to do with guns. (As passed on by CCW9MM)

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    Member Array Palumbo3284's Avatar
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    I would never force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I totally agree that it is her decision to determine if she wants to carry or not. That is not the basis of my post.

    My issue, though I did hijack the OP's thread, is that since she isn't comfortable around guns she doesn't want me to carry my weapon while with her. This would leave me about 50% of the time without my pistol. To play devils advocate, and to be fair, I have recently just started EDC, and we have been together for 5 years, so I'm hoping it's just an adjustment to this rather than an adamant non-negotiable topic...

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    Senior Member Array kb2wji's Avatar
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    Start carrying a 12 gauge shotgun slung over your shoulder. She'll hate it, but she already hates your pistol. Few weeks of that and the pistol will seem like one hell of a compromise. You're welcome
    JerryMac, Tzadik, anj4657 and 4 others like this.

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    Drive her into the worst part of town for dinner. See whet she thinks then...
    atctimmy, JerryMac, LenS and 3 others like this.

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    Senior Member Array Inspector71's Avatar
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    One of the biggest mistakes ever, is thinking you can change someone after you marry them. Good luck to you.
    If you can read this, thank a teacher. Because it's in English, thank a vet

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    Senior Member Array ironmike86's Avatar
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    Unless you want to live your life the ways someone else decides don't carry. Otherwise just do it. Only choices I see. My wife prefers I don't. But I do. Just concealed at all times. She doesn't even think of it anymore.
    JerryMac likes this.

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    Marriage is a partnership, but there may be a few items that are not negotiable.
    She can decide what kind of underwear and deodorant she wants...you can decide what kind of weapons you'll carry...end of story.
    I have always said, and will continue to stress that SD and HD are basic issues that will NOT be compromised.

    You might start out by telling her she's going to have to start wearing green flannel boxers....let the negotiations start there...I'm just sayin'...

    This is one item you better get straightened out before marriage...gently, but firmly!OMOYMV
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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